• Published 11th Oct 2012
  • 1,423 Views, 73 Comments

Gaston in Equestria - Assuming-Control



Gaston's first trip to Equestria is surprise to even him

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Gaston's trip #1

One day, Gaston and Le Fou are standing on a forest. "I shall hunt many animals today Le Fou!" He says to Le Fou. Le Fou says "Yes, because you are so good in hunting animals, for it is so utterly manly sport, you shall do that!". Then Gaston flexes his muscles and his shirt peels off him, like peels do from bananas. "Le Fou, give me my hunting shirt!". Then Le Fou quickly dresses Gaston in his hunting shirt. "Le Fou, give me my bow or spear or whatever I normally hunt with!". Then Le Fou handed that thing Gaston normally hunts with, to Gaston. "Now I shall venture deeper into forest to see what animals I shall slaughter today, for that is what I do! You stay here Le Fou, like you normally do, deep forest is too manly place for you!". Then Le Fou sat on the ground, while Gaston walked deep into the deep forest which was dark and scary. But Gaston wasn't scared, for he had his hunting shirt and hunting tool which he normally uses, and he was very manly. "My manly ways shall lead me to the prey" He thought to himself as he walked forwards.

After much walking, but no animals to slaughter, Gaston thought to himself: "My manliness is scaring all the creatures of the night away, I shall turn my manliness off". And right after Gaston did that, happened exactly what he waited. A bunny hopped from the bush. Gaston looked it deep into eyes, and said "Hail bunny, I am Gaston, I am here to release my wrath upon your soul and body. Are you ready to die, you little critter?". "My family shall revenge me, revenge, you hear!" The bunny shouted from the bottom of his lungs. "I am not scared, I shall hunt them too, I'm here to hunt many animals!" He said, and aimed his hunting tool to the bunny. "Nooooooooo!!", was to be heard from the nearby bush. Then a yellow horse, with wings bigger than any bird's, jumped to the way of hunting tool that Gaston aims at the animal he wants to slaughter. "Move aside small winged horse, you magnificent creature, I have no dispute with you!" Gaston roared. "I shall not, for this bunny is my... PET!", the small horse shouted. Then Gaston fainted from the shock that someone would have such a nice animal to slaughter, as a pet.

After many hours Gaston wakes up in a bed so small, that his legs are dangling off on the other end. "Why am I in this small bed? I demand a bigger one, for this can't hold all my ego!" Gaston yelled. Then the very same yellow pony entered the room, "well well well, if it isn't mister hunting tool pointer!". Then the Gaston almost had a heart attack! "My god, that creature is so beautiful! My insides, they burn!" Earlier in the forest Gaston was so focused on the intensity of the hunt, he had completely neglected the creature so cute, that you could eat noodles from it's face. "Winged horse, I demand you come here, for I have sudden urge to rub your belly you!". Then the pony said "Neiiiigh!". And Gaston said, "My manliness is telling me you look very non-masculine equine! You don't have muscles like mountains, and you don't have shapes like a bullet!". Then he remembered he had turned off his manliness in the forest, to lure creatures for him to slay. "I shall be back to normal, once I turn my manliness back on! Then I shall be able to slay this cute creature, and feel no remorse!". He flexed his abs to turn back his manliness, but what is this! It is already on! "Yes, it is true! While you were fainted, I flexed your ab muscles, for I know that is where man's swag resides!" The horse announced! Then Gaston jumped from bed, and did one hundread pull-ups. "It is true, my manliness is on... I have learned much today small horse, which calls herself a pony, whatever that is. I have learned that I am manliest man ever, still. Not actually much change there". "Good, good, young padawan, now, follow me, it's time for your final lesson!" The small horse said!

Gaston followed the horse like creature outside, where was the most masculine pony to ever grace this world. "It is time!" Gaston yelled as soon as he saw the totally ripped equine. "Yes, it is I, the one creature you have never been able to vanquish with your hunting tool!". As Gaston heard this, he couldn't help but kneel, and shed a tear. "My tools, they have been in vain... but now I have a new, powerful weapon, the masculinity of small horsies!". "Oh no, not the masculinity my kind bears, the only thing that culd give you the upper ledge over my totally hunky body!", the big pony shouted in fear. Then Gaston aimed his tool at the manly pony, and fired his ultimate hunting weapon at him. "My eyes, it got into my eyes!" The pony shouted. "Exactly, my dad always said 'remember son, when you shall find your nemesis, aim for the eye, they hate that'", Gaston explained. "That makes sense, for this is the most pain I have ever been in". "Now you shall die, as I am the master slayer of all kinds of animals!". When Gaston said this, he hit the huge pony with his abs, for that is the hardest spot on his body. "The pain... excruciating... I die now", said the pony, as he shut his eyes for the last time.Gaston just looked at the pony's lifeless body, with the yellow pony smiling and shuffling his hoofs in content behind him. "You were always a part of me, the part I always had to cut off of me, like a cancer on my testicle. But still, our lives were always bound together", Gaston said, and kissed the dead pony's forehead

Comments ( 72 )

why no comedy tag?

AND EVERY LAST INCH OF ME IS COVERED IN PONY

Right, a couple glaring flaws:

- Whenever someone different speaks, make a new paragraph. The way you have it now is very confusing to read.

- Do not start every sentence with "then," "but," or "and" (or any other conjunction.)

Finally, I have absolutely no clue what's going on. I just...what?

There is a large wall of text here, I recommend adding spaces in between and separating dialogues, every time a character speaks add a new paragraph. Also too many exclamation points, dont use them that often :derpytongue2:

I liked the concept, but you should get someone to proof read it and maybe look up the words you don't understand, for example, the thing Gaston hunts with in the movie is called a musket, not sure which type though.

Also some more description to the scenery might come on handy.

I like the concept though and as such you shall have my like :pinkiesmile:

1420594
You are the hero of the people.

1420594 I laughed too strongly

1420705 1420702 1420747 1420748
it was nothing, i saw the didney guy and went didneyz

1420594 Why can't i stop laughing at this??? :rainbowlaugh: :rainbowlaugh: :rainbowlaugh:

I Came for down vote comments. I stayed at DIDNEY WORL, while visiting.

This was hilarious. It made no sense, everyone was out of character, there were walls of text, and grammar was slaughtered mercilessly, but it was hilarious nonetheless.

I do hope this is a trollfic.:pinkiesick:

(Cue laughter)

What in the fuck? Wow, I only managed to get halfway through the first paragraph before I ended up in a confusing and a major fuckin grammar mistake.

his shirt peels off him, like peels do from bananas.

Wow, what were you thinking?

Here's the rewritten sentence:

His shirt peels off of him like a banana does.

See? What were you thinking?

Otherwise, if this is a trollfic, I would laugh at it and stomp the shit out of it.

"Arm Me with Harmony" - A line from O.P.P. by Naughty by Nature

:flutterrage: : WAIT!!!

:fluttershysad: : Sorry to interrupt, but, um, did somepony say?~

:yay: : DIDNEY WORL?!?

:fluttershyouch: : Cause, um, I'd like to go... if that's alright.

The picture is too good for you not to get an upvote, terrible trollfic or no.

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAha
Epic Fail.

1420547
Because this is a serious subject. Story of life and death. Love and hate. War and peace

1420565
Thanks you, I are Finland though, so my grammar are somewhat bad. But I aspire to was better

1420587
Thank you. Yes, it somehow deleted all the spaces I had between each line, at least. I'm not much a man of words in my current state, but hat's why I'm doing this, in hopes of getting better, with help from all of you

1420813
The story may cause laughter to some, tears to some. This tells a lot about you. Maybe you should seek your true heart based on this discovery

1421329
Gaston at least was somewhat spot on to his character. The manliest piece of meat in all universe

1421447
Now why would I trollfic right off the bat? I wanted to let my imagination to fly wild on this

1421657
His shirt peels off of him like a banana does.
Now that sounds just like his shirt is the banana, when Gaston himself was the banana, and the shirt was the peels

Shame you weren't able to enjoy it thanks to little grammar mistakes and confusion. Thanks for pointing them out though, I know what to focus on now then

1422157
Glad you like it, took me two and half hours

1422201
Quite the opposite, my friend. I was able to share my writings, and I was able to get much needed critique on it. I hardly see this as a fail

Nooooo one, SUCKS LIKE GASTON!

Makes bad fics like Gaston!

There's none in this world who are dicks like Gaston!

"Read all my work and you'll be EXPECT-ORATING!"

Oh what a guy!

GASTOOOOOOOOON!!!!!

:trollestia:


(It's Gaston. He requires the Gaston Song in all its mocking forms whenever he appears. :twistnerd: )

1422356
I approve of this comment. Good show :moustache:

Truly this is a literary masterpiece. Gaston would be proud.

That wouldn't have happened at the end. More like....

Gaston: "Come, masculine pony! We shall go and do manly things together!"

Roid Rage/Snowball/Ripped Pegasus with tiny wings : "YEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!"

And then they go off into the Everfree Forest and beat the stuffing out of everything in it.

1422356
Makes bad fics like Gaston!
What are you hinting, boyo?

1422663
Only the masculinity of Gaston's abs could compare to the masculinity, that bursts from this take out of his man-diary

1423058
The forest was too small for two such a hunky people like them

1420594

I enjoyed this comment far too much. I mean far too much.

It was shock laughter, but shock laughs I enjoyed a lot.

1422356

...You're challenging me, man.

Now I need to try this. Maybe I'll make a story that's just someone popping in and singing the GaStong whenever she pops into a scene.


Noooooo oooooone, moves like Rainbow!

Cries like Rainbow!

No po ny's ego's as BIG as Rainbow-

No no no...Gaston rolls off the tongue...damn it.

THIS REQUIRES RESEARCH!

1422343
... If this is a trollfic, you've done very well. If not, I think all the characters acted out of character, and the writing requires much work. Roleplaying is a good way to get better with detail and sentence structure.:twilightsheepish:

1423776
Okay, let's put it like this. It isn't a trollfic, but it isn't completely serious either. I did want to try to write some kinda fic, but at the same time, I just went with what came first to my mind. So, the result is a clusterfuck of madness, spelling errors and stupid choices of words, but it's still longer than what I usually have patience to even read, so I'm quite proud of it.

Plus, my English is probably rather bad anyway, being a young Finnish guy and all :twilightsmile:

1423807
Okay. Like I said, roleplays are a good way to work on general wording and detail. And they're fun.:pinkiesmile:

"Look there he goes, isn't he dreamy? Monsieur Gaston oh he's so cute! Be still my heart, I'm hardly breathing. He's such a tall, dark, strong and handsome brute!"

How the hell can you down vote a story with Gaston on the cover!?

1423158

There there.

No one takes brutal criticism like Gaston!

(But yeah, the fic is terrible. But it's Gaston. So you get a pass. Because nobody can make a bad thing funny like Gaston.)

1423980
No one attracts dislikers like Gaston!

1424198
No one is as insulted as Gaston, except me!
Really though, I do know it sucks all kinds of asses, haha, at least I had fun making it. Re-reading and searching for grammar mistakes would have decreased my fun levels, that is my excuse :ajsmug:

Three words:
Full Life Consequences!!1!!
gamingdead.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/full-life-consequences-430x322.jpg
I approve of this trollfic. Especially the cover picture!

Lol funniest cover ever story... maybe better

GOOD, GOOD, YOUNG PADOWAN!!!!!1!

That part was truly the best part. Yelling makes it better, because its kinda funny.

For someone who very clearly speaks English only as a second language, this is great. I found it really funny. Get an editor though. That's all.

That was the best thing I have ever read.

Marry me.

1421657

Bananas peel off of Gaston? The original sentence was a solecism; your amends are yet inferior.

"Gaston removed the shirt from his chest as though he was peeling the skin from a banana."

More grammatically correct; however, I still feel as though this sentence is dull.

"Gaston skinned his garmets, rashly dismissing them towards the depth of the floor; his fruitful chest, previously concealed under its peel, exposed itself to an overwhelmed audience."

Still far from perfect, but a lot more interesting and "fruity," so to speak. Writing is all about finesse and style.

This is more a note to you and not the author, considering the story's subject.

I read the first paragraph, and I already question how anyone could ever downvote this.

I dunno if I should review this for my crew... :applejackconfused:
After the whole "DIDNEY WORL" thing, my head is a mess... Maybe no one have a head spinning like Gaston, but mine is sure twisting...
And no one made a review yet so... OH MAN! :facehoof:

Alright, I finished reading this and... "I think I see a barrage of snowballs..." :rainbowwild:

Maybe not a barrage of snowballs, but a blow of cold air. :eeyup:

First, overall your english is not THAT bad. I no native speaker like you, and it's understandable. It's casual vocabulary, and you know, we are doing fanfiction, not trying to write a piece of classic literature. :pinkiehappy:

BUUUUUUUT! you sure have a huge amount of grammar errors; Don't worry tought, it's easy to correct them with Word. If Word is not enough, grab a proof-reader, they can catch these kind of errors, like you can catch a pidgey on a pokemon game, and I think that is easier to fin one than find an editor, there's some groups dedicated to that. :raritywink:

Still with the lesser problems, you didn't used italics to show thoughts. I know that you write that this and that were thoughts, but use them anyway. That way, your readers will know beforehand that your character is thinking, not talking. :twilightsmile:

Now let's get down to the heavy dirty. :rainbowdetermined2:

When I opened your story, I found a huge wall of text, then a space, a huge wall of text and a space... And this continued in this order through the entire history. Those walls of text are really walls, that will make your readers too lazy to try to overcome them and they will thumb you down and post bad comments.
Space between the paragraphs, and indent your history. This helps, a LOT! :flutterrage:

And lastly, your Fluttershy is... Well I don't know who she is, but now I think that Flutters have a evil twin that will hunt her sister with the help of Gaston and together they will throw Celestia out of the throne and rule a new Equestria filled with cute mares and manly stallions, showing their abbs all the day long.
She is tottaly OOC, and that's not a thing that attracts many positive comments. Try to retain a minimum of our adorable shy mare, or this will not even looks lika a MLP crossover. :fluttershysad:

Well, I will end my review here. And by the way, I know that no one endure the snow like Gaston, so I don't think that he will fear being on one of our folders. :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

I...I don't even know where to start.

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