Inner Voice

by Admiral Producer

2. We’re Very Proud Of You

“Misty?”

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Sunny’s voice. It was a good thing she had pulled me out of my own reminiscence when she did. I didn’t know how much more of my own past I could take without breaking down. I blinked back tears that were forming in my eyes and looked around me. It was night time. The stars were out and the moon was full and bright. I was walking with my friends home from the Boadtrot. The lights at the amusement park were still on and the sounds of excited chatter could be heard in the background. It was still hours before closing time, but we had decided to leave a little early. We had already accomplished everything we wanted to do, and after 16 rollercoaster rides, my friends were understandably very exhausted. I guess the long walk from the park was so boring that I had gotten lost in my own head. It wouldn’t be the first time I did that. I was used to my own oddities by this point and had learned to accept them.

That was when the events of the day all came flooding back. Today, I had finally done it. I had conquered my fear of rollercoasters. I had ridden the Zippercoaster at long last and stood up to Masky once and for all, banishing her to the ether. I was terrified when she had materialized from one of the mirrors at the Funhouse. I hadn’t seen her in years. Maybe it was because I didn’t question my loyalty towards Opaline again until more recently, therefore not doubting myself to the point of driving myself insane, or the fact that I stopped having “imaginary friends” as I grew older. Whatever the case, she hadn’t missed a beat from when she tormented me last. She tried to use the same old tricks on me again, hoping that I would fall for them and succumb to my own insecurities. She tried to bully me, to gaslight me, everything she had tried before, hoping that I would be just as vulnerable as I was when I was a filly and believe everything she said.

It didn’t work. It was thanks to my friends being there for me that I had gained the confidence I did. Did I fear them not understanding my reasons for initially not going? Yes, and I don’t think that ever will change. But insecurity isn’t meant to be suppressed. It’s meant to be dealt with and conquered. And I did that. I dragged Masky on the rollercoaster and had the time of my life. I didn’t fear her anymore, and I couldn’t be more proud of that fact.

“Sorry,” I apologized. “I must’ve gotten lost in my own mind again. You know how that tends to happen a lot when I think of too many things at once.”

“We get it,” Zipp answered kindly. “We’re almost home, I promise. I know you must’ve had quite the eventful day. I mean, getting on the rollercoaster all by yourself? That probably took some serious guts. I’m impressed.”

“We all are,” Sunny added. “We’re all very proud of you, Misty. You didn’t have to do that at all. We understood you didn’t want to go on it. What made you change your mind?”

I sighed, feeling all of my emotions come to the surface. I had to face them and tell my friends the truth. They wouldn’t judge me for it. I knew that now. I could trust them with anything. “I guess I was just…tired of being afraid all the time. I kept hiding because I wanted…I wanted to prove myself to you ponies so badly, but I was too scared of it at first. I didn’t think you would understand. You’d probably call me a pathetic, scared little filly.”

I didn’t want to mention Masky by name for personal reasons, so that was as close as I could get to revealing more of the trauma I had gone through as a filly. Those adjectives were forever intertwined with my horrible experiences, and I did not like repeating them. It was essentially like forcing myself to relive it all in real time. It felt right however, finally getting this off my chest and telling them how I was feeling. I didn’t have to bottle up my emotions in front of them. They cared about me. It was only through sharing my insecurities could I finally let them go for good.

“Oh, Misty,” Hitch said, his face showing concern. “We’d never think of you like that. We love you. And we’d never think less of you for not wanting to go on a silly rollercoaster of all things. If you did that just to impress us-“

“No.” I interrupted him quickly. “It wasn’t just because of that. It was also because I…I wanted to stop being scared of these things. I realized that if I continued to hide and avoid my greatest fears…then I would never conquer them. It may have been outside of my comfort zone, but…sometimes, you have to give these things a try. I knew that, so I decided to…give it a go myself.”

Pipp smiled warmly. “Well, I’ll let you in on a little secret. I’m not the best when it comes to rollercoasters either. 16 rides and I’m still scared of this thing. But you never know until you try, right? And it does make for good group pictures too, so I guess that outweighs any fears I might have.”

“It’s perfectly natural to be scared, Misty,” Izzy chimed in, grinning. “You can always be honest with us about that. Chances are, we’ve been through it too.”

“Yeah,” Sunny advised me. “And don’t ever feel pressured to do something just because we like doing it. Only do it if you’re comfortable. Or if you want to beat those fears in an admittedly epic fashion.” She smiled knowingly at me. I smiled back. She knew exactly what she was talking about. The way I had nonchalantly cut in line back there with a determined expression on my face, while definitely questionable, had also been pretty badass all things considered.

I giggled. “You saw all of that, Sunny?”

“Well, I didn’t see who you were talking to,” Sunny replied with a twinkle in her eye. “But I do have to admit you looked pretty imposing walking up to the Zippercoaster. Pipp got all that on video.”

“I sure did!” Pipp affirmed, beaming.

“Enough worrying about what we think,” Zipp said, looking proudly at me. “Let’s focus on you! My brave and courageous sister Misty, conquering her fear of rollercoasters for the first time in her life! This was a breakthrough, don’t you realize that?!”

“Yeah,” I admitted, staring back at her with equal pride on my face. At long last, I had something to be proud of, an accomplishment that was mine. I had taken the initiative. I had conquered my own fears. It would be something I remembered forever, and nothing could ever take that away from me. “I guess it was.”

We spent the remainder of the walk in good spirits. My friends were chatting up a storm, going on and on about their days, excitedly exchanging experiences and laughing over various accidental mishaps. Zipp shared some interesting rollercoaster trivia she had learned, while Izzy went on and on about new rides she could add to the Boadtrot if she wanted. Sunny shared her favorite part of the day, which was getting to see the joy on her customers’ faces as she sold smoothies in her new shop, and Pipp told us about the amount of friendship bracelets she had given to other ponies earlier in the day.

I watched them converse in silence, nodding politely as I walked alongside them. My thoughts were racing as they always were. I thought back to the day I had attempted to take my own life as a filly. I was in Opaline’s study and drinking the potion. As my eyes closed for what seemed like the final time, I felt myself falling into a pitch black void, the voice of Masky laughing all around me and taunting me as I spiraled towards the sweet embrace of death. But this time it was different. The light was slowly fading, but as the darkness was about to fully consume me, I suddenly felt myself be grabbed by five familiar, equally small hooves and pulled back up towards the light.

The vision faded and I was back with my friends. They were all gazing upon me again, waiting for my input to one of Sunny’s suggestions. I stared at them for a solid minute…before finally smiling back. I wasn’t scared. I wasn’t alone anymore. I had a family. I was loved.

I was home.

Author's Note:

And yet another story is completed! Sorry this one took so long, guys. I started writing it after the Tell Your Tale episode “Emotional Rollercoaster” came out as this story meant to be a sequel to that episode that focuses on Misty dealing with her shadowy counterpart for the first time as a filly. I was excited to write an expansion on Shadow Misty’s parasitic bond with our Misty as I found that to be the most intriguing aspect of the episode. The only problem with me finishing it in a timely manner was that certain aspects of it were so hard to write like Misty’s first-person perspective. It’s a lot darker and heavier than most stories in this universe and will mark probably one of the only times I make a story tonally outside of the G5SU, yet still connecting it regardless. Then the most recent TYT episode came out (Episode 16 titled “Hall of Mare-ers”) and I was debating whether I should even finish the story at all considering it would release long after the subject matter was relevant. I was considering scrapping it altogether. Then I realized that the most recent episode was kinda a disappointment and I didn’t have anything to write for it, so I was like “Ah, what the heck? I’ll just finish this currently unfinished story anyway. It can’t hurt.”

And now, here we are. Shadow Misty (full credit goes to my friend SmokeTheHorsehog on YouTube for coming up with the name Masky) was interesting to write. I kept her utilization in short spurts like the way she was used in the episode, as I was more so concerned with the psychological effects this had on Misty. When I was watching the episode, I was like: “Misty seems to have had history with this shadowy counterpart before considering she doesn’t act all that surprised around it.” So that’s when I got the idea to write this little story, while keeping Masky’s exact nature ambiguous. I know there are wildly different interpretations of her overall narrative purpose in the episode, but this is the way I (and probably the episode itself too) see her, as this parasitic demon meant to be an unhealthy manifestation of Misty’s deepest insecurities, solely meant to destroy her psychologically. It’s an allegory for those kind of voices people hear that tell them to kill or harm themselves, and that’s the idea I was going for here. I took clear inspiration from the Nightmare as seen in the now cancelled audio drama series Remembrance (Rest In Peace) to write Masky, and I’m sure you can definitely tell. The way she’s used and some choice of dialogue. It was more than an obvious homage. I also poured some of my own thoughts as well as I struggled with depression and insecurity like this in the past due to my experiences of being bullied online. I’ve been where she is in this story, weirdly or not. I’ve never been abused, but I have struggled with thoughts like this before because of the harassment I received years ago. I’m much better off now for obvious reasons, don’t worry. I would never think of something like that again, but these were feelings I once felt, so like I said, I know all too well how Misty feels. This conflict is incredibly personal to me. So I hope I was able to lend some authenticity to the narrative by filling in more of the sensory and vivid details. It’s good to let some of these bottled feelings out in an indirect manner like this, and I felt it was a creative way to write a story about Masky, as well as tying it to Misty’s experiences growing under Opaline in her early years. And of course, you might’ve noticed that I took inspiration from Episode 2 of The Amazing Digital Circus for how I chose to end the story. I like my inspirations, but that just seemed too perfect to pass up, calling back to the night Misty attempted to kill herself and ending it in a wholesome manner.

Of course, feedback is always appreciated, and I look forward to reading all of your comments. Feel free to let me know what you think of the story. Until next time, this is Admiral Producer signing out. Hoof to heart. :)

Comments

[ponydog127]

This was such a good story! I really loved how you made Masky persuade Misty to try and kill herself, and all the interactions Misty had with Opaline.

[Flamewarrior02]

Who doesn’t love seeing their favorite characters tortured by themselves?

Joking aside, another fantastic story that really dives into Misty’s psyche and what life was like as an abuse victim

[Admiral Producer]

11957821
Those sections definitely weren’t easy to write, so I’m so happy you enjoyed it.

11957911
Thanks!

[BronySonicFan]

Just finished reading the whole thing... I have to say, if not for you and the way you write down these characters, I'll still have a very misunderstood concept of Misty's character (unlike some people in this page).

Masky telling Misty to just "put a gun to her head and pull the trigger" (I know it wasn't said like this, is metaphorical) was shocking but expected. Good job!

[redmar]

It's good that Missty can rely on her friends and in the episode itself Misty is more scared that surprised to her shadowy counterpart.

[MLPSolarDash1907]

A heavy story but a good one nonetheless, I thought it was well done and really expanded on that episode and Misty's character. Despite it being a fairly underwhelming episode for me at first after seeing it, this story helped me appreciate it more. :D

[JDunk1971]

11958376
Thank you.

[Admiral Producer]

11958378
No problem.

[The Blue EM2]

Pipp smiled warmly. “Well, I’ll let you in on a little secret. I’m not the best when it comes to rollercoasters either. 16 rides and I’m still scared of this thing. But you never know until you try, right? And it does make for good group pictures too, so I guess that outweighs any fears I might have.”

I'm not surprised, given the coaster seems to lack basic features like over-the-shoulder harnesses (a must on rides with inversions) and can detach from the track without any apparent warning. Did Action Park build this thing?

[David Silver]

Who gets a review? Not sure, but I heard one's close by.

[Almighty Maxstralous]

11957821
That sounds so morbid out of context, and in context.
Hard to say if I love it, because… you know, but I do commend the guts it had to take to get through it.
I respect it 🫡