• Published 3rd Oct 2012
  • 11,633 Views, 2,077 Comments

60's Era Spiderman goes to Equestria - MnM

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Walk into the club like what up I got a big cock

Take Rainbow Dash to the club.
Seriously guys, lets get a few ponies in our harem. There will be time for teh bootay later.

QUICK! WE NEED TO ADD RD TO THE HAREM!

Oh, we can't have that, Spidey needs a harem, not just one waifu :pinkiegasp:
You have to spread the word on that since no one (including myself) knew the implications.
I thought it was like how Skyrim works where you can choose one quest then go back for the others.
Oh no, What have we done

Sorry Cheerilee lovers, but this time...

No booty.

Sort of.

-Love, Will


Rainbow Dash slowly opened her eyes, the suns rays breaking through her shattered window-

Wait, that’s not right.

“WHERE’S THE JOKER?!” Spiderman demanded as pounced upon the newly awaken mare.

“W-what? Spiderman, what are you doing?!”

“FUCK YOU I’M BATMAN!” our hero screeched as he jumped up and down on the bed like a semi-retarded baboon, waving his arms about in the air like he just don’t care. Which he doesn’t. Spiderman doesn’t give a fuck.

“What the heck! What’s wrong with you, Spiderman?!” she demanded, angry at his intrusion.

“Lawl I dunno.” he answered truthfully. Real nigga talk.

The rainbow maned pony ignored the hero, rising out of bed and running to the bathroom. Five minutes later, she left the room, her messy bed mane tied up in a neat bun.

“So, Spiderman, why are you here?” the librarian asked as she grabbed her glasses and put it on.

“I’m here to help you get over yourself. Lawl.” our hero responded.

“G-get over myself?”

“You can be a bit of an uptight cunt at times," a new voice answered.

Rainbow Dash glanced around for the source of the voice and found Twilight standing behind her.

“But-“

“No buts.” Twilight interrupted.

“Yeah. Lawl. This ain’t a Cheerilee chapter.” Spiderman said.

UNF! Dat booty. Dat ass is just like cash. UNF! UNNNNNNNNNNF!

“What’s a Cheerilee cha-“

“I dunno. Lawl.” our hero said, interrupting the rainbow maned librarian.

“That’s not important. What is important is helping you.” Twilight said.

“But I don’t want any help! I like being who I am!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed.

“Tough shit.”


Spiderman and Twilight walked into the Salt Lick, the town’s only bar. Every other bar that opened up in town would mysteriously burn down. Spiderman wasn’t a detective or anything, because he was simply too stupid to figure out anything beyond getting lucky every so often, but he had a feeling that the bar keep’s connections with the Equestrian Mafia played a role in it.

Oh well. Black Jack, the owner of the bar, was a pretty cool guy. Eh burns down the competition and isn’t afraid of anything.

The two regulars were soon followed by a reluctant rainbow maned Pegasus, who did her best to hide behind her two companions.

“Spidey! Twilight! My two favorite regulars!” Black Jack exclaimed as he spotted the two regulars. “What can I get you two?”

“A pint of your finest.” Twilight answered.

“Give me that nearly full bottle of Stoli. Lawl.” Spiderman said.

The bar keep nodded, filling a pint glass to the brim with some special imported brand of beer that only somepony with an officer’s salary would be able to get on a regular basis, then grabbed a bottle of Stoli and placed it in front of the two.

“Watch me drink this shit in ten seconds flat. Lawl.” our hero said.

“Spiderman, I don’t think that’s very safe…” Rainbow Dash commented.

“Implying I give a fuck.” our hero responded as brought the bottle up to his lips and started chugging. Ten seconds later, the bottle’s contents were now gone, traveling towards our hero’s impossibly strong liver.

The ponies currently inside the bar erupted into a golf clap, as if they've seen this a million times before. Rainbow Dash’s jaw dropped.

Our hero hiccupped. And that was the end of it.

“That’s a good burn. Lawl.” our hero commented.

“That’s not possible. No mortal being can handle that alcohol. Their liver would implode!”

“Hey, Rainbow Dash?” Spiderman asked.

“Huh?”

“I got something for you. Lawl.” he said, digging into his non-existent pockets. Finally, he pulls his hands out and extended them out to the librarian.

There was nothing in his hands.

“Spiderman, there is nothing there.” Rainbow Dash said.

“What? I swear I had a fuck there for you. Oh wait, silly me! I forget I don’t give a fuck. Lawl.” Spiderman said, balling his hands into fist and keeping only two fingers up. But not the pinkies or the thumbs, nor the pointer or the ring fingers, but the fingers you put up when someone pisses you off beyond belief. The fingers you put up when you need to let someone knows you just don’t give a fuck.

“I’ve found it’s best not to question his ability to drink.” Black Jack commented, “The only time I’ve seen Spiderman tipsy is the only time he completely cleaned me out of all my vodka and most of my whisky. I made thousands on ponies betting on when he would die.”

“Holla holla get capita. Dolla dolla bill ya’ll. Lawl.” Spiderman commented.

“So, what are you two doing here anyways?” Black Jack inquired. “It’s not like I don’t appreciate you guys coming in. It always brightens my day to see you two come in. But it’s a bit early for ya.”

“Lawl I dunno.”

“We’re here to get my friend Rainbow Dash to stop being an uppity cunt. I thought we could get her a little wasted then go to the club.” Twilight answered.

“I-I’m not an uppity cunt!” the rainbow maned mare exclaimed.

“See? She’s in denial. We’re hoping a night on the town will help her get over herself.”

“…Rainbow Dash… Rainbow Dash… I know that name. Weren’t you the winner of the Young Fliers competition and a Wonderbolt?” the bar keep asked.

“…yeah.” she answered.

“Whatever happened to that?” Black Jack asked.

“I dunno, to be honest.” Rainbow Dash responded with a shrug. “One day I was the top of my element, and next I know, Twilight goes off and enlists, and I decide to be the town’s new librarian. As weird as it is, all my other friends changed as well.”

“Oh?” Black Jack inquired, filling up a pint for the mare and pushing it in front of her. She flashed him a grateful smile and took the pint, gingerly taking a sip from it.

“Yeah. Twilight went from booknerd to this badass Marine. Rarity is a WWE superstar. Applejack is a drug dealer now. Fluttershy went the Element of Kindness to the Element of Not Giving a Fuck. The only pony who really hasn’t changed much is Pinkie Pie. She’s just only slightly more crazy now.”

“Funny how life works, huh?”

“Mhmm.”

“Lawl I fucked up all of your lives.”


Five hours and multiple pints of beer, two ponies drunkenly stumbled beside our hero as they made their way to the club.

“Hey Spidey!”

Spiderman looked all over the fucking place for the source of the voice like a God damn moron until he spotted Lyra standing directly in front of him, accompanied by a texting mare with candy on her ass.

“Hay. Lawl.”

“What are you up to? I haven’t seen you in ages.”

“Lawl I dunno. Stuff.”

“We’re going to the club.” Twilight answered.

“But… it’s not Friday… it’s Sunday. I thought Spiderman only got down on Friday’s.”

“Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday~” Spiderman sang to himself.

“Eh, whatever. Who am I to question his antics." Suddenly, the green unicorns face lit up. "Oh! Spiderman, I want to introduce you to my marefriend, Bon-Bon.”

Le friend zone face.

“Sup?” Spiderman asked the candy assed mare.

“I’m texting my dog.” she answered.

“Lawl k.”

“Me and Bon-Bon got plans, but me and you should totally hang. I’ll free Friday, if you’re looking to get down.”

“Maybe. Lawl I dunno.”

“Alright. See yah, Spidey!” she said, waving at our hero as she and her marefriend continued on her way.

Damn. No human obsessed green unicorn waifu. That feel when friend zoned.

Oh well. Maybe she’ll let him watch them make out.


As Spiderman and his two companions approached the entrance of the club, a large stallion wearing a black shirt that said SECURITY on it stepped in the way of them.

“I can tell you right now man, you ain’t getting in with that ripped up spandex on.”

Spiderman stared into the bouncer’s eyes, before glancing down and sliding between his legs, kicking him in the dick with all his strength.

A yelp of pain escaped his lips as he fell to the ground, writhing in pain.

“Lawl fuck you. No one fucks with the Spidey suit.”

“To be fair, darling, it is kind of ruined.”

A new challenger appeared before the superhero. Rarity walked up to our hero and examined his Spidey suit closely.

“Your Spidey suit is ripped, stained, dirty, and smelly. It looks like it hasn’t washed in months.”

“It hasn’t. Lawl.”

Rarity nodded. “While it’s not exactly my career anymore, fashion is still a bit of a hobby. If you come in tomorrow, I could whip you up a new Spidey suit that will put the current one to shame. What do you say?”

“Lawl maybe.”

Rarity smiled. “I suppose that’s the best answer I’ll get out of you. You guys go have your fun. If you need me, I’ll be in the VIP section snorting lines.”

The alabaster unicorn ran off as our hero delivered another kick to the bouncers stomach. After he had his fill of ass kicking, he joined his two companions and walked into the club.

As they entered, their ears were assaulted by the song Detachable Penis. Sometimes Spiderman wished he had a detachable penis. It sounded like that could be handy. But knowing him, he’d lose it and end up having to use a strap on the rest of his life. No es bueno.

“Walk into the club like what up I got a big cock! Lawl.” our hero exclaimed as he made his way onto the dance floor. Once he reached the center, he started tap dancing to the song like fucking Happy Feet, much to the amusement of the surrounding ponies, causing them to erupt into applause and cheers. Rainbow Dash and Twilight managed to catch up with Spiderman and joined in the applause.

The song ended, and was replaced by a personal favorite of our hero. Safety dance.

“LET’S GET DANGEROUS!” he declared as he started dancing like a fucking moron as the song started up.

“We can dance when we want to~” he sang, looking over to Rainbow Dash to sing along.

“…we can leave your friends behind?” the librarian failed epically.

“Because if they don’t dance~”

“They’re no friends of mine~” Rainbow Dash sang along.

“Now you’re getting it. Lawl.” our hero commented.

The two finished singing along to song and sang and danced to several of the next songs. Some Queen and Depeche Mode, then some Eminem to top it all off. Rainbow Dash really let loose and almost matched the craziness of Spiderman.

Almost.

Eventually, the two tired out and retreated to the VIP section, where Rarity and Twilight waited.

“Hay lawl.” he greeted as he and Rainbow took a seat on the couch opposite of theirs.

“Hello there, Spiderman, Rainbow Dash.” Rarity greeted.

“Looks like you were working up quite the sweat.” Twilight commented.

“You bet!” the rainbow maned mare exclaimed excitedly, untying her hair and shaking it loose, letting it fall down in a sweaty mess. “I got to admit, this has been pretty fun.”

“Lawl told you it would work.”

“Dammit.” the purple unicorn growled, hoofing over a handful of bits.

“Wait, you guys betted on me having a good time?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“I didn’t think you had it in you, truth be told.” Twilight said with a shrug

“I see. Well… I guess I should thank you for believing in me, Spidey.” she said with a pleasant smile.

“Lawl don’t mention it.”


Eventually, Twilight and Rarity went home, Rarity encouraging our hero to stop by tomorrow so she could design a new suit for him. Spiderman honestly didn’t know if he should go over. A new Spidey suit would be nice… but it truly wasn’t necessary.

Spiderman thought this over and he and Rainbow Dash left the club. Our hero took a second to kick the replacement bouncer in the balls for being a douchebag, much to the amusement of Rainbow Dash and the nearby ponies.

“Hey Spiderman?” Rainbow Dash spoke up as the two started their journey to the library.

“Yo?”

“Thank you. For tonight and all. Even though you can annoying at times, you’re a pretty good friend.” she said, smiling at our hero.

Ouch. Dat friend zone.

“Hey… uh… I was wondering…” Rainbow Dash began.

“Yes, I was love to have an orgy with you and your friends.” our hero said.

“W-what?”

“Nothing, continue. Lawl.” Spiderman said.

“I was wondering if you would… I dunno… maybe… um…”

HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG. She’s so adorable and a major dork. Adorkable, if you will.

“Go out?” Spiderman finished for her.

“YES! I mean… y-yeah, if you want.”

Her cuteness only made our hero’s penis harder.

“Lawl k. Sometime soon.”

“You promise?” Rainbow Dash asked, pouting cutely.

“Yeah lawl.”

“Great! See you then.” she said. After a moments hesitation, she lifted off the ground and placed a quick peck onto our hero’s cheek, then flew off at top speeds.


CHOOSE YOUR PATH, MASTER OF USED TISSUES

()Go pay Rarity a visit and get a new bitchin' Spidey suit (RECOMMENDED)

()Show Two Girls, One Cup to the school children and provide commentary with the help of Applejack (SCHOOLHOUSE TIER FOUR UNLOCKED)

()Go out clubbing with the talking velociraptor gentleman and Lyra (UNLOCKED AGAIN IN FIVE CHAPTERS)

()Go chill with Discord and his bitch

()Go to the new bar in town with Twilight and get drunk

()Bake with Pinkie Pie. Acquire money and pot brownies

()Smoke weed with Luna then play some Haylo with her

()Smoke weed with Applejack and help her take down some rival dealers

()Play video games with Spike

()Teach Fluffles the meaning of friendship

()Teach Fluttershy how to french kiss THEN GET FRIENDZONED BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T DO THIS FIRST

()Volunteer at a cripple pony school with Fluttershy and attempt to score

()Take the CMC and Luna skydiving. What could possibly go wrong?

()Fight in a gladiator tournament with Ms. Cheerilee

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