I´ve changed for you, my love

by Frolda

Dear Chrysalis

Dear Chrysalis,

my name is Shining Armor. That name is surely nothing new to you. I have many things to discuss with you, which can change your negative attitude at me and my last deeds.

There were things, which couldn´t be. Nor me, neither Cadance wanted to admit them,but those things were there! Cadance is a princess of love, you surely know that. Her special talent is to spread her talent around. I like love. I live for it. And I love Cadance and I wanted to be with her forever. But nothing is, like we want.

Unpleasant facts begun to rise. Her love was weaker and weaker, because she shared it too much to her neighborhood. More she gaved to those who needed it, more was missing among us. They say, that love can make everything. It can be also created. Unfortunately, by solving problems and too big sharing meant, that we didn´t have enough time for ourselves and to create new love.

We didn´t have time for each other. I defended Princess Celestia and she travelled around Equestria. I had many solicitudes about her and my presentiments come true. On the borders she was kidnapped. I left Canterlot and started finding her. Unfortunately, I couldn´t find anything. When I came, it was almost over.

Thanks to Celestia, I managed to find her. It was really big luck. Some uncivilized tribe made a god from her. She did have to give her love more, than ever before. It started killing her, her personality, her emotions, her magic. When I found her, she looked at me and said only one word. „Please.“

That act changed all my borders and doubts. I tried to barter with leader of that tribe, but that i shouldn´t do. They prisoned me. Luckily I managed to escape and get to some sanctuary, where Candance was hold. I released her from and get her away from that cursed village.

That time I observed first signs of break up of what we have made and defended for such a long time. But it wasn´t so hot and I didn´t care about it. It was only in a little signs, different voice intonation, different words, different emotions. Now I have that sense, which I missed before.

When we arrived to Canterlot, lot of ponies watched us. We became equestrian celebrities. Everypony wanted to know, what we did and what we do now. Of course tabloids tried to find everything and give it to their articles. That made both, me and Cadance, upset. Firstly. Then, there was a huge change. Cadance started to like that.

Her special talent is to spread love and happines.But what if everypony wants love and happines, which means scandals about stars, celebrities and aristocracy. It doesn´t matter, when it won´t help anypony. When she gives to everypony that what they want, that can be tolerated. Unfortunately, she started to love that.

She begun to print newspapers, full of scandals. Of course it was only a tabloid, but other ponies read it. They liked it. They get that happines they wanted.Popularity of that tabloid rised very quickly. At the beginning Cadance looked after those scandals, then she started to devise that lies. She didn´t care, if it was true or not, but only if it was about some stars or if it was hot enough.

You cannot have enough scandals, even with this method. Cadance realized, that she, owner of the most read tabloid in all Equestria is a celebrity too. She begun to write scandal articles about herself, palace guard and me too. When I heard from one of my friends, that whole Canterlot is talking about my hygiene and my mane, it made me very upset.

Of course I didn´t care about my mane, but about Cadance. She has changed. She didn´t care, that she hurt herself. She just wanted to give love and happines. First, we only shouted at each other, then we fought and once we have almost killed each other with knifes from kitchen. Luckily I remembered somepony, who might know the solution for every situation. My young sister Twillight Sparkle.

I travelled to Ponyville. I was glad, when I heared, that she and her friends didn´t read Cadance tabloid. In Twillight´s library I couldn´t find anything similiar to this situation, so we collected information and we were determined to solve this by research and magic. Both me and Twilly were unicorns.

I told her fresh informations. Then we were going deeper and we spoke about my and Cadance wedding. We managed to defeat you and your Changelings only thanks to my and Cadance love. Now I understand why was the love so strong. All Canterlot was concentrated upon us. That is what Cadance motivated now and before.

When I repeated that scene in my mind again and again, I realized, that I have lost some very precious thing. You Chrysalis, my love. I don´t know, if my mind was controled by you, but even Twilly had to admit, that with support of Princess Celestia, it´s not so hard to create a magic shield for whole city.

It meant, that I was strong enough to fight with you and your attempts to control my mind and my thoughts. It´s certain, that if I wanted to defend myself, i would did it. I don´t know, why I didn´t do it. That time I couldn´t know, that Cadance cheats on me.

The answer is simple, for me. I realized, that the only one, who really wanted me, was you Chrysalis. You alone did really love me. I suddendly realized, that you are also the only one, who I truely loved. Even more than Cadance. She means nothing to me now.

I have to tell you the main reason, why I am writing this letter. I have written to you, that Cadance went through strong changes. It was the end of our relation. I am now changing slowly but surely to a new form of living creature. I am consumed by it, but I don´t know, if it is good or bad. But I learned how to be proud at it.

Magic has a very special power, to change ponies around. If you are strong enough to control it, nothing happens. But if you don´t use magic enough, it starts to leak and it will change you to other somepony, who you love or with whom you was in touch recently. Since I made a shield to protect Canterlot during my wedding, I didn´t use magic enough.

Yes, you are right. I have changed. My body and posibbly my soul is not like in old times. In my hooves were wholes. First my fur disappeared. Then my flesh dropped out. My wounds almost immidietly healed, but not how I imagined that. I don´t feel pain, I don´t bleed, but the whole is still there.

The wholes weren´t only at one of my hooves, but all around. My walk didn´t changed. When I ran it was faster than ever before. I was the most faster runner in all Equestria. But I wasn´t the most beautiful, like last years. My appearance was awful. I managed to hide it. At the beginning.

One day Cadance wanted some hot scandal, so she came to my bed and begun to cuddle with me. It was certain, that she want it. But when she saw my hooves, she cried, then shouted and tommorow it was in her tabloid. Unfortunately it wasn´t still the end. Once I discovered, that I have Changelings wings.

They tried to set me under arrest, but I managed to escape. We are in the end of this letter Chrysalis. But I still didn´t say the most important thing to you. Through holes in my hooves are running cockroaches. My eyes are not so beautiful like it was before. They are yellow now, and they have a different form. I can see normaly, maybe better than before, but I cannot show myself in any civilization. I am condemned to death. I have no white fur, and my armor is not so shiny as in old times. I just have some old armor, which was maybe an armor of palace guard.

Don´t blame yourself, Chrysalis. You are not the person, who shall be guilty for it. It´s me. I ruined live of one love and couldn´t save live of the other one. I am in the waste lands now. You cannot find me, but if you want, don´t do that. I am condemned to extinction. Before that, I will send you with my magic a letter and one very important sentence.

„I have changed for you, my love.“

My name is Shining Armor, but i shall be called Destroyed Life. I love you Chrysalis. I loved you, I love you and I will love you to death. Without death is no life. But it isn´t functional on the opposite. Even the magic cannot save you from sad end. Maybe not everyone. I am looking forward to to death. It´s my redemption…

Comments

[asylum1388]

Good premise, terrible execution. Expect a visit from the TWE.

[JL-Hero]

This story in essence is well written. The problem is THAT IT DOESN'T EVEN BEGIN TO MAKE SENSE even when you stablished that this thakes place on an elseworld.

for that I can only say:
i1189.photobucket.com/albums/z424/DDAhunter/27502618.jpg

[Aegis Shield]

I get the mild impression english is your second language. If so, have a friend look at this for editing.

If not... yeesh.

[Municipal Engines]

That's not how love works.

You're doing it wrong.

[Cobalt Swirls]

Her special talent is to spread her talent around.

media.tumblr.com/tumblr_maekorpWfa1rvz879.gif

But what if everypony wants love and happines, which means scandals about stars, celebrities and aristocracy.

media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m28vsml8jK1qag992.gif

She begun to write scandal articles about herself

i626.photobucket.com/albums/tt347/scoops_3/2guw8e9-1.gif

[Thorlol]

Wut. Tabloids and scandals are not 'love'.

[The-darkevil101]

Love is not real...

[sargecadet]

I don't understand... what was the premise of this story again?

"Through the holes in my hooves are running cockroaches." ...huh? Did you mean "clockwise"? That still wouldn't make any sense. Well, whatever.

I suggest that you try to rewrite this story in your native language, get a translator (a human translator, not Google) and then repost this.

Good luck! Hopefully your next attempt is more successful!

[Something Eight]

Well, this had a great premise and could have been a great fic. However, you pulled a Sucker Punch on us and executed it very poorly. Plus, when the description has better grammar than the actual story, there are some going to be some problems. Time to go Mystery Fanfic Theater 3000 on this.

Dear Chrysalis,

Should be Queen Chrysalis, but carry on.

my name is Shining Armor.

Well, didn't take long for the first grammatical error to pop up. Capitalize the "m".

That name is surely nothing new to you. I have many things to discuss with you, which can change your negative attitude at me and my last deeds.
There were things, which couldn´t be. Nor me, neither Cadance

You should probably shift the "nor" and the "neither" around. "Nor" is meant to go second, not first.

wanted to admit them,but those things were there!

Should be a space in between the comma and the "but".

Cadance is a princess of love, you surely know that. Her special talent is to spread her talent around.

So, her special talent is her special talent? *sarcasm mode on* I never would have known that!

I like love.

So does everybody else in existance.

I live for it. And I love Cadance and I wanted to be with her forever.

If he loves her, he should still want to be with her.

But nothing is, like we want

The comma here is unnecessary. I won't riff the whole thing, but you get where this is going. I hope that you can take some sarcasm and constructive criticism.

EDIT: Does anyone want me to riff the whole thing? I would be happy to comply if anyone wanted me to.

[Levana]

So far, 29 mistakes.

[NATOstrike]

1409069

We have arrived. I'll be back after I make a quick read-through.

---

Her special talent is to spread her talent around.

I like this because it makes Cadence sound like a prostitute... or maybe just a dirty slut. Either way it amuses me in a way that I don't believe it was meant to.

Now for the actual review:

I tend to review differently than most of my TWE cohorts. I will list off problems (in no particular order) that I see with grammar, structure, and whatever else I feel is relevant. Then I will give you one example form your story of your transgression. Let's begin, shall we?

* Conjunctions in the narrative: I guess since this is written as a letter, I could possibly let it slide. However, I think Shining Armor would be a little better learned than this. Do not start sentences in the narrative with a conjunction. Within dialogue you can get away with it to an extent, as long as it's not overused.

And I love Cadance and I wanted to be with her forever. But nothing is, like we want.

Both of these sentences start with conjunctions. BONUS: Cadence is spelled wrong throughout the story, as well.

* Verb tenses: There seems to be an amazing amount of verb tense problems. Which tells me that English is likely not your native language.

"More she gaved (not only is this an incorrect tense, but this word doesn't exist) to those who needed it. . ."
"Unpleasant facts begun to rise."
" where Candance was hold."

That's only a handful of them.

* OOC canon characters:

. . . and once we have almost killed each other with knifes from kitchen.

Cadence and Shining Armor in a knife fight? As much as it pleases me to imagine such a thing... no, just no.

* The "WAT factor":

Once I discovered, that I have Changelings wings.

i.imgur.com/vMTMw.jpg Thanks, Rainbow. You took the words right out of my mouth.
Seriously, what? This story is full of these sort of weird plot thingies (I don't even know what to call them) that just make absolutely no sense in any way, shape or form.

* Quote punctuation:

„I have changed for you, my love.“

What is that thingy? You know... this: „
What language uses this, because I truthfully don't know. I had to copy/paste it to put it there. I have no idea how to even make my keyboard do that.
Corrected for English: "I have changed for you, my love."

That's all I got. Everything I touched on, in my opinion, appear to be translation errors.

Oh, except the WAT stuff. Which kind of a big deal. Allow me to elaborate:
What is this story? As far as I can tell, Shining Armor is suffering from Stockholm syndrome and falls in love with his captor. Which could possibly make for an interesting story, but the execution here is severely lacking in all departments.

i.imgur.com/IMlOF.jpg

Keep writing, it's all a matter of practice. Also, if you can get a human translator it would help a ton. I would say you should find an editor, but I highly doubt you would find anyone willing to proofread this in its current state.

NATOstrike ~ TWE Railroad Maintenance Engineer
i.imgur.com/3lZia.png?1

[Inspectah Dash]

1409069 You called?

[The Rarispy]

i1104.photobucket.com/albums/h333/Trioxhydre/mlp_wtf.jpg

[Evil Homer]

I'm going to resist the usual urge to riff and tear this story apart for one reason and one reason only, you're not an English speaker. Your use of quotes and syntax seems to be either Germanic or Dutch. As such any comments about your spelling and grammar would make little sense. I will say that if you're going to write in a different language, you should really have a native speaker proofread it for you first.

As for the story itself, kinda weird, not very good and I'm not convinced that changelings are made instead of bred. But on the whole a rather novel approach to the whole Chrysalis x Shining Armor dynamic.

So no thumbs up, but no thumbs down either.

[Scribblestick]

Huh.

Allow me to summarize everything we know about the relationship between Chrysalis and Shining Armor.

-Chrysalis kidnapped and imprisoned his fiancee
-Chrysalis impersonated his fiancee
-Chrysalis used her magic to brainwash him
-Chrysalis kidnapped and imprisoned his sister
-Chrysalis tried to destroy his home
-Chrysalis imprisoned Celestia, who he is sworn to protect
-Shining Armor took out Chrysalis and her entire army with one spell (with the help of Cadence)

So why is Shining Armor in love with Chrysalis again? Unless he's still under a memory spell....

Well. That could be interesting.

[mikerockks]

I can't even... UGGH SO BAD

[NATOstrike]

1409252

Stockholm Syndrome.

[Clockwise Gear]

1409212 Nah, I got it. Will be in my blog next week.

[alexnine]

Her special talent is to spread her talent around.

Why does this sound so unbelievably dirty?

[Snapple Jack]

Her special talent is to spread her talent around

i.qkme.me/36hl6b.jpg

I know everyone's done it, but I couldn't help it. It does sound rather dirty.

[The Dragon Warlock]

I really have no clue what's going on here. Why is Shining betraying Princess Cadence? Why does he want to join the dark side? Aside from it being confusing as Hell, there are many grammar errors throughout. I know somepony already used this, but it has to be said again.

i1189.photobucket.com/albums/z424/DDAhunter/27502618.jpg

[Calirolls]

Um.. Lemme think about this for a minute.
img0.joyreactor.com/images/templates/solo/no.jpg
I didn't even bother reading the whole thing. And why would they get pushed to the point where they had some shit crazy knife war?

[iloveportalz0r]

1409647
30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_li11mcVVdK1qaqvvdo1_400.jpg

[EricKilla]

puu.sh/1JJID.jpg

[PinkieShyFan]

1409224
Actually, Cadance is the way her name is spelled officially.