• Published 4th Oct 2012
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Short Scraps and Explosions - shortskirtsandexplosions



Colllection of SS&E's Rough Drafts and Incomplete Stories

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Background Pony - Chapter 15 - Redundant Conversation Ahoy


There really isn't much to say about this bit. It's from Chapter 15: "Being There" of Background Pony. Lyra has to convince Twilight, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash that she's a cursed unicorn with an edge over the rest of the town's populace and they must trust her in catching Straight Edge in the act of abusing his family. The editors looked at the original piece and made a good point: the reading audience already knows about 95% of what Lyra rambles on about, so it makes for two pages of redundancy.

It goes to show that oftentimes when I'm writing scenes, I think about them logically from the perspective of the characters more than anything else. However, just because Twilight and her friends *need* to have everything explained to them by Lyra each time they meet, it doesn't mean the audience needs to get the same eyefull. There's a reason for why Link can skip through cutscenes in Majora's Mask. Groundhog's Day scenarios don't make for easy-to-read literature. That's why it's a lot better to cut halfway through a conversation rather than draw it all out from scratch like we've seen before.

It makes me think of something Vimbert has said to me on several occasions: "Never assume that your audience are idiots." If you can find a way to cut corners and still convey an important message, do it for the sake of being concise. Your audience will figure out the rest, and they won't be bored to sleep either.


“Okay...”

The next day, Twilight Sparkle squinted through the afternoon light cascading down through the library windows.

“So let me get this straight.” She pointed at me and murmured, “Over a year ago, you witnessed the arrival of Nightmare Moon in the center of Ponyville, and ever since then you've been suffering from a forgotten alicorn's curse that has rendered everypony around you an amnesiac and has completely rewritten the history books in order to surgically wipe out complete knowledge of your existence. And now that you're on the verge of finishing the performance of a time-forsaken symphony that could somehow free you of this curse, you've come to me and my friends for help—not in relinquishing you of this horrible situation—but in trying to stop a local case of domestic abuse?!”

“Yes!” I exclaimed, breathing frantically. “And now that it's taken me nearly an hour to re-explain all of this to you, I need your help in order to bring justice to Snips' family once and for—”

“What do you mean 're-explained?'”

“Nnngh!” I tossed my head and drew my hooves frustratedly through my disheveled mane. “Look, I know I must come across like I'm in a hurry! But there's no predicting when the curse will go into effect! And before you ask me—because I know you're totally thinking about it right now—each time I've had this conversation with you before—and we've made every possible attempt to solve the curse, contact Princess Celestia, or even leave a permanent note to your future selves—we only fail miserably! That's okay! I've grown to accept that! I know that the only way out of this curse is to finish learning all I can about the 'Nocturne of Firmaments' on top of getting an undead alicorn goddess pony to get off her high throne and perform the last movement or two of it along with me! That's my burden to carry! But I don't care about that right now! You and your friends are the most important, most heroic, and most thoughtful ponies in town! This very moment, I need your help in saving this poor family from an abusive father, because I'm running out of options!”

Twilight Sparkle blinked. Biting her lip pensively, he looked aside at two other figures.

Applejack was squinting suspiciously, adjusting the brim of her hat. Rainbow Dash was hovering with her forelimbs crossed. The antsy pegasus frowned and muttered, “Can I say it?”

“Shhhh... Just wait,” Applejack replied. She turned and looked at me. “Look, darlin', even if this was all true, what would it matter in the end? Seems like this curse is fixin' to undo everythang y'all set yer hooves to.”

“Right!” I grinned widely at the three mares. I felt my right eye twitching. I was missing sleep and my nerves were on edge, but I didn't dare stop to think. I only had to talk, and they only had to listen. “But you three can be there with me! If I can get all of you to witness evidence of Straight Edge's cruelty up close and personal, then I'm sure that between the whole of you—one half of the Elements of Harmony—a piece of the truth will remain in your collective heads! I-I mean... sure! You'll forget about me! But that's a sacrifice I've made before and it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make again! I know for a fact that some bits of information bleed through the layers of my curse, and all I need is for you to see for yourselves that which I've been the only pony to witness so far and then maybe—just maybe—justice will be served and Snips' family can be saved!”

The three mares continued to stare blankly.

Again, Rainbow Dash murmured, “Can I say it?”

“Rainbow, please...” Twilight muttered aside before leaning towards me. “I don't understand. This is just so... so bizarre. If what you say about yourself is true, it has got to undoubtedly be the most remarkable case of magical imprisonment in the history of ponydom. All things considered, we should be doing all we can to free you first and foremost, and then—afterwards—we can go about doing such things as testing your claims concerning Mr. Straight Edge's abusive nature.”

“Nnnngh!” I gripped Twilight's shoulders, almost making Applejack pounce on me. “Not everything has to be a Crisis of Magical Importance, Twilight! Don't you see? I'm just like any other pony you know and care for! Cursed or not, I worry about my fellow equines! I'll take care of my own self in due time. Snips' family needs help and they need help now! Right now, we can all be in the knowledge of it, and that's what counts!”

Twilight Sparkle blinked nervously at me, then at my hooves on her shoulders.

Rainbow Dash flew in between her two friends. “Now can I say it?”

Applejack muttered, “Reckon ya can, sugarcube.”

Rainbow Dash spun and hissed at me, “Horsefeathers!”

I sighed and rolled my eyes.

“Of all the crazy, low-brow, lame attempts at grabbing attention!” Rainbow Dash hovered circles around me, tossing accusatory glares. “Your randomness makes Pinkie Pie look like a college professor! Oh! So you heard about the Elements of Harmony! So you heard about Twilight Sparkle, the magical apprentice to Princess Celestia, and how she and her bestest friends defeated Nightmare Moon! And now what?! You just want a slice of the popularity pie! I mean, heh, kudos on subtlety! At least you're not making us go on a global quest to a 'Nocturnal Locker' on the opposite side of the world or some other epically unrealistic crud! Still, though, this whole Straight Edge nonsense is downright creepy! Just how long have you been sticking your nose into other ponies' business, huh?! And making nasty claims of child abuse?! Bah! This is a clean town, filly! I'm Ponyville's eye in the sky! I should know this crap!”

I turned and looked coolly at her. “And you also know that the only reason you haven't already given up everything that you own to go and join the Wonderbolts is because your new and altogether 'boring' friends here in Ponyville have unwittingly filled a niche in your life, dissuading the biggest fear you've ever had: of being perpetually alone.”

Rainbow Dash's ruby pupils shrank as she fell flat on her haunches. “Derr... wh-what did you just say—?” She began to whimper, shivering like a foal.

Applejack was frowning. “Now see here, Missy—”

I turned towards her. “And you—whose father was the inspiration for both the physical and metaphorical foundations you constantly lay down for yourself and the ponies around you—you just can't stop staring at this hoodie that I'm wearing, can you? Perhaps it's because deep down inside, Applejack, you know that there's a reason for its familiarity; it's the same jacket you once wore when tending the orchards of your farm. You loved it because its color reminded you of your father's coat in winter when he held you close and sang you songs hoofed down for half a dozen generations.”

“Uhhh...” Applejack's face paled as she pulled her hat off and held it to her chest. “Land's sakes...”

“And you...” I pivoted and smiled at Twilight. “A pony who fears the greatest horror of all: being forgotten. When you came to Ponyville, and you saw the spark of friendship that solidified your place here forever, you discovered what it meant to cry tears of happiness for once. Beforehand, when you sobbed, it was always in the lonely confines of the Canterlot study halls. But you never dared share your concerns and sorrows with Princess Celestia. 'After all,' you had once told me, 'Starswirl the Bearded was the greatest mortal magician who ever lived, and he died alone with nothing but his scrolls.' You used to believe that a lonely existence was a necessary sacrifice for greatness. But since you found your friends here in Ponyville, a piece of you has become willing to be forgotten by the Equestrian History Books of Magic, because you'd rather be happy in the now than despondent for the future.”

Twilight stared at me, her lips quivering. “I... H-how...?”

“There isn't enough time to explain 'how,'” I said, leaning forward and smiling gently. “All that matters is why. And the answer is: I want to help ponies, just like you do. Right now, we have an opportunity to do just that, but no good will come to Snips' family if we just sit around on our flanks.” I stood back and gazed at the group as a whole. “You would be completely different, completely lonely mares if you didn't take the leap of faith by becoming friends. But in doing just that, you turned into the three strongest, the three most dependable ponies in the whole of Equestria. Won't you take another leap of faith, right here, right now?”

Rainbow Dash was shivering. Twilight Sparkle sniffled. Applejack placed her hat back on her blonde head and gazed at the other two silently. They looked back at her.

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