• Published 3rd Oct 2012
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60's Era Spiderman goes to Equestria - MnM

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Epic Quest Time Lulz (Part One)

As Fluttershy and our hero travelled deeper into the depths of the cave, the air started to grow more humid and hot. It stank of evil. And sweat and shame.

As they continued their descent into the cavern, they soon come across a stream of lava flowing in between where they were and where the needed to be. After some examination, our hero spotted a bridge that went across the stream.

As they approached the bridge, a voice called out to them. “Halt!” the voice cried.

“You can’t tell me what to do! I’m Batman!” Spiderman shouted at the source of the voice.

“No you aren’t, you dumbass.” Fluttershy pointed out.

“Oh yeah lawl.”

A lone figure stepped out of the shadows, revealing himself to the couple.

“Keanu Reeves?” Fluttershy asked.

“Sup?” he asked.

“The Matrix has you lawl.” Spiderman said. Real nigga talk.

“Alright, so, to cross this cavern, you both must answer three questions,” said the chosen one.

“Lawl k.”

Keanu turned to the butter yellow Pegasus. “What is your name?” he asked.

“Fluttershy.”

“What is your quest?”

“I don’t give a fuck.”

“If you wake up in the middle of the night and go into the living room, and see your TV floating away, what do you do?”

“Shout ‘freeze zigger!’”

“Good job, you get to cross,” The One said before turning to our hero, “What is your name?”

“Spiderman.”

“What is your quest?”

“I dunno lawl.”

“What’s President Obama’s middle name?”

“Trick question. Monkey’s don’t have middle names.”

“Good job. You get a treat.” Keanu Reeves said as he tossed a dog bone to our hero, pegging him in the forehead. However, he didn’t give a fuck. Because he’s Spiderman.

“Let’s go,” the yellow Pegasus said.

“Lawl k.”

“Wait.”

The two turned back to Keanu, who casually floated over to them. “Take me with you.”

“Why?”

“It’s much more dangerous up ahead, you’ll need all the help you can get,” he said.

“Besides… this gig pays well, but it’s pretty boring.”

After a moment’s thought, Fluttershy shrugged. “Sure, whatever.”

Neo put on a pair of sunglasses. “Bitchin.”


Bruce Campbell quickly slid out of the way, narrowly dodging the tank’s ram, before quickly picking himself up. Slinging his AA-12 over his shoulder, Bruce revved up his chainsaw arm and shifted into a combat stance.

The tank turned around and noticed that it’s foe still stood and charged at him once again. This time, Bruce didn’t dodge. As the gargantuan beast closed the distance between the two, Bruce slashed through it’s left arm and kicked the beast hard enough to knock it over.

Before it could rise once more, Bruce was on top of it. He made quick work of the beast, severing it’s last remaining arm before taking off it’s head, kicking the dismembered head away from the body like it was a weapon.

Satisfied the creature was once again dead, Bruce Campbell stepped back and admired his work.

But this break didn’t last long, as the moans of the undead filled the air, reminding him of his current situation, as well as the mission at hand.

Picking up his discarded AA-12 and checking it for ammo, Bruce readied himself for another onslaught.

And he waited…

And waited...

Minutes later, Bruce realized that he still hasn’t fallen under attack.

Then, gunshots in distance reminded him of the Marines that stayed behind to save him and his two compatriots some time. Realizing that they needed him more than Spidey and Fluttershy probably did, Bruce started running in their direction.


On the other side of the cavern, Spiderman and Fluttershy, now accompanied by Keanu Reeves, discovered a large, metal door. With the press of a button, the door slid open, allowing the trio to enter.

“This is the laboratory that the virus originated from. The people in charge of this facility are former Nazi scientists who were forced to work for the Soviet Union who ended up helping Saddam Hussein build WMD and ended up working in Guatameno Bay, and would like nothing more destroy Equestria. In fact, that’s what they are trying to do.”

“Brutal lawl.” Spiderman commented.

“But since you’re working for them, doesn’t that make you evil?” Fluttershy asked.

“Money’s money. Besides, I don’t judge you for smoking pot.” Keanu responded.

“There is a big difference smoking pot and helping evil scientists develop a virus to kill millions,” the yellow Pegasus retorted.

“Frankly, I don’t give a fuck.”

The trio continued down the passage, their footsteps echoing down the narrow hallway. Their pace quickened as they neared the light at the end of the tunnel.

Finally, they exited the tunnel, revealing two large canyons. One had two bases directly across from each other, and the other was a much larger gulch, with two bases on each end of the gulch. In each canyon, one base would be the color red, and the other would be colored blue.

“These outposts are called Battle Canyon and Blood Gulch. Originally, they worked together to protect the lab from anyone who didn’t properly answer my riddles, or just pissed me off. However, word around the office is the inhabitants of Battle Canyon got bored with the drills between their red and blue squads and went after the inhabitants of Blood Gulch. The soldiers in Blood Gulch have been pushed back to the blue base in the east end of Blood Gulch, so most of the guarding duties are taken care of by the guys in Battle Canyon, so be ready for a fight,” Keanu explained as they approached the wall separating the passageway and the two canyons, “We have a few options for getting past these guys. We can either kill everyone, help one of the sides overcome the other, or try to broker a peace between-“

“No.” Spiderman said.

“Pardon?”

“Peace sucks lawl.”

Keanu shrugged. “This is your journey, guys, so make up your mind. I recommend helping one of the sides, at least. They’ll likely help you in the next challenge for helping them.”

“Helping the guys in Blood Gulch seems like more of a challenge.” Fluttershy said.

“Work sucks.” Spiderman commented.

“Spidey, helping the guys in Blood Gulch involves lots of action and explosions.”

“Oh sweet lawl.”

“Alright, if we’re helping the Purples-“

“The what?” Fluttershy interjected.

“The guys in Battle Canyon call the guys in Blood Gulch the Purples. The guys in Battle Canyon are called the Zealots, because of their crazy religion based around their flag.” Keanu explained.

“Sounds like a fun bunch.” Fluttershy said.

“They can be… occasionally… let’s get this show on the road. Just follow my lead, and we should be fine,” The One said.

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