Time and Time Again

by Kawa

Historian

It all started shortly after we decided to send that letter and, I guess, basically invited ourselves in. We got a reply within minutes and were on our way to the castle in… another ten or so? My father was there at the gate to personally let us in, and he told us that the queen would be waiting in her chambers. That was a bit of a surprise to me, as the last few times we had met (chronologically speaking) were in Day Court. A rookie that Father had brought along showed us the way.

Before I could knock on the door, the queen’s golden glow already appeared and opened it. Why did she have to be so damned ominous? Was she just doing it for her own personal enjoyment?

Now, you have to understand that I had never been to Queen Celestia’s personal chambers before. I felt honored as much as frightened, and for just a moment there as I was halfway across the threshold, I almost regretted sending that letter.

“Good afternoon, my little ponies”, Queen Celestia said. No, shut up. What else would she say, smartass?

So, yeah… we took a bow right there, and walked further inside the room. It was a very pretty room. It was tasteful and comfortable, but at the same time kind of Spartan. At first glance there was just a large hearth and some sitting pillows, including a real big one. You can guess, of course, who was sitting on that one.

Heh. Cadence, he says. Did I mention you are an unrepentant smartass yet, Powder?

So at the queen’s invitation, we took our own seats opposite of her, and sort of just sat there waiting for her to break the ice, as it were.

“Victory, can you guess how long I’ve been here?” she asked. No I did not break my speech patterns. I always quote ponies like that. You know that, Chase! Oh okay. “Can you guess how long I have been here?” There, happy?

So I took a moment to gaze intently at the lady – I will hit you if you persist – and try to guess the closest answer. I knew her age was counted with at least four digits, but I had no clear indication what the thousands digit would be. At least one, of course. But there was honestly next to nothing to give any physical clues. No matter how old Celestia is, she is still a model beauty. Not a wrinkle on her, though I can imagine what she would look like in a stressful situation. Say, when Discord had escaped, perhaps? Anyway, I had nothing to go on except for the Mare in the Moon. Aside from a very subtle difference in expression and some new regalia, she looked exactly the same yesterday as she did a hundred years or so ago. I should know, since I was there earlier this week. Remember it like it was the day before yesterday.

So, I confessed I had no clue. “I am not at all certain, your highness. I know it must be at least a thousand, maybe fifteen or sixteen hundred, but there is nothing I can see about you to give me any further clue.”

“At least you didn’t overshoot your estimate. And please, while we’re here, just call me Celestia.”

“…I could not”, I stammered. “Dear Jennie is one thing, she is almost certainly insane, but I could not possibly act so familiar towards you.”

“Even though I asked you nicely?”

“I suppose I… could try. But it will likely feel unnatural to me. At least, at first.”

“Anyway, I suppose you’d like to know why I invited you here”, Celestia said. It was not a question, but a statement of fact. So I just nodded as Jennie made herself useless staring at the hearth fire. Do not take that the wrong way, dear. Fire is a very interesting phenomenon and I cannot disagree with your choice to watch.

Yes, I did just drop Celestia’s title in my storytelling. As narrator, I get to do these things.

“I’ve been on this world for so long”, Celestia started to explain, “and have experienced so much, that I’m starting to distrust my ability to retain the oldest events.”

I nodded in understanding. Thousands of years of experience add up, after all.

“I still remember all the important things. All the lovers I’ve had, their names, their smells…”

No, that’s all she said about lovers. I am not holding back any words she said. Stop that.

“I know of your intent regarding history books and first-hoof confirmation. I know that you do so through an optimized version of Star Swirl’s time travel spell and your recall beacons. Now, I must admit I’m very impressed that you managed to do so and that, aside from my merging with my own past self which incidentally was as temporary as we all hoped, you managed to prevent or contain any paradoxes, and didn’t attempt to intervene in events, nor try to somehow improve the future by actively changing the past.”

“Your highness?” I asked with a questioning raised eyebrow.

“Most ponies in such a position would do such a thing. Even my dear Twilight would, and actually did, in a way. Fortunately, it ended up as a closed loop.”

“An information-based ontological paradox, if I remember the reports correctly.”

Ah. I see your questioning faces. Allow me to interrupt the story, then. You see, gentlecolts plus drone, an ontological paradox is when something travels back through time, then takes the long way back to where it came from, only to end up going back again. Imagine for the moment if I were to travel back in time to a period or perhaps just place where my bits are no good. I would at some point in the adventure require money, of course. So what if I was to find a pawn shop or something and sell my glasses? I can get by without them, really, as long as nopony asks me to read a faraway sign. The glasses, left behind in that pawn shop, would pass from new owner to new owner, changing the lenses when they break, and replacing the frame when it fails of old age, until finally they might end up with my mother, who then gives them to me that one fateful birthday. Years later, I travel back in time and sell them in a certain pawn shop.

Now, which of you fine fellows can tell me where these glasses came from? No? Okay. If I were to actually do go back one day and sell them, we would get a paradox of ontology and the glasses would effectively have no beginning.

In theory, a piece of information makes a safer subject for an ontological paradox than a physical object. In the events Celestia referred to, Twilight Sparkle caused an ontological paradox where the subject was a warning, “do not worry about next Tuesday.” The trick is that she would not let herself finish delivering the warning, causing a lot of worry and unneeded trouble, which led her to go back and tell herself not to worry.

And that is why I avoid crossing my own time stream. That is why the merged Celestia pretended to be plain old Princess Celestia. Now, let us finish the story.

“Those paradoxes and other risks”, Celestia explained, “are why the original spell has such limitations. Star Swirl could’ve done better, but he knew what could happen if his spell fell into the wrong hooves. I trust Twilight, and you’ve proven yourself trustworthy enough.”

“Thank you, your highness.”

“In fact, in light of that mistrust I mentioned earlier, and your skill at time travel and documentation, I would like to make you an offer.”

Can I have a drumroll, please?

“I offer you the official position of Court Historian. It’s really mostly just a title, and the obligation to fill me and my sister in on matters historical in as correct a way as possible. Should you not know the answer to a particular question, I’m sure you could get it in what would seem like… what was it? Two seconds?”

“I honestly do not know what to say.”

“You wouldn’t need to move to the castle, if you’d rather stay in the city”, Celestia continued. “We have a private communication channel, after all, and you can teleport when you need to.”

“Very well, P—Celestia. There is just one condition.”

“And what would that be, my historian?”

“Do not ask me about Discord.”

Comments

[silvadel]

That was a wonderful condition -- I mean discord could really mess things up.

[InoPony]

Just out of curiosity, in your cover picture you show a paper with a rather technical formula. Is it a real formula? Did you come up with it yourself? Or is it just scribbles made to fill up the page. It looks real to my untrained eye, and either way it's very impressive!

[Kawa]

1870552
E=MC Hammer averted!
It's from the equation of time article on Wikipedia. Not quite as appropriate as I intended, but it's time and it's real long so it'd do.

[erictheblue]

that part about the glasses reminded me strongly of that scene in Star Trek 4 where Kirk pawns his glasses...