During their showdown with Nightmare, the 6 elements of harmony fail to defeat the dreaded corrupt Nightmare Moon and are soon confronted by a grim fate. However Twilight Sparkle uses her last essence of magic to save her friends, and faces the Lunar Queen who then decides upon a much cruler fate than death. Born as a pony of a stolen life, Starswirl the daughter of Nightmare Moon and Twilight is born. However there is more to see in Starswirl than meets one's eyes.
Please do not judge from the description, I made sure that there's no grim tale about the fic, and I keep in mind everyone's opinions. Also i have moved this from FF.net, so updates will be rather slow.
Chapters (9)
I LIKE IT good job and no clop
97505
Thanks, and yeah, i don't go for clop.
And also just moved here from FF.net, what's it like here?
mace to the face and something about arrows
skyrim?
97544 what do you mean?
97598
Just curious about the commmunity since i only just became a brony.
And also about that Skyrim reference, i adjusted it from the original from FF.net. Thought people would be pretty annoyed about it by now.
give me an explanation as to what celestia did to the twilight clone maybe im just oblivious but it seems to me that celestia delibearletly replaced twilight (or maybe thats just my dislike of celestia speaking)
98424
Possibly (Spoiler), Celestia incorporated her own mind into the clone. But the sentience is interpreted in different ways, as such the clone has Twilight's and part of Celestia's memories and acts accordingly to both by combining them. And there's the confusion of the entity itself as the new Twilight see's itself as stand alone rather than like the old Twilight. So the clone is a fusion or sorts and possesses its own agenda, but keep out an eye for its Celestia personality when it comes. Hopefully that clears something up.
Hey you broke the forth wall!!! Only Pinkie Pie is allowed to do that!!
but all-in-all another good chapter. keep it up =D
i like it
99935
Thanks and yeah, i might break the 4th wall sometimes. But careful, Pinkie might find out.
100117
Thanks, i aim to please
This is really enjoyable, I can't wait for more!
101023
Don't worry more to come.
ther needs to be more
163499
Sorry man i've got so much work do to and also because of family problems have arisen which have been rather hard for me to deal with.
Sister going psycho and such, it's very depressing right now.
sorry
168467
Don't worry man, it's life as usual for me.
But yeah here's an update
Update! Whoo!
Good job.
At first, I was going to facehoof when it appeared to be a retelling of The Ticket Master in this setting. And then everypony (and several rabbits) starts seeing the ticket. This gun b good.
update story is getting good
plz plz plz plz plz plz plz plz update 
no update chances?
plz more would be enjoyable.
511618 I've been really hard pressed with time, but i'm hoping to get the next chapter out later tonight, which it is like 8PM here so i'll do my best, if not by the morning of tomorrow.
511624omg this is awsome thank you hope it goes well. i just decided to pull an all nighter sence i just finished finals and am out of school so i might just update my story soon aswell.
sooo... yia keep on rockin on.
511627 I've shortened down the chapter out of failure to come up with a concievable plot since the last one, but this should tie in the story well, at least that's what i'm hoping it'll be up in like 5-10 minutes.
daum good job now to wait till the next update.
511702
511733 why so mad?
tis an awsome story and i'm glad it punched through not to mention it's funny how you set up all of these situations. 
511739 I was just joking around you know...
511748 I downloaded it 2 months ago, but thanks.
yia its a good song how's you down load it i used this youtube downloading site?
511748 Also there's a few things more to come, which i might add are going to kick tensions so high it's palpable... deliciously so!
511761 No just YT downloader, that's all.
511761 And also i'd like to add that there's a coming twist that'll involve pinkie pie proportions of chaos and love, and absolute hatred and mixes of other things you'll be in for a surprise.
BIG BROTHER...
sweet
! just let me grab my party cannon.
...
nvm she probably wouldnt shut up till nmm made her be quiet.
o and should i go grab trixie too?
good chapter been waiting on this to update
one have one question whens next update
Yay! New chapter!
A few errors here and there early in the chapter, but it smoothed out. Glad to see an update, if short.
Kind of an odd way to do the twilight Nightmare pairing, but I'll roll with it.
514896 That's not actually Twilight, and Nightmare is more or less defined within this fiction as more Lunaish, so you'll just have to see where it goes.
512576 Maybe in 2 weeks I have a lot of work to get done so i wouldn't know for sure.
516662
Oh I'm aware it's not the original Twilight. But then we get into an exestential crisis. What makes you, you? Your soul? Your memories? Some core part of you that is entirely imutable? If it is the memories, then she is in a way Twilight. *shrug* Clones are always confusing to me unless clearly defined on how their existance is in balance with the original.
I'm glad that Nightmare is more Luna that Nightmare, given Luna is one of my favorite characters. It is also easiar to make a working relationship out of that I would think. Hard to do that with a algamation of jealousy, pain, pride, and hate; which is what I personally see the Nightmare as.
516899 That's exactly why i made her like that, Luna is the mare who can be a little sensitive but also understanding, which is what sort of relationship she wanted to have with the original Twilight but couldn't. Evenfall is taking her position in order to give her what she couldn't have, and be happy as well, but this comes at a high cost for Starswirl/Twilight original. There's a line of morals which can be easily seen through the story i've given rather crudely, but they're understandable.
On the side note, no one seems to be curious about Shining armour in the midst of all of this.
Thing's are about to get nut's. What kind's of heros and villains will rise in the war? What sides will 'Starswirl' and her friends take in this war? What will Shining Armour and Cadence do when they meet Twilight's daughter 'Starswirl'? Will Discord or the Changelings show up in this story? Looking forward to reading more and finding out all the answers.
1294805 Only on the answer of Discord and the Changelings, technically Discord doesn't need to sow much chaos, everything's heading down that path anyway. Well at least not his kind of chaos, but he might act accordingly, like the enemy of my enemy is my friend. Or maybe not, as for Chrysalis, yeah that's going to have to wait till the beginning of Season 3 of MLP. I don't have a clue as to how far the changeling events are going to take place.
As for Cadence and Shining Armour, well then its going to get a bit tricky.
I'm getting arthritis from writing so much... but the show must go on!
Bah, it's only arthritis, go walk it off and then write some more!
Will Shining figure out that wasn't Twilight. What will he think about the fact his 'niece' saved him?
1448370 Or will he really believe that Twilight's a traitor? Evil
It's a good story so far, but I finally was able to latch on to why something felt off about the writing style here.
You tend to put identifying sentences on one line, then hit return to put the dialog on the line below. This makes for a very odd read to be honest. Also, if you read that first sentence, you'd see the verb tense is all wrong, and instead of a period, it should end with a comma, like so:
See, it comes out a little cleaner, and flows more naturally this way. I don't know if you address this problem in further chapters, but I hope so.
Secondly, I notice several instances of incorrectly used, or even missing words.
The second part of that sentence makes no sense. A thousand what? A thousand golems? A thousand years? A thousand bunnies?
I think you mean conspicuous here. There are other instances of this, but I'd have to go through the whole thing to catch them all for you.
Thirdly, When writing prose like this, it's better to write out numbers than to use digits, unless they're crucial to what you're conveying. Using the digits just comes off as lazy.
Fourthly, the story itself seems a bit... stilted. It's difficult to quantify why it feels off to me, but the descriptions just don't feel natural to me in places. It nothing I can really place my finger on. Maybe after a few more chapters, I'll be able to place it.
Fifth, Run-on sentences. This is just rife with them.
That right there would work better as two sentences. After the word "again", it feels more natural to leave a pause there long enough to indicate a period, rather than a comma. Now I am guilty of run-ons, myself. Lord knows that you can't heave a brick in one of my stories without hitting at least one. A good trick would be to read the sentence out loud. If you feel like a longer pause than a comma could cover is what would be natural there, then end the sentence.
I really like this story, and I want to see it go places. There is no one "big thing" that I can really find wrong with it, just a small battalion of little things that add up to awkwardness. I look forward to reading more, and hope this comment helps rather than seeming like a big nitpicking session.