• Published 3rd Oct 2012
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60's Era Spiderman goes to Equestria - MnM

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How a nigga in spandex not gonna like BDSM?

...fuck it.

Our hero sat up in his "bed" and grabbed the remote, switched on the telly, and brought up the On Demand menu.

While he flipped through the hundreds of movies available to him free of charge because Spiderman threatened to detonate a bomb in the cable company's headquarters if they didn't give him free cable, a cute yawn broke the morning silence.

60's Era Spiderman shot a quick glance to the yellow pegasus making her way downstairs, sending a small nod her way.

"Hay." he greeted.

A newly awaken gentlemanly raptor giggle snorted from below. "Hay is for horses, ole' chap." he said.

"Sup homies?" the Element of Not Giving a Fuck responded as she made her way to the kitchen, flung the fridge door open and grabbed a McHot Dog and a mountain dew, before making her way over to our hero's couch and plopping down beside him.

"Not giving a fuck." Spiderman responded, before pounding his fist against the yellow ponies hoof.

"Let's watch that Judge Dredd movie." Fluttershy said as she ate her hotdog in a very seductive manner.

"The most recent one?" Fluffles asked.

"Nah man. The one with Sylvester Stallone. It's so bad it's good." the yellow pegasus answered.

"Bitchin'."

"Bully!"


"I AM THE LAW!" Dredd shouted at Rico.

"LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW!" Rico shouted back.

Our hero and Fluttershy looked at each other. "LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW!!!" they shouted at each other.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door.

"Fluffles." our hero prompted.

"On it." he said, running over the door.

After a few moments, the raptor called out. "IT'S A NIGGA IN A PURPLE SUIT!"

"OH SHIT!" Spiderman shouted, rolling under a table and hiding.

The raptor walked in with Empress Luna and looked at our hero, before cracking up.

"That's too precious!" the raptor said, balling over and rolling around the floor, laughing his ass off.

An amused smile crept onto the empresses lips. "Indeed."

Our hero crawled out from under the table and bitch slapped the laughing raptor. "Sup?" he asked the empress.

"I'm going to smoke weed and drink mountain dew while I torture my sister because we eviscerate her tomorrow in the name of the law." she responded.

"THE LAW?!" Spiderman asked.

"THE LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW!" the blue alicorn responded.

"LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW!"

"LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW!"

"LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW!"

"ARE YOU A FRIEND OF JUSTICE, SPIDERMAN?!" the empress asked.

"Bitch, I might be."

"Then would you like to join me?" she asked.

"I don't give a fuck lawl."

The empress looked at him confusedly.

"That means yes." Fluttershy said.

"Oh. Come along then, Spidey!" she said.

"Lawl k." he said as he followed her outside.

As the door closed behind them, Fluffles the talking gentlemanly raptor turned towards the Element of Not Giving a Fuck. "So what do we do now, ole' chap?"

"Nigga, we gonna get our game on." she said. She hopped off the couch and opened a nearby cabinet, and, with a twinkle in her eye, pulled out a Jenga box.

"Smashing!" Fluffles exclaimed.


A half an hour later, our hero found himself in Empress Luna's room, expertly rolling two blunts and handing one to the empress and taking the other one for himself.

"Thank you very much." she said, lighting it and taking a nice long drag of it, holding it in for around twenty to thirty seconds, then letting it all out.

"Sharing is caring lawl." our hero said, watching the empress go. Taking this a challenge, our hero lit up his blunt and took an equally long drag, then holding it in for a full four hundred and twenty seconds. Impossible? You do remember this guy drank an entire pint of straight vodka like twenty chapters ago, right?

"Impressive," Luna commented with a light giggle as our hero let it all out.

"Meh. I've done better." our hero said, "Wu-Tang Clan ain't nothing to fuck with."

"Quite right." the blue alicorn responded.

There was a small knock at the door.

"Who is it?" Luna asked.

The door opened, revealing a Royal Guard. He was clad in all black and wore a blue plate carrier, which was the new standard look for the Royal Guards.

"Empress, the prisoner is ready." the guard said.

"Excellent. Are you ready, Spiderman?" the blue alicorn asked.

"My body is ready." he responded.

"Great. Lead the way, guard."


Fluttershy very carefully removed a jenga stick from the tower and placed it aside.

This was it.

The tower stood for another five seconds, before falling apart like the White House's Benghazi story.

"Bully! I win!"

"Hacks! I demand a rematch!" Fluttershy called out.

The couple quickly reassembled the jenga tower.

"Ladies first." Fluffles said.

"Why thank you." she said with a smile, before pulling out a piece of the tower.

Seconds later, it failed just like Fukashima's nuclear reactors, crashing to the floor like house's during Hurricane Katrina.

"BULLSHIT!" Fluttershy screeched.

"Haha!" the raptor laughed.

"FUCK YOU!" Fluttershy shouted as she tackled the velociraptor to the ground.


"Here she is." their guide said, opening a large blast door and revealing a large chamber. Inside it lay a dirty and beaten white alicorn, tied to the ground with heavy chains.

Slowly, her head lifted towards the open door way, her large soulless eyes penetrating through the darkness.

The guard, whom was visibly unnerved, quickly made his exit.

The white alicorn blinked, staring at the empress. "Hello, sister." she greeted.

"Hello, Celestia." the blue alicorn responded.

Her eyes turned to our hero. Seconds later, her soulless gaze turned into one of hunger, and her voice turned to a more mischievous and lustful tone. "Who's your friend?" she asked.

"I'm Rick James, bitch. Lawl." our hero responded.

"He's Spiderman." Luna said.

"Oooooooooooooo~! Lil' Luna has a coltfriend? Whatever, I'll just fuck him like every other colt you've-"

The empress walked forward and promptly bitch slapped the white alicorn, the force behind the blow managing the knock out a few of her teeth.

"Oh snap!" Spiderman exclaimed.

"You shut your whore mouth!" Luna shouted in the smug white alicorn's face, before kicking her in the side, eliciting a moan of both pain and pleasure from the white alicorn.

"Yes! Harder!" Celestia squealed, before coughing violently. Some blood splattered onto the floor below.

"Yay! Violence!" Spiderman exclaimed, kicking the former princess in the face, dislocating her jaw and sending several of her teeth flying.

"Hahahahaha!" the white alicorn laughed with her eyes closed. Upon finishing her laugh, her eyes opened, and stream of tears rolled down her cheeks. Her eyes no longer looked hungry or lustful... but rather pathetic, sad, and tired.

A shaky white hoof dipped into the pool of blood forming below her and started writing on a dry spot in the nearby floor.

Once she finished, the two could make out the words 'kill me' in the blood.

Luna's face turned to a neutral expression as she started at these words. "A few months before you showed up, a demon spirit known as the Anti-Spice showed up in Equestria and possessed my sister. She used to be the kindest pony in Equestria... but once she was possessed, she turned into a vile dictator who had an unquenchable thirst for sex and molestation. The people soon revolted with the assistance of most of our military and me."

She slowly approached the crying, white alicorn and lifted her chin up, staring into her sad eyes. "What you are now seeing is the true Celestia. We would get rid of the demon... but as we learned, the only way to kill it is to kill the host. Otherwise, it'll go off and oppress somepony else. Celestia and I have always been firm believers in the saying 'the needs of many outweigh the needs of the few.'"

The empress reached under her long cloak and produced a handgun, putting it to her sister's head.

"I'm sorry, sister." she said, sniffling. "I will always love you."

The white alicorns lips moved, mouthing the words 'thank you'.

*BANG*


"YOU BITCH!"

"I'LL KILL YOU!"

The raptor and the yellow pegasus rolled around the floor, both desperately trying to pin the other down and gain dominance. Neither of them were truly serious about this, as if it were an actual fight, the gentlemanly raptor could easily tear the yellow pegasus to shreds, and the Element of Not Giving a Fuck could have simply reached for the handgun taped to the bottom of the table and busted a cap into the reptiles ass.

After a few more more of wrestling, Fluttershy managed to pin the raptor to the floor.

"Good show, ole' chap. Jolly good show." the raptor complemented.

"Mhmm." Fluttershy said, before her face turned into one of curiousity, "Say Fluffles... do raptors even have penis's?"

"Hmm... in my home dimension, me and my kind do." the raptor responded, looking up at the yellow pegasus confusedly.

"So you have a penis?"

"Correct."

"Good."

Before Fluffles the talking gentlemanly raptor could even ask what the pegasus meant by this, she leaned down and pressed her soft lips against his scaly lips, silencing him.


By the time our hero returned to Fluttershy's cottage, it was already dark. His head light from the smoking and drinking after Luna executed her own sister, he opened the door and made his way over to his bed/couch and plopped down on it.

"So, how was it?" Fluffles asked from his doggie bed beside the couch.

"She killed her sister then we smoked pot. Not like I give a fuck. Just an average day for me. Lawl." he answered.

"Bully!"

The two lay there in silence, staring up at the ceiling above.

"I fucked your best friend!" the raptor blurted out.

"WHAT?!"


CHOOSE YOUR PATH, WARRIOR!

()Go out clubbing with the talking velociraptor gentleman and Lyra

()Go chill with Discord and his bitch

()Go to the new bar in town with Twilight and get drunk

()Troll the everlasting shit out of Rainbow Dash the hot librarian

()Bake with Pinkie Pie. Acquire money and pot brownies

()Read the Poop That Took a Pee to the children down at the Ponyville Schoolhouse

()Smoke weed with Applejack and help her take down some rival dealers

()Play video games with Spike

()Teach Fluffles the meaning of friendship

()Teach Fluttershy how to french kiss THEN GET FRIENDZONED BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T DO THIS FIRST

()Volunteer at a cripple pony school with Fluttershy and attempt to score

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