Short Scraps and Explosions

by shortskirtsandexplosions

I Remember Rainbow Dash pt 2

I Remember Rainbow Dash – by short skirts and explosions
Act 1 – Chapter 2 – The Most Awesome Day that Ever Awesomed

Sunrise.

Celestial bands of gold waft over a misty bed of cloudtops. They swim their glowing trails through the billowing vapor until they cascade over folded blue hooves, a sapphire snout, twitching eyelids that open flutteringly to grace the first breath of wakefulness. Violet irises dilate and hide under squinting sockets, and then and only then does Rainbow Dash summon a smile. The blue pegasus squeaks inwardly as she sits up and stretches from the cloud bed upon which she has slumbered all night. She rears her front hooves infantly and then flexes her spine, firing several cracks into the air like lead-plated popcorn springing to life. Finally, her tail shoots out with an undainty CRIKKK—and she flails her multicolored strands of hair, red to orange to yellow to green to blue to violet—just like her mane, which is a tattered and cowlicked mess of rainbow chaos above her yawning, cheek-tonguing face.

The burning horizon of the great bowling world looms before her, lit with platinum fire as the Sun rises over the gray mountains of distant Canterlot, bringing glitter and glow to the dew-speckled emerald plains of Equestria below, sending rivulets of oceanic sparkles from the majestic floating spires of Cloudsdale looming to the North, bouncing gaily off the multicolored rooftops of Ponyville that hazily slumbers far below, waking slowly with the tiny red gasps of Sweet Apple Acres, and even highlighting the purplish mystique of the Everfree Treetops.

Rainbow Dash squats dizzily upon the precarious edge of her cloud bank, gazing bravely into the plethora of color and life rising to greet her—the wind warm and soothing, the air fresh and resurrecting, the light bright but buffering. A yawn of finality, a hoof driven lazily through her mane, and she blinks with a great sigh, then a rebounding inhalation as she prepares an instinctual sermon for the Start of Everything:

“Awwwwwwwww yeah.”

ACT ONE: THE MOST AWESOME DAY THAT EVER AWESOMED

Rainbow Dash jumps off the cloud bed, does a backflip, and lands through a morning wisp of fine white mist. Twirling in free-fall—her mane and tail like twin kaleidoscopic flags—she twirls her body sharply to the side and folds her wings out. A surge of frictious air, and she's propelled sideways in a sharp turn, banking wide and long so that she's veritably soaring orbits around the separate rays of sunlight peaking over the moutain ridges in the distant East.

After several revolutions, she tilts the back of her wings downward and pulls up in a sharp climb, gaining altitude, until she reaches a patch of golden hue where several sunbeams converge. Hovering there in the spotlight made by the dawn, the blue pegasus takes a deep, warm breath. After about five wing-beats of silence, Rainbow's snout suddenly grimaces. She takes another sharp breath, then a couple of sniffs. Eyes open in this sudden break from grace; she raises a curious eyebrow, rubs her hoof through her messy mane, then unashamedly scratches her right armpit. Another sniff—and she no longer doubts it. “Ughhh...” She wreaks.

She looks left, she looks right, then finally looks down. There—She spots it: a cumulonimbus cloud, dark and foggy against the otherwise golden troposphere. “Hmmph...” A smirk. She curls her front hooves close to her body, rears her legs, and bolts downward in a sharp plunge. The air shrieks briefly around her, parting ways as the vapors surge past her insane, youthful dive. The gray cloud looms beneath her, soon encompassing her entire vision. Rainbow Dash takes a gasp and holds her breath with bulging blue chipmunk cheeks. In a wet splash, she plows through the top of the cloud and explodes out the bottom end with a shower of raindrops cascading after her fluttering tail. For the briefest of bulleting moments, she retracts her wings to her flanks and twirls-twirls-twirls in the rainfall that's been summoned alongside her. Finally, after a few dozen revolutions—now that her blue coat has collected a deep, moist sheen—she unfurls her wings and banks back upwards, tomahawking her wet body back to where the golden rays are.

Bursting through the bottom of a broad cloudbed, she rolls onto her back and hovers backwards, gliding over the white misty cloudtops that are toastily reflecting the glow of the sunrise. In a spectacle of momentary daintiness, Rainbow Dash dries herself with as much ease as she so speedily became soaked. She punctuates this with a smile and a swooping twist of her body as her wings pump her even higher heavenward, rotating her into a lasting loopty-loop that shakes the last excess droplets off her extremities. Hovering slowly once more in the crossbeams of light, she runs a hand back over her slick-straight mane. A knowing smirk, and she shakes her snout like a rattlesnake's tail; this inevitably summons a ritualistic POOMF(!) of her hair, so that they solidify into jagged sharp bangs of R.O.Y.G.B.I.V., matching her knife-sharp tail.

“Heheh. There we go.”

That uttered, she now hovers once again in place, watching as the heavenly vista of Cloudsdale glows clearer in the rising sun. Morning is beginning its sophomore climb. Soon, all of Equestria will be half as awake as Rainbow Dash is this very second. There is no time left to waste.

“So much to do today. Mmmmm....Better get started.”

And with that said, the blue pegasus 'kicks' at the air and falls back on spread wings, so that she flutters lazily like a lopsided feather down, down, down into the soft cloud bed below to engage in a pre-noon nap. She wraps a loop of white mist back over her blue coat like a blanket, turns over, and nearly has her eyes shut when out from the Zenith--

“Hiya, Rainbow Dash!”

“H-Huh? What?” The blue pegasus flutters her slothful eyes open and goes crosseyed as she finds her reclined body lifting magically from the cloudbed with no movement of her wings. A puttering noise, the sound of twisting gears and fluttering propellors—and Rainbow Dash flails and gasps to find herself rolling comically over the nose of a wheel-powered gyro-glider rising up through the white mist. “Whooaaaa-aaah—GAHH!” The speedster of Cloudsdale ragdolls gracelessly off the canvass wing and slams neck-first into the frothy white clouds below, her tail and hooves sticking obscenely upwards.

“Hey! Rainbow Dash!” A vibrant peach-coated filly with magenta hair and sporting a violet safety helmet is presently occupying the pilot's seat of the rickety contraption. With endless twirls of her lower hooves to bicycle pedals, she orchestrates the artful revolution of an elaborate array of propellors propped upon a brass chassis and flanked with lightweight wing apparatuses. “R-Rainbow Dash?” She blinks, curiously now, glancing her helmeted head every which way for a sign of the blue pegasus. “Rainbow Dash, where'd you go?”

“Tuu Hegg in uh Hmmbasgetttt.” A muffled voice grunts from below.

The filly pilot merely brightens from the sound of her stuffy voice. “Wh-What was that, Rainbow?”

“Nnnnngh---UGH!” (POP!) Rainbow Dash snaps her skull loose from the clouds, shakes the cobwebs loose, and squints razor sharp violets up at the hovering delinquet. “Scootaloo, what gives?”

“I came to see you, Rainbow Dash!”

“I can see that you came to see me, pipsqueak! But—What's with the airborn skeleton of a vending machine?” One blink. Two...three: “And just how'd you know that I'd be up here anyways?”

“Ugh, please, Rainbow Dash!” Scootaloo giggles between huffs and puffs as she pedals away in mid-air, her tiny wings flapping randomly to give balance and poise to her piloting skills. “Everyone knows you're the coolest, bravest, freest, most awesomest pegasus in all of Equestria! You fly where you like, sleep where you like and don't afraid of anything!”

“.... .... ....” Rainbow Dash stares boredly at the young filly. “Pinkie Pie told you, didn't she?”

“Mmmmmm—Gnnngh--” Scootaloo's face scrunches up briefly as if she is secretly slamming herself with mental hammers from the inside out. Turning a leaf, she abruptly brightens and motions with one free hoof to her contraption. “What do you think of my invention?”

“Huh? Oh, it's....Uh....I think it's--” Rainbow raises a hoof to finish her sentence, falters, blinks, and raises a nervous eyebrow. “Just what in the hay is it?”

Scootaloo felicitously chirps: “It's a S.P.A.F.A.V!”

“Gesundheit.”

“Get it?” Scootaloo grins wryly. “Ahem--Single Pony Artificial Flight Assistant Vehicle! Ain't it cool?”

“Er....Yeah, I-I guess.” Rainbow Dash slowly hovers around the gyro-thing-a-ma-jigg-a-tron, inspecting it closely—or at least pretending to be doing so. “It's pretty cool.”

“You think?” Scootaloo's smile carves an ivory crescent from ear to ear.

“Granted, it'd be a lot cooler to something like an Earth Pony or—yanno—a rock. Whatever; Just about anything without wings.”

The filly pegasus blushes slightly under her helmet. “Er....y-yeah, well...” She gestures dramatically towards the extremities of the puttering device. “WORK IN PROGRESSSSSS—That's 'progress' with three hundred percent extra S's.”

“Fancy.”

“Let's just say I'm testing it for the target demographic.”

“And who would that be?”

“Hnnnnghhh....” Scootaloo sighs with slumped shoulders. “I dunno. I confess—it's a total crapshoot. Just like figuring out what my cutie mark should be.”

Rainbow Dash raises an eyebrow. “Yeesh, Scootaloo. Who teaches you words like that?”

“What?” Scootaloo blinks up at the floating blue pegasus. “'Crapshoot'?”

“Well, I was going to say 'demographic', but whatever, I guess.” The hovering Cloudsdaler shrugs and folds her arms. “I really don't understand you fillies these days. Besides...” She squints down at the excited pilot. “Since when did you get a thrill from tinkering with stuff? Isn't that redhead you hang out the one who's gifted with nailing junk together and turning them into works of art?”

“Who, my BFF Apple Bloom?” Scootaloo parks the gyro-whatsit on a cloudbank and hops down in front of Rainbow Dash. “Nah, she's much better at dancing. You must be thinking of Sweetie Belle.”

“But--”

“And wait till you hear a sample of my latest singing track!” The pegasus filly joyfully bounces up and down, smiling wide.

Rainbow Dash stealthily rolls her eyes and facehoofs. “Ohright. This whole bit.”

“It's really cool! Not the normal rock I do, but a ballad!”

“Uhhh....” Rainbow blinks over the filly's helmet. “Scootaloo---”

“Okay, if you wanna know, it's this really sweet cover of Buck to December by Trotter Swiftly.”

“Scootaloo!”

“Er—Y-Yes, Rainbow Dash?”

“Did you put that machine together with parts made in Cloudsdale?”

“Uhhhh-No.” Scootaloo shakes her snout. “I made it last week behind Apple Bloom's farm, in Ponvyille. Why?”

Rainbow boredly points a hoof behind Scootaloo's flank. The young filly turns, glances past her markless form and gasps. The aircraft is sinking slowly through the cloud bed, like hot syrup through a thin sheet of ice. A brief lurching moment of precarious teetering, and the hulking thing plunges swift as a three ton stone towards the distant earth below, shattering bits of white vapor every which way.

“Oh hoarseapples!” Scootaloo shrieks and swan-dives off the cloudbank, soaring petitely after the huge dumb object as quickly as her tiny wings can allow her.

Left far behind—and above—Rainbow Dash sighs long and hard. But with an unrestrained smirk, she gives into the moment and dives herself. A roar of sliced air thunders behind her wide blue wings as she threads her way down through the atmosphere, pursuing the runaway victim of gravity. A stressed and teeth-gritting Scootaloo manages to register Rainbow Dash's dive at the last second. With pulsing pink eyes, she marvels as the older pegasus outshoots her in a blink, matching the falling velocity of the gyroclunker and slowing its fall with a double-hoofed grip as well as a mighty flap of her wings. By the time Scootaloo catches up, Rainbow is already raising the craft back up to its initial point of plunging—howbeit slowly.

“Wowwwww...Rainbow Dash, you're incredible!” The magenta mane'd filly beams as she makes an effort to lift her end of the aircraft, fluttering her wings with extra bravado as she matches the blue pony's movements. “Is there anything you can't do?”

“Take a nap, for one.”

“What was that?”

“AHEM--” Rainbow glances over the complex brass chassis of the aircraft as the two hover slowly up to the nearest cloudbank. “I still can't get over the fact that you're a tinkerer. You built this all by yourself?”

“Well—Apple Bloom's older sister helped a little--”

“HAH!” Rainbow Dash cackles. “AJ would only help if she kicked the propellers of this thing and it spat apples out!”

“Hey! She did too help out!”

“Yeah? How?”

“.... .... ...She lent me her toolbox?”

“So what you mean to say is Big Macintosh helped you.”

“Uh uh!”

“Apple Jack wouldn't know a toolbox if it galloped up and bit her.”

“Okay! Fine! I did it myself! Jeez--”

“Well, it's nothing to be ashamed of, Scootaloo.” Rainbow Dash raises the thing up to the cloudbank and waits for Scootaloo to hop back into the pilot seat before letting go. The filly pedals away at the thing once more as the blue pegasus looks on with hooves folded. “Heck—For all we know, this could be a one way ticket to getting your cutie mark!”

“What does building stuff have to do with singing?”

“Well, it—uhm...... nnghhh....Yeah....” Rainbow Dash groans and smiles sheepishly. “You got me there, pipsqueak.”

“This is just a hobby.”

“A hobby?”

“Yeah. Like me and the scooter.”

“You and a scooter? Surely you're pulling my tail!”

“Hush!” Scootaloo briefly hisses from the pilot's seat. “I'm awesome on a scooter! I bet I'm almost as awesome on a scooter as you are in the air!”

Rainbow Dash smirks slywly, eyebrows waggling. “Oh really?”

“The first time I got on a scooter—I felt free, yanno?” Scootaloo blushes slightly as her eyes gaze beyond the morning glow against the nearest cloudbed. “It was—like—the perfect thing to ride on while using my flapping wings to push me places. So I got to thinking—What else could I make for everypony to help them do normal things easily? And one project led to another, several welding tools went through a workout, a few chickens were hurt, and—Voila!--Here I am with this....er..... ...th-thing.”

“Well, it's a pretty awesome thing if I do say so myself.” Rainbow Dash winks, patting part of the exposed chassis.

“N-e-E-e-E!” Scootaloo squeals quietly to herself. “Thanks, Rainbow Dash. I'm glad you approve.”

“Hey, anytime, Scoots. Yanno, a wise sage once said: Only the young can say they're free to fly away.”

“Besides—It was the only way I could get the heck away from that scene of despicable mushiness yesterday.”

“Scene of....er....despicable mushiness...?”

“You knowwwww....” Scootaloo performs a 'wretching' pantomime with extraordinary use of her tongue and cheek muscles. “That whole thing last afternoon in Sugarcube Corner--”

“Oh, you mean that scene of despicable mushiness. Yeah—heheh--....” Rainbow Dash gazes heavenward and only halfway makes an effort to hide a deep sigh resonating from deep within her blue being. “I had to get the heck away from that too,”

“Did you finish your letter to Princess Celestia?”

“I—Der—idja--whoodja--Whuttt?” Rainbow's violet eyes cross as an invisible record player scratches violenty between her ears. “Huh?”

“Yanno—The thing Twilight Sparkle's got you working on?”

“Uhhhh--”

Scootaloo gasps as if the four corners of the world are being folded up by a giant starry dragon doing the laundry. “You mean you forgot about the letter?”

“Scoots, the day I commit to writing anything is the day I kiss a mule--”

“Oh Rainbow Dash...!”

“--and like it.”

“... ...you promised Twilight! Just yesterday! I saw you do it!”

“Oh did you now?”

“Can't you remember?”

Rainbow Dash takes a deep, frustrating breath. Tapping her hoof to her chin, she shoots her violet eyes towards the back of her skull and makes a ludicrously visible effort of thinking, thinking, thinking. A swift gust of morning wind kicks at her mane and the local clouds, so that the entire scene resembles what may be or may not be misconstrued as a watery crossfade.

“You want me to do WHAT?” Rainbow Dash flinched exaggeratedly from the violet haired Unicorn as if she were the Plague.

“I do believe you heard my proposal.” Twilight Sparkle proudly lifted her chin. The pony's tail flicked energetically with the scant remaining bits of girlish joy still flitting through her from a full afternoon of hugs and revelations. “I think you should write a letter to the Princess! I can't think of anyone better suited to fill her in on what we've just learned today!”

“Yeah—Uh—Listen, Twi. I love ya like a friend and all, so don't take this personally, but: Not on your nerdy papercutted nelly!”

“Oh come on, Dash! It'll be perfect!”

“Ughhh--” Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. The two ponies stood under the gentle cover of falling night before the yawning, lantern-lit doorway to Twilight's library in the center of Ponyville. After a long night of girl-talk and converging cutie mark tales of diabetes-inducing nostalgia, the rest of the ponies—Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and that blonde one—had all trotted homeward, leaving this lonesome and totally mismatched pair to kerplunk upon the rocky shoals of the most awkward conversation ever. “--Seriously, Twilight. Why can't you just write the Princess like—uh--you normally do?”

“Oh, I intend to.”

“Then—Snkkkt--hckk--Wh-What's the—rrrg—What's the point?”

“Because you're so important to...to....-well-to what we've learned, Rainbow Dash! And I don't mean just what we've learned today, but—Quite frankly—everything I've ever learned up to this point is in some way or another a direct result of your influence! How could you deny that?”

“I'm not denying anything. Eheheh......” Rainbow Dash kicked at the earth between them with a lonesome hoof and heaved an embarassed sigh. “So, one day, years ago, I did the one hundred mile swan dive in a Pegasus Race and it went thermonuclear on the color spectrum, and it so happens that the explosion gave all of us our cutie marks in some sort of ode to all things sappy. So what? I call it dumb luck.”

“Awww—Rainbow....” Twilight smiled gently, her eyes sparkling as she leaned forward. “Have you learned nothing from all we talked about tonight?”

“All the more reason why I shouldn't be pretending to write a letter to Princess Celestia.”

“I beg to differ.”

“Oh do you now?”

“Absolutely.” Twilight Sparkle nodded. “In one single event, a pegasus pony—defending the honor of her friend and proving herself to the rest of her peers—dared to make the impossible happen. Those WERE your words, were they not?”

“Derrrrr....”

“And in that single act of tenacity, of guile, of courage—you were determined to make a difference in your young life. And you did! Your focus was spot on! And it manifested in you, not only in finding your cutie mark, but instilling hope in the rest of us—across improbable distances, from Manehattan to Canterlot. And that hope transformed into the building blocks of what would become the Elements of Harmony, the sole reason I was destined to come to Ponyville to begin with!”

“Is the reason you read so much is so you can talk so much?”

“Rainbow Dash, don't you see?” Twilight Sparkle sniffled. “It wasn't 'dumb luck'! It was fate!”

“Oh gosh...” The blue pegasus groaned. “You're getting mushy again.”

“Can you blame meeeee?” Twilight all but nuzzled the other's mane. “I still can't believe it—All of this—everything--It's all because of you--”

“Gah! The wings! D-Don't touch the wings!” Rainbow Dash grimaced. “Jeez, Twilight, I really think you need to take this whole 'Friendship' thing in moderation.”

“Oh?”

“Absolutely. It's—like—you can barely trot a straight line when you get like this. Ponies shouldn't let ponies friendship-and-drive.”

“Heeheehee—So, will you write the letterrrrr?”

“Twilight, I'm flattered—really. And...uh...I-I guess I can see where you're coming from with this whole 'fate', thing. But, as much as you and the other girls have gushed over this whole 'discovery', quite frankly I just don't get it.”

“Are you certain of that?”

“Right, and as a matter of fact I—.....I-I-I'm sorry...” Rainbow Dash shook her mane, sighed, and squinted at Twilight. “...can we pause for a quick second? I gotta take care of something.”

“Sure thing.”

Rainbow Dash spun about and howled up at the towering branches of Twilight's hollow abode. “Scootaloo! Climb out of that tree! I can see you spying on Twilight and me!”

“Nuh uh!” A high-pitched voice chirped from the rustling leaves. “I'm not spying on anyone!”

“Don't make me come up there and bridle you! It's probably past your bedtime or something! Now fly on home to your parents!”

“Awwwwwwww—shucks.” A petite figure moaned and saggedly fluttered off towards the North Horizon.

Rainbow Dash pointed an intimidating hoof in Scootaloo's directin. “And don't you be planning to make me revisit this very moment in a flashback tomorrow morning!” She turned back to her companion. “Ahem, sorry—where were we?”

“You know...” Twilight giggled. “She worships you.”

“Yeah, yeah. Who doesn't. Cut to the chase.”

“The bottom line is—This isn't like just any other lesson on Friendship. This is the veritable preface to if ever I was to write a 'Friendship Omnibus'.”

“I'm just going to pretend that I understood what you said and resist the urge to dunk your head in a trough.”

“It's not enough that I write about this to the Princess. You should as well—Because I'm convinced that you're the center of it all. And it doesn't matter if you don't understand it too well yourself, Rainbow Dash. After all, that's the point of expressing yourself—It helps you discover yourself.”

“Heh. And just what is there for me to discover about myself?”

“Mmmmmm—Perhaps how lucky you really are.”

“Pffft—Whatevs.”

“Hehehe—You are GOING to write that letter!”

“Or else what?” Rainbow Dash boredly glanced at Twilight. But soon that glance turned into a sweatdropping grimace as Twilight Sparkle marched closer, leering.

“Well, for starters, Fluttershy has been constantly asking for a helping hoof in cleaning Angel's litter tray....”

Rainbow Dash almost wretched. She leaned back from Twilight. “She wouldn't....!”

“And Rarity and Pinkie Pie have been needing someone special to model that new frilly ensemble for Sapphire Shores....”

Rainbow Dash leaned back even further. “They wouldn't....!”

“Aaaaaaaand I've been thinking of talking Apple Jack into taking that one extra ticket I have spared for the Annual Wonderbolts Airshow in Canterlot this year!”

“Y-Y-Y-You wouldn't! ACKIES!” Rainbow Dash leaned so far back she fell flat on her spine. Hooves and wings flailing like a big blue cockroach, the frazzled Pegasus flinched, twitched, and eventually deflated with a long groan. “Twilighttttt......it's out of character for you to be so cruel. I kinda hate it.”

Twilight giggled. “Hate it enough to write a simple letter?”

“Buffalo biscuits, YES.” Rainbow Dash kick-vaulted and agiley landed on her hooves. PLOP. “Anything to get you off my tail.” A grumbling beneath her voice: “I don't know the first thing about letter writing—much less to a Princess.”

“It's easy, really.” Twilight waved her horned head and smiled. “You just write from the heart.”

“.... ... ....” Rainbow's eyes were like parallel cinderblocks pointed at the Unicorn. “.... ...'from the heart', huh?”

“Yup. Just remember to be polite.”

“Got it.”

“An-And to be formal.”

“Uh huh. Right.”

“And-And-And to not go on any political tangents about the Ponyville Tariff or the Military Campaign in the Zebrahara, although they are both examples of valid diplomatic discourse, it would be completely out of place and inappropriate for a letter themed on the value of friendship--”

“Yeah. Okay, Twilight. I got it--”

“Oh—And be sure not to ask too many questions about Princess Luna, cuz that whole Mare in the Moon thing was a teeeeeensy bit too recent, and even though everything went reasonably well with the reforging of the Elements of Harmony, I can only imagine that Princess Celestia is still a bit sensitive about the reunion and--”

“Twilight—I have an idea. Why don't you write the letter for the both of us?”

Twilight blinked and blinked at that, then cast Rainbow a blank stare. “Why in Equestria would I want to do that?”

“Ugh—Forget it.” Rainbow facehoofed for the first of many innumerable times to come over the next few days. “Nnnnngh—I promise you, Twilight, that I won't write anything pathetic or rash or horrible that might in some unimaginable way hurt or damage your perfect and precious relationship with your Faithful Master in the arts of...uhm.........unicorning.”

“Heeee!” Twilight Sparkle literally jumped in place half a dozen times. “You're the best friend ever--” Her eyes suddenly turned to hot burning coals. “WAIT.”

Rainbow Dash gulped, her pupils dilating.

Twilight Sparkle leered once more, squinting. “Do the thing that Pinkie does.”

“Oh hoarse raddishes—You've gotta be kidding me! She infected you with that?”

“Do ittttt--”

“Unnnnngh...” Rainbow rolled her violet eyes, propped herself up on her hindquarters, and performed the necessary gestures with both hooves. Her voice lurched out in a deep monotone that reflected the cold glare of the blossoming starlight over the two ponies' manes. “Cross my heart. Hope to fly. Stick a cupcake in my eye.”

“Heeee!” Twilight began bouncing again. “You're the best friend everrrrr!”

Back in the present, Rainbow Dash hovers above the cloudtops, still tapping her hoof to her chin. “Hrmmmmmmmm-mmmmmm....” She blinks, blinks again, then shakes her head. “Nah. I don't remember anything about a letter.”

“Oh come on!” Scootaloo cackles back from the pilot seat of her contraption. “You're either lying or crazy!”

“You have the nerve to sit there in that newfangled Rhubarb Coltberg device you call a...der.... ...uhh...... S.P.I.T.F.A.T. and say that I'm crazy?”

“So you're a liar?” Scootaloo glares.

“Ughhh—FINE!” Rainbow Dash groans, yet, all the while tactfully hiding a smirk from Scootaloo's sight. “I'll write the stuuuuuuupid letter to Princess Celestia.”

“Really?” Scootaloo beams. “For me?”

“For TWILIGHT, apparently.” Rainbow raspberries in the magenta haired pilot's general direction. “Wutever—Meh. My day was boring until you showed up anyways.”

“What day?” Scootaloo giggles uncontrollably and points a free hoof from where she pedals the aircraft. “You were just waking up, weren't you?”

“Ha ha—Really clever, Equinestein. Now why don't you make like your name and scoot to the loo?”

“Your wish is my command, Rainbow Dash!” The filly angles the thing around, kicks it into gear with a lower hoof, and throttles it towards the looming majesty of Cloudsdale in the distance. “So long—I wanna see that letter when you're done writing it!”

“Yeah wutever, pipsqueak....” Rainbow Dash has her back to the pegasus hoofling. After a lonely minute or two, and she takes a deep breath. The warm rays of the rising Sun bring her back to the present, and she smiles—glancing over her shoulder to once more regard the distant speck that is Scootaloo. She runs a hoof through her hair, sighs at the thick nature of the sudden task at hand, and floats limply towards the spot in the cloudbed where she had spent the previous night's sleep.

Settling in the soft wisps of Cloudsdale runoff, she cracks her forelimbs, flexes her shoulders, and viciously stabs her hooves deep into the misty material, fumbling around through the makeshift storage space that she just recently established on an impulse---a few hours ago (or was it a few days ago?). She can't recall.

“Now where did I put that stationary and quill?” Rainbow murmurs. She yanks a hoof out, producing a scarf. “Mmmm-No.” She yanks out a gym whistle with the other hoof. “No.” Rummaging, rummaging, a sweatband. “No.” A horseshoe. “No.” A Genesis controller. “No.” Voter's registration. “No.” A toothless baby aligator wearing skydiving gear. “NoooooOOOAAAAUGH!”

Rainbow Dash flails, shakes her hoof in the naked air, and tosses the infernal reptile out into the cold depths of the Equestrian Atmosphere. She pants heavily, watching with twitching violet eyes as the dumb-eyed creature produces a parachute and floats lackadasically down towards the distant heart of Ponyville far below.

“.... .... ....” The blue pegasus blinks dazedly downwards at the faint image of the pet, then squats back in the recesses of her cloud. “Well, guess this means I'm officially awake.” She reaches one last time into the depths of the white mist, and naturally this time she acquires: “Ah. Here it is. Of course, I never told Twilight how much my hoofmanship stinks.” A deep, regretful sigh—but brave nonetheless, as she reclines upside down on the edge of the cloud bank and taps quill to paper. “Hrmmm....here goes...”

Rainbow Dash Writes:

'Princess Celestia. How's it hoofin'. My name is Rainbow Dash and--'

She stops. A nervous biting of her lip. Her violet eyes dart back and forth, tracing the ghostly image of a memory from beyond the rough texture of the brown parchment flutteringly windily in her grasp. “Ugh...no no no no...That won't do. Twilight's counting on me to be polite and all that jazz. Hmmmm.....” A brief bout of painful-looking thought, and Rainbow Dash's face unscrunches in just enough time to gasp: “Yes! That's it! Of course!”

She returns pen to paper.

'Princess Celstia. How's it hoofin', ma'am?”

“Heh. That's much more like it.” Rainbow Dash shrugs her shoulder and gets more comfortable in her lofty 'writing perch'. “This isn't so hard after all. Ahem....let's see here....”

She writes:

'My name is Rainbow Dash. You don't know about me without you have read a series of letters by Twilight Sparkle by the name of 'Friendship is Magic', but that ain't no matter....'

Comments

[Dusty Sage]

First good Mark Twain reference I've seen here since [some vague date in the past].

[Ponky]

Yeah, I've read this one too. Scootaloo's machine (and her in the tree) were very funny to me. If I remember right... maybe I should glance over it again.

[Zytharros]

Eyy... I had a fic like this once. This looks like my first Pokemon fics. Self-insert middle schooler fics are funny.
This one makes me laugh.

[Zytharros]

Eyy... I had a fic like this once. This looks like my first Pokemon fics. Self-insert middle schooler fics are funny.
This one makes me laugh.

[KiKo4]

"And don't you be planning to make me revisit this very moment in a flashback tomorrow morning!”