Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice
"Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice"
by Donny’s Boy
Synopsis: There are costs to being nice, to being the pony who’s always kind, to being the pony who tries so hard to make everyone smile. Terrible, terrible costs.
This is (not) a love story.
“I don’t care if it hurts.
I want to have control.
I want a perfect body.
I want a perfect soul.”
--Radiohead, “Creep”
During the day, Fluttershy visited Sugarcube Corner for any number of reasons. Sometimes she simply wanted a cookie and a cup of tea, and other times she’d stop by to get a slice of carrot cake to take home to Angel. Once in a while, she’d drop by the bakery with the simple hope of running into one of her friends, which was a hope that would end up being fulfilled oftener than not.
But during the night? During the night, Fluttershy only visited Sugarcube Corner for one reason and one reason alone.
When Fluttershy knocked on the door to the bakery, quietly yet firmly, it was well past closing hours and well past sunset. Almost immediately the door opened, as though someone had been standing there just waiting to do so, and then Pinkie Pie was in the doorway, silhouetted against the warm lights streaming out from inside the shop.
“Hi,” Fluttershy murmured, ducking her head slightly.
“Hiya, ‘Shy.” Pinkie stepped to the side and, as the pegasus entered, offered up a small smile. “I maybe kinda heard about what happened with you, and Rarity, and the dress, when Rainbow Dash dropped by the bakery earlier. So I sorta figured you’d be coming over tonight.”
Fluttershy nodded. She wasn’t sure whether to feel embarrassed or relieved.
In a tone of voice that was easy and casual, but unusually soft, Pinkie continued, “I already brewed up that tea you like. I’ve got it all set up in my apartment, if you wanna come up?”
The pegasus didn’t answer, and the earth pony didn’t wait for an answer. Pinkie simply began trotting upstairs, with Fluttershy right on her heels. Their hoof-steps echoed almost painfully loud in the still, silent bakery.
Once they’d reached Pinkie’s apartment, Fluttershy found herself assaulted with the scent of air that was thick and warm and sickly sweet. It never failed to surprise her, how she had to repress the urge to gag whenever she stepped into Pinkie’s place, no matter how many times she visited. She tried to school her facial expression into something pleasant, though, and to cover up her disgust. It wouldn’t be nice to be rude to her hostess, after all.
They sat down at the long dining room table, and Fluttershy silently sipped her tea while Pinkie began babbling about the events of the day. The earth pony regaled her with a recounting of the flour shipment’s delay that morning, a mournful elegy to the unfortunate demise of the experimental espresso muffins, a glowing review of Rainbow Dash’s newest set of aerial stunts. Pinkie paused not once to drink any of her tea, but then, she never did. She barely paused to breathe.
The endless stream of words beat against Fluttershy’s brain like waves crashing against a shore, slowly chipping away at her sanity, until finally she snapped. Her voice lashed out like a whip, as she suddenly barked out, “I hate Rarity.”
Immediately Pinkie Pie shut up. She tilted her head, a silent invitation for the pegasus to continue.
“I hate how bossy she is,” Fluttershy snarled, screwing shut her eyes and locking her legs as her entire body began to tremble. “I hate how she never stops to think about what I want or what I need or …”
Her eyes flew back open. Pinkie still sat directly in front of her, her posture relaxed, her eyes calm.
“No! Oh, no, no, no.” Fluttershy shook her head furiously. “I don’t mean any of that! Oh, I don’t. I love Rarity, she’s one of my closest friends, and … and …”
She loved Rarity.
Rarity was the one who always believed in her, the one who pushed her to do things she never thought she’d be able to do. It was Rarity who was always there to lend an ear or to lend a hoof--assuming the job wasn’t too terribly dirty. Rarity, who was her greatest champion. Rarity, who was her best friend.
She hated Rarity.
Rarity was the one who always pressured her to do things she didn’t want to do and never stopped to listen to any of her protests. It was Rarity who was always there, to interfere, to criticize, to gossip. Rarity, who was that awful nagging voice in the back of her head during times of stress or fear. Rarity, who was her worst enemy.
Fluttershy didn’t know what she thought, what she felt, what she wanted. All she knew was that a terrible pressure was building up inside her chest, begging for release, and she wanted to scream until the very heavens themselves came crashing down upon her head.
Suddenly, Pinkie was right next to her, one of her hooves on Fluttershy’s shoulders. Her voice was soft and seductive in Fluttershy’s ear, as the earth pony murmured, “It’s okay. Go on and let it all out. Everything’s gonna be okay.”
Breathing hard, Fluttershy simply shook her head.
“It’s okay, ‘Shy. Here, you wanna shove me? You can shove me if you wanna.” Pinkie Pie’s laugh was light, almost musical. “I’m a pretty tough pony, after all! It’s not like you can hurt me.”
“There’s something wrong with you,” whispered Fluttershy, her voice little more than an exhalation of breath.
“Maybe! But it’d make you feel better, wouldn’t it?”
Slowly Fluttershy turned her head to look at the pony beside her. Pinkie Pie was crouched next to Fluttershy’s chair, so close that Fluttershy could smell the sugar and flour in Pinkie’s out-of-control mane. The tightness in her chest intensified, like a noose closing around a prisoner’s neck.
“It shouldn’t,” the pegasus finally replied. “I shouldn’t do things like that. You shouldn’t let me.” Pinkie was grinning. “We shouldn’t … I shouldn’t …”
It was hard to concentrate on feeling guilty, though, as Pinkie was creeping closer, her grin now a full-fledged smile. The earth pony’s eyes glittered and gleamed in the low lighting of the room. All of a sudden, Fluttershy’s pulse was racing, her mouth was dry, and her cheeks were flushed. Her fur prickled in nervous anticipation.
“We’re broken. Oh, Pinkie, we’re so broken.”
“I’m not broken,” whispered Pinkie with utter, sincere conviction, “and you’re not gonna break me. Not ever, never, you silly filly.”
Fluttershy launched herself forward out of her chair. She slammed Pinkie backwards, kissing her fiercely, almost viciously, as she pinned down the earth pony with her front hooves. Pinkie made no complaint and offered no resistance, only grunting slightly as the two ponies tumbled to the floor. With her heart hammering in her chest, Fluttershy broke the kiss long enough to begin working her way down the pink pony’s neck with hard, insistent nips.
She was not the least bit gentle, and she was not even remotely kind.
Pinkie never lost her smile.
It had all began with Iron Will.
After Iron Will left town, Fluttershy didn’t step foot in Sugarcube Corner for nearly a month. Pinkie Pie never said a word about it, though. Never even questioned. Never let her smile flicker or falter for even a moment.
That made it worse. Fluttershy wasn’t sure why, exactly, but it did.
Rarity was easy. Fluttershy had only avoided the boutique for a week or so, and then Rarity came bursting into her cottage with demands that Fluttershy accompany the unicorn to the spa. Fluttershy couldn’t really say no. She’d never been able to say no to Rarity, not really, and so she didn’t even bother trying. She’d simply followed her friend down to the spa. Once there, the pegasus had tried to apologize, yet again—her words stuttering, stumbling—but Rarity had shushed her almost immediately.
“All water under the bridge, darling.”
“B-but, Rarity …”
And Rarity had smiled, a kind smile, a generous smile, and slowly repeated, “Water under the bridge.”
That had been that. They never spoke of it again and, as far as Fluttershy could tell, things were back to how they’d been.
But that wouldn’t work with Pinkie Pie. It couldn’t work with Pinkie Pie. With Rarity, there were years of friendship to fall back on, shared interests, shared temperaments. With Pinkie, Fluttershy had … well, not nothing, perhaps, but not enough. Not nearly enough.
So Fluttershy had simply returned Pinkie’s smiles as best as she was able, and Fluttershy had pretended everything was all right. Because everything was all right. More or less. Everything was back to as good as it ever had been.
As good as it ever would be.
And that was how things had stayed, up until the night of the wedding of Twilight’s brother--the real wedding--when Fluttershy had been hiding in a corner of the gardens, away from the dance floor. Rainbow Dash had spent some time with her, chatting and laughing, bragging about her Rainboom, but Dash had left a half hour ago to talk to a Wonderbolt she’d spotted near the refreshments table.
That was all right, though. Fluttershy was happy Dash had spent time with her at all and, really, she couldn’t begrudge her fellow pegasus the chance to talk to one of her lifelong idols. Besides, Fluttershy liked being alone. Being along could be restful. Restorative. Calm.
But that calm was interrupted as Fluttershy suddenly felt warm breath in her ear. “You … you don’t like me. D’you?”
The words were strangely slow and slurred. So much so that it took Fluttershy a minute or two to recognize the voice that was speaking to her. Once she did, she let out a squeak and whirled around, only to find herself gazing into a pair of eyes the color of the sky on a sunny day.
“O-oh!” Fluttershy could feel her face warm and her stomach give a lurch. She glanced down and smoothed out the folds of her bridesmaid’s dress, just to give her shaky forehooves something to do. “Oh, Pinkie, you startled me.”
“Yeah. Yeah, I do that a lot. A loooot.” As Pinkie leaned forward, resting one of her front hooves on Fluttershy’s shoulder, the pegasus caught the unmistakable whiff of alcohol. “S’that why you don’t like me? ‘Cause I scare you all the time?”
Fluttershy swallowed nervously. “Who … who said I don’t like you?”
“Nopony!” Pinkie laughed, but it didn’t sound like her usual laughs. It wasn’t as full, wasn’t as rich. The laugh didn’t sound out like a trumpet but vibrated like the string of a violin. “But nopony has to tell me that cupcakes are really, super tasty. Y’know? I’m a smart pony! I know stuff!”
Keeping her eyes firmly on the ground, Fluttershy stood there and tried to think of a response. Something that was true and yet something that was kind. Something that would help.
Pinkie’s hoof on her shoulder felt as though it weighed a ton.
“Just … just want you to like me, ‘Shy, that’s all. ‘Cause I like you.”
Fluttershy took a deep breath and, when she finally opened her mouth, the words tumbled out of her like a boulder rolling down a mountain: “You’re loud and careless and have absolutely no self-control, and I still don’t understand why you’re so obsessed with parties all the time.”
Pinkie didn’t respond, and Pinkie didn’t move. Almost involuntarily, Fluttershy lifted her head in order to look at her friend. Pinkie was just standing there and smiling at her. Just standing and smiling that same perfectly pleasant and perfectly empty smile that the pink pony had had on her face for the whole last month.
Fluttershy hated that smile. After seeing it every day for weeks on end, she’d come to hate it more than just about anything else in Equestria.
So she leaned forward and kissed Pinkie. She kissed Pinkie, hard and deep, right on that terrible, smiling mouth. It was more of an attack than anything else, really, but it accomplished the job—when she pulled away, Pinkie wasn’t smiling anymore. Instead, the pink pony stood with her mouth hanging open and her eyes wide and round.
“You’re loud and careless and have absolutely no self-control,” repeated Fluttershy slowly, painfully. “You’re everything I’ve always been afraid of, and you’re everything I never want to be.”
Pinkie simply took a step back, tripping a bit over her own hooves before sitting down on her rump.
“You’re right, Pinkie. Sometimes? Sometimes I don’t like you. I don’t.” Fluttershy shut her eyes and gently shook her head. “I don’t like you a lot of the time, to tell the truth, but … but I want you. I want you, and I don’t want to.”
Fluttershy didn’t open her eyes even as the seconds ticked by without so much as a sniffle or a giggle coming from the other pony, even as the reception’s booming music was the only thing to be heard throughout the gardens. She didn’t open her eyes when she felt a pony step up right next to her. Nor did she open her eyes when a pair of lips touched her neck, tracing a warm, wet line up to her ear, and she didn't open her eyes when those lips began murmuring words of temptation, words of forgiveness, words of blessed, blessed release.
She kept her eyes closed through it all, because she didn’t want to have to watch it all unfold. She didn’t want to have to watch as she gave in. As she gave in to the demons that whispered to her, in a voice so very much like the one which belonged to that infuriating pink pony. As she gave in to the voice that whispered that it was all right to let go, to let loose, to let it all out. That whispered the sweetest and kindest of lies.
Fluttershy kept her eyes closed throughout it all and, in the gardens of the royal palace, at last Fluttershy came undone.
It had all began with Iron Will, those many years ago, but the ending? The ending was something Fluttershy dared not think too much about. The ending was something Fluttershy was too afraid to think too much about.
Fluttershy moved around the kitchen of Sugarcube Corner as quickly and as quietly as she could. She knew she didn’t have long--Pinkie Pie was generally an early riser, and the earth pony could potentially be woken up by the slightest noise. It was a bit strange to be alone in the bakery, surrounded by empty silence instead of the usual hustle and bustle, but Fluttershy pushed any uneasiness aside. She had more important things to worry about.
Important things like muffins.
Carefully, Fluttershy mixed the batter and poured it into the tin tray she’d found in the drying racks, taking pains to ensure that each cup in the tray received an equal amount. Then she slid the tray into the oven, set the timer, and trotted out to the bakery’s dining area with a rag held between her teeth.
Fluttershy began a bit of tidying up as she waited for the muffins to bake. She liked cleaning up around the bakery. It was a peaceful sort of chore, leisurely and quiet, and she enjoyed being able to do a favor for Pinkie, however small that favor might be. Plus, it never took that long to wipe down the tables or to rearrange the chairs. By the time she’d finished and put away the cleaning rag, the timer went off and alerted her that the muffins were done.
With a smile, the pegasus scouted around for an oven mitt and then, once the mitt was acquired, slid the tray of muffins out of the oven.
“Ooh! Smells yummy!”
The tray clattered to the floor as Fluttershy whipped around. Pinkie stood not three feet away, looking wide awake and as cheerful as ever. The earth pony danced an excited little jig, her eyes fixed upon the muffins.
With a shaky exhalation of breath, Fluttershy lifted a hoof to her rapidly beating heart. “Oh, Pinkie! You startled me.”
“Sorry, ‘Shy!” Pinkie leaned down to give an exploratory sniff to the muffins on the ground. “Mmm, cranberry-chocolate? My favorite!”
“I know,” said Fluttershy. As her heart rate gradually slowed, she felt an amused smile begin tugging at the corners of her mouth. “Pinkie, I always make cranberry-chocolate, and you always tell me that they’re your favorite.”
Pinkie grabbed a muffin from the tin and, with a toss of her head, sent it flying through the air. She caught the muffin on its descent and downed it in a single gulp. Smacking her lips, she replied, “Well, that’s ‘cause they always are my favorite!”
Fluttershy simply shook her head and, fetching the tray of muffins from the floor, carried it out to the main room of Sugarcube Corner. She could hear Pinkie cheerfully trot along after her, babbling something about cranberries and chocolate being similar to parties and music. Fluttershy placed the tray down on one of the tables then turned around to face her breakfast companion.
Her smile dropped into a frown as soon as she did.
Pinkie tilted her head in response. “What’s wrong?”
“You’re … you’re limping.”
Pinkie’s grin flickered, just for a moment. “Aww, don’t you worry your pretty little mane about that.” She giggled a bit. “Your Auntie Pinkie Pie is okie dokie!”
Fluttershy pursed her lips, debating over whether it was worth arguing with Pinkie about that obvious half-truth, but after a moment, she turned back around with a quiet little sigh. As Fluttershy began dividing the muffins between the two plates that were already on the table, Pinkie Pie took a seat across from her. There was, as always, one muffin set aside for Fluttershy with the rest left for Pinkie. As the earth pony began happily munching away, Fluttershy stood there and quietly watched.
Pinkie Pie ate much as she did everything else--loudly, sloppily, without the least concern for propriety or appearance. It was almost like watching a young filly at play. But even as Pinkie eagerly gulped down the muffins, it didn’t escape Fluttershy’s notice that she seemed to cringe a bit whenever she put any weight on her right shoulder.
So as Pinkie continued eating, Fluttershy sidled up behind the other pony and placed her hooves on Pinkie’s shoulders, massaging lightly. Almost immediately she was rewarded with a long, low groan of pleasure.
“How’s that?” crooned Fluttershy softly into Pinkie’s ear. “Does that feel nice?”
“Mmph!” Pinkie said through a mouthful of muffin, nodding her head. She leaned back, relaxing against the pegasus’ hooves, and Fluttershy smiled as Pinkie’s eyes drifted shut.
The rest of the muffins lay on the table, uneaten and unnoticed, as Fluttershy’s backrub continued. Fluttershy listened closely as she massaged the other pony, paying careful attention to every gasp, to every groan. Pinkie would never just tell her what hurt and what felt good, so she had to be on the lookout for any grimace or noise that might indicate that she’d found a tender spot or pressed just a little too hard.
Fortunately, Fluttershy was a fast learner. Over the years, she’d come to know Pinkie’s non-verbal cues almost as well as she knew her own name.
After a few minutes, Pinkie Pie began humming softly, a jaunty little tune that she seemed to be making up as she went along. “You always give the very bestest massages, ‘Shy. I like it when you’re gentle like this. I mean, I like it when you’re all grrr and whoa and rawr, too! 'Cause you don't get like that very often, which makes it super special!” Her eyes fluttered open, then, and they had never looked quite so blue or quite so bottomless. “But not many ponies touch me like this, you know? It’s … it’s nice.”
Fluttershy yanked back her hooves, as though she’d just been burned, and quickly looked away. She couldn’t stand looking at Pinkie--not with that guileless expression in her eyes, so full of trust, full of understanding, affection, even gratitude. Even after everything, Pinkie Pie trusted her, and she simply couldn’t stand it.
“Fluttershy? You okay?”
Fluttershy swallowed thickly. “I think I'm in love with you.”
There was a pause, a brief yet merciless silence, before Pinkie whispered in reply, “Even though I’m broken?”
“I’m broken too. Remember?”
“You silly filly. You’re not broken.”
Fluttershy said nothing.
“You’re not,” Pinkie repeated, more firmly this time.
The pegasus took a step back and, after squaring her shoulders, lifted her head. Pinkie Pie had turned around in her seat and was staring at Fluttershy with an unwavering gaze. Fluttershy forced herself to not flinch or back away.
“If I’m not broken,” said Fluttershy, in as loud and as strong a voice as she could manage, ”then you’re not broken, either.”
Pinkie frowned for a moment, as her brows knit together in thought. Fluttershy waited quietly, patiently. Sugarcube Corner was closed today, after all. They had all the time in the world and, even if they didn’t, Fluttershy would give Pinkie all the time she needed.
Then, as Pinkie opened her mouth to respond, there came a knock at the front door to the bakery. Both ponies inside shop exchanged confused looks with one another, and Pinkie Pie gave a shrug.
“Fluttershy, darling?” called out a familiar voice from the other side of the door. “Fluttershy, I know you’re in there.”
Fluttershy blinked. Rarity. But how did Rarity know that Fluttershy would be at Sugarcube Corner? She’d certainly never told anyone that she’d be coming here. But before Fluttershy could continue that distressing line of thought too very far, she was distracted by another round of knocking from the door, louder and more insistent this time.
“Please, Fluttershy, come out to speak with me. I … I know there are things that happened yesterday afternoon that ought to be discussed …”
As her chest tightened in panic, Fluttershy glanced over to Pinkie Pie. “What--what do I do?”
“I guess you go talk to Rarity?” Pinkie leaned forward and gave the pegasus an encouraging nudge with her snout. “Rarity’s your friend! She wants to know if you’re mad or upset or otherwise not super-duper happy.”
Fluttershy nodded tightly in reply. “Right. My friend. Right.”
She looked back toward the front door and took a deep breath. Her friend. Rarity was her friend, and she knew--intellectually, at least--that Pinkie Pie was right. She would go talk with Rarity, and they’d work things out, and everything would be okay again. She hoped, anyway. With heavy hooves and a painfully thudding heart, the pegasus trudged determinedly toward the front of the bakery.
“Hey, ‘Shy?”
Fluttershy paused, with her hoof on the door, and glanced back over her shoulder. Pinkie was staring down at the floor, but she was grinning. It was a small grin, not a huge Pinkie Pie smile, but it was warm and it was real.
“I think I love you, too.”
Fluttershy simply stood there a moment, taking in those words, replaying them in her head, committing the rhythm and cadence of them to memory. And as those words slowly sunk in and she realized they were real, a grin spread across her own face, slowly but surely.
“I’ll … I’ll see you later tonight?” Fluttershy offered, her words more question than statement. “That is, if you want to see me again tonight, I mean.”
Pinkie nodded quickly. “That sounds great! I can make us some dinner, if you wanna have dinner? Ooh, I could make squash! Or maybe pumpkin bread, or maybe squash and pumpkin bread--”
“Dinner would be … would be lovely. Thank you.”
And still grinning, Fluttershy turned back around and opened the door to Sugarcube Corner. Rarity stood directly before her, with downturned mouth and anxious eyes, that usually immaculate purple mane frizzy, unkempt. All in all, the unicorn looked every bit as much of a mess as Fluttershy had felt last night.
It was tempting, so very tempting, to hold back. To wait for Rarity to make the first move, to say the first word, to hold her breath and see where things might stand between the two of them. But that look in Rarity’s eyes--so unhappy, so familiar--compelled Fluttershy forward.
She stepped outside and pulled Rarity into a close, tight hug. Fluttershy hugged Rarity for all that she was worth.
And, with a relieved sigh, Rarity hugged her back.
Author's Notes: The middle segment of this story was adapted from a piece I'd originally written for a writing prompt from Thirty Minute Ponies Stories: "Somepony confronts their inner demons."
Also, thanks go to Professor Piggy for pre-reading and providing feedback.
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Atosen · 6.5k words · 266 6 · 5.7k views
- Donnys Boy · 12k words · 361 9 · 5.9k views
- ThePwnzorMuffin · 10k words · 168 3 · 4.3k views
- Donnys Boy · 3.5k words · 425 6 · 7.2k views
- NuOmicronMu · 7.1k words · 137 3 · 4.7k views
- Donnys Boy · 19k words · 166 6 · 4.3k views
- Donnys Boy · 4.7k words · 239 3 · 6.1k views
- Donnys Boy · 4.2k words · 657 14 · 13k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.219 seconds
Total duration
1,047 users online
2,196,607 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I believe you missed a word there, Boy of Donny.
Thanks for writing this fic!
You already know I adore this.
Best story.
Very very enjoyable, and a very interesting take on their relationship, and the effects of the show on the two. There were a few things that left me scratching my head though...
Followed by...
This, as far as I am aware, the night before, followed by the next morning. It's kinda confusing, and I had to read it three times to make sure that it was Pinkie. I probably missed something in the inner emotions, but I'm tired, so whatever.
The second thing, and it's not even in the story itself...
The first part... I can KINDA see it, but not really. Sure, everything almost fell apart between the two because of Iron Will, but it didn't. There wasn't a "terrible cost" at all!
The second part... well... now that I look at it, the parenthesis make much more sense now, but also somewhat misleading.
Now, before you get depressed and jump off of a bridge with a rock tied to your feet, I really did enjoy the story. It was short, sweet, and completely undeserving of the dark tag you put on it.
Though I have no idea why the very first rate that this story got was a downvote... so I'll upvote to make sure to counter it 
I'm not a very good critic. But I can say that I enjoyed it, a lot. I suppose that's unsurprising for a Donny's Boy. Tad bit ironically, I just finished Like an Unexpected Song today. I believe I followed it up to about chapter 4, but I stalled for reasons. Loved that one as well. Just FYI I guess
Woah. I hate and love this kind of story. So uncomfortable to read but... yeah. Nice work with this one.
Fluttershy warned me she had evil gypsy powers and the voluminous hair of a temptress!
“You’re everything I’ve always been afraid of, and you’ve everything I never want to be.”
edit - "you're"
I don't know why I misread the tag, but I thought that this story was incomplete when I read it, and thought that there would be more to come.
You did touch on the terrible price that Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie pay by being kind and wearing smiles, but I have to agree with 1443188, you could have done more and gone deeper with that. Just my personal opinion.
Also, this part confuses me a bit.
It had all began with Iron Will, those many years ago, but the ending? The ending was something Fluttershy dared not think too much about. The ending was something Fluttershy was too afraid to think too much about.
Did we see the ending? This sounds like it's talking about a breakup, not two ponies getting together. Also, I don't know why Fluttershy would be too afraid to think too much about the events that happened later in the chapter.
This is gorgeous, and there needs to be more of it. A very refreshing take on FlutterPie.
I absolutely adore your writing! Its what inspired me to start writing myself
This is an excellent approach to a rare ship and I loved every moment of it 
This is nice. Not as dark as I was expecting going in, but kind of sweet instead.
Wow.
Maybe I'm interpreting this wrong.
So uh, at the end there... Rarity and Fluttershy had had a fight and Fluttershy took it out on Pinkie Pie violently?
Um, I'd have to say that they are both broken heh
It's a very touching story, but I'll refrain from calling it beautiful
(I mean obviously if I'm wrong about the "spousal abuse" thing then clearly I've completely missed the boat here and will have to revisit once its been clarified)
Definately a high price to pay for always being kind/being the pony there for your friends no matter what they need.
1443383
The ending Fluttershy doesn't want to think about, at that point, is where she fears her relationship with Pinkie will lead. I think what we see here, in this story, is proof that her fears are misplaced; they do love each another. The Bad Ending won't happen.
1443610 Rather than domestic abuse, I'm pretty sure it's implying BDSM, where Flutters tops. Hard. The difference being that it's consensual.
I do believe this has been miss-tagged because I did not get dark out of this at all, hell I didn't even get a sad vibe out of this story. I liked the story it just seems to have one to many tags.
Loved the story, it's nice to have some multi-dimensionality when a fair number of the stories I read are either Happy-Fluttershy or Sad-Fluttershy and Default-Over-The-Top-Oh-My-Gosh-Crazy-Pinkie or Pinkamena. There's not so many that have an righteously angry Fluttershy or a more sedate Pinkie. That being said there's one thing that bothers me.
I get that Fluttershy's half of the "terrible, terrible costs" is that there are times where she has to let go of kindness and say how she truly feels about ponies, and how there are times where she has to take what she wants without caring about how others will react, like when she kissed Pinkie.
But I don't know what Pinkie's issue is. Why is she "broken"? When you look at Flutters' issue, it seems like Pinkie should either stop caring about making others happy or just cut loose and be angry.
But she doesn't.
Is the reason Pinkie is "broken" that she cares so much about other ponies being happy that she overlooks her own well-being? I mean, she wants Flutters to hit her if it will make her feel better, even though it will hurt. She's in physical pain, but says she isn't so others don't worry. It seems to me that they both give so much of themselves to others that they have to have moments of weakness, and that makes them broken in their own eyes; Fluttershy has to say how she really feels regardless of who it hurts, and Pinkie needs to have someone make her feel better without her needing to say it.
But I'm not sure. Am I right that that's why Pinkie thinks there's something wrong with her?
That was very amazing. Other then the few spelling and grammar errors (although, they can't really ruin a story) it was beautiful.
1443129
Thanks for reading and for catching the typo!
1443135
Thanks, Prof.
1443188
Heya. As always, thanks for droppin' by and leaving your thoughts.
Re: "I'm not broken," it was just meant to show that what Fluttershy said the night before had gotten under Pinkie's skin more than Pinkie had let on. Re: the summary description, the terrible costs were envisioned more as emotional unhealthiness more than anything else and were meant to refer to the beginning of the story (the chronological beginning) more so than the end of it. I'm sorry for the confusion and my failure to get that across.
The "dark" tag was something I waffled over for a long time. I might end up taking it off--as this is "light dark," at the most--but I put it on 'cause I figured better safe than sorry. *shrug*
1443215
Oh, thanks! I'm glad you liked both stories.
1443232
Thanks! For what it's worth, it was a bit uncomfortable to write, too.
1443259
*snort!*
1443383
Thank you for the catch! That should be fixed, now.
Thanks also for the feedback. It's good to know that this felt incomplete or not as ... deep, I guess? perhaps well-explained? ... as it ought to have been. Re: the bit about Fluttershy being afraid of the ending, it wasn't meant to refer to her relationship to Pinkie so much as her fears of what she might become if she really loosened her control over herself, as Pinkie's urged her to do. I'm sorry I didn't convey that well.
1443423
FlutterPie is one of my fave ships, but I think it's one with a lot of conflict and potential angst built in, so I thought I'd explore those possible elements of it.
Thanks!
1443497
Oh, gosh, that's a really huge compliment. Thank you so much.
1443603
Thanks! And yeah, I'm thinking of taking off the "dark" tag.
1443610
1443693
It's not meant to be abuse. It's more in the realm of what Otterbee mentioned, though I don't think either Fluttershy or Pinkie would necessarily think of or describe their relationship in those terms. Pinkie's a very willing and happy participant in everything that occurs in the story--but the question of why she's such a willing and happy participant is where some of the exploration of unhealthiness is meant to come in.
Also, for what it's worth, I don't think I'd call this story beautiful, either. I'm not sure what I would call it, but I don't think I'd call it that.
1443629
Yeah, largely. *nod* Also, fear of self. (It has always seemed to me that, of all of Fluttershy's many fears, she might fear herself the most.)
1443744
And another vote for "not dark." *nod* Thanks. Think this means I should probably take off the tag, then ...
1444218
Yep, you've pretty much nailed it exactly. This in particular: "It seems to me that they both give so much of themselves to others that they have to have moments of weakness, and that makes them broken in their own eyes ..."
And my characterization could be way, way off. I was just struck, in Pinkie's big "Smile" number, as to how other-focused she is. It's almost definitely me over-analyzing the song, but especially the lines "Come on, everypony, smile, smile, smile/Fill my heart up with sunshine, sunshine" made me wonder ... well, what if they don't smile? Is Pinkie's heart empty, then? What makes Pinkie happy besides others' happiness?
I dunno. These are the things I ponder over, heh. *shrug*
1444266
Thank you! I think most of the errors ought to be fixed now (fingers crossed).
1444397 interesing read Donny, I get that vibe from Pinkie myself, that she needs others to be happy.
1444397
Heh, now I'm even MORE confused!
Help me out here with this timeline of this story. I'm seeing it as...
- Night before: Pinkie says "I'm not broken"
- The... oooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
That long "oh" was me finally GETTING it. Alright. I see now. Pinkie got slightly defensive the night before when she said "I'm not broken", but it had really hurt when Fluttershy actually said it. The next morning, she still remembered, and it still hurt. GOT IT!!
I think...
1444397>>1444454 In my opinion, it really doesn't take much in the way of analyzation to see that Pinkie—if the show was even a touch more realistic—would be crippled by her overt co-dependency issues. In her eyes, an inability to make someone happy, let alone make them her friend, is a serious personal failure to be obsessed about and rectified no matter the cost.
Pretty much; we've seen this right in the show. When she thought that none of her closest friends found her or her parties entertaining anymore, she spiraled into a depression and turned violently introverted.
That said, I really enjoyed your take on her (and Fluttershy, of course) in this story. It was just how I'd imagine she'd react in a situation like this, the poor thing. Good work.
1444397
Why those lines and not these?
in love you.”. in love with you
Interesting, definitely not what you'd consider a 'normal' love story.
Well, I have never had a lot of faith in FlutterPie, to put it lightly. 'Shy just never seemed like the kind of pony who could really help Pinkie with her various issues and be a really positive influence on her. This story.. didn't help.
In fact, I had never even thought of anything like this, but it makes enough sense to deeply disturb me. It's not abuse.. It's all consensual and Pinkie is happy to be a part of it, because making others happy makes her happy. But it's not BDSM either. It's just very wrong. For both of them. 'Shy doesn't solve her issues, but just gets a.. release valve of sorts. Pinkie, meanwhile, takes it upon herself to be the punching bag for everything which troubles 'Shy. Just.. not right.
But I need you to understand that this is actually meant as very high praise. It is not often that a story manages to evoke such an emotional response in me, and even if it was a negative one that still points towards a high quality of writing. I find the content rather disturbing and displeasing, but I can only praise you for what you have managed to create here. A truly marvelous job.
Why isn't there more pinkieshy??? I mean twi and dash, rarity and aj, octavia and vinyl, they're all complete opposites of each other, but there's not much pinkieshy out there :(
What a strange take on Fluttershy's personality. It makes for an interesting story, but it seems completely out of character for her. Pinkie Pie made sense. I can easily see her letting herself be hurt in order to help a friend, and even enjoying being hurt for that same reason. But I just can't see Fluttershy hurting another pony and then doing it again and again. Even when she completely lost it after meeting Iron Will, she felt so bad that she tied herself up to chair.
However, it did make for an interesting story. I'm just not sure if Fluttershy was the right character to tell that story.
1444397
Also, for what it's worth, I don't think I'd call this story beautiful, either. I'm not sure what I would call it, but I don't think I'd call it that.
I found it kind of...haunting in a way. I think it is indeed beautiful, though I didn't find it beautiful in that kind of sunshine, flowers and sparkles way that romance is usually portrayed. I found it beautiful in its bleakness, its sadness, and its pain.
You may not have written a story that fits the traditional idea of beauty, but real, true beauty isn't always so easy on the eyes. Sometimes, its ugly too.
...If that made any sense.
......And if you couldn't tell, I really liked the story.
Dark, but definitely unlike anything else I have read, so props for that! It was refreshing to see an unique spin on a ship (even if the ship itself isn't all that common), and you executed it well.
Nice work, DB!
"(not) a love story" my ass... that was all kinds of adorable and i loved every line of it
1444397
I guess my main concern is that Pinkie seems to be providing an unhealthy outlet for Fluttershy's repressed anger.
The agression may be consentual, and maybe it ends up in some "hot sexxings" but it isnt resolving Fluttershy's core problem.
Especially when you can see at the end that she just goes back to Rarity all happy smiles, everything forgiven, no apologies necessary, oh but next time you piss me off I'll go hit Pinkie some more!
...Yeah, um, so maybe I'm kind of overly protective given it's Pinkie here ^^;
Dont get me wrong, it's an excellent story, and given the purpose was to show an unhealthy relationship I think you've managed to do so wonderfully, and I'm thumbing it up because it's well written and everything, and I just....I hate it lol
I mean I really hate the content.
I hate the fact that Pinkie is letting herself be abused so that Fluttershy can just go on being kind to everyone else because she cant bare to pony up and deal with her emotions properly.
I hate that Pinkie thinks it's ok, and that she's so desperate to be there for Fluttershy and be the one to make her "better" that she's willing to be physically injured because she derives her entire self worth from other ponies.
I hate the fact that I know that if anyone found out about it Fluttershy would cry, and Pinkie would tell her it's ok, and everyone would cave in and comfort them because it's Fluttershy crying and that's just intollerable and nothing would be done to fix them!
There's a right way and a wrong way to help someone deal with their problems, and this story does a great job of showing the wrong way.
It makes me want to scream.
Which I think maybe was kind of the point.
Which I guess means you did good?
Well, that was deliciously unhealthy.
I went in expecting a breakup. Instead it ended on an adorable note, so it was easy to forget all the emotional darkness going on. Fluttershy abusing (sort of) Pinkie to relieve stress is not an interpretation I would've thought of, but if she needs to do it – well, it's easy to see why Pinkie would accept and enjoy it. Which is a bit creepy. I also like that they both explicitly think that they're "broken" as a result – a very harmful thing to think about oneself, as we see when Pinkie has to clarify that Fluttershy loves her despite her brokenness.
Interesting take on FlutterPie. A lot of commenters are noting the unhealthiness of the relationship; while I wouldn't say it's damaging, per se, it's hardly the optimal way to work through psychological issues. I would like to note that all of the Elements (and indeed a not-insignificant number of other ponies) at times display behaviours that are hardly indicators of a healthy mind. They are cartoon characters, in the end; weakness is exaggerated so that it forms either a) a memorable character attribute or b) an obvious target to be "fixed". Although honestly I'd be descending upon Ponyville with a swarm of psychologists.
1445049
That's the first line I thought of too.
1444454
Thanks! And yeah, Pinkie is an interesting one, I think.
1444725
There are multiple interpretations, I think, but that's definitely one of 'em.
1444756
Thanks, Kyro. As for the source of Fluttershy's desire for Pinkie ... I kinda tried to hint at that, back in the middle section. Sorry it didn't really come across well.
1444758
Mmm, yeah. I had "Party of One" in mind too when creating this characterization for Pinkie.
1445049
That line works too, definitely. Really, just the overall vibe of the song made me think two things simultaneously: (1) It's kinda sweet that Pinkie tries so hard to make others happy and (2) This can't be totally healthy.
1445493
That line oughta be fixed, now, I believe. And I'll take "interesting." Heh.
1445583
Thanks for the feedback and for the kind words! For whatever it's worth, I tried to show that, by story's end, their relationship was being nudged onto a healthier path. But really, this story was never meant as a FlutterPie apologetic. It's a different beastie entirely.
1445859
I do now know! I am entirely in support of more PinkieShy.
1446218
For whatever it's worth, the characterization for 'Shy was meant to be ... perhaps not "strange," but somewhat atypical. I wasn't aiming for OOC, though, of course, and I'm sorry if that's where I ended up landing. I just get this impression (from episodes like "Suited for Success," "Best Night Ever," and "Putting Your Hoof Down") that Fluttershy goes through this sort of cycle of repress-repress-repress-EXPLODE. Which terrifies her, as you point out. I figured maybe she'd go this route if she truly thought it was reasonably safe, that Pinkie wanted this too (and I tried to show that Pinkie's the one who actually instigates), etc., etc.
I wouldn't put this forth as the characterization of Fluttershy, by any means, but it's possible that this just doesn't work even as a possible characterization of Fluttershy. I tried to be thoughtful and deliberate, not glib, but maybe I just missed the ball here. I'm sorry, if so.
1447135
That makes a lot of sense. And thank you--that's a wonderful compliment to receive.
1449030
Thanks! Professor Piggy's view of FlutterPie as a ship Doomed To Fail has really infected my brain, so I felt compelled to try to write something a bit different for the ship.
1449535
Heh. Thank you.
1449540
I think all of those concerns are very good concerns to have, for whatever it's worth. I tried to show in the ending--and apparently failed, for which I am sorry--that the relationship between Pinkie and 'Shy ... well, it's still not in the healthiest of places, but it's been nudged onto a path that could lead to somewhere healthy. Fluttershy's baking muffins, back-rub, and confession of love were meant to show that she does care about Pinkie, for Pinkie, and Pinkie's reply of "Even though I'm broken?" was meant to show that Pinkie knows not all is well between them.
I mention all of this just to try to explain where I was coming from and trying to take this, by the way, not to necessarily convince you. And if you'd like to thumbs down the story, please don't feel as though you can't/shouldn't do so. I mean, I'm human, I want everyone to like my stories and all that--but if you think it deserves a thumbs down, then you think it deserves a thumbs down.
1449854
And it's meant to be creepy. Maybe not the rough and tumble so much as Pinkie's own wants and desires being limited to "whatever Fluttershy wants," I think.
Oh, hey, thanks for droppin' by and for leaving your thoughts!
1450027
Heh, yeah. I think "not optimal" is more than a fair assessment.
1450139
Nah, it's not just you. A lot of folks didn't see what I'd hoped to put in there, which means the problem was the writing itself. Oh, well. Something to file away for next time.
And, for whatever it's worth, I don't find that your stories shriek everything. I think you strike a pretty good balance between subtlety and obscurity, in general.
This was an odd story, not at all what I expected when I started reading it.
That's good though, becuse I can't recall ever reading anything quite like this, it was refreshing and nice.
It took me waaay to long to understand why Pinkie's shoulder hurt though, I blame being tired.
Thanks for giving me part of my daily dosage of lesbian horses.
It had all began with Iron Will
It had all begun with Iron Will.
or
It began with Iron Will.
Nice story
1450131
You're welcome!
I really enjoy a love story that has that kind of bleak, desolate feel to it. Because it's real, you know? Real love isn't always pretty or easy and I love to read something "romantic" that conveys that kind of stark reality.
You gave me that and I'm glad I took the time to read this, even though it's not a pairing that really tickles my fancy.
Deep, with a side of shipping...I like it!
"It had all began with Iron Will"
"had all began with Iron Will"
"all began with Iron Will"
"began with Iron Will"
"with Iron Will"
"Iron Will"
by the gods brain! what have you gotten into!
nice story but didnt kinda got a good grip though.
1450131 Indeed, it's the reasoning behind it which is creepy, not the physicality itself.
And mate, a good author I'm following posted a grim FlutterPie. How could I not drop by?
1450131
But I dont think it deserves a thumb down.
That's the thing, it's a really good story, I just hate some parts of it because of the story that's being told.
There's nothing wrong with that.
(By way of example, I've read the Sword of Truth series by Terry Goodkind. Love the series, but it contains some slightly graphics parts that I've hated and made me want to throw up! I'd still recommend the hell out of it to people though)
I'm not denying that their relationship could lead to something healthy, but I think what most made me feel like it wasnt going there was that Flutters had no real confrontation with Rarity at the end.
The backrubs, the muffins, etc, they're....nice...but there are plenty of abusive husbands out there who buy their wives flowers afterwards because "they never really meant to hurt her", so I dont particularly see them as indicating that their relationship is moving in the right direction.
Maybe if the ending had been more of Flutters saying to Rarity "We need to talk..." as opposed to the blind "all is forgiven and forgotten" it would have suggested it a bit more clearly that things would be better, as now Fluttershy is dealing with the root problem at hand, which would mean she wouldn't need to use Pinkie the same way in the future to release her bottled anger.
I'm still not going to be happy about Flutters using Pinkie the way she is for any period of time, but as you've said, it's consensual and it really isnt my place to tell Pinkie and Fluttershy how they can and cant love each other.
Besides at least if Flutters was going to "get better" then it would mean their whole relationship dynamic would change in the future
Uhm...in your first paragraph after the quote.
I don't think "oftener"...okay, never mind, my spell check is saying that it is a word.
But the phrase you used...I always heard people say "More often than not"
I've never heard "Oftener than not"
I don't know why i'm still typing, my point is moo (kinda like a cows opinion) but this was veyy well written and i always enjoy your work. Looking forward to your next story
First up, because I've been feeling a little sick to my stomach about the thought that this story can be read, potentially, as a justification or defense of abusive relationships: That was never my intention. My intention was to show a relationship that is unhealthy, in some respects, but not a relationship that's abusive. For relationships that are abusive, I would never suggest that the abused partner should stick around and see if the relationship gets better--the abused partner should get out, after taking steps to put together an exit plan in order to leave in as safe a way as possible. (It's known that many abusers escalate their violence if they feel they are losing control or think the abused partner is about to leave.)
For anyone who has concerns about a relationship they're in--or who would like to get help for someone they know who is in an abusive relationship--a good resource is 1-800-799-SAFE, which is an intimate partner violence hotline. A good online resource is the booklet "Domestic Violence: The Facts," originally published by the now-defunct non-profit Peace at Home.
Thus endeth this Public Service Announcement. Thanks.
1450237
Quite possibly the case. Thanks for the suggestion!
1450351
Glad to hear you thought it was a refreshing take. Thanks!
1450405
Thanks!
1450994
Oh, good, I'm glad you felt that came across. I've been wringing my hands a bit that I've accidentally written an apologetic for abusing your loved ones, when I did not mean that to be the take-away message at all.
1453147
Not familiar with the "Sword of Truth" series--will have to go take a look at some point.
I intended the morning-after stuff to be more akin to the concept of loving aftercare than to the "I didn't mean to hurt you, baby" bouquet of flowers. Blargh, I'm really sorry that didn't come across well. Also, I'd been envisioning that after 'Shy hugs Rarity, they'd go to the cottage or boutique to have a nice, long chat about what went down the day before, as Pinkie urged 'Shy to do, but I guess that wasn't as evident as it ought to have been. Maybe I should've extended the ending a bit. Hmm.
Anyhoo! Thanks very much for taking so much time to chat about the story with me and to share your thoughts and concerns. I really appreciate it.
1453526
Oh, interesting! I've heard it both ways, "oftener than not" and "more often than not," with the latter being a bit more common. Don't really recall why I chose to go with the former, now--probably sentence rhythm or such. Thanks for the comments, and glad you liked the story!
I like the Fluttershy in your story. I really like the I love/hate Rarity thing. Pretty solid fic!
Alright, so I somehow found myself here again, and I saw, that while all your other romance stories had 1500+ view, this one had less than 500, and never made the feature box. It made me think of the reasons:
Note: not saying this because I feel you like views or not. More because I was just asking myself "why?".
- Dark Tag: Lot's of people, when they see this, they thing "Cupcakes" or "Rainbow Factory". Yes, even if dark and grimdark are two different animals, it's lots of people think it is similar. It's made a little worse by your description, which makes it sound that much closer to grimdark. However, that said, there are tons of stories out there that are dark/grimdark that do well, so... maybe? Possible, but unlikely.
Because of the longer critique that wasn't SUPER glowing, people might be turned off. That said, This might put off some, but not everyone... so also "just possible"
- Comments: Some readers might come along, and use comments to decide whether to look at a fic (I'm certain of this). Instead of the swarm of glowing comments basically saying "yay!", they see... well... my comment
However... I think you were... well... just damn unlucky. Why? Because I remember I was up at 1:30am EST (or later, not sure), and I saw this story pop up. Almost immediately, I knew this story wasn't going to do well. Not only that, but because apparently one of the mods decided to do a midnight approval, your story was gone before the morning (for me). No, this is not a critique of the approval system, merely me commenting.
Anyway, I mostly commented because I'm procrastinating on my own writing.
This is a great story. You took this dark stuff and made it work with the canon ponies. Dark tag fits. My only gripes:
- Leading with the line about Pinkie paying terrible costs made me expect the costs to be even worse, and thus made them seem light compared to my expectations.
- I really want to know whether Fluttershy and Rarity are in a romantic relationship. That has a big impact on what the story is.
That was a very... human story. Characters playing off each other's qualities AND flaws, or rather, their full expressions. Ponies growing into situations that, as much as they would be unlikely to have place in canon, do fit their personalities to a T, and do so in fresh and believable ways; situations that help them grow of issues that the canon may not show entirely, but most (if not all) have wondered about at some point.
Bud I'd have to agree with the others: Flutters' terrible cost, if anything, is more explored with Rarity than Pinkie herself. To put it bluntly, the story is very good, but the description seems not to fit it entirely xD That's probably something to ponder upon.
All in all, a very definite fav
Keep up the good work, dear sir!
1464134
I ended up taking off the "dark" tag so hopefully readers feel less like there's a bait and switch, 'cause I don't like doing that. And I think posting time definitely affects how many views a story ultimately gets, but this is also a bit different than my other stuff. Either way, I'm not too worked up. I wrote the best story I could, and I got a lot of great in-depth feedback and criticism--I'm a pretty happy camper.
1482849
I really hadn't thought of the "terrible costs" bit as implying super dark stuff, but I was totally wrong there as so many people have mentioned that. Whoops. Also, I hadn't even thought of the possibility of 'Shy and Rarity being in a romantic relationship; I'd just envisioned them as having a super close friendship.
1499766
Thanks very much! And I'll try to see if I can think of something better for the description.
1503900 I promoted this story in my blog yesterday; hope you got some extra traffic from it. The story is darker if Rarity is in fact Shy's real lover. I don't know whether that would be good or bad.
The first section was deliciously twisted and, dare I say it, oddly hot. The idea of 'Shy relying on Pinkie Pie as release valve for her stresses fits both of their demeanors while still adding that undercurrent of uncomfortable connotations. Which honestly is good, as decent writing should be able to get under the skin at times.
The second section is interesting as it turns the idea on it's head somewhat, as we see that Pinkie Pie was the pony who initiated this semi-destructive behavior. It doesn't absolve 'Shy of perpetuating the cycle, but it does paint a grayer picture than simply "Fluttershy is a bad pony, now here, look at poor abused
bestpink pony!".The third section ties it all back together, as we see the stirrings of development on 'Shy and Pinkie's parts as they realize that something just might really be wrong. It's also what helps keep the fic from earning the Dark tag, as a Dark fic would end without hope of growth and change on their parts.
And so this is a lot of words to just say: I loved it, can I have some more?
1504348
Oh, thank you! That's very kind of you.
I'm not sure whether that would be good or bad either. I think I like that interpretation, though. The whole story is very "Putting Your Hoof Down" focused, and Rarity was the third major player in that ep, so I'm totally down with the Flarity interpretation.
1516646
I didn't know you were on Fimfiction, too--it's good to see you, and thanks for dropping by! I'm glad to hear that you think that I didn't take Pinkie or 'Shy out of character. The whole thing came from me sitting down to think, "Okay. So. FlutterPie. How and why?" This went some ... unorthodox places, to say the least, but it was always meant to be a character exploration first and foremost.
Anyway!
Thanks very much for taking the time to read and leave some feedback. It's much appreciated, and I'm really glad you liked the story.