Red Cent and Breezy Feather have tried hard for years to have a child, and then Generosity came along to brighten their quiet lives. However, the ministry of health have requested that they isolate their child and prepare to have him sent away to canterlot. Fearing that their quiet lives would be disrupted they fled with Generosity away from those who would take him from them.
Years later, Generosity runs from the princesses, fearing that he would be imprisoned forever.
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Even though this has an Alicorn OC (which is despised on this site), THIS REALLY GOOD. its written well and interesting. Ill be watching.........
OK... Superpowered Alicorn is always a bad sign. I dare to say that only for that, you will have a TRAIN WRECK REVIEWER.
as for my personal opinion about the Chapter: Not bad, but neither good. And you will have EXTREMELY careful with the next chapters if you are planning to continue the Omega power level Alicorn idea, if you dont, then this is the only good chapter of your story.
ALSO. reduce the details given in your plot summary
I like it but I don't love it. I actually like the idea of an overpowered alicorn, but to be honest, you kind of drifted off into other stories for no real reason in other paragraphs. "Why did you reject him?" Worst. Sentence. Ever.
Why do you all think he's overpowered? What is considered normal?
It has potential. It could go places, or it could crash and burn. Let's hope it's not the latter, shall we? As far as grammar and spelling goes, there were a couple issues with homophones, as well as a few other issues ('any where' should've been 'anywhere'), but it's nothing that can't be fixed by a couple once-overs and a dictionary.
As for the writing itself, try showing a bit more body language. The last scene came off as a little flat and maybe even a bit rushed, and failed to stir any real emotion (at least with me).
As I said, this has potential. With a little tweaking, this could end up being pretty good.
Best of luck.
1409000
Cloning coins at a young age when the coins themselves have enchantments to prevent that very thing? Seems a little OP to me.
Why is an alicorn OC automatically bad? Seriously, people on this site are too quick to judge.
1412726
I cannot help but think that we are setting the bar a bit too high. Alicorns supposedly are better then unicorns, no? Candace could make ponies fall in love, I think that's dangerous power.
Finished it, and I like it! It's a great idea. I think you need to work on your mechanics a bit. The quotations are a bit out of place at times and the tense seems to change on occasion. Your characters seem a bit more tell and less show--have their actions dictate what they do. If Breeze is supposed to be timid, show it. Introduce her by having her be almost late to a delivery or something. Red Cent is well depicted--you talk about his actions in the past, and how he handled some situations.
Overall, good. As I said, mechanical errors need some work, as well as characters. But I am watching!
1415950
While you do have a point, I could easily argue that at that point in time, Cadance was a teenager/young adult (not to mention able to be responsible with her 'dangerous power'). Your OC is still an infant, and it stands to reason that his power wouldn't be fully realized yet. That, and he probably isn't quite in control if it yet, either. Taking those into account, the chances of a random misfire of magic from an immature alicorn being able to overpower an enchantment like that...are rather slim.
The last thing I want you to do, though, is take this as trying to put you down. I want to see this turn out as well as it can, and it's various problems like these that keep it from getting there. All you have to do is want to fix them.
1415095
They're not inherently bad, they just have a bad reputation of people making their OCs alicorns just because they thought it would be cool. I'm holding out hope for this story, though. It doesn't have the main character automatically living a happy life and showing up everyone else around them, which is always a plus, in my book.
1416099
I guess so. And yes, a very good character thus far, despite the common shenanigans with alicorns.
1416459
>Good character thus far
I just find this amusing. I mean, he's still an infant! There hasn't been any room for development!
>Shenanigans
I think the last fic I read with an alicorn OC was Scootaloo Goes to Heck. Wonder what happened to that...?
1417204
He hasn't had a whole lot of room to go wrong, though, either!
1417495
No, no he has not.
...I feel like we're spamming the comments, now...
great chapter. In my opinion i like OC alicorns, lot more flexible with powers and story plots. also i have seen a lot of OP ponies(not just alicorns) that would be considered worse.
I like it I really do a bit short at points but good. Continue this you bastard
Pla make more this is cool