• Published 3rd Oct 2012
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60's Era Spiderman goes to Equestria - MnM

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The Booty Strikes Back

Spiderman slowly awoke as the sun’s morning rays flooded through the nearby window, covering his face with the sun’s warmth.

“Sun nigga, you gay.” our hero commented as he rose.up from his couch and wandered into the kitchen. He snatched a couple poptarts and a can of Hawaiian and sat up at the dining room table.

“OM NOM NOM.” Spiderman said as he went to work, nibbling the poptart down to nothing like a chipmunk, then drowned it down with some of his Hawaiian punch.

As he finished off his breakfast, Fluffles made his way into the kitchen and grabbed some leftover steak from the fridge, set it on a plate, and joined our hero at the dining room table.

“Sup?” our hero inquired.

“Not much, ole’ chap. Today seems like a good day.” the raptor responded, as began to cut his streak into bite size pieces.

“Lawl no today is gonna suck.” the faggot in spandex commented.

“Spiderman, please. I think I’m going for a run in the park and scare children for Fluttershy’s amusement.”

“Oh my, that would be amazing!” Fluttershy commented as she walked into the room. She slapped our hero some skin/hoof and gave his gentlemanly raptor companion a quick hug and a kiss.

“Ew. Ya’ll niggas gay. Lawl.” our hero commented as he watched their shows of affection.

Suddenly, Spiderman’s dick stuck up on end, pointing in the direction of the door.

“My booty senses are throbbing!” our hero declared. He rushed over to the door and opened it, revealing a startled Cheerilee who was about to knock.

“Oh!” she cried in surprise, “Hello, Spiderman.”

Our hero glanced over at that booty. UNF! He was going to get a piece of that grade A booty if it was the last thing he did. It was pure perfection.

“Hay. Lawl.” he responded.

“May I come in?” she asked.

“I don’t give a fuck lawl.” he said.

“Err…”

“That’s means yes!” both Fluttershy and Fluffles called from inside the cottage.

“Oh. I’ll never get used to your sense of humor of yours, Spiderman.” she said with a timid smile.

“It’s all good. Lawl.” our hero said, making room for the bootylicious teacher. She smiled gratefully to our hero and squeezed on through.

Our hero caught a peak of that booty. Dat booty stared back at him with the force of a thousand suns. UNF!

As she walked into the cottage, she looked around and spotted Fluttershy and Fluffles, who have since moved to the couch and were watching Power Rangers.

“Good morning, Fluffles and Fluttershy.” she greeted.

“Good morning, Ms. Cheerilee.” Fluffles responded.

“What’s up?” Fluttershy asked.

“Oh, not much. Just here to ask Spiderman a favor.” the teacher answered.

“You are the boner in my pants.” Spiderman said, genuflecting before the bootylicious teacher.

“I-I’m sorry?” she asked, confused.

“Nothing. Lawl. What’s up?” he asked, rising off the ground

“Well, the school’s Spring Fling dance is tonight, and all of the parent chaperones are attending some orgy at Studio 69.”

“An orgy? Kickass. Lawl.” our hero responded.

The teacher looked at him strangely.

“Anyways… I was wondering… would you mind coming along with me and helping out?” she inquired. “It would mean so much to me~”

“Hmm…” On one hand, there was an orgy he could crash, where all the pussy he could ever want awaited. But on the other hand… there was a chance to get closer to da booty…

Booty.

Orgy.

Booty.

Orgy.

Fuck it. It was obvious which is better.

“Sure lawl.” he responded.

“You will?” she asked, a smile rivaling Pinkie Pie’s spreading across her muzzle.

“Yeah, why not? Lawl.” our hero asked rhetorically.

The pink haired mare lurched forward and wrapped her hooves around his midsection and squeezing the fuck out of him. “OH THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU~”

Our hero hugged the mare back, getting a quick feel of her booty. If Cheerilee noticed, she did not mind.

“Oh, and one more thing.” she said she released our hero.

“What?”

“Can I watch some Power Rangers with you guys? That green ranger is a grade A badass.”

After a few moments, our hero opened his mouth to speak. “You’re some prime waifu material, I tell you hwat. Lawl.”


After several hours of watching Power Rangers, followed by some House. Eventually, Fluttershy and Fluffles went out to play Frisbee with their mouths, leaving Cheerilee and Spiderman on their own.

However, before our hero could put the moves onto her, both of their watches started to beep.

“Oh, would you look at the time.” the pink haired mare called out as she pulled a joint “Do you got a light?”

“Lawl yeah.” Spiderman said, looking at his watch. It’s way four twenty. Time to blaze it. Our hero lit the teacher’s blunt for her, then expertly rolled up a blunt of his own and lit it.

After ten minutes of blazing, the two left the cottage. They skipped together down the dirt road leading into town. As their highs wore off, they slowed down and walked side by side.

Our hero felt Cheerilee’s fluffy take work it’s way through his arm as they wandered into town, it’s softness and fluffyness instantly giving him a major hard on.

“Unf…”

“What was that?” Cheerilee asked.

“Nothing lawl.” he responded.

The two walked in silence through the town. The mismatched couple earned a few glances, but most ponies paid them no mind. They weren't exactly the strangest couple in town.

Speaking of which…

“Yo yo, Spidey!” Discord exclaimed as he and Chrysalis walked up to the two, “Slap me some skin, compadre!”

Our hero slapped the draconeques some skin and brofisted him.

“My my, if it isn’t Ms. Cheerilee. I haven’t seen you since your students set me free. Supposed I owe you for that. But, that’s for another day. What are you doing with my friend dress in spandex here?”

“Well.. I.. uh…” she stuttered, a light blush spreading across her cheeks, kicking at the dirt awkwardly with her hoof.

“HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG!” Discord exclaimed, holding his heart as fell to the ground and started rolling around, pretending to have a heart attack.

“Well, isn’t that precious?” Chrysalis commented in a particularly cold manner.

“Spiderman, you pimp,” the lord of chaos said as he rose off the ground and dusted himself off, “You’re dating the teach?”

“Yeah lawl.” our hero responded.

“Good on you,” Discord said, patting our hero on the back, “well, as much as I’d love to stay and chat, we must get going.”

“We got some… chaos… to do.” Chrysalis explained.

“Yup. We need to chill sometime, buddy. See yah, Spidey.” the lord of chaos said as he and his hoe continued on their way.

As they disappeared from sight, Cheerilee turned towards our hero. “You know Discord and Queen Chrysalis as well?”

“Lawl yeah.” our hero answered.

“Well, you certainly get around.” the teacher said with a giggle.


Eventually, the couple found themselves outside the Ponyville Schoolhouse. The school had been decorated the previous day by the students. Our hero had a hard on for slavery and the breaking of labor laws.

"The students will be here any minute now. I'm gonna head on in and make sure everything is ready. Why don't you stay here and greet the students?"

"Lawl k."

The teacher flashed our hero a grateful smile, before making her way inside.

Slowly, kids started to show up and make their way inside. Our hero would slap each and every kid that entered some skin. The kids were pretty chill. If it wasn't for the fact he'd be arrested for it, he'd probably hang out with them beyond helping out at school.

Suddenly, a limousine screeched up to the school. The door opened, and out hopped the rich bitch with the diamond tiara.

"Out of my way!" she shouted at a few ponies in her way as she approached the school entrance. As she reached the door, our hero quickly blocked her path.

"Out of my way, peasant!" she shouted at him.

"Name?" our hero inquired.

"I'm sorry?" she asked.

"You're not on the list. Lawl." Spiderman said.

"But-"

"GTFO!" he said, stepping forward and punting her, sending her flying into her limo. She slowly slid down against the limo then fell flat on her face. She coughed violently, blood leaking out of her mouth and dripping onto the ground below.

The nearby children erupted in a golf clap. Our hero bowed before them.


Eventually, Spiderman was told to come inside and help keep the ponies in check.

That's not his job.

His job is to keep parties alive.

"WATCH ME SWOOCE RIGHT IN!" everypony inside of the auditorium heard our hero shout, just prior to him swoocing in through one of the auditoriums windows.

"SWOOCE!" he declared as he rolled and sprung up to his feet.

The nearby children erupted into applause and cheers.

"Walk into the club like what up I got a big cock. Lawl." our hero said.

Suddenly, our hero's eared was blasted by some of the worst music of all time. Lil Wayne. Nicki Minaj. Rebecca Black. Justin Bieber. Usher. Taylor Swift. And more.

"AW HELL NAW!" our hero said. He made his way over the DJ and punched him the fuck out for his shitty taste in music, then dug into his non-existant pockets and produced his Andriod. He hooked it up to the music system and turned on the music.

"Oh. My. God. Becky, look at her butt, it is so big." some bitch, who ironically sounded a lot like a diamond tiara wearing bitch at the school, said over the speaker system, scoffing every other word, "It is so big. She looks like, one of those rap guys' girlfriends. But, you know, who understands those rap guys? They only talk to her, because, she looks like a total prostitute, 'kay? I mean, her butt, is just so big. I can't believe it's just so round, it's like, out there, I mean - gross. Look! She's just so ... black!"

Spiderman jumped down and raced towards the middle of the dance floor and started singing along to the song.

"I like big butts and I can not lie

You other brothers can't deny

That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist

And a round thing in your face

You get sprung, wanna pull out your tough

'Cause you notice that butt was stuffed

Deep in the jeans she's wearing

I'm hooked and I can't stop staring

Oh baby, I wanna get with you

And take your picture

My homeboys tried to warn me

But that butt you got makes me so horny."

Cheerilee smiled and started to dance around to the song. Our hero quickly made his way over to her and started dancing with her like a moron.

"Ooh, Rump-o'-smooth-skin

You say you wanna get in my Benz?

Well, use me, use me

'Cause you ain't that average groupie

I've seen them dancin'

To hell with romancin'

She's sweat, wet,

Got it goin' like a turbo 'Vette

I'm tired of magazines

Sayin' flat butts are the thing

Take the average black man and ask him that

She gotta pack much back."

"So, fellas!" he called out to the nearby colts.

"Yeah!" they responded.

"Fellas!"

"Yeah!"

"Has your girlfriend got the butt?"

"Hell yeah!"

"Tell 'em to shake it!"

"Shake it!"

"Shake it!"

"Shake it!"

"Shake that healthy butt!" Spiderman declared, turning his attention back to Cheerilee, "Baby got back!"

"LA face with Oakland booty!" a random colt dressed like a pirate called out.

"Baby got back!" Spiderman shouted out.

Our hero twirled behind the pink maned teacher and focused on her booty.

"I like 'em round, and big

And when I'm throwin' a gig

I just can't help myself, I'm actin' like an animal

Now here's my scandal

I wanna get you home

And ugh, double-up, ugh, ugh

I ain't talkin' bout Playboy

'Cause silicone parts are made for toys

I want 'em real thick and juicy

So find that juicy double

Mix-a-Lot's in trouble

Beggin' for a piece of that bubble

So I'm lookin' at rock videos

Knock-kneeded bimbos walkin' like hoes

You can have them bimbos

I'll keep my women like Flo Jo

A word to the thick soul sisters, I wanna get with ya

I won't cuss or hit ya

But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna *fuck*

Till the break of dawn

Baby got it goin' on

A lot of simps won't like this song

'Cause them punks like to hit it and quit it

And I'd rather stay and play

'Cause I'm long, and I'm strong

And I'm down to get the friction on."

Our hero turned his attention away from his waifu and looked towards the nearby fillies.

"So, ladies!" our hero called out.

"Yeah!" they responded.

"Ladies!"

"Yeah!"

"If you wanna roll in my Mercedes-"

"Yeah!"

"-Then turn around! Stick it out! Even white boys got to shout baby got back!"

Our hero turned back to Cheerilee, who flashed him a quick smile.

"Baby got back!

Yeah, baby ... when it comes to females, Cosmo ain't got nothin'

to do with my selection. 36-24-36? Ha ha, only if she's 5'3."

The two of them made their way to the center of the dance floor and started to shake it like Saigon.

"So your girlfriend rolls a Honda, playin' workout tapes by Fonda

But Fonda ain't got a motor in the back of her Honda

My anaconda don't want none

Unless you've got buns, hun

You can do side bends or sit-ups,

But please don't lose that butt

Some brothers wanna play that "hard" role

And tell you that the butt ain't gold

So they toss it and leave it

And I pull up quick to retrieve it

So Cosmo says you're fat

Well I ain't down with that!

'Cause your waist is small and your curves are kickin'

And I'm thinkin' bout stickin'

To the beanpole dames in the magazines:

You ain't it, Miss Thing!

Give me a sister, I can't resist her

Red beans and rice didn't miss her

Some knucklehead tried to dis

'Cause his girls are on my list

He had game but he chose to hit 'em

And I pull up quick to get wit 'em

So ladies, if the butt is round,

And you want a triple X throw down,

Dial 1-900-MIXALOT

And kick them nasty thoughts

Baby got back!"

Everyone gathered around the center and began singing together.

"Little in the middle but she got much back!

Little in the middle but she got much back!

Little in the middle but she got much back!

Little in the middle but she got much back!"

As the song ended and was replaced by As The World Turns by Eminem, Cheerilee leaned up against Spiderman, her mane and coat soaked with perspiration. She wiped some sweat off her forehead with her right forehoof and smiled up at our hero.

"I think I'm going to get some punch. Care to join me?" she asked.

"Lawl k."

The two slowly made their way through the surrounding army of dancing fillies and colts, Cheerilee leaning up against our hero for support. Spiderman had the feeling that if a feminist read this chapter, she'd cry oppression because of Cheerilee's need for support.

"Lawl feminazi scum." our hero said under his breath.

"What was that?" the pink maned teacher inquired.

"Nothing lawl."

The couple found themselves at the punch table several moments later, where the single fat fucks were hanging out, casually sipping at punch and watching couple dance with jealous eyes.

It was time to do them a favor.

"Cheerilee, look over there!" Spiderman exclaimed, pointing across the room.

"Huh?!" she exclaimed, looking where our hero had pointed. While she was distracted, Spiderman reached into his non-existant pockets and pulled out a bottle of vodka, then poured it into the punch and mixed it before anypony was any the wiser.

"Lawl. Sorry, I though I saw Cthulhu."

"Oh..."

The teacher shrugged and poured herself a glass of punch and drank it down like it was nothing.

"Huh..."

"What? Lawl."

"Somepony beat me to spiking the punch..."


An hour later, most of the colts and fillies had left. Only a few stragglers from Ms. Cheerilee's class remained, casually drinking the spiked punch and talking about how they were smelling colors.

Suddenly, In Your Eyes by Peter Gabriel started to play over the stereo system. The remaining children smiled to each other, paired up and started slow dancing. Even the remaining fatsos got some action.

Our hero heard someone clear their throat behind him.

"Spiderman...? May I have this dance?" Cheerilee asked, looking up at our hero

"Lawl k." our hero responded.

The teacher smiled, wrapping her tail around his right arm and leading him towards the center of the dance floor. As they reached the center, Cheerilee reared up and leaned against our hero, wrapping her hooves around his neck.

Cheerilee rested her head on Spiderman's shoulder as they rocked back and forth to the melody of the song.

"You know... I didn't exactly get a chance to go to prom." Cheerilee said.

"Hmm?"

"Nopony would've given a nerd like me the time of the day, let alone ask me out to prom."

But... dat booty...

"That sucks lawl." our hero responded.

The mare buried her face into our hero's neck. He felt his neck dampen. "Thank you, Spiderman."

"It's not biggie. Lawl."

Because Biggie is- (the writer was then killed by the ghost of Biggie Smalls before he could finish his joke).

As the song came to an end, Cheerilee looked into our hero's eyes, her eyes glistening with tears of happiness as she leaned forward and pulled up his mask with her teeth, before planting a gentle kiss on his lips.

"No... you have no idea how much this means to me." Cheerilee said as she broke the kiss.


Later that night, Spiderman stared at the ceiling as he lay on his bed, thinking about the past day. Da booty, the dance, the musical number, and that kiss.

UNF! UNF! UNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNF! It was too much to handle.

He reached into his spidey suit and started jerking off.

"Everyone's off getting laid... and I'm just lying here, masturbating. Lawl."

Beside him, Fluffles wished dearly for his own room.


CHOOSE YOUR PATH, WAIFU STEALER!

()Go out clubbing with the talking velociraptor gentleman and Lyra

()Go chill with Discord and his bitch

()Go to the new bar in town with Twilight and get drunk

()Bake with Pinkie Pie. Acquire money and pot brownies

()Smoke weed with Luna then play some Haylo with her

()Smoke weed with Applejack and help her take down some rival dealers

()Play video games with Spike

()Teach Fluffles the meaning of friendship

()Teach Fluttershy how to french kiss THEN GET FRIENDZONED BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T DO THIS FIRST

()Volunteer at a cripple pony school with Fluttershy and attempt to score

()Take the CMC and Luna skydiving. What could possibly go wrong?

()Fight in a gladiator tournament with Ms. Cheerilee

()Help Rarity design a kickass new Spidey suit and get sum fuk

()Take Rainbow Dash to the club and help her get over herself (RAINBOW DASH TIER THREE UNLOCKED)

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