• Published 5th Oct 2012
  • 1,305 Views, 55 Comments

Dating Derpy - NYQUTIE

Thank you so much, FeinesFabi for the idea!!

  • ...

Second Attempts

"Freddy, I'm seriously sorry!" Craig apologized for the fourth time as I lay motionless on my bed, gazing up at the ceiling. "How was I supposed to know that would happen?"

I ignored him. I was trying to calm down and process what had just happened. That's a really hard thing to do at the same time.

"Freddy, you can't ignore me. We've been best friends for years," Craig continued. "I know you like a good menu."

"You mean like that menu at that diner?" I sneered.

"No, there was hardly a thing on it," Craig replied, rolling his eyes. "I mean, five bucks for a freakin' piece of chicken! The heck? Oh, and then it was three seventy-five for a salad, and don't even get me started on the—"

"Why are we even friends?" I interrupted furiously. "All you do is bring me down, Craig!" Craig punched me in the foot, and I nailed him in the face.

"Okay, if you're done assaulting me with you stinky feet," Craig joked, standing up, "then you might wanna take some good notes."

"What are you going on about now?"

"I'm gonna help you win Derpy back." My ears perked up.

"Stop messin' with me," I demanded.

"Dude, I swear I'll help you win this chic's heart! Honest!" Craig insisted, holding up a hand. I raised an eyebrow. I was still pretty mad, but holding a grudge wouldn't do anything.

"How many ideas do you have?" I questioned. Craig smiled at me slyly. This could only lead to very bad things...

"I feel retarded," I whispered as I tied the blue mask over my eyes. I adjusted it so I could see properly. "I'm probably gonna go to jail."

"Idiot, we're not robbing a bank!" Craig hissed, handing me a stick. "You're just gonna to be rough in front of Derpy." I rolled my eyes.

"And then I'm going to jail, huh?" I added. "Don't forget that." Craig opened his mouth to say something, but he stopped when I gave him my Don't Even Talk look. He quietly got of the prickly bush we were hiding in. Craig's plan was simply this: He was going to be having lunch with Derpy outside, but it would cut short when I jumped out and proved I was tougher than my friend. Hopefully that wouldn't backfire.

Three to fifteen minutes later, I could hear the unmistakable chatter of Craig and Derpy. I stretched my cramped legs and slowly crawled out of the bush. I sprang up and made my way toward the two, hitting the stick in my palm like a baseball bat.

"Ah, two love birds, huh?" I asked, making sure to disguise my voice. "Well, let's see if one of you is tough enough to face me!"

"Oh my God, he's got a stick!" Craig shouted, throwing his hands high in the air in surrender.

"That's right!" I said, smirking. "And I'm not afraid to use it on you, little man! I mean look at you! You're so skinny and weak!"

"Hey! Leave my Muffin Man alone!" Derpy suddenly screamed, standing up.

"Oh please! He's weak!" I repeated. "He can't take me!"

"Maybe not," Derpy continued, "but I do know a friend from New Jersey who taught me a thing or two."

I was about to say something when Derpy punched me in the face and kicked me onto the concrete. She then cannonballed my stomach with her elbow, and I felt like I just passed away. I did notice my right eye was puffy and swollen, my hand was throbbing like a cell phone on vibrate, and my stomach felt flat. I could tell Craig was shocked and entertained at the same time.

"Oh...crap..." he breathed. "That was insane!" Derpy smiled triumphantly and dragged Craig off somewhere else. I slammed my head on the crusted snow and groaned. Looks like my so called "plans" were going south big time. And I needed three ice packs.

"Anymore plans, genius?" I asked sarcastically as I planted an ice pack over my swollen left eye.

"How was I supposed to know she fought like that?" Craig argued. "If I had known, I wouldn't have given you that stick!" I glared at him with my one good eye. Yeah, because sticks mean 'danger' in this town, I thought angrily.

"But I have another plan!" Craig added. I sighed.

"Great. I'll get some money for the hospital I'll be checking into," I said, standing up only to feel a thrashing pain on my lower body. God, she cannonballed me good.

"Freddy, I swear this is my best idea yet, okay?" Craig persuaded. I was in too much pain to respond, so I just shrugged. It took several minutes for Craig to stand me up, but it took even longer to get me out the door without falling. My friend ended up carrying me on his back (he's stronger than he looks), and soon I found myself near one of the rundown banks in Westlake.

"Why are we here?" I asked, leaning against the chipped painted walls.

"Just wait," Craig replied as he whipped out a phone. He dialed a few numbers and, unbelievably, asked Derpy to meet him at the National Westlake Bank.

"You seriously got her phone number?" I snapped, crossing my arms.

"She insisted," Craig answered with a shrug. We waited seconds, then minutes, then excruciating hours. I nearly fell asleep when Craig nudged my shoulder.

"Here she comes," he hissed. "Here's the plan: I'm going to drop that empty paint bucket—" Craig pointed a finger toward a bucket and a ladder— "and drop the bucket on her head. You'll push her out of harm's way, be her hero, she'll love you, blah blah blah. Got it?"

"Yeah, but where'd that ladder and bucket come from?" I wondered.

"Some painter came to paint the roof and left his supplies to buy more paint. Oh, she's getting closer!"

Craig bolted for the ladder, snatched the bucket up, and clambered atop the wet roof. I could see Derpy walking a few feet away, and I also noticed that Craig was crawling on the roof watching Derpy's every move. I waited for the right moment, and when it came, I sprang into action. The bucket plummeted toward Derpy's head and, despite my bruises, I pushed her out of the way.

"Is something wrong with your head?" she screamed, standing up.

"No, I saved your life," I explained. "From a bucket!"

"What bucket?"

What did she meant "what bucket"? I turned around and my eyes widened. Where was the bucket...? I slowly looked toward the roof and saw Craig shrugging apologetically.

"Take Two!" he screamed, then ducked when Derpy looked his way.

"Creep," Derpy snapped in my direction, flicking me in the ear. She stomped away furiously. I was going to kill Craig today. I'd drown him, burn him, cut off his fingers...Anything! He still hadn't helped me win my crush's heart! All he had gotten me were bruises and a torn up heart. I was starting to think getting a second chance with Derpy wasn't gonna happen anytime soon.

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