My first story ever so please go easy. My memoirs in pony form.
Chapters (11)
Skitzo Tune
Joined 29th Dec, 2011 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- BlackSpire · 51k words · 29 4 · 2.3k views
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.094 seconds
Total duration
1,070 users online
2,461,617 hits today, 2,814,898 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Interesting.
There is much potential in this one, yes.
Keep going! Also, nice job keeping the grammatical errors to a minimum.
MOAR
MOAR CHAPTERS!!!!
I like this concept i am totality hooked
yay!
Liked this chapter better. I'm sure with the amazing skills, accomplishments, and reputation these daring colts have gotten, they are sure to be given first class accommodations! Right?
i can sense shipping in the making
Good chapter, one thing really confused me, though.
"wax on some food."
Making wax models of food?
97553
It's a way to say eat where I live. lol
98491 Oh, sorry bout' that
tragic backstory
Loving the story so far mate can not wait for your next installment
Great chapter mate cant wait for the next
oh and i hope you start feeling better soon
114655
Whenever I sick it tends to stick around with me for a bit. I think mainly cause I normally only get sick once a year.
Thanks
Fave
Just thought I let you know the Link for the song you put in chapter 8-9 (cant remember which one) no longer works, It seem's that the user removed the Vid. Here is a link that works in-case you want to change it
:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8eqcPsA_9sk
What a strange twist?
I don't want to comment about length, but a lot of the events seem rushed. Perhaps more words would make it better- just a suggestion.
353375
Thanks for the heads up. I'll get right on that.
354247
) but thank you for the critique. I've been asking for it and I've had very little feedback aside from one person. So thank you. 
Ya I know it does but things in life normally happen fast (well atleast for me
354598 Just remember I hold nothing against your style, -it's fine by me. Just do your best. It's a pleasure reading it and commenting is the least I can do. Looking forward to it too.
Just saw this story, and saw you may need some critique. I'll give it a whirl!
As a bit of friendly advice, the archetype of a black-and-red, troubled-past, ultra-edgy alicorn (or pegasus, in this case) tends to be used quite a lot amongst newer writers. Sometimes people associate that type of character with bad writing, so be careful when you're including that in your story. Just a warning!
I have read some parts of your story, though, and, aside from the self-insert nature, I'm impressed by the relative competency of it all. There are a few grammar errors (you're/your, tense disagreement), but there are few spelling errors, and the paragraphs are spaced out nicely and the chapters are a good length. My biggest recommendation would be to move a little further from how you might describe something in real life; add more flavor! The good news is that you seem to be getting it now that you're further into the story, which is a great sign of improvement.
Most of all, keep writing and learn from your critics! Practice makes perfect only if you're practicing the right things, as you may've seen. Good luck!