DeltaFlame
Joined 26th Jul, 2012 ·
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too fast paced, but not bad. also luna is smexier
1393029 yes she is. wait....... then why do you have celly as your avatar hmmmmm?
1393029 Do you have any suggestions of what I could do to make it less rushed? That seems to be a problem with my stories, and I wanna find a way to fix that.
1393162
If you can, spend a good deal of time describing imagery. You want the reader to see and feel the images you're creating and not just the words.
1393136 yes we all know Luna is the sexier of the two
Not bad. It did what it needed to do, if a little fast-paced and kind of lacking in terms of placing much value on the romantic/emotional aspect of the story.
Still, I'd give it a solid 7 out of 10 and a like.
Also, quick constructive note here: try to break up the blocks of text a bit. some of them could stand to be broken up so they're not as...well...big.
1393162
What ponysopher says. Take your time to either describe the imagery, or go for the characterization route. Since its narrated in Second Person, imagery is your better bet as 2nd person gives leeway on how a person would feel as the narrator seems to be talking to the reader.
Thanks for all the feedback, I'll add some more imagery to it soon!
You need to have some sex with luna now!!!
Wish someone would do a fic between a female human and Luna... Just saying. Can't seem to find a HumanXPony that isn't GuyXPony.
sectalk.com/board/public/imported_images/gifrific.com/Boy-That-Escalated-Quickly-Anchorman.gif
good, a lil faced paced... maybe you coud slow it down with some character development? a thesarus will work wonders (or so ive been told)
1393245 epic avatar...
1393663 lol, I love the use of the gif. XP And yeah, I'll try to make it less rushed.
I dunno why I keep doing that.
Itll come with experience :3>>1393687
1393569
Oh that gives me an idea....
1395527
What happend to no spoilers?
I thought it was a good fic. Though I think that they should have said "I love you" to each other at the end.
Good luck with all of your endeavors.
1395640
Did I say something about Trail of a Shooting Star? No, I didn't. Maybe I'm already working on another story, you can't know that.
1395667
Still could be considered a spoiler if you are talking about another story. But you are right, I don't know what the mad genious is thinking.
Good luck with all of your endeavors.
1395647 Thanks; I can easily add that in. :3
1395694
Your welcome.
Good luck with all of your endeavors.
1393678
Mines more epic
Also i liked this story alot
Yay finally a good celestia clop i love celestia :3
1396568 holy shit
that is so awesome. i saved that image, still it is not as epic as this.
4.bp.blogspot.com/_uq2KcmM6MLM/S6uxdThlhFI/AAAAAAAAApo/GhC9czBIkKc/s1600/ShitHitsTheFan.jpg
1396917
1396935
i will be putting that in a fanfiction.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Rainbow_Dash_lolface.png
1396947
YEAH!!!
1396961 it will be epic. i am teaming up with chainreaction to make an awesome fanfic...
1396970
Hahahaha i have no idea who that is
1396999 read this story. it kicks so much ass...
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/44166/Feral
he wrote this...
1397007
Alright i'll get around to it after i stop going 'Dat Ass' to Celestia and luna pics
1397030
dude. nightmare moon is awesome. i take it you think so too?
1397040images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20111122020445/mlp/images/e/ec/Nightmare_Moon_surprised.png
What gave you that idea?
1397082 idk
she is completely awesome and does not get enough credit...dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Redheart_hmph.png
1397097
Hence why i wrote a story bout her you should check it out
1397119 ON MY WAY!!!!!!!
If you like this story, please give it a thumbs-up.
I wanna see that red bar go down... 
Nice, although to the clop was to fast.
Was this updated?
Yeah, just a couple of grammar things that I noticed. :P 1406118
1406136
Oh. Okay then.
Well good luck with all of your endeavors.
Aren't daisies poisonous?
1408320 "Daisies, sometimes considered a rather plain flower itself, can lend a wonderful air of simplicity to rustic dishes. Many budding bakers find that Shasta daisies perfectly complement summer treats, particularly white cakes with lighter frostings, and therefore often make an appearance at young children’s birthday parties. Daisy chains can also garnish cakes and tables alike, and a large bowl filled with Shasta daisy blooms can be a wonderful talking point – particularly if you offer guests a little nibble. Just make sure that all petals are pesticide free before using them in any way, shape or form in your cooking."
1396917
I have no idea if that will work.....
1396917
everydaynodaysoff.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/Pascal-Eggert-Epic-A1-Gun-Weapon.jpg
Know this, this is what you call epic
1431295 HOLY BUCKING SHIT!!!!!!!!!! NOW THAT IS EPIC!
you are the first person to ever best me at an epicness competition. kudos to you my fine sir.
People are saying it's too fast paced, I didn't mind! Great read I must say, thumbs up!
i enjoyed this fic
I forgot what I was going to say. I got distracted by trying to figure out what Nightmare Chaser's picture was.