A Head Full of Clay

by Squinty Mudmane

Chapter 1: Boring Books and Tortoises

Apple Bloom trotted glumly back through the street, carrying the brown box in her mouth. Of course, just when she was going to be brilliant, something had to come up. She couldn’t very well tell Sweetie Belle about the plan if she was going to be within earshot of others, and getting Scootaloo away from Rainbow Dash now that the pegasus filly had latched on to her idol’s location would be an epic feat in itself. If only she could—

For the second time that day, Apple Bloom collided with someone else, though this time she was the only one to be knocked down.

“Oh goodness, I am so sorry, Apple Bloom! I really need to stop reading books while walking in public. This is starting to become a bad habit,” Twilight blurted in apology. She was levitating a book in front of her, wrapped in a faint purple shimmer of magic.

“It’s okay, Twilight, Ah didn’t see you either,” Apple Bloom replied as the other pony leaned down to nuzzle her apologetically and help her up again. Twilight looked around for a moment.

“I don’t see Scootaloo or Sweetie Belle with you. I thought you girls were going to be crusading today?”

“Well, we were, but Rarity went all crazy protective big sis on Sweetie Belle after she got a lil’ bump on her head, and then Scootaloo went off to find Rainbow Dash, and now Ah’m stuck with nothin’ to do until Rarity quits fussin’ over Sweetie or Scootaloo stops chasin’ after Rainbow Dash, and Ah don’t know which of those’re more likely to happen first!” Apple Bloom finally stopped for breath, leaving Twilight looking somewhat perplexed.

“Oh. Uhm, well, that does sound problematic.” The unicorn furrowed her brow in thought for a moment, and then lit up in a big smile. “I know! Why don’t you stop by the library and pick up a book to read while you wait? After all, there’s no better way to pass the time than by exercising the mind, right?”

Apple Bloom scrunched her face dubiously. “A book? But—” She paused, then broke into a wide grin. Of course! For once, a book was precisely what was needed. “Yeah, actually, that’s a great idea! Thanks, Twilight!”

The librarian positively beamed with happiness. “Wonderful! I’d help you find one to your taste myself, but I already promised Mayor Mare that I’d help her go through the yearbooks from the time around Ponyville’s founding. Oh, it’s going to be so exciting! It’s like stepping through a gateway into the past, all that precious information stored in—” A puzzled look from Apple Bloom brought Twilight back to the present before she went off on a tangent. She cleared her throat and blushed just a little.

“Uhm, anyway, Spike is still around the library, so just ask him to help you out. Look for A Brief History of Equestria, Part I if you want some solid night-reading material. There are seventeen volumes in the series, so there’s plenty to dig into. Oh, and Astral Analysis: A Reference Guide is great if you’re already awake during that time, anyway. Or maybe Apple Cider Versus Pear Cider: The Ongoing Feud! Or maybe—”

“Thanks, Twilight. Really, it’s fine! Ah’m sure Ah’m gonna find somethin’ good,” Apple Bloom interjected a little more brusquely than she had intended. She gave the unicorn an apologetic smile. “Ah don’t wanna hold ya up an’ all. Ya had a meetin’ to get to, right?”

“Oh, right, yes. Well, good luck, Apple Bloom!” Twilight waved cheerfully as she trotted off towards the town hall. Apple Bloom let out a sigh of relief as the geeky unicorn moved away. She had nearly broken the first rule when meeting Twilight while you were in a hurry: Don’t get Twilight started on books. The suggestion offered was good, though, and Apple Bloom set a course for the great tree that housed the town’s library.

“Hello? Spike?” she called as she pushed the door to the library open. The place was warm and pleasant enough, but it had a peculiar musty smell of paper that clung to everything as unmistakably as the smell of apple pie in Granny Smith’s kitchen. No wonder Twilight was a bit odd when she lived, breathed and slept in here.

A pile of blankets near the foot of the staircase leading up to Twilight’s room gave a snort, a grunt, and then sprang to life, revealing the purple-and-green baby dragon custodian.

“Huh? What? I’m awake! I wasn’t sleeping, I was nap—” Spike blurted frantically before he noticed Apple Bloom. “Oh, hey there, Apple Bloom!”

“Hoo?” came the query from the owl perched atop one of the bookshelves. Spike glanced up at Owlowiscious.

“Who? Apple Bloom! You know, Applejack’s little sister?”

“Hoo.”

Spike shook his head at Apple Bloom, who was doing her best not to snigger. “I swear that bird is making fun of me. Anyway, what’s up?”

“Books!” Apple Bloom replied with a big smile.

“Huh?”

“Books! Ah’m here for books!”

“Well, this is a library, but… could you maybe be a bit more specific? I mean, if I’m going to find you anything…” Spike trailed off, gesturing meaningfully at the numerous shelves crammed with books.

Apple Bloom fidgeted her hair bow a bit. How do I go about this without making him ask too many questions?

“Ah need a, uh… book,” she began. “About… uhm… Manehatten! Yeah, Ah’m tryin’ to figure out how mah sis got there on her own when she was ’round mah age. Ah mean, Manehatten ain’t jus’ over the hill, right?”

“Uhh, right.” Spike nodded in agreement, still looking fairly puzzled. “I’ll just, uh, have a look around. I’m sure there’s something around here about—”

“Hoo,” said Owlowiscious, swooping down to place a book in front of Apple Bloom. It was titled A Tourist’s Guide to Manehatten. Spike and Apple Bloom blinked in unison.

“How did you…?” Spike began.

“Hoo,” the owl replied. If owls could grin, Apple Bloom would have sworn Owlowiscious would be doing so just now in a particularly smug manner.

Spike picked up the book and read the description on the back of it. “‘A comprehensive guide to all the hottest tourist sights and attractions in Manehatten’—Aha! This book is about Manehatten, not how to get there! Close, but no cigar, Feathers!” He grinned triumphantly and waved the book at the owl.

“Hoo,” Owlowiscious replied, taking wing again and flying towards one of the many bookcases in the library.

“Oh no, you don’t!” Spike yelled after the owl. He looked over his shoulder at Apple Bloom. “Wait here just a moment,” he said with a polite smile. Then he set his face in an expression of grim determination and rushed towards another bookcase. Within moments, books started piling up in front of Apple Bloom. She barely had time to read the title of one before another was piled on top.

Maps and Travel Routes of Eque—New book.

The Long 13: A Courier’s Recollections of—New book.

From Fillydelphia to Manehatten by Wing: Pegas—New book.

A Traveller’s Essentials: Packing with—New book.

“Uhm, Spike?” Apple Bloom peeked around the growing stack of books in front of her.

“Aha! Got it!” Spike grinned triumphantly as he smacked a colourful magazine on top of the other books with finality. “There’s an article on that exact route in this issue of Wanderhoof Weekly, page four. How’s that for up-to-date info?” He turned to look at the owl with a smirk. “Can you beat that, bird-brain?”

“Hoo,” replied Owlowiscious, depositing a thin brown book next to the others.

“Tracking Tincoat: In Pursuit of Understanding.” Spike blinked as he flicked through the book. “What is this? I don’t even—This isn’t even a book about Manehatten! It’s written by somepony from Manehatten about somepony else! And you know what that means?” Spike snapped the book shut and let it drop to the floor. “It means I win! Yes! Score one for the dragon!” The dimunitive custodian whooped and hollered, punching the air in an excessive victory celebration. Owlowiscious just gave a little shrug and flew back to his perch atop one of the bookshelves.

“Wow, uhm… thanks for yer help, both of ya.” Apple Bloom looked at the stack of books in front of her for a few moments. “Ah certainly ain’t gonna be lackin’ for stuff to read.”

Spike raised an eyebrow. “What, you aren’t seriously going to read anything that—” he leaned closer to Apple Bloom and dropped his voice to a very unsubtle whisper “—the bird gave you, are you?” If Owlowiscious heard the baby dragon, he gave no indication of it. Apple Bloom gave Spike a little smile.

“Well, Ah’d feel kinda bad if Ah took only one book when ya both went through all that trouble just now. Besides, ’tain’t like Ah’m gonna be busy anytime soon, what with Sweetie Belle gettin’ grounded an’ all.”

“But seriously, this?” Spike asked incredulously, holding up the last book Owlowiscious brought.

“Well, if Owlowiscious thinks it’s worth readin’, it probably is. Animals are smart like that. Jus’ look at Winona,” Apple Bloom replied in a voice that brooked no argument. Spike merely shrugged.

“Fair enough, not for me to tell you not to waste your time. Well, if you’re sure about this, you can borrow a couple of Twilight’s satchels to carry the books home in. She’s got plenty lying around. Just let me note down the titles of the books first.” The dragon snatched a piece of paper from a nearby table, along with one of the many inkbottles placed strategically around the library for checklist emergencies.

“I still won,” he muttered in passing to Owlowiscious.

“Hoo?”

Spike ground his teeth together and let out an unintelligible grumble.

---

When Apple Bloom later returned to Sweet Apple Acres, she carried no less than eight heavy books in satchels on her back. The sun had started its slow descent into the late afternoon autumn sky at this point. Applejack came trotting from the edge of the orchard to meet her.

“Heya, lil’ sis. Uh, y’know, when Ah asked ya to get that there box o’ nails, Ah kinda meant today,” the farmpony said with a little grin. Apple Bloom threw the brown box in front of her sister with a little toss of her head.

“Relax, would ya? Ah got ’em right here, sheesh,” the filly replied in a slightly annoyed voice.

“Don’t get yer tail in a tangle now, missy, y’know Ah was jus’ jokin’ with ya.” Applejack chuckled a bit and looked over her shoulder. “Hey, Big Mac! Hustle on over to the barn so’s we can fix up the cart!” she called out before picking up the box. Apple Bloom heard a muffled “Eeeeyup” from somewhere behind the farmhouse. The two sisters fell in step as they walked back towards the farm. Applejack glanced down at the book-filled satchels.

“So, uh, what’s with all them books, lil’ sis?” she asked after setting the brown box down next to the half-assembled cart. Big Macintosh shuffled into view from behind the farmhouse, carrying two empty buckets on his back and chewing on his perpetual piece of straw.

Apple Bloom gave a little shrug. “Sweetie Belle went an’ got herself grounded by Rarity, so Twilight suggested Ah get some books to read to pass the time now that we can’t do any crusadin’ for a while.”

“Huh. Leave it to Rare to go an’ get herself worked up into a frenzy over small stuff,” Applejack muttered with a little shake of her head, before giving her sister a bright smile. “Well, ya wanna help me an’ Big Mac fix up this here cart?”

“Naw, thanks, but Ah think Ah’m gonna go get started on some of these books. Ah’ll be in mah room,” Apple Bloom replied, walking towards the farmhouse. Applejack looked quietly after her for a few moments.

“Our lil’ sis is startin’ to become all fancy, readin’ like that,” Applejack muttered partially to herself as Big Macintosh came over to join her. “Ain’t sure if Ah should be happy she’s puttin’ her mind to use on other stuff, or worried what new plans those three lil’ fillies might come up with from all this.”

“Eeeeyup,” her brother replied. Applejack looked up at him.

“What does that mean? Ya think it’s good, or ya think it’s cause for worry?”

Big Macintosh slowly rolled the straw from one corner of his mouth to the other. “Ain’t sure,” he conceded at length.

---

After closing the door to her room behind her, Apple Bloom upended the satchels on the floor, scattering the treasure trove of books all over. It was so obvious to her now; nothing of what the Crusaders had done around Ponyville had gotten them any closer to getting their Cutie Marks, and therein lay the problem. She recalled the stories they had been told about how Applejack and her friends had gotten theirs, and in hindsight, it made perfect sense.

Applejack and Rarity had both been far away from home when they got their Marks, in Manehatten and in a desert, respectively. Both Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy had also been away from Cloudsdale, either racing through the skies or frolicking down on the ground surrounded by critters. Apple Bloom was still unsure what to make of Pinkie Pie’s story, and Twilight had admittedly been in Canterlot the entire time, but four against two still spoke volumes. The only logical conclusion, therefore, had to be that the Crusaders also needed to go beyond the familiar territory of home.

The only question, of course, was where to begin. Cloudsdale was out of the question for obvious reasons, and a desert seemed like it might be a very uncomfortable place to begin searching in. Manehatten seemed like a much safer bet; Apple Bloom did not know all that much about the city, but she had heard it was as big as Canterlot, if not bigger, which would mean that there would be plenty of opportunities to try loads of different approaches. She had briefly contemplated simply going to Canterlot, but from what she had seen of the capital, she doubted the ponies there would be very welcoming of the Crusaders if they had to try more drastic approaches. In addition to that, accidentally causing irreparable damage to the Princesses’ property seemed like the kind of thing that would probably see the fillies grounded for life.

She shook her head firmly. No, this time it was definitely going to work. All (well, some) evidence spoke in favour of it working. She grabbed one of the books at random and leapt onto her bed, excitement fluttering in her stomach as she opened up on the first page.

---

A couple of hours earlier, Scootaloo was racing towards the lake near Ponyville as fast as her wings could propel her on her scooter. The few other ponies she encountered had the good sense to step to the side of the road when they saw the orange filly approach. She fought the urge to shout with glee as she zigzagged around loose pebbles and small holes in the dirt road; even though she was still trailing the now-empty cart behind her, she still revelled in the rush of speed and in the feeling of the wind against her face. After only a few minutes, she saw a familiar rainbow-coloured tuft of mane jutting up from behind a pair of bushes. Scootaloo pulled to a halt and snuck closer, moving into the bushes as quietly as possible. Just as Fluttershy had said, Rainbow Dash was there with her pet, Tank. Dash stood behind the tortoise, whose shell-mounted propeller was deactivated. Tank was currently engaged in what seemed to be a fierce staring competition with one of the lake turtles.

Scootaloo peeked out from the bushes as the lake turtle let out a low croaking sound and snapped its beak at Tank. The tortoise blinked very slowly and turned his head to look up at Rainbow Dash.

“Oh, you aren’t going to take that kind of smack talk from a jerk like that, are you, Tank?” Dash asked incredulously. The tortoise turned his head back to the turtle. Very, very slowly, he drew his head back and headbutted the offending reptile, which promptly withdrew into its shell and flopped backwards into the lake. Rainbow Dash held up her pet victoriously.

“Yes! Tank: one! Lake losers: zero!” she cheered, doing a little loop through the air with the tortoise before settling back down on the ground.

“Nice one, Tank. No one treats us like pushovers, especially not when we can easily buck their flanks straight into next week!” She grinned widely, nudging the tortoise’s shell with a hoof. Tank gave a little croak of affirmation.

“Hi, Rainbow Dash!” Scootaloo said cheerfully as she jumped out of the bush. Dash whipped around, immediately tense, but relaxed when she saw Scootaloo, instead adopting a more laid-back attitude.

“Oh, heya, Squirt. What’s up?”

The question was about as basic as it got, but Scootaloo still found herself struggling a bit to find the right answer.

“Well, me and the other Crusaders are on a bit of a break at the moment, so I was wondering, uhm… you wanna hang out with me? If you aren’t too busy, that is.” She looked at the rainbow-maned pegasus hopefully, mentally kicking herself the moment she had spoken. Way to appear cool and casual, Scoots. Why don’t you ask her if you can follow her home and take Tank’s place, too?

Dash rolled her neck a bit, glancing away for a moment. “Yeah, sorry there, Squirt, but I was really just burning a bit of time here before heading off to Cloudsdale. I got tickets to the Wonderbolts’ newest show later today! How awesome is that?” Dash grinned widely, waving her hooves a bit for emphasis.

Scootaloo’s expression dropped a bit. “That’s... awesome. Very awesome. Sounds like an awesome amount of awesome.”

“Oh, that reminds me.”

“Yes?” Scootaloo asked, her face lighting up with excitement. Is she going to offer me…?

“Could you bring Tank over to Fluttershy’s place? She was going to hang out with Rarity today, to talk about dresses or who knows what, and she probably won’t be home until I have to leave.”

Oh.

“Well, I think Fluttershy already went home, because Rarity dragged Sweetie Belle off to plaster her with band-aids or something,” Scootaloo replied, doing her utmost to keep the disappointment out of her voice.

“Oh, well, cool, then I’ll just hand him over myself—”

“But I don’t mind doing it anyway! I mean, that’s what friends do, right? They help each other out?” Wow. We’re really that desperate, aren’t we?

Dash raised an eyebrow. “Well, if you insist.” She gave a little shrug. “Means I can grab a power nap instead before heading out. Thanks, Squirt.”

“Hey, it’s cool! Don’t mention it,” Scootaloo replied, smiling so widely that the corners of her mouth hurt.

“Right, well, I’m off, then. Have fun at Fluttershy’s, Tank. Catch you later, Squirt.” With that, Rainbow Dash took off, leaving Scootaloo alone with Tank. They looked at each other.

“Don’t judge me,” Scootaloo muttered to the pet. The tortoise looked at her mournfully, or perhaps disdainfully. It was rather hard to tell.

“Fine, let’s just get going. How does this thing work, again?” She inspected the shell-mounted propeller curiously. There was a small button near the bottom of the casing strapped to the tortoise’s shell. Scootaloo gave it an experimental poke, and the propeller emitted a soft yellow glow as it started to spin up, slowly lifting the tortoise off the ground, his legs dangling limply in the air. As the now airborne Tank slowly reached head height, Scootaloo’s own stubby wings began to flap subconsciously as she watched. Before Tank rose any higher, Scootaloo deactivated the propeller again, causing the tortoise to rapidly descend back to the ground. Tank gave her the same mournful slash disdainful slash indifferent look from before.

“You know what?” Scootaloo picked up the tortoise, placing him in the scooter cart. “If we’re going to go anywhere, we’re going my way.”

Getting to Fluttershy’s cottage took only a short while on the scooter. A persistent clatter of shell against wood from behind her told Scootaloo that Tank was still more or less safely placed in the cart. She pulled to a stop near the bridge leading across the stream and lifted Tank from the cart.

“Still with me, huh?” she asked. A stare was the only reply. Scootaloo headed towards the cottage, stopped to sigh in irritation near the door when she noticed that the stoic tortoise had yet to even set foot on the wooden bridge, and walked back to push him the remaining distance. The door was opened after she knocked on it a few times, but instead of the demure yellow pegasus she had expected, a small white rabbit stood in the doorway, glaring at Scootaloo with an expression which was not even remotely friendly, no matter how positive an outlook on life one might have.

“Oh. Uhm. Hey, Angel. I don’t suppose Fluttershy is home yet?” she asked cautiously. It was disturbing how intimidating the furry little bunny could be.

In response, Angel slammed the door shut with more force than such a small creature seemed able to muster. Scootaloo counted herself lucky that she had not received a bloody nose on top of that.

She slumped down next to Tank in front of the closed door and looked around. There was no sign of Fluttershy anywhere. Of course, unless the yellow pegasus had started galloping home the moment she parted ways with the Crusaders, there was no way she would have beat Scootaloo to her cottage, even with Scootaloo’s stop by the lake.

“So,” she began, looking down at the tortoise. “A turtle, huh? How’s that working out for you?”

Stare. Slow blink. Stare.

Scootaloo sighed. “This is going to take a while, isn’t it?”

Comments

[Zemious]

Great chapter. Interesting Rainbow Dash/Scootaloo dynamic, you got their characterization pinned. Plus I'm curious about Apple Blooms plan now though I can kind of guess what it is.

[Squinty Mudmane]

1378915 Glad to hear it felt right. I was a bit worried that Dash might come off as too much of a jerk.

[Daedalus1776]

Another wonderful chapter. Tell me, was the "Long 13" book a Fallout reference, or am I just a loon?

[Squinty Mudmane]

1385140 It is indeed; the Long 15, to be exact. I haven't been able to stop myself from putting in the occasional little reference in here and there. There are more to find along the way, if you fancy looking for them.

[WritersBlock]

I have to say, this chapter is oozing win. Spike and Owloicious were as hilarious as ever, and Rainbow Dash and Tank vs. the lake tortoise was just wonderful.
Also, the way you described the look on Angel's face was priceless.

[Godiswithus3]

Twilight is such a nerd.