• Published 5th Oct 2012
  • 1,303 Views, 55 Comments

Dating Derpy - NYQUTIE

Thank you so much, FeinesFabi for the idea!!

  • ...

Ideas Galore, Plus...Muffins?!

My pencil created a distracting rhythm on my desk while my brain pushed itself to think of what to write. After Craig had left to check into a nearby motel, I had decided to write myself a letter. Now before you think I'm crazy, think of this: My crush was a mail woman, and they deliver bills and letters and stuff like that. Luckily, I had found out she was working a double shift throughout the day, so I snagged this perfect opportunity to win Derpy's heart. I know this sounded crazy, but I had writer's block, which was preventing me from writing a crappy little letter. Sighing, I just let my pencil dance along my loose leaf paper and began sketching out a fake letter.

Dear Freddy,

Have you heard that a carnival is in town for me next weekend? I'm so excited, aren't you?! I know you don't live in California with me, but still! Anyways, how are you? I'd love to hear from you after so long, but oh! I gotta go! Michael Bay is waitin' for me to discuss a movie script!



Ugh. Corny, dangerously fake, and probably one of my worst fake letters in the history of fake letters, but hey! It was short, simple, and needed to be sent immediately. My name, address, zip code, and a George Washington Carver stamp were soon on the cream envelope in a matter of minutes, and in a matter of milliseconds the envelope was in the hands of the man behind the post office desk. I ran the entire way home and nearly murdered my poor two-seat couch when I dive-bombed on it. I was way too jittery to stand still after my letter had been delivered to the post office, which Derpy would deliver to my mailbox anytime soon.

Though by 1:15 P.M., my brain signaled my stomach which alerted me that I was beyond starving. I slid off my couch and shuffled into my small kitchen, yanking open my almost-broken refrigerator door. My eyes wandered over cartons of milk and yogurt, a Ziploc bag full of probably expired ham, and other small processed foods. I did a double take when I noticed a plate full of something wrapped in Saran Wrap. I tore through the plastic, and my face grew confused and disturbed.

"The heck?" I muttered. What were muffins doing in my fridge? I know some guys take an interest in baking, but I wasn't one of those men. I was more into sports and school subjects like literature, but muffins in my fridge? Oh well. At least I have some food, I thought happily, shoving a full muffin in my mouth.

"AH! Cold!" I spit the freezing pastry out on my hand, trying to rid the horrid, stale and numb taste. How long were those muffins in that fridge?!

"Jesus! Blech!" I settled the cold treats on a dusty windowsill below an open window. Hey, maybe the sun would warm my breakfast up. Better that than turning on my stove and making my entire house smoky and hot. I did grab a carton of strawberry-banana yogurt and settled on the couch with a sports magazine. I was falling into a deep sleep when I heard some Clank! I jumped up, magazine flying.

"Who's there?" I cried, still drowsy from my nap.

I looked around and noticed something odd. Where was that plate of muffins? Did some bird knock it over, or did a squirrel think those pastries were acorns? I crept toward the window and swallowed a scream about to rise out of my throat. Was this some hallucination from that yogurt? I didn't know if it was from that or actually happening, but crouching down on the grass scarfing down muffins was none other than Derpy! My plan worked!

I cleared my throat loudly, but Derpy continued eating. Dang, she loves muffins! I thought, impressed. If she were in an eating contest, she'd win first prize for sure. Hands down! I took a deep breath and worked up all the courage to speak.

"Um, hi," I said quietly.

Derpy slowly looked up, crumbs scattered all over her face. I smiled. The rumors were true; her eyes were cross-eyed, but her right eye seemed a bit normal. Speaking of her eyes, they were an amazing shade of yellow green. Or...was it just plain yellow? I dunno. I was also distracted by her white-blonde and ruffled hair, which was flung over her left shoulder neatly. My smile stretched even wider.

"H-hi," I sputtered, my face burning. "I'm Fredrick Ian, but people call me Freddy or Fred. You must be Derpy." I extended my hand out the window, but she didn't shake it. She bit it!

"OW! What was that for?" I cried in pain, protecting my poor fingers.

"That's for scaring me last week!" she answered, glaring at me. Her voice sounded a little deep and tomboyish, but it was still sweet. "I almost died!" I cracked a smile, despite my throbbing hand.

"Yeah, sorry," I muttered. "It's just that you looked pretty—" My eyes widened. "Uh...pretty...pretty impressive! Yeah! Shoving those bills in Mr. Jenson's mailbox!" I forced a laugh. Derpy looked at me blankly.

"Those were your bills, Mr. Fred," she replied flatly. I snorted.

"Oh yeah," I said nervously. "I guess my new last name is Jenson, huh?" Derpy smiled too.

"Sure. And thanks for the muffins, Fred!"

With a small wave, Derpy jogged down the sidewalk toward the next house. I sighed happily as I watched her jog away, then instantly slapped my forehead. That could've been my chance to tell her how I really felt! Why had I been so stupid and...quiet?! I probably wouldn't be sending a letter anytime soon (that was my last stamp. Shoot!), but Derpy seemed really friendly back there. Even if she chomped on my fingers and stole part of my breakfast. But I couldn't (and wouldn't) stay mad at her over that. Well, maybe for the fingers.

With a sigh, I headed back to my bedroom to ponder up more ideas to win my crush's heart.

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