Time and Time Again

by Kawa

Cheers

Two figures trotted along the road of the Canterlot outskirts as a third slowly flew along just overhead, making their merry way to their favorite hangout, The Shade. The two who weren’t flying were both interesting sights, for one was an albino and the other a changeling. The latter had a suppressing device stuck to its horn, and a sturdy leash around its neck that led up to the foreleg of the pegasus above him.

“So, what do suppose the Vicster has to share with us common pony folk this time?” asked the pegasus, who went by the name Tailchaser. He was rather unassuming, if not for the drone leashed to him like a dog, and was in fact perfectly unremarkable in every relevant way, and several unremarkable ways on the side. The only other remarkable aspect was that his muted red and brown colors shone particularly bright in the midday sun, because Tailchaser had a thing about compensating for his blandness and had spent an hour grooming.

“To be entirely honest”, drawled the albino Earth pony in his usual semi-bored tone, “I have no idea. I can only hope it’ll be something exciting.”

“Oh come on, Powder! When has Vicky ever let us down in that regard, eh?”

“Just a month ago, actually. I don’t see how accidentally rendering me blind for a week is supposed to be exciting. I couldn’t do my job.”

The changeling made an odd, laugh-like noise as it remembered how Powder kept walking into things. Soon enough, the odd trio reached their destination and entered the establishment. The pony behind the bar was quick to react.

“Hey! We don’t serve their kind here!” the barkeep exclaimed.

“Actually”, a calm and careful voice from a mostly-empty table in the far corner replied, “you do. Sixteen has special dispensation to walk around freely, as long as it has an escort. But this is the first time you have seen him since you got this job, is it not?”

The barkeeper grunted softly at Pyrrhic Victory’s explanation and beckoned the group to come in.

“Yes, yes. Come on in, friends. Jennie and I have kept your seats warm, and I can only assume the drinks are cold.”

“But”, Tailchaser responded as he took his seat, “is the story you’ll no doubt want to share with us hot?”

“Yeah. How many laws of nature did you break this time?” Powder joked.

Sixteen said nothing. Its speaking voice tended to make ponies uncomfortable. Or rather, more so than its mere presence did, even roughly a hundred years after its kind had tried to invade Canterlot. The simple fact that it did indeed have a document tucked under its armor, signed by Empress Cadence herself said it all.

“Well, friends… that depends entirely on whether you consider time travel to be a breach of natural law. Or perhaps, if you prefer, causing a pony’s past and present selves to merge?”

“Cue the ‘big what’ in three”, Jennie joked. “Two…”

“A griffin says what?” came the unexpectedly understated response from Powder, while Tailchaser was struck dumb.

Jennie, of course, continued to count down as she hadn’t finished yet. When she did, Sixteen spoke its first word since it had set cheesy hoof outside. “What!?” it exclaimed in a barely-contained hiss. It wasn’t the brightest bulb in the box, which was no small contributor to the obvious fact it wasn’t part of a hive, but even it understood the basic implications behind what Vic had suggested.

Vic smiled as he traced a hoof around the rim of his glass.

“It is true. I did in fact cause a pony’s past and present selves to merge”, Vic confirmed. “Well, okay, it turned out that dear Jennie’s saddlebags were the key to the whole mess”, he added as Jennie poked him in the side of the head as a reminder.

Tailchaser leaned back in his seat and folded his wingtips together in front of his face in a passing imitation of a classic anime character he knew not. “Please, do elaborate”, he said.

“Actually, would you mind not elaborating just yet?” interrupted Powder. “I’d like to go over to the bar and get us all some drinks. The usual, I’d assume? Cos if that guy’s new, I doubt he’d know what that is.”

“He does not”, Vic confirmed.

It took Powder only a minute to get the drinks, balancing them all on a tray resting on his back. When he reached the table, Vic took the tray from him and levitated it onto the center. Sixteen tried to grab one of the saltine crackers that Powder had brought, only to find its telekinesis was blocked so it cast a pleading look into the rest of the group until one of its companions moved the crackers close enough to just grab them. It usually got all the crackers to itself, but hadn’t quite realized that initially keeping them out of its reach was actually a playful tease.

Sixteen didn’t give a buck, because it loved saltine crackers.

“Alright, Vicmachine. What did you do?” asked Tailchaser again.

Leaving out the encounter with Pinkie Pie and all the technical background information that his drinking buddies were unlikely to understand, Vic proceeded to tell them how he had reverse-engineered Star Swirl’s time travel spell, optimized it, and went back in time roughly a hundred years, only to find that the presence of Jennie’s enchanted saddlebags had caused then-Princess Celestia to become one with their beloved Queen.

“That’s some serious mind fuck, amigo”, Powder responded. “A queen-princess?”

“Princess-queen, actually. She was a princess before she became queen.”

“But”, Sixteen whispered with a heavy accent, “isn’t she technically above such terms? More like… god-empress?”

“Yes, but usually only the religious zealots call her that”, Jennie half-confirmed.

“Though, when you think about it, the point is moot anyway, is it not?” Vic remarked with a grin. The others looked at him expectantly.

“Think about it. Imagine it is… at least fifty or so years ago. Name a queen.”

“Chrysalis?” Sixteen suggested without hesitation.

“What’s-her-face… the griffin? The one who was in charge back then was female, I think”, Powder hesitantly added. “You did say fifty, right?”

“Do the dragons have a queen?” Tailchaser considered.

“Very good. Now, what did they have in common?” Vic asked.

“They weren’t very nice”, Powder replied with confidence. Sixteen and Tailchaser slowly nodded in agreement.

“Queens throughout history have, in fact, not ranked very high in the niceness top ten”, Vic confirmed. “The very term had quickly acquired negative connotations throughout the three tribes of pony, even before Celestia and Luna made their presence known. So when they took power and instituted the diarchy, they were careful to avoid the title of ‘queen’ and adopted the next best thing instead. It was not until a few decades ago that the word finally outgrew its connotations, and things were set in motion to refer to our beloved rulers as the queens they are, without all those nasty implications that used to come with the title.”

“All hail kah-ween Celestia!” Sixteen exclaimed, noticeably slurring its words.

“Alright, short black an’ shiny. I think you’ve had enough crackers”, Tailchaser said as he pulled said treat away from the drone. “Maybe you should have a drink instead.”

“Maybe I should have your mom instead.”

“Anyway”, Tailchaser quickly interrupted. “what happened next, Victrola?”

Vic grinned again. “I will tell you what happened. I mentioned how, during my little aneurysm, her royal highness invited us to visit her again in the present, did I not?”

The others nodded.

“Very well, then…”

Comments

[Listie The Scribe Maid]

(Joke) Alt. Title: Let's Do The Time Warp Again!

[Kawa]

1810305
I like the way you think.