The Cough

by Ebon Mane

Chapter 1

In the darkness, somepony coughed.

"Who was it?"

Silence reigned.

"Who!?"

A dim violet light sprang into being. Twilight Sparkle's horn barely illuminated the cramped, windowless room and the six ponies within. A world of dark purples and inky blacks revealed itself, colors distorted by the monochrome aura of the magical implement. Shadows pooled in the corners, lurking just beyond the reach of the unicorn's spell.

Rainbow Dash watched as Twilight glared at each of their friends in turn. None spoke. Silhouettes danced along the walls as the unicorn moved her head, causing the light to jerk and shift. Pinkie Pie huddled near the barred door, eyes wide and uncomprehending as she stared off into an uncertain distance. The baker twitched slightly, squeezing the bag of flour that she clutched so tightly to her chest. On the room's only bed, Rarity lay next to Applejack, her head buried in the farmer's shoulder. The dressmaker shook as she sobbed quietly. Dash didn't know whether the unicorn's distress was because of their situation or because of their hygiene; the room reeked of unwashed bodies, and Rarity's mane, like everypony else's, was tangled and knotted and hung heavy with filth. Applejack, for her part, merely stared stoically back at Twilight Sparkle when the librarian's gaze turned to her.

And then those eyes were on Dash, and on Fluttershy. The two were locked in an embrace; it was the only comfort they had in the room. The weather pony found her voice when the other pegasus began to shudder, "What does it matter?"

Twilight Sparkle's brow furrowed, "Get serious, Dash. It's better for five of us to get through this than none of us. Coughing is the only warning we get."

Fluttershy's whisper carried well enough in the enclosed space, "Couldn't we...um... wait and see? It could just be dust or a cold. Please?"

"I really wish that we could risk it, Fluttershy," Twilight said, the sharp edge of her voice softening slightly, "But there's no going back once it reaches the final stage. You saw what happened out there. Do you really want that in here?"

Applejack sighed, then spoke up, "She's right sugar cube. It's not contagious until the end. We got a choice to make -one death, or six."

Rainbow Dash gritted her teeth, "Isn't there anything that can be done? Can't your magic cure it? Stop it? Slow it down?" She paused, then added in a hoarse whisper, "Anything?"

The unicorn shook her head, "Even the Princess can't cure it. She can only contain outbreaks that do happen. Every carrier has to die. That's the only way the rest of us can be safe. The only way the rest of Equestria can be safe. You know that, Dash. Time matters here; why are you stalling?"

The weather pony's mouth worked, but no words came forth. Fluttershy's voice, suddenly confident, filled the gap, "I coughed. It was me." Rainbow Dash gaped at the other pegasus, eyes wide with shock and horror. The pink-maned mare turned to look at her and spoke, once again hesitant, "It's okay. It'll be okay. I couldn't live with myself if any of you died, and I could have prevented it. It's better this way."

Dash shook her head slowly, and whispered a single, "No."

Applejack's voice was grim, "Her mind's made up. It's a tough choice, but Fluttershy's got the strength of an ox, on the inside."

"H...how can we... how is she going to...?" The pegasus trailed off.

Twilight Sparkle sighed and slumped to the floor. "We don't have any weapons, and I'm not trained in combat magic. Even if I were, it can't be me. It has to be you, Dash."

"What? Why me?"

The unicorn looked away, "I know you well enough to realize that you'd never just stand aside and let one of us lay a hoof on your fillyfriend. Maybe intellectually you'd know that it's necessary, but your emotions get the better of you. Ask yourself, if it has to be any of us, would you really want anypony but yourself to... to...."

Rainbow Dash rose to her hooves. "You're right." The mare's voice was hollow. She took a step away from the other pegasus.

Applejack spoke, "Fluttershy, sit up and put your head up against the wall. It'll be a mite... a mite...," the mare choked back tears, "...quicker."

"I'm so sorry, Rainbow Dash. I wish it could be any other way," Twilight said.

The rainbow-maned pegasus looked over her shoulder to meet the eyes of the mare she loved. Fluttershy had taken the Earth pony's advice. They stared at each other silently for a moment. Eventually, Dash found words, as insufficient as they were, "I'm sorry. I love you. I'm so sorry."

The other pegasus replied, voice shaking, "I love you too. And I forgive you. It's better this way. Just... make sure somepony takes care of the animals when this is all over. When everything is back to normal."

Rainbow Dash whispered, "I promise." She took careful aim. One buck. It would be quick. Fluttershy deserved that much, at least. When she was sure she'd connect, vision or not, she spoke, "Cut the light, Twilight. Nopony should have to see this." The horn's glow disappeared.

Years of running and kicking clouds had honed Dash's muscles. She reared up on her front legs, gathered all her strength, and kicked out. She connected, and a dull thud was accompanied by the sensation of warm droplets splattering across her flank. It was followed by a high-pitched moan from the agonized pony behind her.

Rainbow Dash reacted to Fluttershy's continued suffering without thought. She reared again and bucked repeatedly, steadying herself and adding force with swift flaps of her wings. On her fourth kick, the other mare's keening stopped with a sickening crunch.

The weather mare's hooves dropped back to the floor. She stood shaking, her eyes wide and her heart beating nearly out of her chest. Her fetlocks were drenched with sticky blood; she could feel it beginning to clot. She wondered despite herself whether the mess would stain, whether her coat would always bear the red residue of her deed. She wept quietly to herself.

Silence reigned.

In the darkness, somepony coughed.

Comments

[Papillon Rose]

For some reason, I thought this would be a good fic to start the day off on. Not that it isn't a good fic, but DAMN.

[altrdwolf]

Very dark...but I like it, and I don't usually like dark fics.

[Gutovi]

I love Flutterdash, so, I dont have good feelings for this fic...
but as a bronie, I'll tolerate and love....

I don't typically read grimdarks, but since this one was so short, I figured I'd give it a try.

...and now I know why I don't read grimdarks.

Damn this was very sad and scary.

But props for establishing the setting along with the last sentence

That fits my reaction the most...

[zacharyp99]

It was great, im not mean, but i love these stories, keep it up!

good fic

Y U KILL FLUTTERSHY.

im sad

AAAAAGH
I love it. But AAAAAGH.

OH MY GOD. quickest, yet most gut wrenching grimdark ever. oh my god. just absolutely horrifying. and the author didn't even explain what was going on yet! I feel sick...

What the buck is even going on?!?! Although... heh heh heh

the entire story felt like a non-event to me. somepony coughed and rainbow dash kills fluttershy. The characters did exactly what they said they would. There was no conflict. Maybe Im missing something..

[Brony Tom]

I...
Oh, there went my mind...

That was an amazing story. Although the ending makes really no sense to me. Was it somepony outside that coughed? Or did Fluttershy lie about her cough so she wouldn't have to live through the suffering of this life?

That ending hit home.

Luckily, it looks like Rainbow Dash will not have to concern herself with the staining... cough cough

;-;

Oh. My. God.
I died inside. That was the saddest thing I think I've ever read.
The last line shot me through the heart and left me sobbing for like 10 minutes. That was amazing.

4.5 is pretty spot on. There were a few little grammar/word choice things that irked me but overall the execution and especially the concept were really solid.
A little too focused on the grim details maybe, but take that with a grain of salt: it doesn't really get to me so it all comes across as gratuitous.

All in all though, really nice. It was pleasant when the ending actually managed to give me a bit of a "I should have seen that but I didn't".

That was fucking darker than Cupcakes, holy shit. excuse my profanity but holy shit.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
I mean, it was great, but...
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

The only problem with this story is that the ponies are completely unnecessary. This could have just been a short story with humans characters and it would have been just as great.

Don't get me wrong. Fantastic piece of writing, very suspenseful. Just... I would have liked it more without the ponies being in it, because the ponies didn't really add much.

[Apps37]

Holy Hello Kitty...

[Colosphe]

EqD described it as "flash fiction," which I had never heard of. Wasn't going to read it because it said Grimdark, but it was short and in a new style!

I realize my mistake. Amazing quality, though! A number of comments before mine bring up a good point: This could have been done with humans, and the only thing lost would be our prior knowledge of the characters.

Why did it have to be Fluttershy...

[Ebon Mane]

2581

Honestly, I first considered the plot before I got into the pony fandom, but I didn't write back then. I still might do a human version. I'll probably experiment with first person and change a couple of things, but keep the most important parts.

Oh... oh sweet celestia... :( *sniffles*

[Rudolf]

I enjoyed reading this.

Author. Prequel. Now.

that was just sad

i cry for fluttershy

[Ebon Mane]

2611

nope.jpg

[Fenix]

Very nice flash fiction. I had a feeling about what the ending would've been, but it was well executed and well written. I read a lot of dark stories, so the gruesome scenes didn't impact me as much as other readers, but it definitely worked. The knowledge that they were trapped with a fresh pegasus corpse would be extremely unnerving.

The thoughts that went through Rainbow's mind after the second cough must have been agonizing.

*sigh*
Rarity's turn.

ummm....was a zombie apocalypse going on or what?

The plague..

i need a prequel!

[infohippie]

That was beautiful, in a horrible way.
I think the fact it was the mane cast rather than humans enhanced the story, since we already know a lot about the characters' personalities and can more easily imagine how each of them feels throughout (apart from the obvious, of course). Also, the ponies represent the innocence which is lost by them all. I don't think humans in the same situation would've had quite the same impact.

That was very well done.

The intensity and that fact it was short, so the suspense built within a tiny time frame, was just executed so perfectly.

I didn't cry, but that made me feel like shit.

Seriously, I read this hours ago and I still feel like i'm going to throw up.

SO FUCKING SAD.

Really well written though.

Why? Why Fluttershy?

This Fic is making me rage, and it's only chapter one.

I feel numb now..Im a Fluttershy fan and that was a great story but.....man I dont even know how to speak now

I'd say this story was good, but... the author has the added benefit of us already caring about the characters, making it easier to write. But with its short length and minimal development, if it weren't for the ponies it... wouldn't be that good.

It seems to be a classic case of the author having a story to tell, but just making it a fanfiction instead of something original, thus maximizing readership. It has nothing to do with MLP other than the characters being in it, and really, those roles could have been filled by almost anybody in any fandom. A tiny bit of dialogue change and there you go.

No, this story would have been much better as an original piece, but it would have to be much longer so that we could get emotionally invested in the characters.

What the HAY

[Im_not_sue]

Good presentation for such a short fiction, needed a bit more emotional agony for the deed done though!

The last sentence kiiiinda took the edge off the emotional aspect, especially since the horror aspect it added to was only modestly developed. Good scenario though!