• Published 30th Sep 2012
  • 3,905 Views, 171 Comments

A Head Full of Clay - Squinty Mudmane



The Cutie Mark Crusaders attempt to rediscover the all-but-forgotten art of golem making.

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Epilogue: Two Weeks Later

Scootaloo yawned and stumbled towards the front door, rubbing her bleary eyes with a hoof. It was downright criminal to wake someone at this hour during a day off.

“Yeah yeah, relax, I’m coming,” she grumbled as the knocking on the door intensified. She opened the door to reveal Rainbow Dash on the other side, sporting one of her trademark smug grins. The presence of the athletic pegasus was a pleasant enough surprise in itself to dispel any tiredness Scootaloo felt. Even more surprising was the rainbow-coloured scooter that Dash was leaning casually against.

“’Sup, Scoots? What took you so long?” she asked, not even bothering to hide her amusement at Scootaloo’s frazzled morning mane.

“Rainbow? What are you doing here? And what’s with that scooter?” the pegasus filly asked in confusion, trying to make sense of the situation.

“Running of the Leaves is coming up soon, and that means I need to get ready to beat Applejack’s orange butt up and down the field in the Iron Pony competition,” Dash replied as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Ooookay? So where do I come in?”

“Well, I need all the edge I can get, and you’re awesome on a scooter. I figured maybe you could help me sharpen my agility a bit by teaching me some of your moves on that thing?” Dash suggested with a little shrug. “You know, if you think you’ve got time to help me out.”

Scootaloo’s face split into a wide grin. “Oh, I’m going to enjoy this,” she said, resisting the urge to let out a cackle and rub her hooves together.

“Hey, don’t be too hard on me now,” Dash chuckled. “By the way, AJ’s already roped Apple Bloom in to help her train, so there are high stakes here. Don’t let me down.”

Scootaloo rushed to the shed where her father was already hard at work fixing the wheels on a stagecoach. He spat out the hammer clenched in his teeth and looked up as Scootaloo grabbed her scooter from its spot in the corner.

“You heading out now, Scoots?” he asked, pulling off the back wheels of the carriage.

“Yeah! Rainbow and I are gonna go train for the Iron Pony competition,” Scootaloo replied happily.

“Oh, is that coming up already?”

”Starting next week, yeah,” Dash confirmed, peeking his head into the shed. “You giving it a miss, Ember?”

“And miss the chance to watch you get flattened by an apple farmer? You kidding?”

Scootaloo stuck her tongue out at her father. “Don’t listen to him, Rainbow. We’re gonna ace this.”

“You know it!” the blue pegasus replied with a grin, giving Scootaloo a hoof bump. They both got on their scooters.

“You ready?” Scootaloo asked.

“Let’s do it!”

They got about fifteen meters before Rainbow Dash careened into a ditch and was catapulted off her scooter and into a nearby bush. She emerged a moment later, coughing and spitting leaves.

“I meant to do that,” she muttered, smoothing back her mane. Scootaloo laughed and took off at high speed down the road heading towards Ponyville.

“Try to keep up now!” she yelled over her shoulder.


“Wohoo! It’s another ringer!” Apple Bloom cheered as her sister managed to make the second perfect throw after an admittedly high number of misses and near-hits.

“Heh, not bad, but Ah think Ah can go one better,” Applejack said with a fairly pleased grin. “Ya mind fetchin’ them shoes, AB?”

“Ah’m on it!” Apple Bloom did a little salute before galloping over to the wooden stake in the ground and collecting the ten horseshoes scattered around it.

“So how’d yer last meetin’ with Luna go?” Applejack asked as the filly returned laden with metal.

“Good, Ah think. She asked a bunch o’ stuff ’bout how we made Golem, then just reminded me again not to tell anypony else about it,” Apple Bloom replied, dropping the horseshoes with a clatter.

“Well, guess Ah can’t blame her for wantin’ ta keep it under wraps.”

“She also said she’d talked to Jitterleaf an’ given him an official-like apology for the way those goons that caused him to leave treated him. Apparently Princess Celestia hadn’t heard a thing about what happened back then. He said he’d consider comin’ back to Ponyville.”

“Huh, well that’ll make Granny Smith right happy, Ah reckon. Kinda fishy that Celestia didn’t know, though,” the farmpony grunted. “Ya ain’t heard no news from yer golem friends, Ah suppose?” She picked up one of the horseshoes and threw it with too much force, missing the stake by a rather impressive margin. “Aw, shoot!”

“No, nothin’ yet. Guess they’re still restin’.”

“Well, they’ll come around eventually, an’ then ya can say ya were the one that rediscovered ’em. Findin’ a thousand-year-old secret an’ clearin’ an old pony’s name, ’tain’t no mean feat for a filly, that’s for sure,” Applejack said, giving her sister a proud smile.

“Heh, yeah. Ah guess,” Apple Bloom replied with a slightly embarrassed grin, shrugging lightly. Applejack threw another horseshoe, coming much closer to the stake this time.

“So what’s yer next plan for gettin’ yer Cutie Marks?”

“Well, Ah asked Sweetie Belle to pick up a bunch o’ feathers since she was in Canterlot anyway.” The filly tried to throw one of the horseshoes as well, but barely managed to get it over the halfway mark. “Oh, pfooey!”

Applejack blinked. “Feathers? What are ya gonna use those for?”

“Bird watchers! We’re going to—”

“Dress up as a giant bird?” Applejack finished for her, smiling a bit and shaking her head. “Ah ain’t exactly sure it’ll work like that.”

“Maybe not,” Apple Bloom admitted. “Still, it sounds like fun, so we’ll give it a go. Our Cutie Marks are gonna come eventually, right? So we’ll just try to have fun along the way.”

“Sounds like a good idea,” Applejack replied with a smile. “Ya let me know how that works out, will ya?”


The Canterlot train station was bustling with ponies moving to and fro in an orderly fashion despite the dense press of bodies. Hapless luggage carriers toiled under the weight of heavy baggage, loading them on and off the trams. Rarity and Fluttershy wove their way through the crowd, skipping past the check-in queues and going straight into the station building itself.

“I do appreciate you keeping me company on that dreadful train ride, darling,” Rarity said for the third time in the past hour, making a little toss of her head to move aside the elegant curl from her right eye. In the weeks since the fillies’ return, Rarity’s mane had grown back to its usual length, aided by an equal mix of magic and experimental tonics. “Canterlot may be a wonderful place, but travelling here is nothing short of an absolute bore.”

“Oh, it’s my pleasure,” Fluttershy assured the unicorn with a soft smile. “I just hope Sweetie Belle can find us with all these ponies around. It’s almost a little scary how many there are.” She glanced at a group of stylishly dressed unicorns moving past them, all dignified, haughty and aloof.

“I’m certain she's fine,” Rarity replied confidently. “We agreed to meet outside the station building at three o’clock. She might even be there already.”

As it turned out, the unicorn filly showed up a couple of minutes after Rarity and Fluttershy did, dashing between the legs of other ponies in the street, much to the pedestrians’ annoyance.

“Hi, Rarey! Hi, Fluttershy!” she greeted them cheerfully, hugging each of them in turn.

“Hello, Sweetie,” Rarity said warmly, noting with amusement how her sister was almost bouncing on the spot. “I take it everything went well?”

“Yes! Everypony is so nice, especially our teacher, Mr. Kettlepot. Since I can’t attend class as often as the others, he gave me a bunch of exercises and stuff that I can do at home instead,” Sweetie Belle replied happily. “And they’re completely safe!” she added brightly when a look of concern passed fleetingly over Rarity’s face.

“Well, I’m glad to hear you’re getting along so well,” Rarity said with a smile. Sweetie Belle nodded excitedly.

"Yeah. I can’t wait to get home now, though. The school here is nice and all, but I’m glad I only have to go once a week. There’s no Apple Bloom or Scootaloo here, and no Miss Cherilee either, so it’s still not quite as fun as school in Ponyville.”

Rarity furrowed her brow a bit in puzzlement as she looked at Sweetie Belle’s schoolbag from which something colourful stuck out.

“Are those… ostrich feathers?” she asked. Sweetie Belle glanced down at her bag, and then gave her a sister a cautious smile.

“…Maybe?”

The train they boarded for the return trip was not as packed as the one they had arrived in, but finding empty seats was still difficult enough. They did eventually manage to find a passenger car that was only half-filled, and Sweetie Belle immediately leapt to secure a couple of seats by a window.

“Hmpf, you can say what you like about the efficiency of their train system, but they don’t exactly have the best comfort,” Rarity complained as she tried to make herself at ease in her seat.

“Oh, I’m sure it could be worse,” Fluttershy said gently, unfurling her wings once before lying down.

“It’s not a question of whether it could be worse, darling. It’s a question of simple design decisions and—”

Sweetie Belle subconsciously switched off her hearing for her sister’s rant as the train’s engine kicked into life. She pressed her muzzle to the window as they slowly rolled out of the station and down the winding mountainside of Canterlot. It was not long until Ponyville came into view in the distance, and with it came the sweet promise of her home and friends.

Comments ( 53 )

Holey sheet.

Damn this has been such a awesome story, I kinda wish it would have just gone on and on, but, thinking objectively, it was good to have some manner of closure, you know?

Bravo sir. Simply Bravo. :pinkiehappy:

Also, will there be more stories from this particular universe from you? Not to say that you don't deserve a rest after this amazing story, but I DEMAND MOAR STOREEEH RAAAAAGH THEY ARE DELICIOUSSSSSSSS

Ahem.:twilightblush:

2350866
Thank you very much! /elvis

As it happens, I'm already planning out my next story, which will indeed take place in the same setting as this one. I'll throw up a blog post later where I'll go into a little more detail about it, if you're interested.

Yay more stories!:pinkiehappy:

I SHALL FEAST WELL ON THIS LITERATURE:twilightangry2:

...I just realized what I actually wrote :facehoof:

I think I should just go to sleep now and stop being random and creepy :twilightsheepish:

I've said it a bunch of times already, but I loved this story to bits. Epic adventure, hilarious comedy and wonderful characterisation make this easily one of my favourites. Can't wait for your next story!

I still am quite surprised this story is not as popular as it at least should be : /

That was pretty epic.

2351534
It's been my pleasure to entertain. Hope the next story will be as much to your liking!

2353835
I got the awesome seal of approval, what's there for me to complain about? :rainbowdetermined2:

2360799
Thank you! Your avatar is pretty epic too. :twilightsmile:

So, when's the sequel coming?

2377909
Soon(tm)! In all seriousness, though, I've already started writing, but I'll wait with posting anything until I have a healthy chunk ready.

2380536

Maybe we can see Babs Seed find a place in the next story. After all, she IS a crusader too, and it would be interesting to see how you handle her in your work. I'm also somewhat curious how Sweetie Belle will develop, as her magic could be something that leads to some real fun and adventurous stuff.

Ahh, a closure. Good.
Sequel? Better! Even if not directly following this.
Soon(tm)? Awesome!!:rainbowkiss: Even if it's (tm).
Consider yourself watched!:trixieshiftleft::trixieshiftright:
And keep up that excellent writing of yours!:twilightsmile:

2414578
Thank you very kindly for your support! Comments like that really makes writing very rewarding. And don't worry, I'm hard at work on my next story, so I'm pretty positive I can provide more entertainment in the foreseeable future.

It's been a while since I commented on this, hasn't it?

I loved it. It's a very nice story, and I honestly couldn't point out "problem" areas with the later chapters. It was sweet and sometimes funny, but still smart and a good adventure.

I'm glad I favorited this. Thank you for writing it, and I wish you the best of your talents with your next story!

2693708
Thank you very much. I'm glad to hear you enjoyed the end result. Your earlier feedback was a great help in getting this polished, so thank you for that!

A sweet, light hearted, creative AND intelligent adventure story; Just what I had been looking for!

How did this work not get more views? It's certainly far better than most of the crap on this site. I like how you had the CMC's interact with each other; and I adored the scenes where Scootaloo bonded with Rainbow and, well, finally got to do stuff with her. Also; call be intrigued, but were AB's other ideas in the beginning, you know Manehattan and the Pony Equivalent to the historical Silk Trade Route, aborted ideas?

2806451
Glad to have provided! And if you mean whether those initial ideas were scrapped ideas on my part, well, not really, but they certainly might be fun places to explore later. Perhaps in a future story? Hmmm...

This is my second time reading this, and I still love it! I'm also very confused to why this isn't more popular. There's poorly-written fics out there with higher ratings than this! Everyone in this story is in character, and even though golemns were the main point, you also gave character development to the fillies and their sisters(or sister-figures) while managing to fit Twilight, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie in here in a way that doesn't seem tacked on or anything.

I'd wish you explained Sweetie Belle's Resonance problem a little bit more, I never completely understood it. Otherwise though, I still really liked this story.

Congratulations on the EQD feature!

This resonance seems to make sweetie the perfect adventurer. Not only does she have a built in location of interest detector with the whole sensing traumatic events thing, but her magic is tailor made for self defense. A wild manticore attacks? No problem! Just try to cast a spell on it, and the heightened emotions of combat will ensure the misfire burns/melts/cuts/otherwise does terrible things to it.

Wow I read this in one sitting... Truly a wonderful tale that was well Perfect, It had Heart, Soul, Depth Wonderful setting and premise. Totally worth fighting off sleep to see this thing to it's end. You Sir deserve so much more then the moderate traffic, Hopefully being shown on EqD will help you and this grand tale out.

2990279
I'm really glad to hear you liked it enough to read it through twice. I take that as high praise indeed! I'm also happy that none of the characters ended up seeming redundant. Unfortunate that the resonance was still a bit unclear, though. If it's any consolation, I've been toying with the idea of a spin-off later on focusing on Sweetie Belle and her "gift".

3035002
Thank you very much! :twilightsmile:

3036074
It would seem that way, wouldn't it? Though good luck convincing her to become the next Daring Do after all this. :unsuresweetie:

3036488
You read it all in one sitting? Wow! I'm honestly quite proud you found it that captivating. Thank you!

I have no words. This was just marvelous. I enjoyed reading everything till the very end. I know that people have said this already, but this DEFINITELY deserves more views. I do hope that you might expand on the "Resonator" idea with Sweetie Belle, it sounds really interesting. How hard was it to come up with the idea for this and to write it so perfectly?

Despite the EQD feature, this still deserves a lot more views than it has.
I had the benefit of being able to read this straight through - waiting for chapter updates on this would have killed me!

Using golems was a fantastic idea for the main idea of the story, and I've only seen one other PoneFic involving them - which sadly was never finished.
From start to finish, I kept wondering where the story was going - trying to solve the mysteries before the characters did. There was no hope of me succeeding. Chapter after chapter, you delighted me with new and unique ideas - constantly keeping me guessing as to what would happen next.

There are some things which stand out more than the rest as being exceptionally well executed.
First, descriptives - never did I come across a section were I found myself needing more detail, or found a lack of it. In particular, the descriptions of the echoes, and the underground diamond sky... I have no words. They need art.
Second, characterisation - although often hard to pull off correctly, nothing here felt forced or OOC. Luna's reserved approach, and her resent for her past shines through fantastically, and I am quite fond of the way you portrayed Scootaloo.
Third, magic. This story was truly spellbinding, literally. Golems, compulsions/geas', resonance, echoes... Brilliant.

You could have just taken the characters, and placed them in a story about golems, but you went above and beyond - building the world around the golems, and letting the characters "do their own thing". It worked perfectly.

A fantastic hidden gem of a story.
9.5/10

Read through it all in one day. I'm glad I did.
That was fantastic work.

3040268
Thank you! The story actually started as a rather simple idea: "Golems are awesome. How can I bring golems into Equestria?" I really wanted to try and make it seem as if they were part of the world, though, rather than just being there because I like golems. I'd like to claim I had it all planned out from the beginning, but that would be lying. Some parts were meant to be there from the start, but others sort of just evolved as I was writing.

3044988
Wow, I am truly humbled by your praise! Such positive response really makes it a joy to write. I'm really glad to hear the characterization worked so well. It was important for me to make sure that every character had a role and purpose in the story and didn't just feel like a third wheel.

It's funny you should mention the magic aspect as well; that was another big inspiration for me as I was writing. It's evident from what we know that magic is a big part of Equestria, but the full extent of it is still left rather vague. I wanted to explore some of the other types of magic apart from that used by the unicorns, such as earth pony magic and what I guess I would describe as "primal" magic. That's also something I'm planning to do more with in my next story.

3049622
Glad to hear you found the story that compelling! It was a pleasure to write it.

I hadn't actually thought about the inadverdent reference with "Penstroke" to the author Pen Stroke before you pointed it out. The name was chosen before I even really knew about him, and I didn't actually think more about it until just now. Good catch!

Well then. I wasn't really planning to read the whole thing in one sitting, but it happened anyway. That was a very entertaining story indeed. I am afraid I don't have much else to say. Nothing bothered me, nothing stood out so much I feel like mentioning it. It was just a very good read from start to finish.

I sat down and read this entire story in one sitting. I have to say, I found it to be incredibly enjoyable. To best articulate my opinion of this story, I'll say this: if someone was curious about MLP:FiM fanfiction and asked me which I thought they should read first, right now I'd point them to this one.

Excellently written. With some "official canon" mods this could easily be an official MLP novel, or movie, or comic, or anything. :twilightsmile:
Your style is excellent, polished, the pacing is perfect, and the characters are well pictured, lovely and faithful to themselves.
Cheers!

Didn't keep me glued to my seat, but certainly an enjoyable story all the same.

*Liked the character interactions.
*Liked the golem backstory.
*Wasn't feeling Sweetie Belle's magic ghost powers and deus ex magica dark deflection; for all that her attempts at regular spellcasting were remarkably destructive, I can't help but feel that playing with that would've been a more interesting way to go than having the obelisk be instagibbed offscreen with a handwave.
*Could've gone for a bit more in the way of action and dramatic tension in general, e.g. have Golem demonstrate that otherwise unused mighty strength by having it drive off some horror in what is otherwise an unusually tame Everfree Forest.

Still, good read. I've had an ancient golem army idea of my own bouncing around for a while that'll probably never get written, so it's nice to see someone else have a go at the concept.

3082361
That you read it all in one sitting is a very big compliment, believe me. Thank you!

3087012
Aw, thanks! I'll admit to being quite proud that you hold the story in such high regard. :twilightblush:

3109673
Thank you kindly! I'm always happy to hear that I succeeded in capturing the spirits of the characters. That is one thing that was very important for me to do right, so I'm really glad to know it worked.

3112185
Thank you very much for your readership, and I'm grateful that you also took the time to point out the parts you felt didn't work so well. I can only correct those flaws in future works by knowing what made them lacking in the first place. :twilightsmile:

I did originally toy with the idea of having a monster vs Golem fight in the forest, but I ended up dropping it. Instead of playing around with the multitude of beasties living there, I tried to focus more on how the forest itself is an unnatural place with the way the trees and such behave, but in hindsight, I don't think I used that quite enough to make up for the lack of creature encounters.

3138444

To elaborate a little, it's an adventure story where the conflict is almost entirely interpersonal, and I don't want to say you can't do that, but it's a tricky line to toe and doesn't seem to have been the intent. It starts out fine, with the CMC having to track down clues and deal with the problems they've got with their families and each other, but they switch from active to passive once they reach the old lab and don't really do anything from there on out. The Everfree is played up as being a confusing, shifting place (as you said), but that's never relevant, Apple Bloom basically gets possessed with no repercussions, and Sweetie Belle's ghost vision is automatic. They're observers in their own story, while the action shifts to the main six plus Luna trying to track them down, but they don't run into any real trouble either, and get there just after the climax resolves itself.

You've got a pleasant style and the right ideas, but keep an eye on whether you've got characters acting, reacting, or just watching the plot go by.

Really nice story. It is one of those cases where the individual scenes are better than the whole, but they are good enough to elevate the whole thing.

All the sibling relationships were absolutely precious, specially between Dash and Scootaloo. I also loves how well you dealt with the idea of the CMC facing the search for their talents in a more mature manner.

My only problem, and this is what holds this from being even better, is that the story suffered from a lack of clear direction early on, something that had repercussions even later. Yes, there is the golem, and they trying a new approach for their Cutie Marks, and their relationship with their family and so on, but there isn't really a single thing (or even a reasonable number of things) that tie everything together.

Nonetheless, a very good story. Thanks for writing!

3175791
Woopsie! Terribly sorry for the very late reply! I'm glad you wanted to share what you felt didn't work well for you as well as what did. With the wonderful benefit of hindsight, you're very right that the story had something of a problem in terms of being somewhat disorderly. It's definitely something I'll try to be much more aware of in future stories, along with a stronger sense of agency. It's good to hear the sibling relationships worked out for you, though, as I really wanted to get those right.

Thanks for your readership!

Fun story and the brief distraction with endless monuments was a great look at a crazy Luna.

What was the deal with the Five and the Sixth? Did you drop that detail? I guessed you were playing with lore about the Elements, but they never came up.

Truly a brilliant story, bravo! :twilightsmile:

Your characterization and dialogue are spot-on - this is one of those very few stories I've read that truly feels like a canon episode. Your ponification of the golem lore was very well done. I guess most of MLP is rooted in mythology already, but you slipped the golems in seamlessly. Nice tie in to the earth pony growing/creation/earth magic, too.

A few human curses - I noticed 'pissed' and 'bastard' in later chapters - stood out as non-pony. You did take a bit more of an adult tone than the show, so it wasn't a matter of rating, but of the occasional word standing out as foreign. That's the only criticism I can level at this story, and it's a terribly minor one, so once again, bravo.

5/5 moustaches, can't wait for your next story. :moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

I liked it, and I could list every little thing good and bad, but almost everything I have to say has already been said.
My sole comment beyond what others have said, is it felt about a chapter too long. I think it may have something to do with the "resonator" plot device that didn't feel very well fleshed out. Had you left that out and had something else to fill its few gaps, then the story could have finished perfectly well without the epilogue chapter.

A triumph! I read it all in one sitting, thanks for writing it. :heart:

Read in one sitting.

Now.. Where is my sequel? I want to see Golems being integrated into Society. Applebloom using her skills in some way, for some devices. More of Sweetie's adventures as Resonator. Something with Scoots.

...Please?

3962589
While doing something more with the golems is something I want to explore at some point, I've got a bunch of other ideas each vying for attention, so it'll probably be a while before that happens. Hopefully you'll find these other stories just as interesting, though!

Just discovered this, and i gotta say...

if this story ends with the golem flying into the sky to sacrifice itself to stop a giant nuke while whispering "Su-per-man", I'm going to lose my shit.

(for those young whippersnappers who don't get the reference:

Comment posted by Clay deleted Jul 26th, 2014

4057847 Oh god YES!!!! I need to start reading this story now, just because of this comment and what it makes the story sound like. Iron Giant is AWESOME!!

After finishing, I still stand by my last comment. But that doesn't mean you don't get 5/5 :moustache:

I absolutely loved this story. If there was a way to rank favorites then I think this one would definitely be in the top 10, if not the top 5. There are some great emotional moments and good laughs. Everypony is written wonderfully in character and even Scootaloo's dad was an interesting character for how little we actually see him. The only real criticisms I have for the story as a whole is that Sweetie's magic problems and her satis as a resonator don't exactly integrate well with the rest of the story. It did add a little bit to the Sweetie / Rarity dynamic, but it only affected the main plot in very minor ways. Overall, I would say that this story is definitely a wonderful read and worth the time for any brony to look through. Thank you for sharing.

Loved the story! Still have the exposition to finish but my head hurts from a few hours of reading. :twilightoops: Either way, congrats! This story is personally one of my favorites now. :pinkiehappy: Definitely glad I found it and I'll be looking through some of your other stories that you make with the utmost certainty that they'll be good! You've definitely deserved a mustache. :moustache:

Every time I look at the title, I get thrown off because my name's in it. It's capitalized and everything!

This is an excellent fanfic. A little slow in the early parts, but very satisfying in the end.

Good Fic, I liked it.

sequel is very much needed

I read this story in one go, And i don't read stories in one go. It just goes to show how good it is.

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