• Member Since 9th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen April 16th

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On the day Applebloom was born, the Apple family came across a strange creature, a human baby. They took it in and raised it as their own and as time passed he made new friends and grew in the traditions of Ponyville. But being different from everypony else is more troublesome than you think. How could he cope with being the only human in Equestria? And what surprises does his future hold for him?

There will be cursing, and violence, and sex... okay I lied about the last one.

Chapters (6)
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Comments ( 210 )

An obvious plagiarism of Raising a Human in Equestria.

Not to discourage you, but someone else did this not to long ago...

It's dangerous to go alone! Stop taking this!

1383488 1383496 1383557
While I may be bias (due to loving whats being done with Raising a Human in Equestria) but I give it a read and then say my peace. :twilightsmile:

1383488 I had no idea, sorry, but I think I can get mine to be a little more original than as is it is. Thanks for letting me know.

.1383496 I had no idea, sorry, but I think I can get mine to be a little more original than as is it is. Thanks for letting me know.1383496

1383557 Thanks for giving me the link. I'll look into it.

moar...:ajbemused: and i mean RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!:flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage:

1383863 Okay, since you so obviously didn't know, I will actually try it.

Thumbs up for having an original picture right off the bat :pinkiesmile:

You know, the concept is FAR too interesting to just have one of. I am glad to see this type of HiE is starting to get more attention. Maybe it will become a new subgenre like that of the Chess Game, or Ponies on Earth or whatever other HiE styles there are.

1383488 How is this plagiarism? He didn't steal another writers work. You can't put a patent on an idea. This entire site is made up of rehashed ideas, with different takes on the same scenario.

Ah! I understand your pain! Of having an idea and then it turns out that someone else has already come up with said idea. I too had an idea for a story. A human gets sent to Equestira (alright THAT parts not new or uncommon), by Discord (I don't think that one's uncommon but I've only seen one like this) and is turned into a diamond dog by Discord and then goes on to have his own adventures on the story path set before him... of course it turns out that someone wrote a very good story like that. True there are differences between them... however it's hard to want to post what I have knowing I'll be "competing" with Rust and his wonderful story... I say "competing" because I know there'll be people who'll dislike it just because "Rust did it 1st!" (I'm pretty sure his name is Rust... right?) ...so don't worry that someone else has done your idea too! Great minds think alike no?

Didn't read the whole thing, and frankly I didn't want too.

Two main reasons being your style of writing and your pacing.
For your style, this link could be very helpful.

The pacing is just too fast. Character's go from being bored to happy to sad to curious in the space of a mere few lines. Everyone is immediately straight to the point, which isn't all that believable. The first scene was only two lines, nothing but the most basic descriptions!

To add to those two points, the grammar isn't all that great.

Big Mac asked his grandmother still crying.

There is nothing connecting still crying to the rest of the line. What you're doing is just lazily throwing an emotion onto the end of the sentence without properly connecting it.
It should be more like:

Big Mac asked his grandmother, tears still running down the colt's face.

And finally,

"Last one there's a rotten apple!" Johnny challenged as he ran faster.
"No fair! Yer legs are longer then mine!" Applebloom yelled out laughing.

Quadrupeds are much faster than bipeds. A Jack Russel puppy can easily outrun me, and my legs are a couple dozen times larger, if not more. Why do you think we domesticated horses in the first place?

MnM

I have no problem with this story, but I do think it's bullshit you got a featured spot with only 20 or so favorites. :duck:

Like I told you back on my story, keep doing what you're doing.
Personally I'd love to see more stories like this.:eeyup:

Though I do have a small suggestion. You might want to change his name, it might help with the people who have read my story so they could give this one a fair chance.

It would be funny if he ends up romanticaly involved with Diamond Tiara later on.

Okay I read this and I'll keep this civil as I can. First off, you have to get an editor plain and simple. I'm no grammar Nazi by any stretch of the imagination, however this was riddled with errors. Secondly, yes the pacing and the story is far to erratic. Slow it down and show us what's in the story, do not simply tell us.

I felt nothing when it was announced that Mrs. Apple had died. And that's because you had Granny Smith treat her death like an after thought. If her own mother doesn't give a flying shit about her dieing I sure in hell won't either. Another thing, how the hell does a new born human crawl? That made zero sense. I think you have something good here, but right now it's just a diamond in the rough. I don't know if you rushed it or not, but please consider trying to polish it up, while you still have the chance. Anyway good luck to you sir, and wow a featured spot?:eeyup:

While I do love the idea, and will follow alonh with this story, you look like you could use some constructive criticism:
¤ Double-check the story when writing; try to fix as many grammatical/spelling errors that you can.
¤ Find an editor, a reviewer, or a critic to tell you what you're doing right. Trust me, it helps.
¤ Slow the plot progression down! Taking a story as quick as you did can be good in some places, but not here.
¤ Try not to put notes in the story; save them for the end with a "A/N:" tag.
¤ Finally, don't be afraid to critique your work as you go along, instead of doing it all at once. When I write, I proofread every paragraph as it's writ.
ABOVE ALL, HAVE FUN WRITING. ;D

1384083 THANKYOU! That's why I try to hurry this stuff up fast. thanks for understanding

1384099 That actually helps dud thanks. I'll make sure to fix it up next chapter, if I have time I'll redo this one.

1384142 Well sorry. But this is actually a dream come true for me, (Yeah I know I have low self esteem)

MnM

1384331 No, I'm happy for you, and I'm going to let you finish...

But I've gotten two stories featured and have over 210 followers.

1384154 Really? I thought Johnny Appleseed was kinda clever. I seriously think I should keep the name. but I'll think about it.

1384326
My advice would be to focus on this one before even thinking about the second. The first chapter is arguably the most important, because its the one that gets read first, so its the one a reader will judge if they want to continue reading or not.

i won't read this one right away, but perhaps in a little bit i'll definitely come back to it.
i'm definitely all for more "raised by wolves ponies" HiE.

I say slow the pace down a little.:rainbowwild: no need to rush .
also mrs apples death was just....well there wasn't any real emotion to it. :ajsleepy:
A death like that should be handled delicately....just saying

Personally i think this is better than "The other one" Keep going :scootangel:

Interesting so far, keep it going! :twilightsmile:

MnM

1384331 The reason I'm butthurt is that my story got 76 favorites today and has better ratings, yet it's not featured.

But, hey, congrats mate.

heres a like for you :unsuresweetie: :rainbowwild:
just try to slow it down next time :pinkiehappy:

Blatant copy of a specific story.
Aside from that. Rushed as all hell.
Pacing? What's that?
It felt hallow.

Back to the drawing board with you.

1384494 Thanks again and yeah I don't get that,

>possible copy of an existing story
>hints at humanxpony shipping
>misused semicolon in synopsis

Have a thumbs down.

* Notices your first story on FiMfiction got featured.*

*Crys a little on the inside*

Whelp lets give this a read!


Edit: Alighty then! First I would like to say that Johnny Appleseed was clever. And 2nd It wasn't bad at all, there were a couple of spelling errors at the beginning And it was a tad fast, but you said that already so no biggy. I really don't see why there is so much hate really. I mean yes it was done before. but i say, So?dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Twilight_future.png there are alot of storys that are based off of others and other storys that have similar plots.

People are on here to write what they want and hope people will like it. And I hate when people just say its bad for no real reason. So what i have to say to you is. Don't stop writing this story it is pretty good so far and I'm interested. Also as you are well aware of humanxpony relationships are A-Ok in my book!dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra_dealwithit.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra_dealwithit.png

1384651 Don't you think that is a little mean to say that? I mean it is one thing to not like it because it isn't your thing. But to just say it like that is just rude and uncalled for. I'm sorry but damn, you are a Brony are you not? Be nice! dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Mr_Cake.png

I'm a bit disappointed with myself, frankly. I just can't get into this. And it's really difficult not to think that his name is ripped from mine and Flame's story.
I guess the factor in a story that really wins me over is cleverness. I don't intend to be mean when I say this but, I don't see any cleverness in this one.
There's loads of ways to do the 'human grows up in Equestria' thing, but, well... not all of them are that good. It's unfortunate, but it's true.
Oh well, not much one can do, anyway. I wish you luck though, don't think I dislike you because of this.:raritywink:

While Raising a Human in Equestria has reader interaction.(wich in my eyes is EPIC!) I will still give this a fair chance.

I'll put this on my to-read list.

1384494
Every newly published story gets a little time in the Box, that's just how it is, has nothing to do with 'getting Featured' in the ordinary sense.

I feel like ponies wouldn't wear real fur. I mean, that's like taking the entire race out of character. But then again, you did call Derpy Ditzy...:twilightangry2:

1385111 That must be a very new addition. My most recent story hasn't been featured.

fav'd .. and just ignore the haters telling ya it's been done before, just do it YOUR way and it'll be unique ..keep it coming.

i put this into my "read later" list. i rather wait for more updates than dive in now and wait afterwards

1384070True, but this is an almost exact carbon copy of Raising a Human in Equestria. The only difference being Raising a Human in Equestria spent more time in the baby years building the character up. They even got the exact same name for the kid, Johnny Appleseed (Though in RaHiE, his formal name is Johnathan Apple).

Anyways, I can hope that you truly didn't know about it (as I didn't until it got featured, and haven't seen hide nor hair of it since), and that you can take this down your own unique path. Here's wishing you luck on your fic.:yay:

Also, how the hell did you get your story featured in a DAY?:rainbowhuh: Not that I'm complaining. I actually feel sorta sorry for featured story writers. True, they get more views and people can enjoy their hard work and help them with mistakes they may have made, but it puts more pressure on them to try and update a little more frequently. The usual case being lots of people read featured stories, and some of them are the type of people (and I will admit right now, I tend to do this myself. It's a bad habit, but like the old saying goes: old habits die hard) that will "beg"(you know, leave a comment offering to do anything to help the author get their next chapter out as soon as possible) the author for a new chapter soon, or PM them and ask why they haven't updated in a long time. I personally dread the day that I might get featured. Doubt it's going to happen. Grammar is great, but I doubt my storylines are that good.

Anyways, sorry i rambled at you. But this has pretty good potential, and I can't wait to see how lil Johnny Appleseed (with his coon-skin cap har har) grows up. And I seem to have noticed you basically skipped past the Nightmare Moon part. My question is: 'why you do this?' Meh, not a problem. Tracking now, and good luck.:scootangel:

read later, maybe ill get to it after this site stops featureing stuff and i read the rest of the 600 stories i also put on read later

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