- Member Since 13th Apr, 2015
- offline last seen 3 hours ago
Mr B
I like Fallout Equestria, Changelings. and nerdy stuff.
Mr B
Joined 13th Apr, 2015 ·
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I am always excited when I see some frostpunk crossovers! I'm excited to see where this goes!
Another Frostpunk story, let's go!
I'm on edge now and I need to know how this continues.
I hope the next chapter releases soon.
It's been a while since I could start reading a new multi-chapter story, I hope I can pull through with this one. Yesterday was the 4th Anniversary of Yudhaikeledai's "Frostpony" Animation and it's perfect how this story released just a few days before it, so I decided to read it for the anniversary.
The story is off to a good start already, I feel excited about the mystery with the owl, the secret about Celestia's accident and the military equipment and vehicles that New Canterlot is manufacturing (and keeping for itself?). The last one could have been woven into the chapter instead of being put into the Author's Notes, but that's not a criticism and I'm excited regardless. You're building up interesting things that seem to stray from the mane plot that's written in the description and I'm eager to find out what will be happening throughout this story.
I noticed something that I would like to give a little feedback about:
.
I am unsure how this machine is called exactly. This can be read in two ways. The machine could be called an "open-panel side grinder", a grinder where the grinding tools are at the side of the machine and that has an open panel somewhere, either a panel that can be opened or that is permanently open, which serves the purpose of easier maintenance and repairs.
Or the machine could be an "open panel-side grinder", a grinder that is at the side of the room where there is some sort of panel, perhaps a control panel, and it being open can either be meant literally, that there is some part of the grinder that's open (a part other than the obvious opening for the ore), or figuratively, perhaps that the grinder is open to be used by anypony, without security clearances and with no permissions needed to use it.
You can see how the meaning changes depending on where I put a dash. Without dash, it's unclear how the machine works and looks exactly and where it stands. The mentioning of this machine needs a dash at the appropriate position to help the reader imagine it.
That's all I have to say about the story, for now. I look forward to more updates.
11918185
Thanks for the feedback! And man I hadn't realised it was the Frostpony animation's B-day. I've altered the part of the chapter you mentioned, just saying "Open-panel Grinder." I don't know the actual name of the machine (nor did I have much luck finding it) so the best I could do was describe it. But the idea was it was a machine with an open gap leading right into the teeth at a 90 degree angle, almost like a mouth.
Glad you're enjoying it! Many more to come.
11918283
Thank you! It sounds much better now.
Is Discord going to appear at all or even be mentioned in this story?
11918527
Not really, but if you want to know why he hasn't "done anything." It's because he's too pre-occupied with Fluttershy. Order counters Chaos and machines very much create that, so his power's been diminishing in recent years.
I was just thinking "I hope the next chapter comes soon" when my eyes fell on my download of the story, then I opened the story from my bookshelves to check if my comments have gotten any likes and then I saw a new chapter and was surprised. I only wanted to see if there's a new chapter on Monday, I wasn't expecting that the next chapter would release today already, because you said there will be two chapters each week. I had to read this immediately.
The colt survived, but he lost his wing..... I actually expected this to happen, after reading the description, but I hoped it wouldn't and that he could keep his wing somehow. I feel the reason why he was crying wasn't because of the pain, it was because his wings mean a lot to him and he was scared of losing his wing. If that's how it is, then it's very tragic that he lost his wing to the machine..... But I'm glad he survived.
Berry Punch is finally in the story! I didn't recognize her as the barkeeper at first, because you described her coat as purple and not wine-red, and only when Drill Bit dropped her name it clicked.^^ I am happy to finally see her in the story, it's been a while since I saw Berry Punch in anything, but I could still hear her voice when I was reading what she said.^^ She seems to be very wise in this universe, a hardened wisdom from many life experiences. What she said to Drill Bit makes me wonder if she gave up drinking and her alcohol addiction, to get something she wanted. I get the feeling that there are a lot of deep things to learn about Berry Punch in this universe. I was just thinking, too, if I will meet any ponies who I know in this story and wondered when Berry Punch, Applebloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle will appear in the story. And then Berry Punch showed up almost right after. Berry Punch is the wise-cracking barkeeper of New Canterlot, I like her a lot here.^^
I'm also happy that Applebloom is being mentioned here and Sweetie Belle is there, too.^^ Now only Scootaloo is missing. She is dead in Yudhaikeledai's "Frostpony" universe, but I hope she is alive here.
After seeing the bar and Berry Punch, I have the feeling that New Canterlot is a city full of mysteries and secrets. And I have to think of it as a victorian era city now. Victorian era, with eternal winter and more focus on machinery. This is the vibe New Canterlot gives me now.
I like this chapter even more than the first two and I love to see the reveals about the city unfold.^^ I can't wait for more.^^
11918710
I really like this idea, that a lot of order exists in this world and that this diminishes Discord's chaos powers, so that he isn't powerful enough anymore to do anything against the Great Frost and to make the climate of Equus more balanced again. It adds depth to the story.
11918982
I'm glad I've managed to give you so much to think about! I'll keep it brief but I originally wanted to post every Monday and Thursday but I realised more people are free on weekends so that's when it's most likely they'd see the story whilst browsing. So right now the release schedule stands at a weekend day and somewhere in the mid-week, there's a lot going on with me right now and I'm thankful I managed to crank out these chapters when I did.
very nice! i hope irs okay, i noticed a little misstype
and the kid, yeesh, i ssa enough firefighting/medical shows where this happened...ouch
poor colt but a nice name i find
sometimes, you have to make a hard choice to do whats right
11923496
Corrected, thanks for the feedback!
11923523
you're welcome. what happened to comment, reminds me of Dinky in that one frostpunk work...she's my favorite background foal.
As for comment, I suppose you got it worked out for him?
11923523
pardon, old habit and was just cirious about comet
11924327
I do, you'll just have to wait for other chapters to be published.
11924330
naturally and i am eager for it. how should i say..just gave me a thought
Very nice and smoke's a good cop! (Does this still fit or should i say watchpoky/guard instead?)
And about comet, you mind if I expess my thought? Pardon.
11926645
Sure, just bare in mind the rest of the story has yet to come out and so far, he's not had much screen time. Later chapters will fix that.
11926654
I thought if he should not meet a foal as a new friend while in the hospital. Or that he bonds with one of the doctors/nurses
11926658
You'll see a little more come this weekend, don't worry.
11926685
Sure Thing! Eager about it. Though i admit, had to think of OCs...as silly as this sounds
nice use of the kirins and I think this will be a nice idea of him
Not sure a you will make up for everything, but it's a start at least.
Very nice! Kinda reminds me of that 2 fallout equestria Animations.
And sorry about the comment
11932131
You're good!
11932242
The Animations, shall I show you what I meant?
Or explain about the latter?
11932244
I'm aware of the animations and I'm happy I was able to bring back some nice memories!
11932290
sure, those 2 singing onces of Velvet
nicely done! may i say drill's name gave me a funny thought?
11934166
Sure! Nobody's stopping you.
11934249
that someone greets him like "you look drilled today"
What is this crossover of?
Nicely done and oh dear
Had a funny dream about the ending: that comet was actually not here but a puppet/plush like counterpart of him, a prank apperently. I think you can imagine Drill's reaction here
i admot, the title gave me a funny thought.
And the fact he was up there, reminds me of a city watch event from frostpunk, was that inspired from?
This chapter was so wholesome
I love cute little Comet. I'm sure everything will be better from here on out, right? No more tribulations at all? Smooth sailing, as they say, eh heh...
In any case, this story is really great so far! I'm not really familiar with frostpunk, but you do a good job of showing enough exposition that I don't need to be to be invested. The characters are real, and hugely sympathetic, which is hard to pull off. Most interesting is the worldbuilding sprinkled throughout, delivered in a masterful, subtle, show-don't-tell-y way. Very good!
I look forward to seeing how this plot develops!
I hope this incident will be enough to add mandatory red stop buttons to every dangerous machine.
I hope they produce foal-sized artificial wings.
Both are correct.
I doubt the captain (or anypony) is doing this out of malice, but out of necessity.
Hopefully this doesn't imply the city is in a terrible state and on the verge of collapse.
Good chapter!
I enjoyed reading it.
That's a cruel and unfortunate twist for comet. Can I Wrap him into a tight hug?
Although, nice to see Apple bloom.
I hope you had a good start into july too
11941924
Unfortunately, Things arent that simple in frostpunk
Yikes. Organic fertilizer, huh? Do they harvest the organs as well?
11942437
yeah, if they're in good condition they're used for transplants. Anything else is free game.
I have a strong feeling that hope will be in vain...
That doesn't sound good.
Like a combination of a bad events in the past and a strong potential for bad events in the future.
That might actually be good in the long term.
So much hurt in such a short sentence...
derpicdn.net/img/view/2016/5/16/1155637.jpg
Source.
Edit: The Author's Note explains why that's (currently) not an option.
Good chapter!
I enjoyed reading it.
Wisps breeze caress along strung pipes lining sections across blocks throughout.
Cracked layers permeate evident surfaces be traced strained laid cobble bricks.
Shifting cloth strapped chest, wrung thicken scraps. Cover aided for heat preserved.
Bureaus continental functions clot across a wounded Equus scar, measure lest solution.
The setting is grim for it warrants suffering equates a means, results of hard pragmatism.
A journey is not complete without a willing narrator to guide a fruitful endeavor, thy will of tell bode a broader make of a singular outlook.
Surrounded of which comes many adjoined personalities interacting, ultimately bear loss and progress.
A wonderful lead Mr. B, for it wills you rest for oncoming ventures through lands unsculptured.
We rest to gander what flavourful passages will Sir lead.
Thank you, and be well Mr. B
Fate: "Someone tempted me?"
Frozen over.
Both figuratively and literally.
Judging by the current state of the world that is actually most likely the case. Same for Celestia.
Scary...
Good chapter!
I enjoyed reading it.
Small note:
I think you forgot a "not" there.
11943404
Fixed! Glad you're enjoying the story, I enjoy reading your comments!
I just had an idea:
Can kirin (or nirik) create enough heat to supplement or even replace the generator?
"Don't worry, in comparison to most deep coal miners your stuff is basically pristine."
*muffled by the door* "Ouch! My poor muzzle..."
Reminds me of the scene with Sprout and the door from the G5 movie.
Open a toy factory and let the kids work there?
Good chapter!
I enjoyed reading it.
darn...makes me wonder how many sides are actually left, but nice family scene between them