The Perfect Colt - Sweetie Belle
I walked home through the park after I left Scootaloo's house. She was so lucky. She was a mare now and I really, really wanted to be a mare. If I was a mare, I thought I'd probably be able to convince my mom to let me wear make-up and go on dates with colts, and maybe colts would even want to go on dates with me. I knew just which ones I'd want to go out with, too: Rumble, or Featherweight, or Shady Daze. I knew why I liked all of them, but my friends never wanted me to explain it.
As I was walking, I noticed some colts playing ball, and Rumble was there! I had to make sure he saw me, so I stopped to watch. He was so athletic, and such a good flyer, and really nice. I thought all of those would be good things in a very special somepony.
I smiled at him a lot, but he didn't seem to notice me. I even tossed my mane, even though it was so poofy that it didn't really toss right. I wished I had a flowing mane like the mares in the books. Then I could toss it and it would catch in the light, and Rumble would fly right over and start talking to me.
He'd tell me I looked pretty, no, stunning. He'd tell me I looked stunning and ask if he could walk me home. Then on the way, he'd pick me a flower and say it wasn't as pretty as me. Of course I'd say thank you, and he'd drape his wing over me and we'd get to Rarity's shop just as the sun was setting, and he'd give me a kiss on the cheek, because he's a gentlecolt.
“Hey, Sweetie Belle!”
I looked up. He was talking to me! Rumble was talking to me! I blushed and looked down. “Um, hi Rumble. . .”
“Hey, could you kick our ball back?”
I blinked. Then I looked around, and saw the ball they were playing with was right next to me. That's all he wanted, his stupid ball. And he didn't even come over to me to get it.
I frowned, and kicked the ball hard. He caught it and smiled. “Nice kick!”
Argh! Colts! What was wrong with them?
I turned and walked away like I didn't even care. Because I totally didn't. Rumble might be cute, but he wasn't a gentlecolt. Featherweight was cuter anyway. And smart. That was way more important than being athletic, he'd never just ask me to kick a dumb ball. He probably could write me poetry or something!
I thought about Featherweight the rest of the way home.
I trotted in the door of the boutique, but Rarity wasn't in the front room. I called to her, “Rarity!”
“I'm in here, Sweetie Belle,” she called from her inspiration room. When I got there, she was leaning over her table drawing something, so I stayed back by the door so I wouldn't bother her.
“Rarity, it's way more important for a colt to be smart than athletic, right?”
“Everypony has different talents, dear. One isn't better than the other,” she said, not really looking up.
“I mean like, for a very special somepony. It's way more important that he's smart and thinks a lot and can write you poetry and doesn't just want you to kick some dumb ball. That's why I know that Featherweight is the colt for me. He's so smart, and he's quiet, and nice, and really cute!”
I leaned against the doorframe. “I know this morning I said that I was totally into Rumble, but it turns out that Rumble is a jerk. . . He's at the bottom of my list now. I mean, not the entire list, I'd still rather have him for a special somepony than Snails or Truffle, but he's at the bottom of the list of colts I want to be my very special somepony.”
“Of course, Rumble has muscles,” I said, putting my hoof to my face and thinking. “All the stallions in the books have a lot of muscles. Maybe that's important. And Rumble did smile at me. Maybe he shouldn't be at the bottom of the list. Maybe he should be in the middle. I don't know. Which is more important? Poetry or muscles?”
“Sweetie Belle, I am trying to design something!” Rarity snapped, glancing back at me.
“What are you designing?” I asked.
“A chastity belt at this rate,” she sighed. “Why don't I go and make you some dinner? Then you could do your homework. Quietly.”
After dinner, I went upstairs to do my homework. But I didn't do my homework right away. First, I pulled out the book I had borrowed from Rarity that morning. She wouldn't mind as long as I got it back to her before she noticed. I curled up on my bed and started reading.
This one was called Crashing Waves and it was about the dashing pirate prince, Storm Thunder, and the beautiful unicorn maiden who ended up on his ship. They fell in love, of course, and I found the really good stuff on page 272.
How could Apple Bloom and Scootaloo not think it sounded wonderful to have a handsome stallion kissing them and whispering about how beautiful they were? Not to mention the other stuff. I couldn't find anything bad about somepony making me 'moan with desperation in unparalleled passion,' even after I looked the words up in a dictionary.
I set the book down and sighed. Why weren't any of the colts at school like Storm Thunder? Why didn't they notice me? Why didn't I have a mane of flowing sapphire tresses? My life was so tragic.
I just wished I had somepony who would say they loved me and they'd always be there for me. I had my friends, but I felt like I just got on their nerves sometimes. Neither of them wanted to talk about grown-up things like colts, they just wanted to run around and play. And then Scootaloo would be leaving at the end of the summer.
I just thought that if I could find my perfect colt, it wouldn't matter as much if Scoot was at flight school or Apple Bloom had chores to do, because I'd have him. That made sense, if everything had to change because we were growing up, then being grown up meant that I could find a new kind of friend who would be with me forever.
And of the colts in my class, that would have to be Featherweight. Or Rumble. . .
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Hm, so Sweetie Belle's been finding the good stuff in Rarity's book collection? Looks like Rarity needs to start paying more attention to these things. I think you've chosen an interesting part for Sweetie Belle as this is how she'd react to something like this.
Man growing up is hard enough. You have captured the chemical imbalances perfectly.
This story breaks new ground in my humble opinion. I don't believe I've had a chance to read any literature addressing the actual strains of growing up. Typically the CMC are either young or grown. The in-between has usually been left untouched. As such, I'm really happy to see your take on it. I'm looking forward to see how this develops.
This is really awesome. This is a great representation of what it feels like to be growing up, and I can't wait to see where this goes.
I'm really liking this. All of them represent various parts of what teenage girls go through as they slowly become adults. Apple Bloom is the part of the Psyche that want's things to stay the same and never grow up. She's afraid of change and what may happen when it comes, but this hinders her maturity. Sweetie Belle is the opposite, she wants to change the most. She's thinking about boys and becoming a full grown mare so she can feel special and appreciated. Problem is, she's thinking to fast and rushing it. Scootaloo, is kind of in between them. She's not in any rush, but she's not worried about what she was. All she cares about is now and just taking things one at a time. This is the least damaging out of all three.
I like how Apple Bloom is uncomfortable with AJ and RD being together. Since Apple Bloom sees AJ as a mother figure as much as a sister figure, it can be understanding why she doesn't quite feel okay with this. Not many fics portray this very well and I approve of your thinking outside the box.
Keep it up.
I completely agree with calm&quiet, this is really what kept me reading. Id love to see more and am looking forward to the next chapter.
Very interesting! Definitely looking forward to more!
Please keep writing, I'll keep reading!
I really like how you portray the Crusaders as teens. They just seem so... real.
Definutely good, but sweetie belle went from my favorite crusader (in cannon) to my least favorite in fannon.
Rarity, my lady? For that wisecrack, you win the Internet.
So, it looks like Sweetie Bell is the boy-crazy... er... colt-crazy one, huh? I just hope she doesn't get herself in trouble out of a desire to be 'grown up'!
That aside... Yeah, Sweetie would be the one with issues, wouldn't she? Her parents are always dropping her off with her über-busy older sister (who, whilst she loves her, really has a hard time liking her) as they go off on one of their all-too-frequent vacations. If any of the primary characters would likely end up with a desperate (perhaps dangerous) desire to belong and be loved unconditionally, it would be her.
Nice going with the Sweetie Belle = awkward boy stage. Me and my friends used to make boy lists like that, both with the guys in class and celebrities (Orlando Bloom may or may not still be at the top of my celebrity list...If I had such a mental list that is. I'm way too mature for that
) Question: how the crap do you make this stuff sound so realistic - I swear I'm having a nostalgia attack right now.
Haha, sounds about right. Looks like Sweetie Belle is going to inherit that drama queen gene from Rarity
This sounds so much like a girl I know dearly that I'm seriously debating whether or not you modeled it after her. Can't wait to see where this goes.
This is a really good story, and for the life of me, I don't know why It only has that many views.
Can't wait to see more!
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I've been meaning to reply to all of the comments here, but I haven't gotten to it yet. But for those who might be curious how I'm handling the heat cycle, I did a write up on my head canon for it for one of my pre-readers who had a lot of questions. You guys are welcome to take a look and comment or PM me about anything you think looks weird.
Or you can just keep reading the fic and see how you like it, either way.
Edit: Might be helpful if I posted the link. . .
(And Ladyhart21- I guess part of the nostalgia attack is that my last fandom was for a series of teen girl books, I used to write Baby-Sitters Club fanfic, so I've read about/thought about that time of life pretty recently.)
It is good.
wow. reallt nice coming-of-ageork being done here. You must be fres from your teen years to write this so well.
Bravo.
I like how REAL the story is... all of us here know what this is like, and their emotions and thoughts are just perfect. Plus you've managed to age, but not change thir personalities, very nice
As a bonus, “A chastity belt at this rate,” she sighed. made me lol
And Drama queen Sweetie Bell is a nice touch... gotta love those family ties.
This is fucking precious. You, continue this. Now.
awesome story so far, i am curious will you be doing a chapter for diamond tiara or silver spoon?
I don't normally leave comments for stories, since I use my phone and all, but... This is amazing :3
Sweetie Belle reminds me of a girl that I knew/know, and Applebloom reminds me of another girl I know/knew... Scootaloo reminds me of me, in a way.
I loved Rarity's comment about the chastity belt. Really, that was just priceless :3 And Sweetie Belle's colt-craziness and desire to grow up also made me smile... though had I been in Scootaloo and Applebloom's position with having to listen to it, I would have been much less amused...
Alright, I like what I've read.
I can't wait to see more.
Great story so far. Best "The CMC are growing up" I came across yet. I hope you continue it soon.
And I really like your style, so I'll have a look at your other stories soon
A very good look into the challenges and self-induced angst of growing up.
It is very rare indeed that I can read a first-person fic. They have to be damned well done to keep my interest, and this is right up there at the top.
I want more.
I feel a strong urge to help fashion the lock and key for the chastity belt Rarity is making, just in the off chance Sweetie Belle ends up on a season of 16 and Pregnant.
I just know, I'll have a daughter like her one day, and when I do. . . dear God.
Question: Is it okay if I do a review of this on my userpage?
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Yes, as long as you include a memo that I apologize for taking forever to update, but I still do intend to do so at some point.
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I always put the update status of stories in my reviews (like if they're on Hiatus) so yeah, I can do that.
well Scootaloo is handling this pretty well.. I want more
I think Sweetie Belle is exactly how I was in 6th grade. I was that idiot who was obsessed with boys( who didn't even like girls if they weren't athletic.)
Teenage Sweetie Belle is best Sweetie Belle.
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Let me preface by saying that this is one of my new favorite CMC stories. I'd wholeheartedly recommend it all if it weren't for the whole heat cycle thing. There's really no nice way to say this, but I'm concerned that such a biological situation would make rape even more frequent than it is in the real world, especially when your headcanon sheet has this in it:
A bit creepy.
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I can totally see how that would be true, except that (in this headcanon) Equestrian society is kind of built with this in mind. The herbs that they talk about are common, readily available, and perfectly safe, so they're taken regularly. On top of that, ponies are, on the whole, a lot more honorable and responsible than humans, so mishaps are even more rare than they would be with humans.
Basically, they have stronger urges than people, but they also have a cure for those urges, putting them better off than people once they get through puberty.
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I can see where you're coming from, though I'm still wondering if your story's going to take a turn for the uncomfortable down the line.
Haha! Reading this certainly felt like being an adolescent to me (though I must admit to being the opposite gender of the characters so I can't state if it's true to that regard or not). I'm curious from those that had the experience of being a young woman if this is what it actually felt like. I certainly heard echoes of my fears and concerns in my head. The bit about the list and constantly moving up and down it... pure truth. Luckily I'm old enough now that I can laugh at the foibles presented herein. Though I must note that this work is two years old and still unfinished, what's the problem? It seems like a very interesting concept and I'ld love to see where you go with it.
The characterizations seem fairly spot on to me though again I must profess not being intimately familiar with the subject matter. The voice of each one seemed true to form though which I appreciate greatly. It also goes to show your breadth of writing styles.
"Growing up is weird.
Like, the day I got my cutie mark I couldn't stop looking at it, I was so excited, and everypony was excited for me. Then I had a cute-ceañera, but after a few weeks it was just. . . there. And I was the same pony, but with a cutie mark."
This bit struck me as the truest of all though. I finally became an adult on the day that I realized that everyone else was faking it just as much as I was... that the "adults" weren't wiser, they were just more cunning liars!
Also an interesting merger of equine and human characteristics, doesn't feel too forced on either. I know that as a young man I spent whole weeks feeling like I was in heat. I don't know why everyone keeps dramatizing High School as some idyllic place, that $h!t was TERRIBLE to deal with! Imagine an angry Chihuahua in your pocket that WON'T SHUT UP! You try reasoning with it, you try yelling at it, you try feeding it treats when it's good, you even try smack it on the head when it's bad, but it still just GOES OFF ON SOMEBODY at random intervals... often when it would be the most socially embarrassing too! THAT'S WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE A TEENAGE BOY. Is it really that similar for girls though?
Also, almost forgot to mention it, thank you for the subversion of the heat tropes there. A good decon/recon is always interesting to see.
Ah, fresh air! You feel so nice! Where have you been? Who opened the window?
Probably the most levelheaded portrayal of being in heat I've seen.
Being a dude, and never having sisters, this was really interesting to read. A lot of fun, too.
Tracking, just in case. ^.^
Don't worry Rumble, obliviousness is common in all males. I'm apparently chronic.