Dark beings have started popping up in Equestria and nopony that sees them can understand what they are, will our keyblade wielder be able to save this world with the help of the elements of harmony?
Chapters (15)
Mekapix
Joined 21st Sep, 2012 ·
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seems interesting, I love KH and I love MLP, you got a loyal reader of me
Oi, kid. That right there needs to be changed. It completely disrupts the flow of the story. Separate it into 2 individual sentences.
As for the story itself, seems good. I'll add to fav's and give a thumbs up.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Spitfire_lazy.png
Sweet never seen or thought about a kindom hearts story,Nice work and keep working magic my friend!
This story needs major grammatical correction. For starters, each line of dialogue gets put on its own line.
"Even if it's not-"
"Yes, Fluttershy," Twilight interrupted. "Even if it's not a complete sentence."
"Oh. O-okay..."
Also, Donald's a little OOC. More pugnacious, less intelligible pls.
Stated like a true sir... Which Dolan is not.
"I'm not fawwing for that twick again, Sohwa! Waa-aaahblhblhblh!"(or however you spell his freakout noise)
(Unless you want to let readers imagine Donald's squawk themselves.)
I don't dislike this... yet. I suggest getting a proofreader to make your story easier to read.
1395835 I see what you mean and I did wonder about the speech but a lot of stories I've read haven't done that so I'm going to leave it how it is for now, however if more people make the same comment then I will change to that style of dialogue and as for the grammar I would have to agree, especially Donald's line that you mentioned, though in my defense, I did imagine him wagging his finger at Sora as he said it. Thank's for your comment though, if other things come up during the story them I'll be more than happy to accept critisms.
Oh shit....
Shit just got real!
Since when was Pinkie a unicorn?dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Pinkie_Pie_lolface.png
1402121 Oh my god...What was I doing??
1402127 You were doing something that threatened the fabric of reality itself.
You know what this needs? Good spacing so I can understand the dialog easier. Other then that it's pretty good.
1402136 I might have to fire my proof reader for not picking that up or myself for writing it
1402436 Don't fire, just tell em' he's an ass. And THEN fire em'.
Awesome.
So, we see a bit of Keyblade magic. This raises a question. What magic does he have available to him. Is it just the simple Fire, Ice, Lightning, gravity. Or, does Sora have access to his more destructive abilities, like firaga, graviga, etc...
1419200 At the current moment in time, he has only got access to a few basic spells. I haven't yet decided if and how he will get the more powered versions.
Alright then.
I really like this story, don't stop it, but i highly recommend putting some spacing into it. you must have wall-of-text syndrome
, so you need to get out of it quickly.
if i had seen it with a wall of text first, i would have skipped it over entirely.
otherwise, its great, i'll keep reading, and it gets a fave and a like.
I have a question. Is this KH1 Sora or KH2 Sora?
1432989 This is KH2 Sora
1433721I don't have moar yet
My favorite boss to fight in the first game. The Stealth Sneak. Also, some errors to be noted:
Umm...not quite right there.
Need a space.
There were a couple other errors, like you misspelled honor and spelled it 'honour'. But, I'll let someone else find those mistakes. Until next chapter my friend.
Those types of Heartless are called Large Bodies, not Big Bodies.
1434186Actually, the honour thing is like the word colour, spelt differently in different places
1438230 Oh...I see.
when the new chaper is coming out?
1478532Sorry, it shouldn't be too long but I've just been a bit busy recently. I'll make sure it's out by the end of the week at the latest
I FUC**** hate those stupid chameleans!
did i spell that right oh well Nice job brocive!
1526771I'll try to update quicker but it's exams and stuff this week, I'm still working on the next chapter but it might only be another one late in the week at this rate.
1527165 I know the feeling of putting up with tests good sir,GOOD LUCK!
Spark Raid...
Shit just got real.
Valor form, stuff just got real.
I called it, about half way through the fight I said "He's going to go Valor"
OH DEAR AMATERASU RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!
shit just got real.
1562471don't you mean Dear Celestia.
Valor Form...Oh fuck. This won't end well. For the stealth sneak that is. If your showing us his valor form, then does that mean that at some point in time he'll use his wisdom and final form? And possibly shadow form?
1563413 Well there basically the same pony!
1567270 ones a wolf and the other is a pony.
1567306 I know but think as a insane person would they both control the sun!
1564459Hush hush
1568046 My lips are sealed.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra_dealwithit.png
1564459Shadow form is called anti-form as in anti Sora
1578208 At this point what the forms called doesn't matter NEARLY as much as what the form itself does. Plus, shadow form is easier to remember, and is an apt description of what the form looks like.
We gonna get a picture of the new keyblade in the next chapter?
OH GOD you gave pinkie a weapon were all doomed!
7 keyblades...that's 3 more than I can handle. Also this,
This was a Rarity line. Just...you see why this is wrong?
I know people wanted to see what they Keyblades looked like so I asked someone from Deviant Art if I could use theirs. His name is Xelim and I'd like to thank him for letting me use his designs, please check out the profile and give credit where it's due. Thanks Xelim
http://xelim.deviantart.com/gallery/