Chapter 11: This Mortal Coil
"A place is spoken of in the legends of old,
with rivers of silver and streets paved with gold,
that is the home of Humankind,
the race of our Gods, descended from on high.
Second and First left paradise behind,
to save a world ruined by those wretched swines,
the sun tyrant, who burns so bright,
and the Nightmare who tried to take away the light.
Though they owed us nothing and were content in their home,
Humanity's perfection was none but their own,
and the rest of the universe drowned in sorrow,
so the Humans resolved to make a better tomorrow.
They started with Ponyville, on to Cloudsdale next,
then Canterlot, Hooftington, Trottingham and the rest,
and never did they falter, not once did they cease,
defeating entire armies of both ponies and beasts.
The quest would have continued if not for the Fall of the First,
but after his death Second could not cope with the hurt,
and he was cornered by the Elements and trapped in stone,
because he knew he would return to Texas alone."
-The Human World, from the Brotherhood of Man's holy book Fall From Grace.
***
"Oh for the days when I only needed a few drinks to reach this point..."
Second threw another bottle of whiskey behind him and laughed deliriously. The growing pile of smashed glass behind his chair showed that he had been taking way too much alcohol. The loud boom of the music the ponies on the stage were playing was nothing but a distant thumping to the human, who staggered out of his chair and wandered over to the edge to peer out onto the stage and check on the concert.
The ponies up front were all cheering for the rock band currently performing and were waving lighters and glow sticks everywhere. That was a promising sign. Second couldn't remember the name of the band he had ponified and sent out for this act, but the music was familiar to him. This band used to be one of Anthony's favourites. He smiled stupidly as he recalled singing another song by this band for a karaoke act once. God, what was their name?
His assistant trotted over to join him. Wordlessly, Second snapped his fingers and held out his hand, and his assistant obediently produced another bottle of whiskey for him, which he downed in a minute. Nostalgically, Second remembered back when he didn't have a healing factor that seemed to foil any attempt to get drunk. Those were good times. Or at least, they seemed like the good times in retrospect.
In truth though, the only times he had ever regularly got drunk was in University when he found out his girlfriend was cheating on him and ten years later when he thought Carol was cheating on him, though that had fortunately turned out to be a false alarm. Good thing too, because Anthony was already born right then, and that boy did not need his father drinking himself to death. Second's own father had gone the same way, and he didn't want to follow in his footsteps.
"Howard, you cut your shit out right now and stop this. If you think your wife is up to funny stuff, you go confront her about it. Don't sit around in a fucking bar and try to drink your problems away. That's what I did all my life, and look where that got me. Living in this fucking pigsty with your useless lazy cunt of a brother watching old reruns of M*A*S*H. Don't make my mistakes son. Sort this out, and deal with the problem the intellectual way, not the family way."
Second smirked slightly as he remembered that conversation. Dad always was one for those sophisticated speeches. He picked up another bottle of whiskey and raised it to the sky, or rather the ceiling of the backstage area he was lounging about in.
"Here's to you, pops."
***
Broad Sword gripped the silver handle of his new weapon tightly and stared down the mysterious pony who stood between him and his goal. In the doorway, the black armoured pony continued to just block his path, making no noise but his mechanical breathing. With an encouraging look from Explodey, the earth pony stepped forward to challenge the intruder.
Without saying a word, his opponent pressed a button on his armour, and his helmet (but not his mask) raised slightly to allow a black metal horn to emerge from underneath. It lit up not with any kind of magic, but with electricity. As it did, a silver cylinder flew out of a small pouch at the pony's side and floated in the air for a brief while, before activating and producing a menacing red blade of light to match the blue from Broad Sword's weapon.
"You may have skill with a sword, but how are you with a lightsaber?" the armoured pony challenged.
The guard grinned.
"Same thing."
He charged forward and struck at his enemy with the 'lightsaber', but was blocked for troubles. The pseudo-unicorn cyborg thing levitated his lightsaber in front of his strikes and stopped them dead in their tracks, the two swords making a loud crackling sound when they hit each other. Broad Sword lunged at him again in a stabbing motion, but the red lightsaber came down from above and knocked his stab off-course.
"Impressive, most impressive," the armoured pony said emotionlessly.
Never one to get easily frustrated, the guard continued his stream of attacks, though he seemed unable to get a hit in. The thing about levitating your sword was that it was an advantage both in attack and defence. Unicorns were not limited by body movement, and could manoeuvre their swords nearly anywhere to either attack or block. Sure, there were downsides to this fighting style too, but they were very few. Unicorns just completely destroyed the other two races when it came to melee. Not good for the earth pony Broad Sword then.
He backed up slightly to catch his breath, and his opponent took this opportunity to make a few attacks of his own. He didn't move at all, but his lightsaber suddenly became very aggressive, slashing and stabbing at Broad Sword with speed and intensity, and causing him to lose ground. Since he was levitating his weapon, the cyborg didn't need to move at all, and continued to just block the doorway while his lightsaber followed Broad Sword around the room, making it impossible to get in a counterattack.
"Explodey!" the guard yelled desperately, "Help me out here! Get him!"
Explodey did as ordered and charged across the room to hit the armoured pony while he was defenceless, but he caught their trick before Explodey reached him and summoned his lightsaber back across the room to slash at the air and warn Explodey away before he could reach him. The white unicorn did not give in however and used his own telekinesis to try and wrench the weapon from his grasp, pulling against it with everything he had.
Broad Sword ran over to attack while their enemy was preoccupied, but he blocked him despite having to wrestle with Explodey too. Eventually, the real magic won out against whatever artificial magic the cyborg was using, and now the two friends both had a weapon each, and this thing that they were fighting was unarmed. They both pointed their lightsabers at the pony's throat.
"Ha!" said Broad Sword, "Gotcha!"
The pony stared at them for a second, before hitting another button on the control panel on his chest. He shook his left leg suddenly and a short metal dagger emerged from the end. Neither pony could react in time to prevent him ducking down below both weapons like a ninja and slashing Explodey's throat open, causing him to spray blood everywhere and fall to the ground. The pseudo-unicorn caught his red lightsaber with his own artificial magic before it even hit the floor and spun around to face Broad Sword again, who now looked a lot less confident.
"All too easy."
Explodey continued to make gurgling sounds, and Broad Sword felt some relief when he saw his friend get up again, a swirling mass of green on his neck as his wound closed up again before his eyes. The unicorn breathed heavily and staggered over to a nearby control panel, which he then leaned on as he massaged his throat.
"Son of a bitch that hurt!" he moaned.
The armoured pony was clearly surprised by the impossible survival of the pony whose throat he had just slit, and took a second to stare at him disbelievingly.
He raised the red lightsaber and charged over towards Explodey, intending to decapitate him and hopefully finish the job. Broad Sword tried to step in and stop him, but before either pony could reach him, the unicorn's horn lit up and Explodey detonated for the third time that day, knocking both ponies back as the room was consumed by fire.
***
The unicorns were alone in the room. The four of them all stood in the corners of a large empty white room beyond, eyes closed and horns glowing as they concentrated on their job. Soft Spoken and Sliske were staring into the room through a large glass observation window. These were the ponies who were holding Spike in the dragon prison. If they could cut the spell, they might be able to free the dragon.
"So what do we do?" asked Soft Spoken.
"We could alwayssss go in and sssssnap their neckssss."
"No."
"Gassssss the room?"
"No."
"Explossssssivessss?"
"No!"
"There isssss a trick I learned where if you use magic to manipulate their tongue, you can make them-"
"NO! Sliske, seriously, what did I say not four minutes ago?"
"No more pointlesssss killing."
"Exactly."
"I ressssspectfully dissssssagree."
The old pony groaned and rubbed his head.
"Look," he said through gritted teeth, "You don't NEED to kill them, it won't be of any further benefit to kill them, and your insistence on killing them is just frustrating me more. Can't you just do what I ask this once and save us the trouble?"
Sliske just frowned at him.
"You know what? Fine. If you're gonna be like that, put Mystic back in charge. You're on time out until further notice."
The unicorn rolled his eyes before reverting to his normal state again, leaving behind the Mystic Chant that the old butler was more familiar with.
"Hey Softy," he said.
"Hey Mystic," the older stallion replied, smiling, "Are you alright? Is Sliske treating you well? He's not giving you trouble is he?"
The little colt shook his head.
"Nu-uh. We don't interact a whole lot. Mostly it's just watching whatever Sliske's doing or looking at memories. Sliske has a lot of good ones."
Soft Spoken stopped smiling and raised a single eyebrow.
"You can see Sliske's memories?"
"Yah."
"...Are you supposed to be able to do that?"
"Nah."
"...Well okay then. Say Mystic, what do you think we should do about the unicorns in there?"
The earth pony gestured through the observation window towards the room beyond. Mystic studied the room for a moment.
"...There are spells for knocking ponies out," he said eventually.
"Does Sliske know how to do them?"
"I know how to do them. Just get me in there and I'll take care of it."
"How do you know spells like that? Like I checked you were struggling with telekinesis."
"Yeah...I have an alien in my head...He teaches me things..."
Future asylum inmate in the making.
***
Host reared up on her back legs and smashed her fore hooves into Gold Coin's back, knocking the earth pony to the floor. Gold Coin spat out some blood and picked up the Reaper's Horn again, unloading another round into her chest. She wasn't knocked back with as much force this time, but she did still stagger, giving him opportunity to rush in and buck her in the face.
"Hah!"
The beast roared and grabbed him with her magic. He tried to fight back, but attempting to break out of an alicorn's spell was the height of futility. Fortunately, Host didn't seem to be a very creative soul, and settled for using telekinesis to launch the pony into the ceiling.
There was a cracking sound as she did. Host looked up, and was surprised to see that she had thrown Gold Coin through the ceiling rather than into it. There was a screaming sound above her, and then in the room beyond a flying body punched through the ceiling again and landed in a heap in a ruined laboratory, spilling chemicals everywhere and kicking up a cloud of dust.
"Ugh...fuck..."
Host noticed the Reaper's Horn laying on the ground nearby and picked it up, slowly making her way into the room where Gold Coin had landed. Everything was dusty inside, and at some point their fighting must have cut some wires in the walls or something, because there was no power in this room and everything was dark.
Gold Coin meanwhile had crawled under a desk to hide from the watchful eyes of the fiery alicorn. His coat had been stained red and blue by all the chemicals that had fallen on him, and he was fairly sure he had ingested some of them because his mouth tasted like expired milk and mushy peas.
He peaked out over the desk and saw that the alicorn was facing away from him.
"What would a pony like Sliske do in this situation?" he thought to himself.
He smiled, as he realised exactly what Sliske would do. He snuck out from underneath the desk, tiptoed over to the alicorn, and whacked her in the back of the head while she wasn't looking. Host screamed in surprise and dropped the Reaper's Horn again, giving the earth pony time to run around to her front and grab it.
Host's horn lit up again, but this time her opponent was prepared. Gold Coin reared up so that they were face to face, and fired again with the Reaper's Horn at point blank range. Just like it had done to Celestia, the weapon tore the alicorn's face apart in a shower of blood. The best part of all though was that her horn was also shattered, disabling her magic as she regenerated again.
"Hah! No more magic bitch!"
Unfortunately, the three seconds it took him to boast were all Host needed to regrow her horn and use magic to throw Gold Coin through another wall. He groaned as he rolled back onto his belly and tried to get up again.
"I am not a clever pony..."
He looked through the new entrance that he had created and saw Host glaring at him. Then her mane wrapped around her body, and suddenly she changed from a pony to a tornado made of fire, which began to race towards him.
"Motherf-"
***
Something was different. Spike and the younger red dragon noticed it. The metal had stopped regrowing. What was going on?
"Bormahsedov, it has stopped resisting."
On the other side of the hole in the wall, Spike let loose a single long burst of fire, and the great metal wall was turned to slag in seconds. He stepped out into the world again, and looked at the sky above to see Luna's moon greeting him. He had been in that prison longer than he thought.
"Indeed it has. I think we may have had some help in this matter."
The elder dragon turned his attention to the zebra and his minions waiting on the other side of the road, who were watching the two dragons fearfully. Spike stomped over through the liquid metal that now drowned most of the street and stopped just in front of him. He reached down and picked up the trembling zebra in his right hand, bringing him up to eye level.
"You," he said, "You're Ze!zar. You are from the Brotherhood of Man. You were responsible for trapping me in this undignified state, weren't you?"
The zebra cringed.
"That was not very nice. I will be telling your mother what you did."
Now, Ze!zar stopped cringing and looked up at Spike in confusion. Then, he suddenly became a lot more confident.
"Joke's on you dragon!" he boasted, "Both my parents are dead!"
Spike was not sure how to respond to that. He looked over his shoulder at Nonvulvahlok, who shrugged at him.
"Well, then I shall tell Princess Luna when I take you back to Equestria, and she will have a nice comfy dungeon for you."
Ze!zar's mood swings now took him right back to misery and acceptance.
"Okay..."
Spike tossed the zebra over his shoulder, who screamed as he flew through the air before landing in the open palm of Nonvulvahlok.
"Take him back to Canterlot and tell the princess what to do with him. I still have business here. The Elements of Harmony are in need of my aid."
"The Elements of Harmony? Were new avatars chosen?"
"They were. The re-emergence of Lord Second seems to have brought with it successors to my old friends. I can only hope that they will live up to the standards set by their predecessors."
"Lord Second has returned? That is fortunate. I was worried for a moment that the actions taken against you and the return of the Elements meant that T-"
"Do not speak his name in my presence. There are matters I would much rather forget."
"Forgive me Bormahsedov."
"And call me Spike. You don't need to refer to me by titles."
"Of course."
"I will meet with you later back at the palace. For now, transport your new prisoner."
"As you wish."
***
Soft Spoken smiled at the sight of the four unicorns sleeping peacefully in the corners of the room. One of them snored gently and kicked slightly, likely dreaming of long runs in sunny meadows. Mystic Chant was panting, but seemed okay for the most part. He looked up at the older stallion for approval, and the butler gave it.
"Nice work," he said, "You weren't wrong. Your magic is definitely improving. I'm proud of you."
"Really Softy?!"
He seemed to regain some energy.
"Yes. Definitely. I'm no unicorn, but I've seen a lot of magic working for your father all those years, and I think you did well."
Mystic was obviously very pleased with himself, and beamed happily as he followed the older earth pony out of the room and back into the main lab.
"What now Softy?" he asked inquisitively.
"Now we meet up with the others. Hopefully by now Broad Sword and Explodey would have found-"
They were interrupted as a nearby wall exploded and Gold Coin jumped out of it. The yellow business pony was scarred all over and sporting several new burn marks that he wasn't before. He still clutched the Reaper's Horn in his mouth, his mane was messy as if he had been caught in a storm, and his face wore a look of panic and fear.
"Softy!" he cried, "We have to move!"
"What's going on?!" the old pony demanded, "Is it Host?!"
"In a manner of speaking..."
A swirling vortex of fire burst through the wall next to them, not even attempting to go through the hole that Gold Coin had already somehow created.
"OH DEAR SWEET CELESTIA WHAT IS THAT?!"
Gold Coin fired a shot at the burning tornado of death, but it barely even moved in response. Taking their chances running again, the ponies headed down one of the corridors and bolted as fast as they could, while the thing that was behind them continued to destroy the building around it.
***
Explodey's sight returned as his eyes reformed again, and his ears came back along with sound. He heard a sick trickling sound and felt a flash of pain as his legs were reformed before his eyes. He held up a hoof and waved it around, making sure he was still okay, and looked around the destroyed room.
Broad Sword was on his hooves and coughing, coat blackened by the explosion along with the rest of the room. He dusted down his golden armour, much duller than before, and staggered over to where Explodey was waiting.
"Sorry," the unicorn said first, "I didn't want him to cut me up again."
"It's alright," his friend replied, "Just warn me next time you do that. It hurts like hell and nothing is creepier than seeing you reform from that weird green stuff like that."
Explodey smiled sheepishly.
"Again, sorry."
"Damn, just how much can you survive? Is it even possible to kill you?"
"...Not as far as I'm aware. I haven't actually tested it, but according to my fake memories, I can regenerate from a single cell. I guess total disintegration would kill me, but I'm not entirely certain."
Broad Sword tapped his chin.
"Hmmm. I wonder if it heals aging...?"
Explodey's face lit up.
"Oh cool! I might live forever! I didn't even think of that! Imagine me as like a ten thousand year old ultimate badass grandpa pony! That would be so boss!"
He noticed Broad Sword looking away.
"Swordy?"
"Huh?"
"What's wrong?"
"I was wondering where that psycho pony went. He was here before the explosion, unless that artificial horn allowed him to teleport? Where's he gone?"
It didn't take the two long to give up their search and decide to move on into the rest of the cybernetic department. Their enemy could have either ran out behind them or gone ahead. Either way, that meant he was on the run, and that gave them some more free time to explore. This was very fortunate, as the next room was also full of interesting gadgets.
Broad Sword was drawn over to a set of cyan coloured armour that was meant to cover the entire body except the mane and tail. A set of wings on its back indicated it was designed for pegasus use, and where a pony's cutie mark would be, this armour had a large number six. It's helmet was pretty weird looking too, with just a thin visor and a speaker instead of an exposed mouth.
"Damn I wish I was a pegasus," the guard sighed, "So much of my life would have been easier if I was a pegasus like dad. I bet I wouldn't be afraid of heights if I could fly."
He pouted.
"Stupid useless farming related magic."
While he was distracted bemoaning his lack of wings however, a dark figure jumped down off the ceiling and attacked Broad Sword with a red lightsaber. The guard would have been slaughtered for sure had Explodey not jumped in and taken the blow, which sliced him clean in half.
"AGGGGGHHH!"
The warning he got was enough, and Broad Sword turned around to block a second strike from the cyberpony as his friend reformed again. The black armour was looking worse for wear now and it randomly sparked and jerked at times as the pony used his artificial magic to manipulate his weapon.
They were close quarters this time though, and that gave Broad Sword the opportunity he needed to strike at his foe. He lunged forward and put a burning blue beam of light through the mysterious pony's shoulder. There was a spark and a crack of electricity, and the armoured pony screamed angrily. He tried to swing at Broad Sword again, this time actually hitting him, but his armour somehow saved him from the worst of it and allowed him to swing again, this time cutting off the horn that protruded from underneath the helmet.
Another shower of sparks and the pony jumped back, surprised by the loss of his magic that also cost him his lightsaber again. Explodey quickly capitalised on this and picked it up with his own magic.
Without a word, their enemy hit another button on his chest panel and sprouted wings from his side.
"Now that just isn't fair!" Broad Sword shouted, "I was JUST complaining about not having wings!"
The pony turned and rushed out of the room. Nothing better to do, the two friends chose to pursue.
***
Second walked out onto the stage giggling like an idiot and barely keeping his balance. Halfway through, he decided that he was never going to reach the microphone, and so instead summoned it over to him. He hiccupped, and then waved around the stage.
"A round of appl-applause please..." he slurred, "...for Scatman John."
The ponies in the crowd obediently cheered and stomped their hooves. Second continued smiling absently like the crazy drunk he was until it was over. Then he belched loudly and held up the microphone again.
"AND NOW!" he shouted, "We will all make way for our next performers. Now that the ponified famous dead musicians are out of the way, let's let the ponified famous living musicians have their time, huh?"
More cheering.
"Alright! So can I get some cheers for...Chris Brown!"
The crowd began to stomp, but then stopped, all turning to look at each other in confusion. Many ponies muttering some variant of 'huh?' or 'what?'.
"Just kidding folks!" Second laughed, "No seriously though, Jay-Z next, and following it up with Foo Fighters and AC/DC."
That got them going again.
"BUT FIRST! I would like us to all stop, and join in a song, in honour of me."
The human began to hum a tune into the microphone.
"Oh...Mmm...Yeah...My name is Second! I'm like...Um...nothing rhymes with Second! And I'm...I used to be a lot better at freestyling than this..."
Second looked up at the silent crowd.
"Fuck you! I'm drunk!" he shouted.
They just continued to stare. Not wanting anyone remembering this embarrassing moment, he waved his arm across the arena and erased all the ponies' memories instantly, causing them to start cheering again as they regressed to several seconds ago when he announced the next act.
"Jay-Z. Empire State of Mind. Fuck you guys, I'm off to drink some more."
As he began to march off stage however, he looked up and saw a purple dragon flying over his city. Spike was breathing fire all over his magnificent cathedral and blowing chunks off it. Even despite his distance, he could hear the dragon screaming his name, thinking he was inside and trying to challenge him to a fight.
"...And on that note, I think it's time to go check on the Elements of Harmony."
***
Gold Coin dove into a side room along with his other two friends and just barely missed the raging inferno that passed him by and continued on down the corridor, oblivious to his narrow escape. Gold Coin's mane had been singed again, and he was just barely suppressing a scream from another burn he had endured trying to escape that last attack. He raised the Reaper's Horn again and inspected it.
"I don't get it!" he shouted, "This thing is MADE for killing alicorns! Why the fuck isn't it working?!"
"Host was made to kill us," Soft Spoken pointed out, "Maybe Second just thought ahead and decided to make her completely invincible."
"No! That can't be it! There is ALWAYS a solution! I am not ready to believe that this thing is literally impossible to kill!"
"Gold Coin, you've seen it! Alicorns may be able to be hurt or injured, but nothing can kill them, except the Reaper's Horn. If the Reaper's Horn doesn't work, that means that she can't be stopped."
Gold Coin glared at the brown earth pony.
"So do you want to give up?!" he shouted, "Do you just want to bend over and take it?! No fucking way! Nopony is invincible. NOPONY."
Mystic's teeth grew and his eyes turned yellow as he addressed the scarred earth pony.
"We may not be able to kill her, but alicornsssss are jussst as vulnerable to magic asssss any other pony. I could ussssse a levitation sssssspell to hold her in place and a ssshield to protect ussss from her attackssss. If we can do that, it'll give you sssssome time to think of ssssomething elssssse."
"Do you even have enough magic in that body?" asked Soft Spoken, "Mystic was exhausted from that knockout spell a few minutes ago."
"Mysssssstic can't reach hissss full potential yet, but he hasssss great potential. I'll have enough magic, believe me."
"Okay," said Gold Coin, "Here's the plan. Me and Sliske will go out and face the alicorn. I'll see if I can kill it and Sliske will do his magic thing. Softy, I want you to search around the labs. Find me some weapons. Something, anything. There is not a doubt in my mind that Second wouldn't have created or stored something around here capable of stopping her, because's that's just the kind of idiot he is, and that's just the kind of luck we seem to have."
Soft Spoken nodded.
"Alright! CHARGE!"
Gold Coin and the other two barrelled out into the corridor again, where the fire tornado waited passively at the end, scorching the walls and seeming to wait patiently for the ponies. Once they were in view, it instantly regained its energy and tore down the passage towards them, kicking up dust and eating away at the building.
Behind them, Softy ran for it and headed towards some of the labs in the side rooms, hoping to find somewhere where everything wasn't destroyed. Sliske and Gold Coin stood their ground against the Goddess-pony. Mystic's horn lit up and a faint blue light surrounded the inferno, not that you could see it with the brightness of the fire drowning it out.
At first, both ponies thought Sliske had failed, but even though it took a few seconds before it took effect, the spell worked, and the burning alicorn came to a stop before them. In the fire, Sliske could make out the shape of the pony beneath, and used his magic to push her burning mane away. The fiery shield which surrounded her was parted. She pushed back with her own magic to try and stop Sliske and keep moving, but the alien held out surprisingly well against her and managed to keep her exposed enough for Gold Coin to unload another round into her face.
She screamed as her head exploded again, but it quickly began to regenerate once more.
"WHAT IN THE NAME OF SECOND'S WRINKLY BALLSACK WILL IT TAKE TO KILL THIS THING?!"
***
First landed on his back a little way down the hill and coughed. At the top of the hill, Celestia looked down on him, shocked that she had actually managed to harm the human. First looked up at her and gave her a thumbs up. Gingerly, the princess trotted down the hill to meet the human, who smiled at her warmly as she approached. She returned his smile nervously and held out a hoof to help him up.
Once the human was back on his feet again, he started laughing.
"Wow!" he said, "I haven't felt actual pain in a long, long time. That takes me back..."
He dusted himself off and coughed again.
"Well, all in all, I think this has been a tremendous success. The universe has officially recognised you, and you're on your way to a starring role. I think you're ready to take on Second."
Celestia looked at the other ponies surrounding the hill, who were stomping their hooves in applause. She blushed and waved to some of them. Lord First had risen into the air again and was flying up higher and beckoning her to follow. No time to converse with her old friends, she took flight and followed after him as they headed back towards the misty cliff top.
"Thank you," she said, "This has been...an interesting experience. I always wondered what it was like...dying. It's not as bad as I thought."
"Well, you've learned a lot here. Now, I'm afraid I have to send you away back to the mortal world. When you go back, remember what you learned here. Remember everything I said, and use it to make things better. You run a tight ship, and Equestria is beautiful place. A land of peace and prosperity. Far better than my home."
The two landed on the cliff top. Lord First looked at her seriously.
"And I mean it Celestia. Equestria is wonderful. Far more so than you realise. Don't ever take it for granted."
The princess nodded.
"Well...time for you to go. Steel?"
There was a flash of light nearby, and a cheerful looking white earth pony with a cutie mark of two crossed war hammers appeared next to them. He bowed before the princess for a moment before turning to First.
"Hey Anthony. What do you need?"
That was curious. Everypony First had interacted with so far had called him 'My Lord' or some variant thereupon.
"The princess here has an appointment with my father. If you would, could you please escort her back to the world of the living?"
"Certainly. Whenever you're ready your majesty."
"Do I know you?" asked Celestia, "You seem very familiar to me."
"I'm in your museum ma'am," the pony answered.
The alicorn furrowed her brow attempting to remember.
"In the same display case as the Reaper's Horn," First clarified.
Wait...
"This right here is Private Steel Hammer of the sixty fourth regiment. My killer, and also my closest friend."
That was right! He was the hero of the Fall of the First! A new recruit, he was said to have personally wrenched the Reaper's Horn out of First's hand and used it to kill the human, before accidentally destroying himself with it as well! There was a great big statue of him in her museum depicting him wielding the Reaper's Horn during that battle! And here he was, and he was First's...friend?
The former guard pony continued to smile innocently at her. She couldn't help but return it. She had thought it fortunate before that First had not taken his death badly. She had only considered that situation in context of herself, about how he should have been angry at her and how she was so relieved that a being with control over the afterlife who she had wronged had forgiven her and decided to help her. And yet, here was something so much more than that. This was his killer. The one who had taken away his life in the most bloody and violent way possible. And they had met again in the afterlife and were friends...
"Ponies," said First, shrugging, "What can I say? You're just so easy to get along with. I wish I had been less of an idiot a thousand years ago. If I had tried to be friendly to you and Twilight and the inhabitants of Ponyville, maybe we could have avoided a lot of bloodshed."
"Come along your majesty," Steel Hammer added, "The mortal world is this way..."
***
Soft Spoken ran over to another door and bucked it down. This was the twelfth room he had searched, and nothing yet. Now however, he seemed to have finally found something. This room...he wasn't sure what exactly it was, but the most apt description seemed to be 'armoury'.
The room was full of shelves and racks full of weapons, but it was also used to store other general purpose machinery and designs. Blueprints for several inventions covered the walls, bottles of chemicals were up on that shelf, over there was a collection of keys...mostly however, it seemed to be for the weapons.
And what a collection. Swords and maces and axes and hammers and longbows and short bows and crossbows and so many variants of explosives he couldn't even count them all. What caught his attention though was the giant long black thing which seemed to be designed to be mounted on a pony's back. It looked way too heavy for him to carry at his age, but Gold Coin could probably use it, even if not carry it for long due to his own lack of fitness.
Perhaps it would be easier to lure Host closer to the armoury?
***
The chase lead Broad Sword and Explodey into an open room with nothing in it but a single light bulb hanging from the ceiling and a door on the far side. The armoured pony flew across the room and smashed right through the door. A gust of wind blew in and caught his two pursuers off-guard. The door lead out onto a balcony overlooking the city outside. The moon shone above them, inspiring the ponies and spurring them to keep up the chase.
They emerged onto the balcony, and Explodey and Broad Sword came face to face with the pony in black, who hovered before them just out of reach. Explodey used his magic and grabbed ahold of their enemy and yanked him out of the air. He beat his artificial wings furiously, but Explodey was too strong for him, and he crashed onto the balcony with them.
"Give it up!" Broad Sword shouted.
"NEVER!"
The pony hit another chest button and the wings dropped off. He ducked down and grabbed them both in his mouth, or with his mask rather, and swung them at the ponies. The metal feathers turned out to be razor sharp, and a single swipe from them sliced right through the brickwork on the balcony's edge and made a nice clean cut that caused a triangle of stone to fall out and nearly crush Explodey's hoof.
Terrified at what he could do with such weapons, the ponies turned and ran. The balcony seemed to run all along the outside of the building, giving them plenty of running space. The armoured pony spat out both the wings and clipped them together, forming them into one huge weapon that he held in the middle. Once he did, he picked it up again and charged after them.
He must have activated another of those buttons on his chest which seemed to be able to do everything, as now he was building up electricity around him as he ran. Lightning crackled and jumped around the outside of his armour and conducted through his pseudo sword as well. As if this weren't enough, he had also stuck one side of the weapon into the wall, and as he rushed along he was cutting the wall of the Mage's Guild apart and causing the upper level of the building to fall behind him and destroy the balcony as he ran.
"RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!" Broad Sword screamed, "KEEP RUNNING AND DON'T LOOK BACK!"
Contrary to his own advice, he looked back.
"SWEET MERCIFUL CRAP HE'S MADE OF LIGHTNING NOW TOO!"
"Go on ahead!" Explodey ordered, "I'm going to detonate again, and this time it's gonna be big enough to turn this whole building into slag!"
Broad Sword did as he was told and kept moving, while Explodey dug his hooves in and twisted around to face the oncoming storm. He braced himself to be shredded apart and readied his spell. The armoured pony knew what was about to happen and tried to stop and turn back, but it was too late. Explodey blew apart into billions of tiny pieces and let loose a cataclysm that could be seen from Congress.
The fire hit the armoured pony and sent him sprawling. The black metal shielded him, but just barely. The wall of the Mages' Guild did not hold up so well, and flying pieces of brick flew everywhere. An entire corner of the guild was blown apart, exposing several rooms and labs inside to the open night air. The cyborg was lucky enough to fall inside one of these now ruined rooms instead of tumbling to the ground from three floors up and landing on solid concrete.
When the explosion was over, the fires burned softly around the room, and a cool breeze washed over him. He stared through the red tint of his mask's computer and looked up at the starry sky. The automatic breathing had stopped working as normal. It was now laboured, and it sounded like one of his lungs had been punctured. Before his eyes, he saw a diagram of a little crying pony, with a helpful red highlight over the areas where he should have been feeling pain if his suit hadn't automatically pumped him full of so many painkilling drugs that anypony with normal organs would have died in seconds from them.
On the far side of the room, a coughing and spluttering Broad Sword crawled into view, a large scorch mark covering his left side. The cyborg caught sight of him, and the guard forced himself back into a standing position. The cyborg did the same, and they both limped towards each other as quickly as they could. Both were without weapons now, so once they met in the middle of the room Broad Sword and the armoured pony both raised a fore hoof and punched each other in the face.
They both struck home at the same time, and moved into a grapple. The guard wasn't as strong as the cyborg, who seemed to have enhanced his strength through the aid of his suit, but he was more agile and not as heavy, and he was able to knock his opponent onto his back. Broad Sword climbed on top of him and repeatedly beat him. All the black armoured pony could do was try to shield his face/mask.
Eventually, they both got tired, and Broad Sword fell off and landed to the side. Both ponies breathed heavily, (though for the cyborg that was how he normally breathed anyway). On the other side of the room, Explodey McGee walked in, just finishing reforming. He stared at the two exhausted ponies.
"Well...I'm not even going to comment on what this looks like."
The guard rolled over again and stood up.
"I think we got him," he gasped.
"Hell yeah we got him! Brohoof!"
Broad Sword smiled weakly and bumped his hoof against Explodey's. They stood over the mostly mechanical pony and looked down at him.
"Now, let's see who you are."
Explodey grabbed his mask and helmet with magic and ripped it off, and both the ponies gasped when they saw Chain Mail's face underneath. The captain was staring blankly up at the sky, slowly rolling his head side to side.
"Look at all the colours..." he said in a daze.
"Cappy? Is that you?" asked Broad Sword in amazement.
That seemed to snap him out of it.
"I TOLD YOU NEVER TO CALL ME 'CAPPY' AGAIN! I AM DARTH CHAINS! FEAR ME!"
"What the hell happened to you?!"
"REVITALISATION! I AM UPGRADED! THIS IS CHAIN MAIL 2.0! THE MAGES GUILD TOOK ME IN AND MADE ME STRONG! I AM A NEW PONY! ALL WILL FEAR ME AND-"
Broad Sword punched him in the face again.
"Ow!" he whined, grabbing his nose, "What was that for?!"
"Snap out of it cappy! This isn't you!"
"I TOLD YOU NOT TO-"
THWACK!
"AGH!"
"Snap out of it!"
"I AM-"
THWACK!
"SON OF A BITCH!"
THWACK!
"MAKE IT STOP!"
THWACK!
"I WILL HAVE VENGEANCE!"
THWACK!
"Stop it!" Explodey shouted, "You do not undo brainwashing by hitting the victim in the face! That's how you undo memory loss! Or is it cause memory loss? Hmm..."
Broad Sword paused.
"Well what do you suggest then?"
Explodey put a hoof on his chin and contemplated.
"Emotional friendship speech?" he suggested.
The guard pondered that for a moment.
"Could work," he agreed, "Friendship is magic after all."
Explodey pulled Chain Mail back onto his hooves again with magic and looked him right in the eye, forcing him to look back.
"Chains? Listen. It's me, Explodey. You remember me, right?"
The captain's face scrunched up.
"...No."
"We're friends Chain Mail. You and me. Remember how we met? I was being held in the dungeons after I came in thinking I had to blow up the palace for a demolition job, and you came in to interview me? You asked me so many questions, and when you came back later we played a game of hangpony?"
Chain Mail looked confused and lost for a moment, but then had a moment of realisation.
"ZAQUILAX IS NOT A VALID WORD FOR HANGPONY!" he raged.
"Progress," Broad Sword said, deadpan.
"And you and Swordy tried to save me, remember? When the Brotherhood of Man came in and tried to take me with them?"
Chain Mail remained expressionless for the moment, but nevertheless commented.
"The Brotherhood are a bunch of dicks."
"That's right," said Explodey, "They are."
"Mmmhmm," Broad Sword agreed.
"And when we went into the throne room just before Celestia...you know...you let me out of the cuffs to run around a bit, because you said you trusted me to behave. And when Second tried to leave, you wanted to try and stop him."
Chain Mail suddenly looked shocked.
"The princess!" he cried, "She's dead! She's dead, isn't she?!"
He looked to his fellow guard, who just nodded at him. He bowed his head in despair.
"Oh...I failed...I just remembered how hard I failed...She was killed right in front of me...Second..."
He looked up at the two white ponies again, and didn't say a word. He just started crying.
"Chain Mail? Are you back?" the unicorn asked.
"...Yeah...I'm back..."
***
Soft Spoken arrived to the sound of angry screaming.
"WHAT?! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! YOU MEAN THIS PIECE OF SHIT CAN ONLY BE FIRED EIGHT TIMES?!"
"I told you!" Sliske hissed, "It sssssssaid ssssso on thossssse blueprintsss I found in the reality department! Sssssecond even sssssaid himsssssself that the gun wasssss not magical."
The old earth pony rounded the corner and saw Host still thrashing about in Sliske's magic field. Mystic was sweating, and his horn was covered in several layers of overglow, meaning he was fast approaching his limit.
"WHAT KIND OF GOD-KILLER ONLY HAS A LIMITED NUMBER OF CHARGES?!"
"It doesssn't need chargesssss, it needsssss ammunition."
"Hey! Goldie!" Soft Spoken called.
The burned and scorched business pony and his alien companion both looked over to him.
"I found something! It looks like you may be able to use it! I think it's based on the same technology the Reaper's Horn is! I don't think Second brought it in from his world like he did the Reaper's Horn, but it might still harm Host!"
Gold Coin looked back to Sliske.
"How much more time have you got?"
"Twelve minutessssss."
"Hold out for six more and then head in our direction," the brown earth pony instructed, "We're back near the room we came through the floor into! There's a side passage down there that leads to an armoury! We'll be waiting."
***
Second jumped into his Ferrari and hit the ignition. The sound of Spike destroying the cathedral could still be heard behind him. This was not a good sign. He really didn't want to have to face Spike again right now. The last time he did that, it did not turn out very well for him. So instead, he would try his luck against the Elements of Harmony. Sure, he'd still lose, but it would hurt less from them.
He questioned the wisdom of trying to drive while drunk, but reasoned that there were no laws against that in Equestria since there were no cars, there were no laws against it in New America because he was the law, and that since he was unlikely to be killed off by drunk driving anyway, he could risk it. As he headed in the direction of the Mages' Guild, a tiny little man dressed in white appeared on his right shoulder.
"Who are you?" asked Second, taking his attention of the road to converse with his hallucination.
"Oh, I'm your conscience," the tiny man replied, "I'm here as comic relief and to dispense advice, and also as an indication of your growing insanity."
There was a puff of smoke, and an equally little man dressed in red appeared on his left shoulder.
"And I'm your ambition. I'm also here as comic relief, but my advice is far superior and nets greater rewards."
Second turned back to the road and focused on driving.
"All right then. What have you got for me?" he asked, long since having accepted such strangeness as the norm for Equestria.
"Okay, check it," said Ambition, "What if...and hear me out here...What if we cheated our way out of the story?"
Second turned to look at Ambition.
"Elaborate."
"You pretend to die, act it up really well, make sure it's in a realistic fashion, and maybe the show will view it as your death proper, cut away, and while off screen you can escape?"
"I like it," agreed Conscience.
Second felt something tugging his hair, and nearly crashed the car when a little green goblin thing hung upside down in front of him from a tuft of his hair.
"And you could make a real big show of it!" he said excitedly, "With massive explosions and EVERYTHING!"
"Who the fuck are you?!" shouted the human.
"I'm your creativity!" the goblin replied cheerfully.
"I am way too drunk right now."
"You're not even close boyo!" Ambition laughed heartily, "I suggest you get some more whiskey before confronting the Elements of Harmony."
"Okay, here's where I step in," said Conscience, "Don't listen to him on this one. More alcohol is not going to help. You need to be coherent for the upcoming battle. You need to be precise to avoid doing anything you'll regret."
"Conscience is a faggot," shouted Ambition, "Get more alcohol! Alcohol gives +1 Strength, and that's ten more carry weight for you, which means you can carry...ten more bottles of alcohol!"
"Ambition is a stupid fucknugget who will get you addicted, and is trying to ply you with references and poor humour."
A tiny naked man crawled out from under Second's belt.
"Hi, I'm your sexuality," he introduced, "Listen, can I just say I really, really support the idea of more drinking?"
Second glared angrily down at the newest arrival.
"Like I'd listen to you!" he shouted, "I'm over a thousand years old and we're stuck in a world full of ponies! You're like the most useless aspect of me right now!"
"You can always create more humans."
"No I fucking can't! Go away! You and I are no longer on speaking terms since that last incident!"
"It happens to everyone Howard-"
"NO IT FUCKING DOESN'T! SHUT UP!"
A tiny demon crawled out from behind his ear.
"YEAH! SHUT UP YOU ANNOYING SHIT EATING PISS FOR BRAINS CUNT FUCKER!"
"Anger, calm down," suggested Conscience.
"YOU CALM DOWN YOU COCK MUNCHING TURD LICKER!"
"I am going to crash this motherfucking car if you morons don't stop randomly appearing on me! Enough is enough! Piss off!"
All the tiny men vanished instantly, and Second was alone in his car again. He sighed deeply and picked up a bottle of whiskey. Without another thought, he tossed it out the window and kept driving.
"Hmmm..." he said to himself, "Cheating the story..."
***
It was Broad Sword who finally broke the silence.
"Come on," he said, "We left Gold Coin fighting Host while we went to rescue you. He's probably in trouble."
Chain Mail gasped.
"Gold Coin's fighting Host?! No! This is bad! Host can't die! She can't even be killed by the Reaper's Horn like the princess could! She's got a healing factor!"
The other two ponies looked grimly at each other.
"We'd best move fast then," Explodey suggested.
"Come on cappy, we need to get you out of that weird armour."
Broad Sword tried to touch the armour plating, but Chain Mail jumped back away from him.
"NO!" he shouted, "You can't! This stuff is bonded to me! You try to get me out of my armour, all you'll do is rip my skin off!"
Explodey looked at him in surprise. Chain Mail winced as he came over and poked at the armour.
"Chains?" he asked, "Just what DID they do you anyway?"
The captain looked awkward, as if reluctant to discuss the matter.
"...Intensive surgery. Three rounds of it," he admitted, "Most of my organs are gone and replaced, I'm permanently attached to this armour everywhere except around my head and parts of my crotch for some reason, and I've got all this weird computer stuff flashing in front of my eyes. Also this suit regularly dispenses painkilling drugs, though when it chooses to do so tends to change at...random...ahhhhhhhhh...there it goes..."
The captain stared off into the distance dreamily. Explodey and Broad Sword exchanged a worried look. Chain Mail seemed to snap back to reality quickly enough though.
"OKAY!" he shouted, "I'm here. Don't worry. Listen, we can talk about what they've done to me once we're safe and sound in Equestria again. For now, let's go save the others."
The three agreed. Explodey took the time to gather up all the damaged technology that they had used in their fight that he could still recover, taking the lightsabers, the damaged helmet and the strange double sided sword made out of the artificial wings that Chain Mail had used while brainwashed. Once they had gathered up all the tech again, they headed through into the rest of the building.
"Oh and guys?" said Chain Mail, "Thanks."
***
Sliske turned and ran for it. Host dropped to the ground, finally free, and looked up as Sliske disappeared around the corner. The alicorn raged and covered herself with her mane again, once more becoming an avatar of pure fire. She didn't bother following the corridors, once again deciding to smash through the walls instead and go in a straight line towards Sliske, whom she could sense wherever he went.
She emerged into a corridor, just missing Sliske who continued to run for the other side of the building and maintain a shield around himself. She shot a few bursts of fire in his direction and kept chasing. He disappeared around another corner, and Host abruptly changed direction and followed.
The pursuit kept up for a further five minutes, until they returned to the room where the ponies had gone through the floor. Several of the Knights of Man laid dead around the room. Host lost track of Sliske. She reached out and tried to sense him, but was thrown off when she sensed the presence of the other ponies.
...What was that sound?
Host turned around and saw Gold Coin walk in through one of the doors, grinning like a maniac and carrying the most oversized weapon she had ever seen; a huge black minigun bigger than him strapped to his back. He had kept his head down so that it went over his neck, and some string ran from the back of the gun to his mouth, seemingly improvised to allow him to fire it.
"All will fear my giant new gun!" Gold Coin proclaimed.
He pulled on the string. A motor started to whir and the end of the gun began to spin. Not being a particularly intelligent creature, Host really didn't have much in the way of final thoughts. Instead, she just screamed in her head.
***
Chain Mail, Broad Sword and Explodey came through the door together just in time to see the insane looking yellow earth pony finishing off their alicorn harasser. Host was leaning against the wall and spasming with each shot, and she was being pumped with so many shots it was unreal. With every bullet she absorbed, more blood was sprayed over the wall, which was almost all red at this point.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Gold Coin cackled, "YEAH! EAT IT! TAKE THIS! AND THAT! AND THIS! AND THIS AND THAT AND THIS!"
Eventually the minigun wound down again, and Host crumpled to the floor. The ponies all waited in anticipation, but she wasn't getting back up, or healing. Nopony ever knew why she didn't. Maybe Gold Coin accidentally hit some really hard to hit body part that controlled her healing. Maybe her healing was just a spell and she ran out of magic. Maybe whatever cosmic forces granted her those powers just gave up on her. Or maybe there was just only so much she could recover from. Whatever the reason was, the universe seemed to decide that after you took that many bullets to the face, you should be dead.
"I did it!" the yellow business pony cried out gleefully, "I finally did it! I killed the alicorn! I did the fucking impossible! I am officially a hero, and you should all bow down and worship me like the glorious golden God I am!"
"Okay Gold Coin," Soft Spoken replied, "Really, we're very grateful. You were right, and we were wrong. Now stop being a dick about it."
The stallion undid the strap on his back and dropped the minigun unceremoniously.
"I was just kidding Softy," he said, "You can let me joke around a little, can't you?"
"Hmm. Sorry. You normally don't show a sense of humour, so I didn't recognise it."
"Now that's not true. I'm hilarious."
"Understand where I'm coming from here. Normally you just shout angrily and bitch about meaningless shit. You're not the most casual of ponies. Maybe you can tell when you're being sarcastic, but to the rest of us when you say things like that, it comes off like genuine egotism."
Gold Coin actually looked a little hurt by that.
"...Is that really what I look like to you Softy?"
"No! I didn't mean that! I mean...I like you as you are. Really. I think I can consider us friends. I just think...maybe you're overdoing it a bit? You need to calm down. Not swear so much. Not argue so much. Just try to be a little more sociable."
For the first time, Chain Mail spoke up and made the other three ponies' presence known.
"Kill an alicorn, and then straight into a heart to heart discussion about attitude and demeanour. I swear, you ponies, I will never understand you. You're talking about Gold Coin's constant arguing while ignoring the fact that he's caked in the blood of a living Goddess. I know what I'd much rather be discussing right now."
Sliske, Gold Coin and Soft Spoken all turned their attention to the other three.
"Woah!" gasped Soft Spoken, "Chain Mail! What happened to you?!"
"...I really don't want to talk about it right now. It's a bit of a sensitive topic for me. I'll gladly explain everything, but I think we should get back to Equestria first. Where's Spike?"
Soft Spoken was about to answer, when everypony's ears twitched and they heard the distant but fast approaching sound of a very loud engine and screeching.
"Wait...What is...?"
The wall smashed down without warning. The ponies dove aside and fell in various places around the room. A monstrous red machine skidded across the floor and came to a stop when it crashed sideways against a much sturdier wall nearby. The ponies all climbed to their hooves shakily, and froze when they saw what had just broken in. Lord Second sat in the front seat of the car, smiling wearily.
"Hello children. Did you miss me?"
***
Princess Luna laid out on the balcony, staring absently at the moonlight. She hadn't really put her all into the sky tonight. It looked awful. Not that she expected she could do any better even if she did try. Ever since Second's last visit she had been tearing herself apart slowly. It was all she could do to crawl out of bed and raise and lower the moon like she was supposed to. She felt so alone.
She considered calling Blueblood again for another long talk. He had proven to be a very good listener, and a surprising source of good advice in these troubled times. He also was one of the few ponies around whom she could drop her tough act and cry. When around the rest of the palace, she had to keep herself composed and keep up appearances, like always. With Blueblood, she could be honest.
And to think his entire existence was just Celestia's idea of a huge joke. The Blueblood family a thousand years ago were such utterly insufferable snobs that her sister had relocated the entire family from Canterlot to Trottingham. She thought it hilarious that Trottingham culture would eventually infect Prince Blueblood's descendents and make them like the brash common folk that he so detested.
When it happened though, Luna didn't find it funny so much as she found it a huge relief. The Blueblood of today was ten times the pony his counterpart from a thousand years ago was. How many generations had it been since then?
She heard a roar. Luna sat up and listened in again. In the distance, she saw a dark shadow. Thinking it was Spike, she gave the first genuine smile she'd had since the incident, and took flight to go meet him in the air.
The princess was halfway across Canterlot in less than a second, and went to meet the dragon head on. Imagine her surprise when it turned out to be a much smaller red dragon carrying a depressed looking zebra. She came to a halt before him, and the dragon bowed in mid-air.
"Kulaas se fin vulon," he greeted.
"Nonvul Vahlok," Luna replied.
"It is all one word, thank you princess. I had the honour of meeting the Eternal in my travels. He had suffered a great indignity at the hands of ponies in a city in the Everfree. He is dealing with it now, but he requested I bring this zebra here to you. I believe he is a member of the Zeymah Se Mun."
Luna raised an eyebrow.
"A Brotherhood pony? Or zebra, rather? Yes, I believe our guests mentioned you. Ze!zar, am I right?"
The zebra looked bitterly at her, and nodded silently.
"I will have him dealt with. Thank you Nonvulvahlok. You have been a great help."
The dragon looked down at her sadly for a moment.
"My brother Feynsetafiirre is dead, isn't he?"
Luna sighed.
"The archives were attacked, he was released, and killed a number of royal guards. My captain had to put him down to escape with his own life. I am sorry."
Nonvulvahlok closed his eyes in respect for the fallen dragon.
"And that makes us the Eighteen."
***
Second vaulted over the car door and walked into the centre of the room. The ponies all around him grouped up and stood together before him, all of them becoming tense and ready for a fight.
"Well," Second said casually, "Looks like I finally found the time to get down here. Sort things out myself. Not that I need to of course. My alicorn minion Host is around here, and she-"
He turned around and saw Host laying dead against the wall, ripped apart by the minigun. The human just stared at the body for a minute.
"...Well fuck me with a jam-covered pogo stick. You actually did it."
He turned around again and eyed the minigun laying on the floor.
"I guess I should have figured. That thing shouldn't be able to kill alicorns either. What is it with guns and doing impossible shit? This one was built here in Equestria. I didn't bring this in from my world! So why can it kill alicorns too?!"
He got an angry look on his face and pointed up at the ceiling.
"You! Script writer! That is fucking lazy! I'm calling you out, you cheap cunt! Give me a proper explanation for this!"
Silence.
"Ah well," Second sighed, turning back to the ponies, "Oh, Chain Mail! I see you overcame my mind control. Good job on that. Very inspirational."
He clapped sarcastically.
"And then there's...you. Gold Coin, right? You know I'm a God, don't you? I can hear when people use my name in vain. What was that you said? 'Second's wrinkly ballsack'? Really now? I don't recall ever showing you it, so I can only conclude that image came from some fantasy you've been having about me. You're kind of a sick motherfucker Gold Coin. I mean, I know Sliske has an excuse because of his, ahem, 'cultural background', but you're an actual pony. Ew, by the way."
Forgetting he was out of ammunition, Gold Coin grabbed the Reaper's Horn and tried to shoot Second with it. The human didn't even flinch as he did, and once he was done, he held out a hand and pulled the shotgun out of his mouth telekinetically and floated it back over to him. He smiled as he opened it up and saw it empty.
"Well, that was stupid considering you're all out and only I have fresh ammo for this thing. If you hadn't picked it up and drawn attention to it, I may have missed it completely, and then I wouldn't have a God-killer in my possession yet again."
He waved his hand, and a small red box floated out from one of his inside pockets. It opened up, and eight metal cylinders came out and were loaded into the gun.
"Really, considering I control this weapon completely, to the point I can tear it out of your grip without touching it, what did you really think was going to happen?"
Second smirked.
"You'd have to be pretty stupid to try and use this against me."
Broad Sword stomped a hoof.
"It worked on that other stupid human a thousand years ago! It'll work on you too!"
Second kept smiling, but all semblance of joy or amusement left his face instantly, replaced by barely supressed rage. He leaned in and pushed out an ear.
"I'm sorry, what was that you just said?"
Now Broad Sword was suddenly nervous. He'd said something he really shouldn't have.
"Ummm..."
"Something about 'that other human a thousand years ago'?"
"I said..."
"Because it sounded to me like you just called my dead son stupid."
What?!
"Wait!" the guard protested, "You mean...Lord First was...your son?!"
Second didn't say another word. The smile disappeared completely, and he stopped trying to hide his fury. He raised the shotgun, aimed at Broad Sword and fired. The other five ponies jumped back in horror as the guard's head suddenly exploded into a gory red mess which sprayed over the wall behind him. His headless body fell over and landed with a thump, bleeding all over the floor.
Broad Sword was dead.
The other ponies just stared, unable to believe what they had just witnessed. Soft Spoken couldn't move. Gold Coin blinked rapidly to try and make sure he was really seeing this. Explodey was trembling, Chain Mail almost lost his balance, and Sliske was silently crying. No, not Mystic Chant this time. Sliske, was crying.
They all turned in unison to look at Lord Second, who was still pointing the smoking gun at where Broad Sword had been standing before. Then, the human turned the Reaper's Horn on the rest of them.
"WOULD ANYONE ELSE LIKE TO SHARE AN OPINION?!"
END
Author's notes:
This chapter is dedicated to that one guy who keeps telling me how much he hates my story and how much it sucks and yet keeps reading anyway. Through over one hundred and twenty thousand words. I love you too bro. We should get together and shoot some clay pigeons or something. You honestly fascinate me.
Inb4 doin' it for the shock value.
Inb4 out of left field.
Inb4 threats of genital mutilation.
Trust me people, I am going somewhere with this. This is a single story with a planned ending, not a DC comics title. Character death doesn't happen without reason.
Also where did the people in the comments of my last chapter get this strange idea that the Reaper's Horn had unlimited ammunition? A SPAS-12 normally has eight shots. When did it ever exceed that limit?
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The moment I refreshed my inbox, this turned up :)
Time to get reading!
ALL WILL FEAR MY GIANT NEW GUN!
Thats a quote for the ages my good man. FANTASTIC chapter. And screw anypony who doesn't like this wonderful story.
Awesome cap, :3
Nostalgically, Second remembered back when he didn't have a healing factor that seemed to foil any attempt to get drunk.
Foil? loL
Now i have more to read at such a late time...
I actually expected Host to be like a RE4 Regenerator.
Those suckers can get their head shot off all day long aswell, only when you kill the parasites inside their body, they die.
>implying Broad Sword is really dead
This really is a great story. Second is truly an epic villain. Can't wait for more :D
Awesome!
326419
Foil: To frustrate, thwart, prevent, defeat.
Miniguns win. Always.
Another casualty of the Worf Effect.
Sigh.
yes another awesome chapter GO SECOND yes second is my favorite character.
Broad sword shall be revived! I can feel it!
326482 LoL, thanks, :3
Scatman John, AC/DC. Win, so much of it.
Wait... Is that person me? I don't hate your story.
Awesome chapter!
326524 The Worf effect? As in from TNG?
~Jack
am i the only one who imagines a Pony Cloud Strife when they speak of Board Sword.
And not kool on killing him.
other then tht great story and love the fallout reference
326508 Indeed.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d84r8gMGxFQ
~Jack
I'm still waiting for that zombie invasion...
I finally predicted something correctly
. Man this story is awesome keep at it 
326856 Yes, Worf from TNG has the honor of naming the effect, on account of him supposedly being "tough" but getting his backside handed to him on a regular basis to show how tough the villains that week were.
Actually I have a question... I might have asked before but I don't remember. Are we going to see anything between the Mane Six and First in the story? Earlier on First said that they went to find their own place, and I was wondering why you wrote them out like that.
327057
I would argue that if the story does have a Worf, it would be Spike. Any idiot can shoot someone in the face. Killing Broad Sword doesn't show that Second's tough, it just shows that he's an asshole.
327070
No spoilers. Sorry.
327086
You couldn't have said "Yes" any clearer if you tried to
I have to say this is one of the most interesting stories I have read.
Whenever I get an email about "Human has updated!" my heart goes crazy, a ear to ear smile appears on my face and for 30 minutes or so I can't be disturbed.
I wish this story to just continue on for quite a while. Looking forward to next chapter.
Honestly I am rather surprised that Second hasn't created any portal guns yet.
327057 Ahh~! I love TNG... I can do a great Worf impression! Or so I'm told.
I think people got the idea that the shotgun had more than eight shots in it due to Gold Coin's duel with Host. I know I'd have emptied that thing into her if I was in his horseshoes. Nice chapter, and I'm hoping Second does cheat the story somehow. Don't know how it will work with Celestia's impending resurrection. Speaking of resurrection how long till Broad Sword comes back? He just seems a bit too integral to the plot to just simply disappear not to mention the Elements of Harmony won't work without him....unless that's what you're planning on, you sneaksy bastard.
Excellent job over all, mate. The only part I think needs work was Host's death. I know my personal solution to every problem is generally more dakka, but I was kinda hoping her death would be more epic and require more effort considering you have her portrayed as a living goddess. Add in that healing factor and it really seems the end given to us was kinda cheap. Especially with the reason behind her regeneration ceasing was effectively "Lol, I dunno."
Kinda annoying, to have the battle end like that. Not too mention you already have Explodey effectively being invincible, healing from a slit throat and being cut in half. I don't see why Second wouldn't do the same for Host, his intended bodyguard.
327086 Shows me that he's pissed off asshole. But adding along his entire backstory, he's pissed off asshole with good reason.
326959 Second --or Howard-- said that it'll come at the end of the week.
~Jack
As allways, a brilliant chapter, it just keeps on building up doesn't it, I kept on having to stop reading to prevent the spasms of epic plaguing my body.
327237
Host wasn't meant to be a bodyguard. She was meant to be Sliske's host. Explodey's immortality was accidental.
327280 Ok, I admit I was wrong on Host's initial role but how's it accidental when Explodey says his backstory explicitly mention he can regenerate from a single cell? Didn't Second give him those memories?
327335
I wish I could explain this right now, but unfortunately that's a detail that later chapters are supposed to fill in.
Kinda disappointed we didn't see any of the mane six in the afterlife. Ah well, this updated. And for that, I'm glad.
Aaaaaannnd, boom goes the headshot.
Yet another awesome addition to the overall story. Just one sentence that bothered me:
Everything was dusty inside, and at some point their fighting must have cut some wires in the walls or something, because there was no power in this room and everything was dark.
Just not a very good sentence.
1 down, 6 to go. RAH RAH! GO SECOND!!
Woot! We finnaly get to see Second,(or Howard, think i read that somewhere) Rage!!!!!!!!!!!!
.
I'd be SOOOOOOOOOOOOO PISSED if i was him
Not only did they kill his son after which he didn't kill anyone, but he even alowed the Mane 6 to "defeat" him.
Only they didnt kill or banish him somewhere they traped in him in stone for a thousand years while he stayed aware, blind and immoble.
A friend of mine once managed to lock me in a completely empty room (no windows either) for 2 hours and i was willing to kill him for a good week afterward. If i was in his prediciment I regret to say i think i'd immediatly go fiery god of vengence and straight up nuke everything I could see.
ponyfac.es/sites/pony/faces/96a66f73.png
I'm glad he's finnaly showing some real, hot fury, not the cold kind like with celestia.
Like where your takin the story keep up the gold work!
HUUUUSSSSSIIIIIEEEEE!!!!!!
any way good story, can't wait for more.
Bloody brilliant! MOAR!
Now I am only waiting on Broad Sword to stay dead and Second to ask Celestia for a dance.
*nods*
333587
~Jack
BY ODIN'S FUZZY BALLS THIS STORY IS EPIC!!!!!!!
My favorite part was when Second was talking with his hallucinations that were for comic relief
I wonder what happened with him and sexuality, that made them no longer in terms?
Keep on going, this chapter has no flaws whatsoever in my eyes.
I patiently wait for your next chapter
Good things come to those who wait.
Hmmmmm Second = Howard First = Anthony hmmmm..... anthony is howards son *puts 2 and 2 together*
Anthony Stark?
Howard Stark?
345175
Yep. Their first names are an Iron Man joke. Glad someone got it. Stay tuned for the reveal of their actual surname later on.
Harsh one Broadsword.
You know I think I have mentioned this in my comments before, as to why second doesn't just break the story, although your last explanation seemed reasonable, it seems like all he has to is meet the requirements of the story. Mainly he has to die, but that's only what it needs to appear like, also do correct me if I'm wrong but broad sword was one of the elements, meaning wouldn't that technically break the plot? Then again I'm sure that there's a twist....Also, I do so very much like how Second calls you out on lazy writing (good things my characters can't break the fourth wall, or I'd be in trouble
)
"I didn't bring this in from my world!" -
DOUBLE SPACE!
326580 I keep seeing you everywhere e.deviantart.com/emoticons/moods/fear.gif
362668 lololololol I keep seeing you too we should be best friends!!!! lolololol
367137