Time has passed, and our pony heroes have separated, each one following her dreams, leaving only Applejack and Twilight still residing in Ponyville, until a series of events would lead them to reunite with their friends, for a bigger and more dangerous adventure that will make them uncover the dark secrets behind Equestria's history.
AUTHOR NOTES:
Humans may take a while in appear but there will definitely be humans in the story
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Ok. this was the first chapter (of my very first story), It took me longer than I expected but at least it has already started, hope you like it!
Bahahahahaha
That is exactly how I would picture Sweety Belle working in a library.
Seems interesting, and that was a good end to the chapter.
At last! Chapter 3! I've really worked on this one!
If you like the story, please leave some comments and click thumbs up just to let me know I'm doing a good job!
If you hate me, please leave some comments anyway and click thumbs down, or else, I'll keep working on this and I won't be able to feel bad!
You can make fun of me too!
I'm really enjoying this so far, you write well and the plot draws me in. I think I noticed a grammatical mistake or two somewhere, you might want to read it over again.
Try a new paragraph every time somepony new talks. It's hard to follow otherwise. Good storyline besides, though!
1450123 thanks!!! I'll remember that!
NMM is Luna's avatar of war, so she's off to war.
Finally! Chapter 5. I know it took me a really long time, but it's here at last! Please read this one with an open mind. Don't forget to rate.
You're not that experienced with fighting scenes are you? Well i'll tell you this... until i saw the fighting scene i thought everything was perfect. Not too much analyzed but also including very important things! Now when it comes to fighting rps you need to mention when they are attacking, how they are attacking , movement, position which they are, what they are using to attack. I was able to visualize everything up until the fight started. Anyways awesome story! Be sure to keep it up!
Wow it's been a month! But I finally got myself time to write a bit more. I hope you enjoy this chapter, I worked really hard on this one. And don't forget to give me thumbs up if you like it, or thumbs down if you don't. Also leave a comment to let me know I suck, or to let me know I don't suck so much.
2414304 Thank you very much! And I'm not experinced with writing at all... This is my first attempt to write anything, and since I read novels, and mysteries the most... You're right, fighting is totally my weak spot.
Thanks for the advice, I'll keep it in mind.
Sorry for the delay... But here it is, episode... ummm... eleven?
).
Well I am really proud of this one because we got to an interesting point in the plot, please comment and thumbs up if you like it or thumbs down if you don't. You can also ask questions about the plot and, with some luck, I'll be able to find an excuse to answer you (But please, don't question anything
Episode 12!!! thumbs up or down, wichever you preffer, and thank you for your support and also thank you for letting me know I'm not doing it right, I keep trying to get better.
I just can't wait for direct human involvement
also i think i know why only humans can use the rainbows and "good" ones at that because humans have a lot of willpower compared to ponies defiantly when a human has made their mind up, it takes a lot more for a non corrupt human to be swayed than a pony also humans can control negative emotions better and are used to them
just a therory
2829010 That is pretty good... I would like to use it if in a future chapter if you don't mind...
3018032 go at it
U had to make him evil.
3308754
I'm sorry... but I didn't make him evil, the show made him good XD... I needed him to stay evil, but that gave me an idea for another story...
This seems like a good story, although I only got through one chapter ^^'
However I do like to suggest stuff, so if I may darling,
I recommend indenting the first part of your paragraphs, just gives it was professional touch up, and read it over, you have a few grammar errors, otherwise I think it is a good story.
3339109
Thanks for the advice!! I'll keep that in mind...
THIS IS AMAZING O____________O
3368755 wow... thanks... I'll try to keep up...
3371485 Your story is good. When is next chapter?
4265500 coming out soon... almost done!!!
4266420 Oh good. Hey want to check out my story Ace Combat: Divided Feelings?
There are some grammar mistakes but that's not the major problem of this story. Neither is this story suffering from "Show don't tell" stuff. The main problem I have is that sometimes it seems you lack... patience. Or maturity? I don't mean that in a mean way but for example when you say Pinkie Pie has "Powers" well that's... not exactly mature. Ability is something you can do... skill is what allows you to use that ability. In any case what would fit more into that would be "Don't underestimate me!" What i advise you past getting an editor is to give things a little bit of more work. Like how Twilight made Screwball cower in fear.
Mainly what this fic needs is more work. Be patient with this. Try reading some more. It helps.
before i read.....................
why so many dislikes?
5767448 haters.
5768057
What are they hating about.
(I usually track stories and read them till they are finished)
5768366 Don't know why. It's just haters gota hate.
5768964
Do you like the story?
5769145 Yes.
5767448 Well, to each his own opinion, maybe they think it's bad. I actually was psychologically prepared for a bunch of dislikes when I started writing XD. I have some crazy ideas that not everyone agrees with. Are YOU liking the story so far?
5770945 Thank you! That means a lot to me.
5771511
When I find a story I might be interested in, I track it till its finished.
I'll read it when the story is finished.
The way this all tied to each other like a big masterplan... it was glorious. No I mean it. For what it's worth I applaud your efforts into planning this whole thing. Will there be an epilogue or something?
5968745 Thank you, it took me a lot of time and thinking, but I managed! of course it will be an epilogue, just one more! Thanks for your support!!
5971272 Well I do hope once time goes that you write more.
I hope you guys liked it, and I'd love to read your opinion, wether you liked it or not, it means a lot to me. I want to write my next story right away, but I'm uncertain, do you want to see what happens next? or what happened before? Or another brand new story?
And as always, thums up or down are well appreciated as much as comments.
It's despise.
Is this really needed? Just saying.
Question... why?
What? Why "Queen" moondancer? It's not like all Queens are evil right?
Yikes... scary.
Dragons... on modeling... oh boy!
I wonder what will happen in that story.
This is more of a sad ending I'd say. People are leaving left and right... and even Chrysalis who had good times with the ponies now is away... Things... don't work out as they should right? Ever... Oh btw you said Twilight became a princess but then ditched the wings?
6100039 Yup, it's not really a happy ending, mostly because I think that happy endings don't reflect real life. Like an old writer once said : "There never is a happy ending because nothing ends."
And yes, Twilight used to be princess, but she relinquished because she felt guilty for Flash Sentry's death. She didn't want anyone to risk they life for hers. This story started before Twilight was a princess, I had to adapt it to match with the progress of the tv show, I think I did a good job on that... at least, I hope I did.
6100643 True but I don't know why Chrysalis just up and leaves, or why new changelings don't have names. Plus that changeling's name is the same as Twilight's dad.
I get Fluttershy wanting to grow as a person, Spike needing that too, though it's kinda strange for dragons and fashion to mix together. Aren't the like huge beings? How big are they?
In any case there I know that there's never an "ending"... but there could be some sort of... respite? Something to look forward to? I... I just don't know where we go from here. This is like the setup for more fuckups. *shrug*
In any case there's one thing you didn't abide with in the canon despite you wanting to adapt to it... the elements came from the tree. Now if they were somewhere else before that's another thing.
6102462 Crap! It IS the same name as Twilight's father! What were the chances?
Dragons come from all sizes, but the starring ones (excluding Spike) are as big as an Ursa Minor, if that is valid as a measure, maybe a bit bigger.