Chapter 1: Flight of Feathers and cents
In a middle class village in the world of Equestria, there lived a happy couple. One earth pony - red, nimble and quick as he managed and counted the village's wealthy families money. The other, a pegasus- green, quiet and unnoticed as she moved mail through the town. When the day came to an end, both would meet together and make their way back to their modest cottage in the middle of town.
Both loved each other's company, so much that they wanted to add a third addition to their lives. The green pegasus was preganted near the end of the summer of last year, and expecting in mid-spring which our prelude will show in a moment. But before we get to that, let me tell you about two separate wishes each of our two expecting ponies.
The red one, Red Cent, who was employed to manage the money of the town's wealthy, saw the snooty wealthy for what the really were. Greedy, self absorbed, and unwilling to put funds towards charities that would decrease their tax bills. Red Cent wished silently that his child would never be greedy and only be generous.
The green one, Breezy Feather, who delivered the mail, cowered whenever a pony did notice her when their packages were late. It was particularly stressful when she was with child and she wished that her child would never be mean.
One night around 3 in the morning, Breezy Feather yelped and sat up in her bed. Red Cent, who was sleeping next to her awoke and turned on the light.
“What is it honey? What's wrong?”
“The baby is coming!”
Red Cent put on his glasses in a hurry and galloped at full speed towards the doctor's house and brought him to his bedroom. Breezy Feather gasped and cried as the doctor and her husband helped naturally deliver the baby while she stood and pushed.
Then finally, the family number grow to from 2 to 3.
“You did good Breezy.” The doctor praised. He then stood still and looked the foal who looked up at him from the floor curiously while Breezy began to lick her foal clean and invited him for early breakfast from her teats. Breezy was happy, but was then confused from the expressions of Red Cent and the doctor.
“Doctor,” Red Cent began, “Is my son a pegasus... or a unicorn?”
Breezy was extremely tired, but giggled, “Red, our son is a Pegasus silly.” She then gently broke her feeding contact with her new born so that she could introduce him to her goofy husband more clearly. She gazed down upon her son, and did a double take.
The little foal whinnied at his source of warmth and food, being taken away. He looked up at Breezy Feather with his big golden eyes, his tan coat and pure white mane still damp from his mother's tongue, his wings flip-flopped in an effort to keep himself steady on his little hooves. He was a pegasus alright, but his head had a horn.
The foal bleated again at his mother and walked carefully back under her to resume feeding. Red Cent and Breezy Feather traded glances and then looked at the doctor who was busy filling out a birth certificate, noting the day and time and then he look up and said, “Congratulations... its a Boy Alicorn. It is a very special day for you both and all of Equestria indeed. At this time, we will need to depart for the hospital right away!”
“Why?” asked Red Cent.
“There has not been a male Alicorn for centuries. Your son is key to the continuance of Alicorn kind and of her Highnesses princess Celestia and Luna reign. Your son will be taken to the hospital to be inspected thoroughly and isolated while we contact the ministry of health, then your son should be placed under protection of the royal guard and transported to Canterlot.
Breezy shifted a bit, her Alicorn baby was tugging a bit too roughly at her teats. “Will we able to go to with him?”
“I am not sure.”
Red Cent shook his head. Canterlot was not his favorite place, the city was full of rude and rich unicorns, and they were all very rude when it came to debating tax loopholes that they simply will not get away with, they yell at him for no reason at him. He had a terrible thought that his son may become one of them. “Look, this is all very sudden. We haven’t even named him yet. Doctor, we just want to live our lives normally and our son to have a normal childhood here in Farwoods.”
The Doctor shook his head. “I am sorry, but this has to be done. This order to my understanding was given by Princess Celestia many, many centuries ago. It is the law. I hope you understand.”
There was then an awkward silence. Red Cent sighed in frustration, and then he trotted to his wife and son. He nuzzled his wife and whispered in her ear. Her eyes grew wide and she looked at the doctor with a pain look. She then nodded. Red Cent then bowed below his wife to nuzzle his son, who briefly vocalized his hello before returning to his welcoming breakfast.
The doctor was putting away his stethoscope in his bag when Red Cent offered, “Before we go any where doctor, would you be interested in an early breakfast before we go? Perhaps some fried potatoes and veggies with lemon pepper?”
“That would be nice, we could eat and discuss your child name to place on the certificate, I have it all signed and ready for you.”
“That is grand, we also have tea and sugar if you'd like, or perhaps coffee?”
“Tea is fine”
“How may lumps would you like?”
“One please and thank you.”
Wham!
=+=+=+=
“...and then the last thing you saw was a frying pan?” Asked the royal guard hours later, taking notes at the town hall.
“Yes...” said the doctor weakly while rubbing a spot on his head that was partially covered with a large ice block.
“One last question,” the guard put down his quill with his magic and looked directly at the doctor. You've mentioned that you have been neighbors and have tended to Red Cent and Breezy Feather for years. So you would know them best. Why do you think that they would knock you out and flee town to with their newborn, the un-named Alicorn foal?”
The doctor sighed, “I really cannot discuss what we talk about when providing the two care. However, Mr. Cent is a reliable strategist when it comes to money, and he has helped our clinic's bottom line in the past. He does tend to get irritated when his clients – particularly when they ask him to manipulate their weath in a certain way that is legally questionable..”
“Mrs. Feather is prone to be publicly anxious, and I am partially responsible as well for that when I grow impatient waiting for important documents. But being that she comes from a line of pegasus ponies who actually do better on the ground then the air, combined with the stresses of the Royal Mail service, this is to be expected.”
“To sum up, the both of them share a normal life... as I said before they did not want to have their son isolated then sent to Canterlot. Both have worked a very long time to have children... And I have said too much, and must now make my report of the alicorn to the ministry of health.”
The Royal Guard nodded his head and took up his quill. “Thank you for your time, doctor. You'll find that a representative from the ministry of health down the hall in the room to your right.”
After the doctor left the room, the guard finished his report and placed it into his saddlebag. He then motioned to his subordinates in the room to prepare for flight. There was a Alicorn out there that needed their protection. One way or another, the young prince would be found, and brought to where he belongs.
=+=+=+=
Eight days later, in a wooded place away from society, father and mother was playing keep away with their son. Giggling and laughing as their son frolicked and jumped trying to get a single flower. Sometimes the parents would let him win and his reward would be to suckle on the flower (he was still to young to eat flowers, but the suckling the flower and its tasty juices was rewarding nevertheless). To the parents delight, the young Alicorn was able to say “Mommy” and “Daddy” so shortly after his birth.
Both shuttered when they thought if their son was never able to say those words as his first words.
Later that evening, Breezy Feather had finished feeding her son and was snuggling by the camp fire with him when Red Cent came back with dinner... and a lumpy carpet bag.
“Hello honey! I'm home!” he said muffled, then he threw the bag down, the objects inside clinking as it settled. Then unpacking the wild wheat and apples he plucked on his way home from his saddle bag and laid them on the picnic blanket for his wife.
“What is in the bag?” Breezy Feather asked.
Red Cent smiled, “Remember the savings account we have with Farwoods capital bank that Filthy Rich offered a high interest rate I redid the bank's taxes?”
“Faintly, but wouldn't the Royal Guard freeze the account?”
“Well, when Mr Rich asked me to skirt around the law, I became very distrustful of his bank. Then I closed the account and buried the money!”
“Red Cent! You didn't!”
“But I did! And considering the circumstances, what a good investment I made!”
Red Cent then tapped the bag, which opened and spilt hundreds of gold bits on the ground. Breezy Feather smiled, but then frowned. “But We won't be able to hide in any town in equestria! They will look for us, and take away our love.”
She looked at her son, who was now wide awake and staring at the pretty glittering coins in the bag, cooing and attempting to escape the hooves of his mother, who wouldn't let go, and hugged him tighter. “How are we to live? We want to live a normal life, we can't live in the Forest forever. And this money can't last us two years.”
Red Cent sighed, “There is a town development project that I was offered a stake in... but this isn't enough to cover it” If only I did, two years from now we could have been living in a new home in a new town. We could change our names, and provide home schooling to... we haven’t even named our son! What kind of parents are we? Oh Breezy, I am so sorry. I wish we had more money!”
Then the remarkable happened. The little Alicorn foal whinnied and fought to escape his mother's grasp. He then broke free and jumped into the pile of bits, playing and giggling, then his horn began glow a bright light, over taking the light of the evening fire and blinding his parents. Then as quickly as the flash came, it was gone. When both Red Cent and Breezy Feather regained their sight, the modest pile of money that was in the bag was twice as high as they were put together. With their son on top, flapping his wings and cooing at the sudden, rapid ascension he just took.
“Oh my...” Breezy said.
“Impossible...” said Red, “Bits cannot be replicated! The treasury puts secret magical charms on the bits so they cannot be counterfeited! He then ruffled through his bag for his special magnifying glass he used when working for the wealthy and examined a few of the coins.
They were all real.
The little Alicorn on top of the pile suddenly lost his balance and fell down the small mountain of bits into his mother and fathers hooves and the hugged him while crying tears of Joy. And on that day, his parents named the first male alicorn in centuries, Generosity.
=+=+=+=
“Oh my...” Said Princess Celestia.
“Impossible!” shouted Princess Luna. “Are you sure that the Doctor who delivered this “Brown Male Alicorn with white mane” is telling the truth?! We think that the frying pan made him deluded, and thou foolishly believed this bull of story?!”
The public servant, (who in fact was well-to-do bull from the ministry of health), let his jaw drop at her majesty's comment.
Princess Celestia quickly went into damage control mode. “Forgive my sister, I speak for myself and I do not judge until I have all the facts, but are you quite certain that the doctor from Farwood is telling the truth?”
The Bull picked his jaw off the ground and recomposed himself. “Uh-hum, yes.” He said in a gruff voice. “Doctor Wind Whistle graduated at the top of his class in Canterlot University and has no complaints on file with the ministry. We have no reason not to believe him.”
“Very well, thank you for bringing this to our attention. You are excused.”
After the public servant left, the princesses left the private meeting room, and retired to the residence wing of the castle. While walking towards their rooms, Princess Celestia hummed a melody.
“I recognize that song...” piped Princess Luna. “It was the song that Silver Prism used to sing to when he was trying to court you.”
Celestia laughed. “Yes! Oh Silver Prism... I miss him very much. He was very much loved at court and acted as a jester whenever an ambassador or another pony made such ridiculous requests!” Then her smile faded “I wish that he wouldn't have disappeared after I rejected his offer to marry him.”
Luna stopped. “I actually never asked... why did you reject him?”
“He wasn't mature. At least, not at that time. I loved him, but if I married him then and there, Equestria would have a fool for a king. I tried to gently set him down, but when I finished and left him in the rose garden. He became so depressed, that he suffered Cutie Fracture.”
Cutie Fracture is when a pony's Cutie Mark became “broken” in a sense. The medical diagnosis for this condition is a distorted cutie mark, a change of color from original to gray and an unwillingness to participate in world maintenance (change seasons or repair), or perform their special talent. Most ponies, unless given proper help, die of starvation. There is no known cure, but attention and praise given to the afflicted may help this debilitating disease.
“So sad,” commented Luna. “I guess he truly was not a good fit for you. What ever happened after that?”
“I told him before I left,” Celestia quivered her lips a bit “That if he became more mature, I'd consider his offer in the future. After I was told of his affliction, he disappeared. Fearing that he may have died or might kill himself, I sent the wonderbolts far and wide to find him. He is still missing, but as far as the official records, he simply wanted to explore space and left Equestria. It is assumed he is dead. But every now and again, I do ask for a recon mission whenever I hear one of his songs sung by a pony in my travels in the kingdom.”
Both princesses resumed walking, and Celestia continued on a more pleasant note, “If the report is true, then it looks like we may have a suitor in a few decades.”
“Or trouble if we do not secure the foal.” said Luna. “We barely can contain ourselves when we are entrusted the day, night and security of all of our little ponies.” Certainly like Prism we have a joke here and there to keep us sane, but what if he becomes evil?”
“Well, only one way to find out. When he surfaces again, our guards will politely secure him.”
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Even though this has an Alicorn OC (which is despised on this site), THIS REALLY GOOD. its written well and interesting. Ill be watching.........
OK... Superpowered Alicorn is always a bad sign. I dare to say that only for that, you will have a TRAIN WRECK REVIEWER.
as for my personal opinion about the Chapter: Not bad, but neither good. And you will have EXTREMELY careful with the next chapters if you are planning to continue the Omega power level Alicorn idea, if you dont, then this is the only good chapter of your story.
ALSO. reduce the details given in your plot summary
I like it but I don't love it. I actually like the idea of an overpowered alicorn, but to be honest, you kind of drifted off into other stories for no real reason in other paragraphs. "Why did you reject him?" Worst. Sentence. Ever.
Why do you all think he's overpowered? What is considered normal?
It has potential. It could go places, or it could crash and burn. Let's hope it's not the latter, shall we? As far as grammar and spelling goes, there were a couple issues with homophones, as well as a few other issues ('any where' should've been 'anywhere'), but it's nothing that can't be fixed by a couple once-overs and a dictionary.
As for the writing itself, try showing a bit more body language. The last scene came off as a little flat and maybe even a bit rushed, and failed to stir any real emotion (at least with me).
As I said, this has potential. With a little tweaking, this could end up being pretty good.
Best of luck.
1409000
Cloning coins at a young age when the coins themselves have enchantments to prevent that very thing? Seems a little OP to me.
Why is an alicorn OC automatically bad? Seriously, people on this site are too quick to judge.
1412726
I cannot help but think that we are setting the bar a bit too high. Alicorns supposedly are better then unicorns, no? Candace could make ponies fall in love, I think that's dangerous power.
Finished it, and I like it! It's a great idea. I think you need to work on your mechanics a bit. The quotations are a bit out of place at times and the tense seems to change on occasion. Your characters seem a bit more tell and less show--have their actions dictate what they do. If Breeze is supposed to be timid, show it. Introduce her by having her be almost late to a delivery or something. Red Cent is well depicted--you talk about his actions in the past, and how he handled some situations.
Overall, good. As I said, mechanical errors need some work, as well as characters. But I am watching!
1415950
While you do have a point, I could easily argue that at that point in time, Cadance was a teenager/young adult (not to mention able to be responsible with her 'dangerous power'). Your OC is still an infant, and it stands to reason that his power wouldn't be fully realized yet. That, and he probably isn't quite in control if it yet, either. Taking those into account, the chances of a random misfire of magic from an immature alicorn being able to overpower an enchantment like that...are rather slim.
The last thing I want you to do, though, is take this as trying to put you down. I want to see this turn out as well as it can, and it's various problems like these that keep it from getting there. All you have to do is want to fix them.
1415095
They're not inherently bad, they just have a bad reputation of people making their OCs alicorns just because they thought it would be cool. I'm holding out hope for this story, though. It doesn't have the main character automatically living a happy life and showing up everyone else around them, which is always a plus, in my book.
1416099
I guess so. And yes, a very good character thus far, despite the common shenanigans with alicorns.
1416459
>Good character thus far
I just find this amusing. I mean, he's still an infant! There hasn't been any room for development!
>Shenanigans
I think the last fic I read with an alicorn OC was Scootaloo Goes to Heck. Wonder what happened to that...?
1417204
He hasn't had a whole lot of room to go wrong, though, either!
1417495
No, no he has not.
...I feel like we're spamming the comments, now...
great chapter. In my opinion i like OC alicorns, lot more flexible with powers and story plots. also i have seen a lot of OP ponies(not just alicorns) that would be considered worse.