Hi, I'm Aetherlord_Ignus. I am a high-school student and my favorite pony is Twilight Sparkle. I have a variety of geeky interests including writing, retro games and tabletop gaming
Twilight learns that she destroyed Trixie's career and that the Ursa destroyed her wagon. Trixie has no where else to go and after months of living in the Everfree forest, she decides to swallow her pride and live with Twilight, who feels guilty. The two of them soon learn to become friends. I did this story when I decided that I would do two stories based on top images on this site. This one is about the Image of Trixie and Twilight.
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I'm fine with the concept....Trixie can produce some great fics
......this however seems very fast
yeah....speed is something that needs work here
dude slooooowwww down most good fics have at a minimum 1000+ words per chapter the best tend to have more like 3000+ why? Because you cant develop a good story in a 400 word chapter. Just my thoughts take them as you will.
Edit: After reading through the story I will add this your idea is good you have some gems in here like the notebook and the mane 6 Trixie conflict but to be honest the story moved so fast i felt no attachment to any of the characters. The reason that good authors slow the story down is to engage and draw in the reader. Short choppy stories are not conducive to this. As you continue to write please develop the characters and give us some more meat to bite into. I will watch to see how you develop as a writer but this story does not incite me to either like or dislike... it is simply there. Hope that was helpful.
I would suggest taking some time with your writing. Take some time to flesh the characters out and establish the story. If you were to do this, this story would be much better. This has potential, but only if you slow down and take the time to truly flesh out the story. Hope this helps.
Okay, I have to say this...you are moving too fast. It's not the pacing (which some will say is too quick), rather you give no indication of a time lapse. First you have Twilight and Trixie sitting on a bench, then Trixie is taking a suitcase into a spare room (When did they get into the library?) Which reminds me, I thought Trixie had all her possessions destroyed? Finally, Trixie is practicing magic downstairs (when did they get downstairs?) Sorry if I'm knitpicking, but I just wanted to point that out. BTW:
This statement confused me. Isn't her name Trixie Lulamoon?
I concur on the speed issue, this stories sort of rushes headlong into the main plot. It's doesn't make a ton of sense for Twilight or Trixie to be in the Everfree Forest given it's supposed danger -- Twilight visiting Zecora would make more sense than going for a stroll. Also, Twilight's friends seem a little overbearing and vicious here. You seem to have to some my minor spelling and grammar errors in their, like 'no' where it should be 'know' and 'your's' when it should be 'yours'. These two sentences "“I didn’t no I was going to put you in these circumstances. You could stay with me at the library,” said Twilight." are a little brief and perhaps not worded the best. Why does Spike owe it to Trixie? That doesn't make sense. Twilight doesn't really owe it to her either, except perhaps on the grounds of pity and sympathy for Trixie's plight.
Anyway, good luck with the story.
Trixie as powerful as Twilight? I think not! I'm not saying Twilight is all powerful, but I think she's a class or two above the average unicorn. Trixie, based on your depiction, is a bit sub average. I think you should address the time between the hospital and a year later in much more detail. Especially, since you jump around a lot in this story, and don't create much atmosphere or reasons for later events to make sense. For instance, casting that much magic evidently caused Trixie to have a seizure. I would think that if she couldn't cast much magic before, that that kind of outburst would really exhaust her and maybe make it hard to cast magic for a while. I don't really recommend incapacitated Trixie, but if that caused a seizure, might it not happen again?
P.S. The writing in the beginning of the story could use some work. It makes no sense for Twilight to ask Trixie about her 'backstory'. That is kind of an out of character term. You should be more specific, is she asking about her childhood, schooling, etc?
Take it slow buddy, don't rush it.
1444603 This was to make a quick story, I wanted people to read it quickly. I'm trying to build up an image because I have plans for a really long story.
I'll write a longer story next time. I just wanted to get this idea out of the way.
Hehe Trixie and pine cones...never gets old.
I agree with>>1444583
Way to rushed for a sad fic
The idea was okay, maybe good but it was too rushed. A couple of grammar and spelling errors too.