When Daybreaker rules Equestria only one pony... er Dragon has the courage to stand up to her.
Proofreading by: Silk Rose
Special thanks to Shirlendra,
ItsVelvet
as well as to ThePeer
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 14th May, 2022
- offline last seen 4 hours ago
Scriblits Talo
Publishing Stories of varied pony content Weekly:} Hear them read at : https://www.youtube.com/@QuothScrib
Scriblits Talo
Joined 14th May, 2022 ·
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Oh, rats! You gave me the feels with this short piece. I'm a guy, and guys don't cry...
11941083
He's in a better place now, it will be ok ❤️
Get you some tea and a warm blanket, I promise I will try to tell a happier story next time
Ok wow, that was beautifully written.
So Spike sacrificed himself to turn Celestia back to normal?
11941370
Thank you and probably
Only some minor spelling and grammar mistakes, but overall pretty good.
Should be: “as she watched, mortified, … “ and ” only for him/her to be flung …”
I think you should clarify this because right now I don’t know if Daybreaker flung Spike or Twilight.
Crickets.
“good night”/“night”, “her fearful cries and her screams”, also “echoing endlessly in Daybreaker’s mind.”
Her dying friend.
I think could be changed, but I don’t know what it should be
That‘s all the errors I could find. I‘m sorry if I come off as too confrontational. Thank you for writing this story.
11941601
Will give this a look soon, thank you. Always glad to improve