Holding Onto The Crutch We Call Life

by Soaring

Like A Two-Way Mirror

Anon’s House - In The Middle of Bumfuck Nowhere (Just Kidding, It’s Ponyville [Same Thing])

Gray: a faint color on the ceiling. That’s what Anon E. Mous was staring up at, wondering how it got this way.

…

No, no, that wasn’t what he was thinking about! Besides, his full name was too goofy sounding. Most just called him Anon, however some called him Mous. It was probably because it sounded like moose, and who wouldn’t want to be called that? Unless they hated moose in general. Eh…

He sighed and licked his lips. Sometimes he was called Nonny by that pink horse down at the bakery (Sugarcube Corner to be exact, it was too many syllables for him to say as of late). She was quite the hyperactive one, what with all her cheeriness and everything. Not to mention her sweets cravings were off the charts! Thankfully, most weren’t hyperactive like her. They were usually happy, but mellow. Calm, collected, sometimes upset, but those times were rare. They were kinda like him but not as much. In fact, they… they were—

“Anon, I know you’re in there!”

Okay, he lied. He lied like the weasely little liar he was. They were not like him at all.

Outside his red door, the one he had repainted just last week when he wasn’t feeling so keen on staring poetically at his ceiling, was Starlight Glimmer. He still had to fix the door’s hinge; the thing ached more than he did. Maybe if he had some proper WD40 it wouldn’t screech like it did, but that wasn’t his fault. Ponyland just didn’t have it mass produced in droves like back home. Here, the damn thing was on backorder with no end in sight.

Anon folded his arms behind him. He locked his hands together and placed them behind his head, before he shut his eyes and reclined back in his rocking chair. It creaked softly as he moved, letting himself drift while he imagined himself fixing the door. He smiled as it no longer did that little squeak. It was great… and then his eyes flicked open again.

He remembered that the door jam was even worse. The door rattled aggressively whenever it closed—egh. It bothered him just thinking about it, but he didn’t move. He didn’t want to. Not from the comforts of his own living room, where nothing outside could harm him.

And certainly not with her at the door.

“Don’t you dare ignore me, Anon!”

He cracked his neck and wondered if he could just snap it instead so that way he didn’t have to hear her incessant—

“Go home, Starlight.”

His voice sparred with his mind, which the first beat the latter effortlessly without any noticeable fervor. The words escaped his lips and it was too late to take them back. Why had he said those to her? Was he just fed up with her clamoring? He gulped down whatever nerves were making a stake in his throat, all he waited for was the consequence of his action. And boy did she respond, if the few hoof taps beating against his front door had anything to say about his ‘reply’.

“And leave you all alone? If I did that, I’d be committing friendship fraud in the third degree!”

“Then commit it,” Anon said dryly. “I was just fine on my own until—”

“Lying isn’t the best policy, y’know!” She tapped on the door again, making it rapt in a way that made Anon cringe. “You haven’t been at work in a few days. This isn’t like you!”

He hated to hear those words. Starlight was right. It had been a few days since he last stepped into Mayor Mare’s office. Last time he stepped foot in there, he had helped her with… something. Wasn’t a big project, but it was enough to get her moving forward on some referendum. He probably bleached his mind out when he had gone home to drink his homemade ‘Forget The Day’ juice (aka beer). He may have had copious amounts of it. He stopped counting after three.

A typical celebration of a job well done… for a human like him.

He frowned and got off his chair. The rocker rocked alone while he crept towards the door, staring at it with as much intensity as the ceiling earlier. Unlike the ceiling, this door deserved the attention with whatever it brought with it. Not because it was important, but because it was flat out annoying, and Starlight wasn’t keen on giving up so easily.

Anon could only recall how many times he’s interacted with her directly… on one of his hands. They weren’t too close. She was busy with the School of Friendship, while he was busy being Twilight’s experiment, subsequent servant (at the time, rough job caused by a lost bet), and soon-to-be unemployed best friend. Then he became employed because Twilight had connections… whatever that meant.

And then there was Starlight. Smiling and waving. Yes, that was her. A penguin from Madagascar—just kidding, she’s a pony!—and they may have gone out to talk about human and pony nonsense. He couldn’t remember too much about that conversation, other than, well, she was incredibly thankful she was no longer obsessed with cutie marks and really happy to help other ponies find friendship.

Too bad he wasn’t good at finding friendship, and he hadn’t consulted her at all—

“A-Anon… please, j-just come to the door.”

—maybe that’s why she’s here? Anon scratched his head and answered her with… confusion, “And what will that get me?”

“What?”

Her voice cracked. Just like when she said please. And his name. It seemed that Starlight, in this very moment, was the newly crowned princess of voice cracks, either that or she was upset and she was struggling just to get the words out. In Anon’s humble opinion (earnestly), Starlight needed to stop sounding this way. It wasn’t good for her health.

Much like how it wasn’t good for him to just stay here?

A soft exhale. It just grazed Anon’s lips, but he felt it. Still there.

Still existing. Despite his health.

Good gracious granny, why is he suddenly beating himself up? What was he, his own therap—

“Are you going to let me in?”

Her voice was elsewhere, not near the door anymore. It sounded like it was near his rocking chair, which was coincidentally near his window. Did she just lose her way and decided to see if there was a backdoor? Unfortunately for her, Ponyville proper didn’t have backyards for homes like his. It was just a quaint little cottage with a non-existent backyard. Great.

But why was she doing this then? He walked over to the nearby window sill, his mind trying to conjure up something to explain this situation, but nothing came to fruition. All that he could see was the view outside. The window was great as it brought some sunlight in, but most of it was masked by a rather large curtain he had gotten from Rarity. Hoofsewn, as she put it, expertly crafted to basically make the home more… homey. To be honest, the curtains looked like something from his grandmother’s house: ancient, floral, and ancient. Maybe he should have said something when Rarity made them. Like, what was your inspiration? The morgue? Eh, maybe she shouldn't know. Better to let her think she hit the nail on the head than the nail in her head.

…

Anyway, Anon tried to peer out from said curtain but he no longer heard Starlight. She was not by the window either, if the scurrying of hooves pitter-pattering against the dirt outside told him anything. She must have realized that her attempt at looking into the house was futile. There wasn’t much of a view from the outside as there was from the inside looking out. Whatever. The candles around him didn’t have much to say to her anyway, they were too busy burning happily in his living room. Now that he thought about it, if he let the candles burn, would it cause the whole house to go into flames and cause him to die in a fiery inferno? Or would they be like hand grenades that didn’t go off? And how long would that take to burn his house down with him in it? And why was he so curious?

…

He cleared his throat and walked toward the door, only to stop halfway and claim a rather uncomfortably sounding, “No.”

“Why?”

Shrugging, Anon continued, “Simple. I want to be left alone.”

He imagined Starlight’s face right now, but he couldn’t really picture her. Sure, he’s seen her a couple times, but not enough to really know her facial expressions. For him, it was like watching an AI try to replicate it, only for the visual to fuck up halfway through and just transfix Twilight’s face on hers. He grokked (for some reason) and then ultimately pictured Twilight as a whole instead. And then he...

Gulped. His stomach flip-flopped. A bubbly sensation rose to his throat. He burped and—

Maybe he shouldn’t do that.

“But—”

He grunted. “Nope. Stopping you right there. I can handle myself. I don’t need you to—”

“And that’s why Mayor Mare hasn’t seen you in days?”

“Well, I told her I was going on vacation—”

A slam this time against his door welcomed him aggressively. “That’s a lie and you know it! You put in vacation when you’re going on it, not just suddenly saying it and walking out!” He could hear her plop herself up against the door, panting all the while. “And now look what you’re doing? Leaving me out here while you just… just turn yourself into a self-proclaimed shut-in.”

“But—”

“No buts.” She tittered and then tapped the door again, this time with more force than a normal buck. The door rattled against its frame. Whoever made this door really needed to make a new one for him, it’s fantastic for protecting his home against rowdy ponies with an unexplained vengeance. “I’m trying to be here for you, but look at what you’re doing instead! Is it fine for you to keep yourself held up in your house randomly for days at a time? I don’t remember h-humans getting estrus!”

His brows furrowed, while his arms crossed against his chest. “Well maybe they do and—”

He paused as a loud whimper emitted behind the door.

Was… was Starlight crying? That had to be fake, right? She didn’t cry, at least around him. And… the crying sounds kind of like Twilight, back when she was stressed out about some court session she had to attend and she wasn’t ready for it. Then Anon stepped in and… and told her everything was going to be alright. She was going to kill it, which she subsequently told him to use a different word. So he used the word ‘slay’ and then did this little flippant gesture with his hand.

She laughed. It was a great time.

…

His stomach growled. He really needed to stop thinking about her. Starlight was crying, right? Wasn’t that important…?

Another whimper, and a pained whinny accompanied it.

Anon sighed. “Are you… okay, Starlight?”

A pile of stutters and shutters shivered in confusion as Starlight spoke, “I-I would be if you were, b-but you’re clearly not. And I’m not leaving until you are, or at least you give me a chance to talk to you!”

The muffled declaration made Anon rethink his life choices.

His life was good here in Ponyland. He was somewhat successful in being an assistant to a literal Mayor of Ponyville. He finally made the renovations to the upstairs guest room where he made enough space to even let Big Mac and Spike stop by again for some shenanigans with The Boys. He even had his new kitchen sink fixed! It was a lot of progress for a human adjusting to the pony way of life.

Yet… something was missing. The kitchen was clean… somewhat. He cleaned the sink, but not the table or the countertops. Now that Anon thought about it, he did leave a full bag of trash at the door last night and he thought he heard some roaches crawling across the floor…

He blinked once. Then twice. Then three times.

What was he doing? This wasn’t like him! He would’ve had that bag out right away, and the roaches would’ve bothered him back on Earth. In fact, he would’ve called some pimple-faced Orkin man to come over and deal with it for him. Effective laziness with a few dollars flying away from his wallet.

So what was he doing? Why was this any different?

Anon slowly rose from his seat on the couch and turned to face the door.

Should he answer it? Should he let her in?

What was Starlight to him? Was she even worth letting in?

...

…

…

“Anon?”

“I… I don’t know.”

“You don’t know what?”

“I don’t know if I’m okay.”

He walked toward the door and sat down right in front of it, his back leaning against its old rickety board.

“Are you…?”

“No. I’m not. Not yet anyway.” He sighed. “Me sitting here is the best thing you’re gonna get from me right now.”

Starlight murmured to herself before she flopped to the ground. A few rustles and a door rub later, and Starlight was in the same position as he was, just outside his home. Which was in the city.

Ponies probably thought she was insane.

“Ponies probably think I’m insane for sitting here.”

“I had the same thought—”

“Anon, you’re not supposed to admit it!”

A weak chuckle escaped him.

Round two of picturing Starlight’s face boogaloo. He closed his eyes as he tried to picture her scrunched up muzzle: her lips would be puckered, if that would even work right for their anatomy, her eyes probably were going somewhat cross, and her attempt to suck in a deep breath would sputter a cough, followed by a pained whinny. Probably.

His imagination ran wild sometimes. Actually, scratch that. It was a lot more if this week was anything to glean at.

Wonder whose fault was that? Anon knew who, and if he had to identify the colors, they’d all be lavender just like—

“Look, just tell me what’s going on and I’ll leave you alone as you asked.”

“Really?”

She huffed through her nose. “Yes, I’ll even make a Pinkie Promise for this one.”

He raised his brow at that one. “I still don’t know why that’s a way to prove you’re not going to lie.”

“Because you can’t break it without Pinkie Pie enacting her wrath on you! And trust me, she’s not a mare to be trifled with.”

He could definitely envision Miss Cotton Candy from afar. The one that called him Nonny. Her blue eyes piercing him while she glared at him, her brows furrowed while she waved a hoof wielding a spatula spattered with a dripping red—

Okay, enough of that. She’s not making cupcakes with Scream in mind.

“Eh, I won’t have you do that. I’d rather you just leave.”

“Why? Is it because you don’t know me as much as you’d like?”

“I’ll plead the fifth.”

“That’s not an answer in Equestrian law, Anon.”

“Pushy.” He tried to laugh but only sputtered out a cough. He groaned as his mental exhaustion finally showed its hand. His body went entirely slack against the door, and a bead of sweat raced down his cheek. Who turned on the heat in this house—oh wait, he didn’t have a thermostat or a working heater.

He groaned. “Fine, I’ll tell you. Just… bear with me. It’s not going to make a whole lot of sense to you, and there’s a lot of reasons. I’m not sure if you’re ready to hear them all.”

“Anon, I’m more than ready to hear them.”

He rolled his eyes. Anon wasn’t sure as to why Starlight cared so much. After all, they didn’t talk much. Why would she be so interested in him?

“Whatever savior complex you’ve developed here that compelled you to plop right outside my door is saving your tail from being told off, Starlight.”

“Savior complex my tail,” she muttered, before letting out a snort. “Sue me."

“Sure. Fifteen thousand doubloons, I’ll make sure Twilight presides over the case.”

“Sounds like my type of party.”

Anon laughed. “Well, since you’re here. I guess I’ll let you hear me out, since, well, I haven’t talked to anyone about this, and I’d rather just get it all out in the open to someone who may or may not care about me.”

“May or may not care about you? What do you mean?”

Her higher pitch as she asked her questions made Anon clear his throat. “Do you really care? I mean, hell, you’re probably here just to pity me—”

“You’re wrong. You’re dead wrong. You’re…” her voice trailed off as her gaze tracked downward.

“I’m…?”

She looked back up at him. “You’re… a great creature, Anon.”

Anon facepalmed. “That sounds rich to hear again.”

“Again?”

“That’s what Twilight told me a couple weeks ago when she turned me down..."

“...”

“Starlight?”

He could hear her cough in-between what sounded like a grunt and a neigh. “Sorry, I just got whiplash from what you just said. You… you confessed to Twilight?”

“Yes.”

“Like, the real Twilight Sparkle.”

“Yep.”

“The Princess of Equestria?”

“Yeah, are you…?”

He could hear her clopping her forehooves together. “Confessing in the holding hooves type of way?”

“Of course.”

“And she… rejected you?”

Suddenly, he saw red, and not just the door. His hands, his pants, his shoes, his everything—and the ceiling, they were all blood red. He bit his lip and growled out, hissing in pain.

“Anon?!”

“Enough!” he shouted, grunting as he felt where his tooth had pierced his lip. “Y-You really want me to relive it, Starlight? Huh! You really want me to just get it all out there? Well sure, I can do that. I can tell it to you in three different ways, all in vivid detail, and all right in your face too! I’m not going to do the last part, since we’re in this situation, but if you want my dirty laundry, then let’s go with that, I’ll air that all out for you to hear, and probably half of Ponyville, but who cares anymore, right? Whatever. You’re just mimicking how she liked hearing things. Straight to the point, and with no remorse. She had it this way just to make sure she heard me like she’s somehow deaf around me, but looking back, she probably was trying to figure out to turn me down."

He winced as he felt bile rise in his throat. He continued to speak though, his tone growing with each word. "She noticed after all—and noticed she did. She turned me down harshly, Starlight. She told me thirteen reasons, Starlight. Thirteen reasons why we wouldn’t work out. She’d go, ‘You’re not compatible with me, Anon. You’re not a stallion. You don’t have the right amount of chromosome pairs and magic can’t correct it.’ And I don’t want you to change for my sake' and the next tout about I’m not as good of a friend as she thought. She told me the attraction wasn’t there, and hell, I think she thinks that if we were going to be in a relationship, I’d take more time out of her minute amount of free time than everyone else!”

He coughed to clear the raspiness from his voice. “I’d be lying if I said her way of thinking wasn’t something I liked about her. She… she wasn't so harsh to me. She always wanted to problem solve, thinking of every possible outcome before making a decision that would change something so important to her. After all, she’s the scientific type, the one who analytically looks at things and wonders ‘what do?’. At first, she looked at me like an experiment, but as time progressed and we spoke to each other more, she became more of a friend, and then a best friend to me. She took me in when no one else wanted to. She taught me a lot about Equestria and she helped me meet all of you because, without her, I was a sitting duck. Swallowed by my views, and my past. She told me that I was being askew at the time, and that it would be great to open up to others, get to know other ponies to really make those friendships last. Guess how that turned, Starlight? Do you know—oh don’t answer, it’s only rhetorical—Twilight turned around and told me how it was. There was no meeting halfway. There was no reciprocation. She told me she couldn’t make sense of love from someone like me. Isn’t that great? Couldn’t she have asked for advice from her sister-in-law? You know, the one with the heart butt tattoo that specializes in love? But no, she did not even give us a chance. She just told my thoughts, my feelings that they didn’t matter to her. No, they were just a silly toss up in the hypothesis she called her life!"

He wanted to slam his elbow against the door, but he stopped himself, his elbow just shy of it. He had this dumb thought of trying it again, only this time not pulling away at the last second, but he shook his head free of it. He had to make a point, a statement, not hurt himself again in the process.

"That’s how it goes for Anon, right? Anon: the only human in Equestria whose sole purpose is to just rot all alone. I can’t go back to Earth with the people who cared about me. I’ll never get to see them again. I’m only allowed to be here, being reminded every day of what parallels branched from my previous life. How you live is human, but how you are are ponies. That’s how it is, and that’s why I get the cold shoulder, because I’m not like you lot. I’m not like you at all. I’m not a stallion. I’m just Anon. I’m just human. And there ain’t no magic, no potions, no nothing that can change it. I guess that's it, huh? The price I pay for being the way I am?”

“...”

Shuffling behind the door just a tad. Her back rubbing against it, maybe? Anon couldn’t place it. She needed to be careful, splinters were not nice to get— “You’ve been thinking about this for quite a while, huh?”

He took in a rather deep breath. “No. Not at all.”

“Huh?”

“Thought about it when it all happened. Took about thirty minutes to really think about it at the time. Then, I punched a hole in my room, told my non-existent family to get out, and after turning numb to everything over the past few days, I’m now sitting here, entertaining you between this rickety slab of wood I call a door.” He chuckled again, much raspier this time. “And I was thinking about oiling it up, making sure the hinges stopped squeaking, but here I am, sitting here talking to some pony who is here just to listen to me ramble about all of my problems and all of those feelings and thoughts I’ve had. And even then, not all of them are out there, but hey, at least blowing off a little bit of steam with someone who won’t go yapping to Twilight about this is okay, right?” His shoulder rubbed against the door. “I mean, did she tell you anything about me and my failed confession? For someone who is close to her, she probably tells you lots of things.”

After Anon finally said his piece, he waited for Starlight to speak. Unfortunately for him, it was taking a bit. She shifted in front of the door, probably waiting for someone to pass by her who was snooping in on them.

But then that thought was dashed when a shaky sigh pierced through.

“N-No. She didn’t tell me anything. I…I only heard about this from Mayor Mare. She was asking ponies about you, wondering where you were. She was worried, almost distraught even, but she didn’t know if coming over here would come off as abrasive. In my opinion, she should’ve come here sooner, but thankfully I was there to talk to her about it. I mean, other ponies just passed by like nothing was going on, while others told her they were busy or it was too much of a hassle; they weren’t getting in the way of some workplace drama. And… if only I knew about this sooner, if only I knew that Twilight had done something to you, I could’ve been here for you much sooner too.” She groaned. “I should’ve known Twilight was worried about something! She was focused way too much on her work as of late. But here I am, wondering about her when—” She coughed and cleared her throat. “Anon, I don’t want to make this mistake again. I’m here now. I need to see you. I want to be here, not out of some pity, but because I should’ve been here when you needed me. And if this is some savior complex coming out, I’ll welcome it, because somepony should’ve been here for you. I just so happened to hear about you and… I wanted to make things right. Is that too much to do? To help somepony in need?”

“...”

“Anon?”

“...”

“An—”

“Sorry. Was stuck in my head.”

“In your head?”

His chest rose with his voice. “I don’t know. I… I just have a lot of thoughts upstairs. They’re swirling and swirling and swirling. And now that they’re going even faster, I’m feeling everything now. I’m feeling what I felt when Twilight rejected me. I’m feeling what I felt when I succeeded in assisting Mayor Mare with some task at her office. I’m feeling what I felt when Pinkie Pie gave me diabetes in the form of shakes and bakes. But I know now that all of this culminates into nothingness, and I’ll feel that nothingness. I’ll feel it for days now: waking up to see nothing but gray, feeling nothing but the gray. And then just like the rain, I felt it all wash away in a downpour of emotions, though those emotions never come out. It’s just like what I’ve done this morning. I took a shower with some soap bar that Twilight got me, and then I’ll wash it, but then I’ll remember things, and I’ll feel all gross, but hey, I’ll smell better afterwards, so who cares right? Heaven knows I’ll need some soap too, heh—but then I’ll go back to that nothingness again, and here I am. I’ve gotten comfortable in letting it be, Starlight. I’d rather just continue feeling nothing so that way I don’t feel everything again. But with you here…”

Anon gulped in the flurry of fury filling his stomach, butterflies dancing on the lining as he spoke, “With you here, everything’s back again. And supposedly you’re here to not pity me—”

A tip-tap against the door, followed by a rather strange rubbing noise against it. “Supposedly? Anon, I’m not pitying you at all.”

“Right." He cleared his throat. “If that’s true, and you’re really here to see me because you heard it from Mayor Mare, then… what are you actually here for?”

“What do you mean?”

“Like, what do you get out of this?”

“W-Well, I’m here to—”

“—I mean I know that you’re here because you said you would be committing friendship fraud or whatever if you weren’t, but Starlight, we rarely talk. You’re usually hanging around Spike, Twilight, and her other friends, so I don’t know why you’re even giving me the time of day other than because you were asked to.”

“...”

He groaned. “See, I knew you were just here to pity me—ack!”

The door wracked his back with pain, and by the door, he meant Starlight sending a kick square into the door, which meant he was the causality in the end. “Starlight, can you not slam your hooves on the door? With a kick like that, you’ll pop the thing right off its hinges and—”

“Then stop saying things that aren’t true! You and I have always been friends!”

“Then tell me: when was the last time we hung out?”

“...”

“Starlight?”

“Two months ago.”

“And before that?”

“Five months ago…?”

“See. Exactly what I thought. You’re too busy because you have other friends and priorities, and that’s great! But if you really want to say you and I are friends, then I don’t know how that’s the case. We don’t talk, Starlight. And I don’t know you like you think you know me. We aren’t like that.”

Silence reigned as the door stayed in place, sandwiched between the two of them.

“Are you going to kick my door again?”

“No… sniffle—I… I’m sorry, Anon. I—I just wanted to be there for you when nopony else would. Like I said, when Mayor Mare told me, I wasn’t alone. There were other ponies there too, and no one even lifted a hoof to help. It was just me. I asked Spike to jump in, but he’s currently checking in with Twilight about some diplomatic hoo-ha. Hopefully he doesn’t find out she’s the sole reason why you’re like this and—”

“—Twilight isn’t what made me feel this way, Starlight.”

She gasped. “Did… did something else happen?”

“Considering I said way more than just Twilight in my rant earlier, I guess I have to go through this one by one. That proves to me that either you ponies won’t understand everything I am going through or I really need to stop ranting and raving, and start having you dissect my brain. I mean, maybe you shouldn’t. If Twilight didn’t see any worth in me, I doubt you’ll find anything worth using upstairs in my noggin. Whatever you find will probably be just recycled or something like the waste of space I am—”

Starlight growled behind the door. “Stop that, Anon. You’re not a waste of space. You’re way more than that. And please, just tell me what you’re going through so I can understand. I want to understand you. I want to be a better friend to you. Is that not obvious?!”

The words bounced off Anon’s ears. Was she lying? Was she really interested in him in that way?

He couldn’t tell… unless he opened the door to see her face. These ponies loved to wear their hearts on their sleeves, metaphorically speaking. It’s mostly on their faces. They tend to wear their emotions so openly on their faces that Anon didn’t need to get a cheat sheet just to read someone, but with this door in the way, he’ll never be able to decipher what she was saying.

So…

Anon sighed. “I don’t know. I’d have to see you to make that decision.”

She whimpered. “Then let me in. Let me in so we can talk about this.”

Carefully, Anon got himself up, grunting as he cracked his neck. He took one final breath, prepping himself to see her. “Alright,” he began, his voice quivering. He walked to the door and gripped the knob tightly. “Take a step back. I don’t want you to fall into my house.”

He heard behind the door the scampering of what sounded like Starlight, but more like she just yelped into a somewhat favorable position, if the door rattling no longer had anything to say about said position. He frowned, before shaking his head, and committing to the bit.

With a click, the door swung open.

There, in front of his doorstep, was the mess named Starlight Glimmer. She looked up at him, her eyes full of tears, some matting her fur while the rest was not, just pooling up like the dam was about to burst. She was on her haunches, her tail curled around her, while her ears were splayed back against her head. Her mane looked a bit worse for wear, like she hadn’t slept in days, especially her eyes, as they were not only puffy but severely bloodshot, red arching like lightning to the edges of her eyes. She sniffled, her muzzle wriggling and scrunching up just a tad, only for her to then sorta smile like she was totally okay and totally not crying her eyes out right now.

That smile definitely made Anon wonder if he was having heart palpitations.

“Uhh, come on in.”

“R-Right,” Starlight stuttered out. She made sure to arch her head down as she passed him. He peeked out, and noticed a few mares were staring at her, but no one else really paid her much heed.

Hopefully those who stared took pictures, they’ll last longer.

He slammed the door out of rage, not because of Starlight, but because of them. Were they judging her? Were they judging her because of him?

Because of him…

The salt was washed out from him, a wave of guilt submerging him in rainwater again. He gulped in his feelings and turned around, only to see Starlight looking at him with a couple tears racing down her cheeks.

“I… am glad you let me see you, Anon.”

Anon came close, looping an arm around her back to snake up her neck. His hand found purchase on her head, patting it like he would a dog. “Thanks for checking up on me. I hope it was worth being stared at like that.”

She hummed happily in his embrace, giving him a small smile. He could feel her hooves attempt to return the gesture of looping around his back, but it kinda… didn’t fully reach. Still, the warmth she gave him made him wonder if she was a furnace. “If it means helping a friend, then it definitely is.”

There’s that word again. Friend.

“You keep saying that when, well, it’s…”

She sighed and pulled back from the embrace, looking up at him with those blue-ish eyes. “I’ve seen you as a friend, but I haven’t been a friend to you.” Her muzzle scrunched up as she said the last part. “I… I wish I noticed this sooner.”

“Better late than never,” Anon replied, his lips curving upwards.

She must’ve seen his smile, as she instantly frowned—contradictory much? “I guess so…”

He cleared his throat and cast his hand out to the nearby couch. “Have a seat on the couch. I’ll take a seat in the good ole rocker.”

“Rocker?”

“It’s one of those curved little seats that you rock back and forth on. It’s right over there, Starlight.”

She looked over at the chair for a moment, before snuggling right into his chest instead. “Are you sure?”

“Am I sure?”

Starlight frowned. “I mean, sitting down with a friend and hugging it out is much more beneficial than sitting away from each other and—”

Anon let out a brief laugh. “Heh, if you think it’ll help…”

“Think? Anon, I know so.”

“Done a lot of therapy sessions?”

“Trixie has put me in a few of those…”

“That blue one with the wizard hat and the purple cape, right?”

She giggled into her forehoof. “Yeah, that’s the one. She’s an awesome friend. She knows a lot about sitting somepony down and talking to them about their problems. I… I kind of wish that she didn’t have to use me for her trials, but hey, everypony needs to start somewhere.”

“Yeah, that’s true…”

She looked up at Anon, her blue-ish eyes shimmering. “Anon?”

“Hmm?”

“Can you tell me what exactly happened with Twilight?”

He blinked owlishly at her. “You want the whole skinny of it?”

“Is that a human saying?”

He laughed. “Yeah, sorry. Still learning to Equestrian all those isms I got.”

“Right,” Starlight breathed out.

Anon scratched the back of his neck and attempted to smile, only for his lips to twitch. His nerves were on fire, blazing as he gulped them down. “Uhh… you want the full story, then?”

“Verbatim,” she said with a curt nod. She nuzzled her cheek with his. “I’ll be here, making sure to butt in every so often.”

“Can’t let my angst spillover naturally?”

“You already did that with your little shouting match with me through the door. Thankfully, I can actually be here for you instead. Friends tend to be the greatest of dams.”

Anon laughed. “You’ll earn that title in time.”

“Good thing I want that title,” Starlight chortled with that smile from earlier.

It made Anon worry if what he’ll say will wipe that smile clean off her face.

“Well… keep yourself where you’re at. It’s a long one.”

“I got the time.”

Starlight looked straight into his soul, while a gentle smile graced her cheeks. In the room, Anon wondered if he was staring into the deep abyss of Ponyland’s hell, or if he was comforted by her gaze. Either way, she was really warm and nice at the moment. Better than staring at his ceiling.

So, with his demons in check, Anon took in a deep breath and began to speak…

Author's Note:

It begins. Hope you all enjoy the story!

Song for this chapter:

Comments

[f0st3r21]

Anon is right; it’s a little odd that Starlight is being so insistent. Probably good that she keeps distracting him from that.

[Arlan753]

Haven't read something as good on this page in a long time. Nice