• Published 3rd Oct 2012
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60's Era Spiderman goes to Equestria - MnM

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The Metal Will Never Die

Apologies, guys. I couldn't push out the Rainbow Dash chapter. I'll throw it in once I can figure it out.

Dat automatic advancement tho.


Spiderman awoke as the sun's morning rays fell upon his face, much to his annoyance.

"What the fuck, Sun? I thought we were bros now," our hero said, before turning towards where Cheerilee was the previous night, "Sempai, I'm going to go kick the Sun's- Sempai?"

Da booty was missing.

The thought of dat amazing posterior gave our hero pause, his morning wood pulsing and throbbing at the mental image of it wiggling in his face.

But he couldn't rub one out at that moment, he had a missing waifu on his hands.

"Sempai?" he asked, checking the kitchen.

"Nope, not where she belongs."

He continued to search the house, but found nothing. Not even her butt-pirate adoptive son was anywhere to be seen.

Normally, our hero didn't give a fuck, but then again, he did just give her his one and only fuck. Something that has been taken lightly by everyone he has given it to.

Spiderman walked out of the house- Okay, first he kicked down the door, then he walked around.

"Hi, have you seen my waifu?" Spiderman asked a random colt.

He stopped and turned to our hero. "Do she have a booty?"

"She dooooooooooooooooooo." he responded.

The stallion nodded and pointed over down a nearby alley. "Yeah, she's down there with a true stallion."

"Lawl k."

The stallion continued on his way, whistling to himself, while our hero made his way into the alley. As he started down the alley, he heard an unidentifiable sound deeper into the alley. As he continued deeper, he was reminded of the sound his mother made when he walked in on his mother sleeping with another man.

"Unf." our hero said to himself.

Growing tired of the alley's darkness, he activated his helmet mounted flashlights.

Two ponies appeared in the light, both of whom he recognized.

One was his waifu, and the other was the greatest stallion in Equestria, Flash Sentry, whom was currently banging his waifu.

Flash Sentry's head slowly turned in Spiderman's direction, not letting up on the mare underneath him. With a sinister smile, he spoke. "You stole my car... I stole your waifu."

"Yeah, and he's much more of a man than you, Spiderman." Cheerilee said, before devolving in loud howls and moans.

Our hero put on his fedora and tipped it to the two. "Y-you too."


Spiderman woke up with a start, sweating heavily. He found himself in Cheerilee's living room, on the couch that he and his waifu had fallen asleep on the previous evening.

He glanced to the right and spotted his waifu lying beside him, who was startled awake by our heroes violent awakening.

"Is something wrong, Spidey?" she asked, inching closer to him with a concerned look on her face.

"It was just a nightmare, lawl." he responded.

"What happened?" Cheerilee inquired.

"I... I..."

"Yes...?"

"I wore a fedora... it was horrible," our hero stated.

"Oh... you poor thing..." she cooed, wrapping our hero in a tight bearhug, "I cannot imagine a fate worse than being euphoric."

"I think I had a neckbeard as well."

"Dear Celestia..." she gasped in horror.

"Yeah lawl." our hero said, rising from the couch and making his way to the front door.

"Where are you off to?" the mare still sitting on the couch inquired.

"The pool has aids," our hero said as he put on an afro rig, "it is my duty to close it."

"O-oh... alright," she said, getting up. As she rose from the couch, our hero caught a glimpse of that beyond perfect booty.

UNF!

UNF!

UNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNF!

"THERE'S NO STOPPING DAT BOOTY!" Spiderman exclaimed.

"W-WHAT?!" she exclaimed in shock.

"GOTTA GO FAST!" our hero shouted, before slamming the door behind him.

Cheerilee rolled her eyes. "Why do I even bother with him...?" she asked herself.

"Well... I guess he does have a cute butt." she admitted to herself, her cheeks turning a rosen red.


By the time our hero arrived on the scene, it was too late. The Ponyville community pool was filled with ponies, including mares and children. For all he knew, they were all infected with AIDs.

He couldn't do this on his own.

Our hero quickly threw on a suit and tie over his nano-suit and pulled out his Android, calling a certain Empress.

It rang a few times before the alicorn mare picked up. "Oh hey Spidey, what's up?"

"LUNA, I NEED BLACK UP!"

"...where?"

"PONYVILLE COMMUNITY POOL! WE NEED TO SAVE THE PONIES FROM TEH AIDS!"

"HOLY SHIT, I'M ON MY WAY." the empress on the other end responded just as hysterically as our hero.

Seconds later, there was a bright flash, and Luna and multiple other ponies, all dressed in afros and suits, appeared before Spiderman.

"WE NEED TO STOP TEH AIDS!" our hero exclaimed to the group gathered around him.

"GET IN FORMATION!" Luna ordered.

The ponies and the one Spiderman quickly got in a swastika formation and marched into the pool area.

"POOL'S CLOSED!" our hero shouted, kicking the lifeguard tower, which shattered upon impact and fell over sideways thanks to his nano-suit's super strength.

"THE POOL IS INFECTED WITH AIDS, CITIZENS! YOU MUST EVACUATE!" Luna shouted, using her Royal Canterlot Voice.

Our hero jumped into the pool and started violently throwing the ponies in the pool out of it.

"SPIDERMAN, GET OUT OF THE POOL, YOU'RE GOING TO INFECT YOURSELF!" the alicorn shouted at the human.

"IMPLYING I DON'T HAVE EVERY STD IN EXISTENCE ALREADY!" our hero shouted back, plucking up a pair of screaming colts and throwing them at some fleeing ponies.

"Nigga did you just try to greentext in real life?" some fandom fat chode asked. Our heroes eye twitched, before punting the little faggot out of the pool.

By now, everypony had started to flee from the pool area. Luna and her band of zegras went to work, bucking as many ponies in the stomach as possible to check them for aids. Our hero finished throwing the last pony out of the pool, whom Luna grabbed with her telekinesis and tossed him into the horizon with a hearty laugh.

"That was great!" Luna cheered, flashing Spiderman a giddy smile.

"I know lawl," our hero responded, high fiving (can you even high five a horse?) the mare, before looking around suspicious, "let's go before those racist mods show up."

"Quite."


Shortly after, Luna's band of zegras dispersed, leaving only the alicorn and our hero to walk through the streets of Ponyville together.

"It's a beautiful day," the mare commented,

"Yay," our hero stated afterwards.

The two continued to walk down the street and eventually stopped at a small cafe. They grabbed an outdoor table (more like told the ponies at their table to fuck off) and took their seats.

"Spiderman, I am... saddened... by the lack of time we actually spend together. Have I done something to harm you?" she inquired.

"No. I don't give a fuck, remember? That's like my thing, lawl," he said, "it's the readers fault."

"The readers? Who are the readers?" Luna asked.

"Lawl I dunno," our hero said, flipping the readers the bird, "All I know is, they should vote for other options and get some lulz. And if they want da booty, Applejack seemed pretty willing."

"That orange booty is nice." the empress admitted.

"Thank ya kindly." Applejack said as she passed by the two. She paused, wiggled her booty at our hero, winked at him, then continued on her way.

UNF!

"Doth she hath a glorious booty, dear Spiderman?" Luna inquired.

"She dooooooooooooo."

"Booty and readers aside, we should do more things together."

"Lawl k."

The two sat their in silence for a few moments as our hero thought (I know, 60's Era Spiderman thinking, what a fucking miracle) and Luna glanced about the area, taking in the sites.

As our heroes mind wandered, he remembered overhearing some gossip about the empress seated across from him during his adventures in Manehattan.

Under his mask, Spiderman smiled.

"Do you even metal?" our hero inquired.

"What?" Luna asked.

"I said... do you even metal?" Spiderman repeated.

The empressed looked around the cafe for anything suspicious, before leaning over the table. "What game are you playing, Spiderman?"

"Game...? Lawl. Fuck, I lost the game."

Our hero leaned back and whipped out his Android and navigated his way onto the internet... or the ponynet, as it was known in Equestria. After checking his Ponyhoof and looking at some pictures of cats, he navigated his way to a site called Stubhub and looked around for some concerts.

He glanced up at the alicorn across from him, whom watched him with a look of curiosity. He returned to his task.

"Nice," our hero commented, spotting a Dethklok concert, before noticing something wrong, "Wait, shit, it's sold out."

"What is?" Luna inquired.

"SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! It's a secret." Spiderman said, before scrolling down further. His eyes shot wide open as he spotted one of his favorite bands were playing in Canterlot.

He quickly bought two tickets and put away his phone. He then walked up to the empress, who looked up at him curiously, before he picked her up and fireman carried her out of the cafe.

"SPIDERMAN, UNHAND ME AT ONCE!" Luna demanded, banging her hooves on his back as she tried to wriggle out of his grasp.

"No lawl." our hero said, "gotta go fast."

Spiderman activated his nano-suit's external speakers and began to play the Sonic X theme song on a loop, before activating his super-speed and rushing out of Ponyville at the speed of sound.


It wasn't even half an hour later when our hero passed through the main gates of Canterlot, a blue alicorn still held tightly in his grasp. The nobles of Canterlot watched in a mixture of shock and amusement as Spiderman carried the empress through the city faster than a certain blue hedgehog worshiped by a cult of autistics.

Suddenly, our hero screeched to a complete stop and placed down the empress. The mare stumbled around for a few seconds before emptying the contents of her stomach onto the pavement.

"Here, wash that away with some Dew. Lawl," our hero said, pulling a can out of Mountain Dew out of his ass and handing it to the empress. She took it from him with her telekinesis and smiled gratefully at our hero, before downing it in a single go.

"Ah... much better," she said, before noticing where she was, "the Canterlot Amphitheater...?"

"Yeah lawl," Spiderman said, before producing two tickets.

Luna plucked one of the tickets from our heroes hand and examined it, before looking back at him with excited grin. "Metallica?!" she inquired.

"Yeah lawl," the superhero said.

The empress squeed and hugged our hero tightly. However, seconds later, she pushed away from our hero and looked around, making sure nopony saw her.

"My apologies, Spiderman."

"Ain't nothin but a G' thang lawl," our hero responded.


After making their way into the Amphitheater, our hero quickly ran to the little colts room, leaving the empress to wait for him outside.

While he was inside, she summoned the cloak that she wore on her first Nightmare Night and draped it over her.

The bathroom door opened, and our walked our hero, who struck a pose and showed off his new look to the empress.

"Woah..." she said in awe.

"Bitch I be stylin' on you," Spiderman stated. While he was in the bathroom, our hero had changed his nano-suit's color scheme from it's standard red and blue to a black and dark gray.

"Since when can you do that?" Luna inquired.

"Lawl I dunno."

Luna rolled her eyes. "Come along, Spiderman. We have a concert to catch."


Spiderman and Luna pushed and shoved their way to the front of the amphitheater, where the opening band was just getting finished playing. The lead singer said his good byes to the crowd, whom erupted in cheers as the band walked off stage and stage hands came out to start moving everything out of the way.

"At least we didn't miss any of Metallica," the empress said to our hero.

"Yeah lawl," Spiderman responded.

As our hero opted out of conversation for staring at the booty's of the mare in front of him, the alicorn turned her attention to the metalhead standing next to her, casually sipping away at his beer. "You been to any of their concerts before?"

"Y-you too." the metalhead said, before walking away, spaghetti sloppily leaking out of his asshole.

Luna shrugged and turned to Spiderman. "So, how do you know about Metallica, Spiderman?"

Our hero reluctantly looked away from da booty in front of and turned towards the alicorn. "Lawl wut?"

"Well... I was wondering how you knew about an Equestrian music group."

"Lawl, what are you on? Metallica is-"

Before our hero could continue to speak, the crowd around them erupted into cheers. Luna glanced up to the stage, then broke out into cheers herself. Which, thanks to the ROYAL CANTERLOT VOICE™, put everyone else's cheers to shame.

Spiderman looked up to the stage and saw four ponies walk onto the stage, obviously the pony version of Kirk Hammett, Lars Ulrich, James Hetfield and Robert Trujillo.

"How is everypony tonight?!" James Hetfield asked the crowd, prompting them to erupt into even louder cheers.

"We got a good show for you guys tonight. Let's get this started!"


After an epic two hour concert that the writer was too lazy to write filled with amazing music and headbanging, Luna and Spiderman made their way out of the Canterlot Amphitheater, completely drenched in sweat.

"That was amazing!" the alicorn chirped happily

"I'm still getting over the fact you guys have our bands in pony form lawl," our hero stated.

The two continued their way through the now empty and desolate streets of Canterlot, not a soul in sight except for the occasional patrolling guard or bum getting it on with an old toaster. They walked in silence until they reached the entrance of the Canterlot palace.

The empress glanced over to our hero. "Would you like to stay over tonight, Spiderman? Ponyville is a bit of a long trip."

Spiderman shrugged. "I know give a fuck lawl."

Luna smiled and signaled our hero to follow him. The two entered the palace and walked through it's grand halls, that were just as empty and desolate as the streets outside. After climbing some stairs and some more walking, Spiderman found himself outside of what he assumed to be Luna's bedroom. The blue alicorn opened the door and walked inside, our hero close behind her.

Once inside, our hero closed the door behind him and morphed his suits color scheme back to it's normal red and blue color scheme.

"That is so awesome..." Luna commented.

"I know lawl," Spiderman responded as he passed the mare and hopped into the familiar bed from forty eight chapters ago.


"I'M GONNA STICK IT IN THE POOPER!" our hero exclaimed.

"AGAIN?!" Luna demanded.

"AGAIN!"

"BUT I POOP FROM THERE!" she protested.

"TOO BAD LAWL! I'M GOING IN!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"


"Spiderman, are you alright?" Luna asked as hopped in beside him.

"Yeah, just memories. Lawl," Spiderman responded.

"Hmm... yes, I wasn't able walk straight for about a week."

"You're welcome."

The mare smiled and laid her head on our heroes chest. "Thanks for taking me to the concert, Spidey. It meant a lot."

"No problem, lawl."

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