• Member Since 6th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen Nov 24th, 2017

LunaUsesCaps


I am an pretty filly.

E
Source

With the Ponyville Circuit coming up soon, Rainbow Dash thinks it would be a great idea if Derpy decided to compete in the race. However, something like that poses its own set of problems.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 31 )

Pre-read comment:

Looks leigt, right Derpy?
:derpytongue2: *nods head* Derp.

When you see Derpy wearing an eyepatch, you just know she's getting serious.

Excellent story, and i quite like the way your Derpy and Cloud Kicker interact.

Tagged for reading soon

Oh my god.

That was badass.

Liked and faved. I know it's not likely, as this story stands out spectacularly on its own, but I would totally read a sequel with Derpy's perilous mountain climbing adventure.

"I hate you," I said, not truly knowing exactly how much of it was a joke.

Well...that's a motherly thing to say, especially in front of Dinky: back-and-forth banter is one thing, but six-year-olds aren't exactly masters at decoding sarcasm. Also, point of reference: Dinky is light-blue/lavender--Sparkler's the pink one.

"With all the new taxes in place? Not only does that mean I have to pay more, but so does the hospital. So that means salary cuts."

Hospitals are tax exempt.

How is any one pony supposed to scale Mount Astron without flying, much less every guard that's ever existed?

Kind of confusing word order here.

"Guess that means me," I said. "Wish me luck everybody."

You do this a couple of times.

The above aside, this was a pretty good read. Watching everypony (:rainbowwild:) bounce off of each other was quite hilarious, and I cheered when Derpy went back to help Embers.

this was beautiful
but did she keep the eye patch after the race
could you mention it when she said

"Thank you, Cloud Kicker," I said, not taking my eyes off of Mount Astron. "It means a lot."

could you say eye or un blocke eye or something

"Where are all the numbers? Math usually has a lot more numbers,"

Silly Derpy, numbers aren't math! You must be thinking of arithmetic.:derpyderp2:

In before featured.

"Hey!" she said, apparently offended. "I can do languaging better than anypony else! Get'm in here, I'll show all of you how good I language, and then some."

"If you remember only one thing I ever tell you, Derpy, remember this. The second you start walking away from things you want in life because you think you aren't good enough... There's no turning back."

That is a really good quote. I like it.

"Here, I present to you... Wait... This isn't right..." the announcer said as the sound of flipping papers was being picked up by his microphone. "Well, it seems we have some difficulty locating this contestants information. But give it up for the unnamed character before us!"
Even without knowing who exactly they were cheering for, the crowd did in fact give it up for a mysterious looking lime green pegasus, who seemed pretty indifferent about the whole ordeal.

Reference alarms going off, but I have no idea what it's referring to.

I liked it! There were times that you wrote hands, or everybody though. Control F should take care of that.

I know you can't see me, but I'm giving you a standing ovation.

Rainbow Dash is best civil rights activist. :rainbowdetermined2:
And I love your portrayal of Derpy's "issue" - it feels natural, and it's completely believable.

Also, Spike... the Pegasus? Dafuuu? :moustache:

Just one quibble:

should I have taken into consideration

the 'I' is unnecessary.

Other than that, it's a solid read.

A decent story, but there are two things that completely threw me for a loop. First, did you seriously just have Cloud Kicker steal from a little kid? Second, a moon tax? I mean, seriously? I just cannot even wrap my brain around that.

I had really liked that story :pinkiehappy:

Wow, that was an amazing story. Very inspiring and really well-written. It's unusual to see such a pessimistic version of Derpy, but I guess it's a result from everything she's gone through. So the Circuit is like the Olympics? Nice. I loved how detailed the descriptions were for everything. It made me feel almost like I was there with Derpy. Only two little things: 1. Derpy seems to switch back and forth between loving mother and a mother who only sees her kids as a nuisance. 2. In Chengar Qordath's story (which your Cloud Kicker and Blossomforth seem to be inspired by), Cloud Kicker didn't want to be in the royal guard and ran away from her graduation from West Hoof. It seems like at the end of this, she wants to be in the guard. It could be a continuity issue, unless you're not following the Winningverse that closely. Still, I love this story!

Has some Fridge Logic issues, buuut...I like.

1495378

Mmm, Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic comes to mind. :rainbowwild:

----

Aneighway! This story's gold. :twilightsmile:

Quite a good read. Rather liked Derpy's inner monologues. The Honoring of old principles was a very nice touch seeing as the pegasi are supposed to be militaristic in their history. Was kind of hoping there would have been a scene for Redheart at the event prefferabbly with Cloudkicker tossing up some one liner for a good laugh and to loosen Derpy up just a bit. Got jumbled around a few time while reading but still a pretty good story. Thank you for you work. :pinkiehappy:

1494943

From personal experience, six-year-old children can and do pick up on that kind of sarcasm. There is a whole world of difference in facial expression and tone of voice between playful sniping and genuine anger. They are as far removed from each other as from the center thrice to the utmost pole. There is no way that Dinky has failed to notice the real affection behind the pointed words. From the two ponies closest to her in all the wide world.

Excellent story, I'm really glad that it was recommended to me by whoever it was that did so. If only I remembered who...

Very nice, I really enjoyed this.
The only thing that threw me for a loop: Your Cloud Kicker is quite close to the Winning-verse CK, but there are notably differences. I had to stop reading a few times and remind myself "No this is not the winning pony!".
I'm not sure what you could do about this though. :applejackunsure:

1640342
Oh, I had not realized this. :derpytongue2:
In that case: Way to go, well done!
Maybe you could point it out in the description for future readers?

This was fantastic, and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. Great job!

It was a grate work, I don't particular like the Winning-verse, it has some bumps here and there, The Life and Times of a Winning Pony started and had a good over all run but, that ending was not my cup of tea. But I digress.
This story is well told and well paced, it would have made a bit more sense if Derpy won the race and then went back, you know out of the heat of the moment and as an athlete it would have been more respectful if she would finish what she started, both for herself and her opponent and another rule of thumb in spots is that your brain seems to run on autopilot and muscle-memory takes hold, adrenalin floods your brain and any thought that may cross your mind comes to you more like a broken sentence, like this: "Must run. Fast. Fast." and a lot of "Um"-s, your blood can go in only one of two places your head or your body and in the end your body ends up with the bulk of it (and that last one is from personnel experience).
But that is my thoughts on it and I meant them to be constructive. I still liked it.

4813225

This is a really old fic I wrote way before LTWP was as big as it is now, which, believe it or not, was actually based off of GSphere's cover image I used here—a depiction of Derpy that made me think of Qordath's universe, which is why I chose to write it like that. To tell you the honest truth, I stopped following the story a very long time ago and have yet to finish it.

4815834
Whether you read it or not it don't mater, I just have some standing issues with LTWP, its resolution specifically. That is that and this is something else, you did a grate job on this fic over all and I really liked it.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

Okay, I was gonna say, if this isn't at least inspired by the Winningverse, I'll eat my hat. <.< There's just so much extra stuff going on around the edges of this; it was so distracting. To say nothing of Cloud Kicker. I just can't help but think how cynical this vision of Equestria is. It was really off-putting. Plus the fact that Derpy gets a whole one aborted practice session before the race. At least she didn't win, though it looks like she easily could have.

6796247

lol anything i have ever done

surprised at cynicism

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