Every town has a dark side, even Ponyville. Crime, corruption, violence... I've seen it all.
My name is Thunderlane and I'm a private eye.
Last night Mosely Orange, the heir to the Sun Blessed Orange Groves died, drowning in a pond on Sweet Apple Acres. I've been hired to investigate the 'accidental death' and see what I can find. Most ponies think I'm crazy, but with every new piece of evidence I turn up I find that this case isn't as simple as the police would have you believe.
Mosely was involved in something... something big... something dating back nearly 10 years ago... when two more bodies were found amongst the apple trees...
Chapters (3)
How to Write A Mystery
Part 1: The Time
If you are going to write a mystery you need to decide what time and place it occurs in. This might sound like simple advice but it is more important than you realize. The period your story takes place in (or, in the case of this story, the period it is emulating) effects many aspects; character, plot, and setting are all linked to this simple choice.
Most detective/mystery stories can be placed into one of the following 'eras':
-Victorian. This is the world of Sherlock Holmes... horse drawn carriages, footwork and dark shadowy plots. Don't have your character be chasing after Jack the Ripper in a corvette.
-1920s. The days of Prohibition, the speakeasy and the mob. Your detective needs to be straight, hard and a clean shot.
-1940s-50s (aka Noire). This is where this story takes place. Noire is a bridge between the 20s and the 70s. The detective is a touch jaded. The ladies are dangerous and the suspects are characters. Everyone smokes and every character has a secret. The reader should hear soft jazz as they read the story, even if no music is playing.
-the 60s and 70s. The era of the hippies, the fast chases and the anti-heroes. Your hero could easily be the bad guy, everyone is on the take and the car chases are fast and furious
-The 80s and 90s. Nothing is as it seems. The lives of a heroes are half the show and they are going to spend just as much time hanging out with their family as they will hitting the street. Betrayals are everywhere but there is a glimmer of hope
-2000s. The age of techonlogy. The mystery has moved to the lab and the quirky and the strange are the name of the game. Anyone can solve a murder now and most of the fun is seeing how the heroes interact and how the tropes of the past genres are played with.
Before you start any mystery decide which era it will go in... because once you start down a fog-covered street you can't go back.
1407090
Or you could just write it with the shows time...
Sounds good, I'll read later.
Oh by the way can I use Tydal in a Lost Origins chapter? The Pirates of the Caribbean parody needs a Davy Jones.
This is an insta-fave.
That is all I will say for now.
*Le fave*
Is it strange that I could hear a saxaphone playing.
Now I'm going to say that THAT WAS F*CKING AWESOME!
*puts on Jazz, reads story, enjoys story, favorites it, thumbs it up* Soo is Thunderlane now voices by Bogey or maybe Bing Crosby? Either way thank you.
1409805
Bogey would be the better choice. When I do the voice (as I explained in other stories, i have trained myself to do voice work and can do impressions of celebs and stuff) it is Bogey with just a touch of Rorschach
1409552
Go right ahead
^_^ Here's looking at you kid. Now I have to watch Maltese Falcon
1409528
Okay, what time period is the show set in?
1410360
The Maltese Falcon and LA Noire are the major inspirations for this story. I want to take the old 1940s/50s style mysteries and apply them to MLP... but keep the main characters in character. Applejack will be Applejack, Big Mac is Big Mac, so on... but Thunderlane is Bogey. It won't be a comedy, but instead show how Noire would work in MLP.
I seen enough of LA Noire to enjoy it. I am really behind with my classic movies. Suddenly I want to be a pony sounding like James Cagney. I will never see Hurricane Fluttershy the same again. I am so loving it.
1410494
I picked Thunderlane originally because I saw him as one of the 'select characters' in the search and found it odd. Then I looked and could not find a single story with him with him as a true lead (I see now there are several, but still).
Then, as I was writing, I realized he was black and white...and Noires are black and white and suddenly it fit like a glove. I figure Thunderlane needs to get a fan following and I am going to provide it.
As for his voice being different... well, the Doctor had an American accent and that doesn't stop us from assuming he has a blue box...
LOL true. So true. Now getting head canon all twisted.
1410388
Balls if I know
interesting advice on the timeline thing. copy-pasting to a wordpad document (hope you dont mind). The cool thing is, I have noticed a lot of mystery stories and movies falling into those types of settings. I guess its obvious, and a given, but im going to say it anyway. Man, you really know your stuff. I'll definitely be reading this story considering your last one, I think you're a great writer.
1410853
And that is why I needed to select an era for this mystery. If I chose the 70s, for example, Thunderlane would need to get in alot of car chases (or in this case, wagon chases), have a partner, and be almost an anti-hero. With Noire, chases are out as the focus is on the characters and the grit.
1412092
This is out of my league and I'm leaving it at that. Oh wait, I've already written a detective story... Dammit.
1412102
*chuckles* Don't worry about it. I have alot of experience writing mystery novels (I have one I am still looking for representation for) and as such I have alot to share. But the best advice I can give is pick and choose the advice you use...not all of it you need.
1412107
...wow. Deep man. Wait, what? Oh crap my brain is broken again.
Interesting...
How to Write a Mystery
Part 2: The Victim
Just as important as your hero or your villain, the victim makes or breaks your story. The victim is the driving force, the thing that ties everything together and pulls the characters towards the goal.
They say there is only three reasons for murder: Love, money, and to cover up a crime. The best writers make their victims overlap with all three, even if the death is related to one. There crime drama is filled with millionaires, femme fatales and underworld goons.
The victim can represent much for a story. Their deaths can be senseless or motivated. They can be filled with clues or just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Just like in real life, a dead character represents unfulfillment and their loss should weigh heavily on the story.
The most important thing you can do is understand your victim. Their life should be more detailed than your own: you should know their friends, their family and their enemies. Their dreams are all written down in a notebook beside your computer and their dark secrets are nothing more than facts that you dish out when you are ready to play with them.
*James Cagney comes in* Meha see. This copper here thinks we did da bum in see. I tells ya we did none of it see. Meha.
Sorry couldn't help it. Ty!
This story has potential~ I like! :3
The next chapter will really kick things into high gear as we get Thunderlane interacting with the mane cast, starting with Applejack and her family. Rarity, Twilight and Pinkie are all also scheduled to appear.
Here it is! The most smoke smelling, jazz filled story ever written on this site!
Ive been waiting a long time for something like this and its even better then I hoped for!
Thanks!
1410434 LA Noire? Does that mean he'll
freak out
whenever somepony lies to him?
1423635
Just wait and see. The personality I am giving Thunderlane (which I hope others enjoy) is very interesting, especially when you see how he interacts with the mane 6 (let's just say him and Rarity go way back)
And then I came in and said, "penis!" L.A. NOIRE SON, SON, YA FEEL ME?! YA FEEL ME?!
This is good. Like, REALLY good. why is this so damn good?
defender, these "how to write a mystery" things. are you writing them or are you getting those steps from somewhere. They're really good :D
1427187
All me and what I have learned
I'm amazing in the way I solve mysteries in stories before the culprit is revealed.
Basically, my guess on this one is he swallowed the necklace accidentally, choked on it, fell into the water, and drowned.
That, or his wife did it.
How to Write a Mystery
Part 3: Your Hero (Part 1)
He could be an anti-social sleuth. Or a hardboiled detective with a soft spot. Maybe a cop that crosses the line between right and wrong to get the bad guys. Your detective can be anyone from a cop to a private eye to someone who stumbled into the business. The point is that your story will bring people back based on how good the hero is.
One of the important things you must decide is why your detective is driven to solve cases. Was there a murder he could never solve? Was her husband killed by a corrupt businessman who got off the charge? Did they witness something as a child? Do they do it for love or the need to know?
And what of the little quirks every person has? Does your detective have a nervous twitch or a bad habit? Do they smoke or curse or rub their nose when they see a clue? Sherlock Holmes, the granddaddy of the modern detective, was a cocaine using anti-social who liked to shoot his gun inside and would play the violin. Thunderlane is a smartmouth who gives everyone a nickname and likes the cider just a bit too much.
These are the things you think about, the little clues you pepper throughout your story to help develop a bigger world...
The perfect theme when he sweeps the guest room
Now where did i put that fedora...?
1432562
I actually own one and wear it when I act out Thunderlane's part
What does everyone think of how I wrote AJ and her family?
1432626
I think you did perfectly on AJ, Mac, and Granny. AB could use a little more work. But you did well, nonetheless
I agree. The apples were done well. I think AB would be a little more bravish just due to having that bravadao on the show. All in all a wonderful story.
1437539
My only excuse is that she just found her uncle dead. I plan to make her more brave later in the story.
This is an interesting story, a sort of pastel noir
Out of curiosity, what made you pick Thunderlane as the protagonist?
1455118
The fact he had very little definition to his character, plus he is already black and white, so he looks like he is from a noir
1455633 Makes sense, you get the best of a character who's had screen time without a mountain of fanon to dig through.
...
just imagined what your version must be thinking while Dash chews him out during 'Hurricane Fluttershy'
1456301
Thunderlane was lying about his cold because he was investigating a conspiracy to murder Spitfire, thus he had to play weak and dumb... but once he was better he chewed 'the dame' out.
1456317 youhaveasequellplannedalready?
coool
1423743
"He and Rarity go way back." Is she the girlfriend of his that was into fashion?
I like a dame with passion, which is great till that passion turns to frustration and she decides to stick you with one of her sewing needles. I speak from experience.
Another Rarity reference? I can't wait until they meet. Favorited, followed, and liked. :)