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Following an incident on the border of the Everfree Forest, Twilight and Rainbow set out to discover the cause of the pegasus' amnesia and restore her memory. Yet the nature of her affliction is linked not only to their past, but to an ancient magic, lost to the world a thousand years ago.
// Exists within Brandon Sanderson's Cosmere.
// Continued in The Moon Also Rises
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nice set-up, i think Rd is a bit out of place, well she is out of place ha..ha.....ha (bad joke)
I think everything is going too fast, try pacing a little more, nevertheless its a very good job and well written
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Thanks for reading, hehe. I appreciate all feedback, although I probably wont be making significant changes. There are reasons for almost everything in there. I know pacing has always been my main issue, but ... well ... it gets faster. A lot faster.
As for Rainbow, my version of her character has always diverged from the show and most fanon. Won't go into how, that's what the story is for!
Quick note: The story has mostly been written out, should go up on a once-a-week update schedule.
great story, interesting idea
Interesting. This story is getting very interesting indeed.
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So glad you like it.
Updates will be more frequent now. I've written out everything - just minor edits and lore revisions to be made. Throw me a PM if there's a glaring inconsistency - it'll be a scene I passed over accidentally, hehe.
you really mean what you said "faster"
so far so good, the plot is catching and it's nice see twilight stand against so mighty foe, not so Damsel in distress
New chapter. ^-^
...holy shit
Awesome chapter. Look forward to the next.
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Did ... Did I just earn a favorite?
Victory dance!
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yeap you earn it, the ideia of a body without mind, creating new toughts and the mind, trap on the flow of the river, well, that is my bet
I loved this chapter. look forward to the next!
So we come to the end. I certainly hope that everyone reading enjoyed Lethe as much as I did writing it.
I'm well aware that there are quite a few plot points left unresolved. This is intentional, all I'll say is keep an eye out for a follow-up. Lethe was intended, and written, to serve as a prologue. Teehee.
That said, I'm not done with it yet. At some point, presumably a ways off yet, I'm planning on coming back and rewriting large sections. There are issues to be fixed, such as the pacing - something I always end up struggling with.
I'd greatly appreciate all feedback - good, bad, whatever, I don't care. Seriously. Everything helps. The one thing I'd ask, is to constrain spoilers to PM's; while not exactly surprising, there is a certain satisfaction to be found in reading it for yourself, no matter what the story.
That's all from me for now. I'm planning on using my blog to post author's notes, or anything related. But don't hold your breath.
-Preservation
you're a bad person
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This might just be my favourite comment ever.
Great story, I enjoyed too much. You deserve more thumbs up, but I can only give one and a fav.
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia_cake.png
Oh holy crap Brandon Sanderson.
I am reading this as soon as I finish The Tears of Gaia.
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Brandon Sanderson is just ... incredibly good. Like, really, really, really amazing.
The crossover/AU that involves his work is subtle, but anyone familiar with the Cosmere, and especially the Mistborn trilogy should be able to pick the links up. I hope you enjoy it!
finished the first chapter just now, and i gotta say, very interesting; the only thing which bothered me a little was the unorthodox use of single quotation marks instead of double, it's not huge, but given how many use double marks it does make itself known.
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I am aware of this, though I wasn't at the time. It's one of the issues I'm fixing in the rewrite, which I hope will be ready within a couple of months
the story in itself is awesome, i absolutely love it! but i do i feel like the descriptions and "paintings" of the world are a bit behind, im not 'seeing' the world as i read, i fill out a lot in my mind; most importantly though, i don't really feel their emotions that much.
awesome story!
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Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it!
Edit: The rewrite is now live. The original is accessible through the G-Docs link in the story description, but really, why would you want to read that? This version is all shiny, and new, and better . . . :)
Wait....wasn't this story complete before?
Lethe is the name of a river in Hades which, if it's water is drunk, completely wipes the memory of the persons past life
2680169>
Yes, yes it was. It has been updated with higher quality, more consistent prose, an overhauled structure and pacing, and new elements of world-building that directly lead in to other stories in-universe.
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Indeed.
awesome rework of the chapter! i noticed many previous short-comings of the writing now being gone
Great re-chapter
.
Since Lethe is the river deceased souls go to to forget their past lives, does this mean Rainbow and Twilight are dead?
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RAFO
She actually turned Spike from an egg to a 40 foot dragon. A toddler is ages 2-4. Infant 0-1. Other than that, this was a good chapter. I'm liking what you're doing so far.
This was a good ending. I'm going to go and read the sequel. My only complain of the series was inconsistent paragraph structure throughout the story. Other than that the story was amazingly written, very original, engaging and I can't wait to see the sequel that's up and see if Luna retrieves herself, and what happens to TwiDash now that they are together.
Needs the crossover tag. You should also use FiM Fiction’s built‐in features to designate the sequel a sequel.
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Cheers.
Oooh, my. Second paragraph of the second chapter, and you're already pulling in terminology which - particularly given it's explicitly a Cosmere crossover - is painting some very interesting thoughts in my mind. Sun as a proper noun, for instance, suggests Celestia as a Sliver (although I don't know that Sun, per se, would be a default Shard name), which in turn raises questions about Luna. And, of course, there's the question that would be common if Pony Cosmere stuff were moreso - Harmony as in Elements Of or as in Scadrial's Pathists? Or, of course, "both" or "other".
Now for the rest of the chapter...
And you were doing so well, too. Keeping Zecora's dialogue rhyming, and mostly keeping each couplet to a single rhythm, and generally avoiding particularly awkward phrasings... and then "Naught else in our realm has cause to know his heart" just sits there on its own, with no internal or external rhyme.
I'm not quibbling over much of your word choices, but I feel I ought to point out that "brethren" is plural.
Current guess on the epigraphs, though if you're anything like as crafty with them as Sanderson I know I'm probably off the mark: either Celestia to Luna upon the latter's banishment, or Luna-in-the-early-stages-of-Nightmare to Celestia.
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1. RAFO (wow, do I love pulling this card, I can't imagine Sanderson's glee every time he whips one out.)
2. Zecora's dialogue, among some other elements, remain things I feel not entirely satisfied with. At this point, however, I doubt I'll be changing it.
3. Nice pick-up on brethren, I agree. Perhaps 'kin' would be better.
Hoo, my. I was hoping we'd get Twilight's perspective of the night, but that's currently seeming unlikely. Either this is some sort of decoy (which raises questions about Rainbow Dash), in which case we're unlikely to get much of the real Twilight's story until she is found, or she's been reset as well - which bodes ill for the Drac's trustworthiness, "can't lie" notwithstanding.
This seems like odd phrasing, as if someone's trying to make sure they heard someone else correctly. Given the context, I'd probably put the verb first.
"Every" takes a singular subject - this should be "every pegasus" or "all pegasi".
Okay, this has been bugging me - "pegasi" is the plural, and "pegasus" the singular form. Stuff like "We only really need the one pegasi up there" is inconsistent and jarring.
In other news, I am now reasonably sure that the Cognitive Realm in the vicinity of Equestria is a bucking terrifying place. If this chapter is any indication, I for one would prefer to wade near Sel (specifically noted as hazardous) than here.
The Drac is Lethe. He's the rivers spirit and Lethe is the spirit of one of the rivers in the underworld from Greek mythology. The river had the ability to erase ones memories completely.
cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/thumb/b/bd/Celebi_M13.png/300px-Celebi_M13.png
Stop the pokemon references!
6075429
It's pegai, not pegasi.
There's a few facts that you messed up on.
1) Lethe is the spirit, not the river even though that's it's name.
2) Simply touching the river will erase all memories.
3) Drinking the Lethe's water will kill a creature, not just erase the memories.
6259740
If it were, in fact, the Lethe from Classical mythology, you would be correct. It is not. For more detail, refer to the Cosmere.
And that was an unintentional Pokemon reference, heh. Now I'm not going to be able to un-see it. Cheers.
Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed it.
6259761 of course I enjoyed it. If I didn't, I wouldn't have nitpicked. That's just my way of saying I loved a story.
6259681
Try again. Looking at that, I believe pegai is the plural of pege. The Pegasus itself, in Greek mythology, was a singular creature and therefore had no natural plural, any more than we'd talk (without crossing generations) about Tireks or Smoozes.
But all of that is irrelevant before one fact: as of Sonic Rainboom, pegasi is an official MLP pluralization of pegasus (alongside "pegasus ponies").
And even that is irrelevant before the fact that, no matter what else it is or isn't, pegasi is not a singular form of anything.
6261064 there where more than one pegasus in Greek mythology. Only one was an immortal, the son of Medusa and Posidan. He ended up creating the breed of horse pegai. Over time, people became more and more ignorant and lazy and made os pegasi because it flows better. Either way, the proper name is pegai.
This has been on my read later list for a very long time...
I was reminded of it when I read the description for "The Moon Also Rises" in the newest updates section on the front page and it reminded me of the Wax and Wayne novels... And then I saw your name and realized that it might actually be partially based on the Wax and Wayne novels... Well, Alloy of Law, anyway.
I'll make another comment when I get done.
Also I will be looking for Hoid, and he had best show up somewhere. Or at least a beggar (pony?) with a plausible chance of being Hoid.
I realize you wrote this forever ago, but I'm just getting here, and I'm just reading it now, so I'm going to make random ass guesses now. As if this were written by Sanderson, I'm going to try to guess the twist at the end. In pursuit of this goal, I will take complete shots in the dark and claim victory if I happen to hit with one. Now that my extremely scientific and perfectly logical justification is out of the way, I will commence with the guessing.
No, RD, your memories weren't taken, you gave them up! For some reason. (?) I did say shots in the dark.
Or... It was Twi that stole your memories. Damn, that would be harsh.
Also, there must have been some pretty high winds in that storm, huh? Eh? Eh?... Imma riot.
A RIOTER-- okay I'm done. For now.
Also also, just pondering what would result in this effect given the abilities we already know of in the cosmere, and the first thing that came to mind was if you dumped ALL your memories into a coppermind. The connection to others should still be there (theoretically resulting in trust and good feelings when thinking of/seeing them), as that is actually a different feruchemical power, but the memories themselves would be gone.
And TwiDash. Yes. All of my Yes.
Welp, onto the next chapter. I hope my play-by-play analysis is entertaining to read.
Writing this comment as I read, so it might go in some order because of it.
"the" in the third sentence of the chapter is not capitalized. If I was not analyzing every word of this story, I never would have caught it.
This river thing at the beginning of these two chapters feels kinda like the "wind" bit at the beginning of each Wheel of Time book. XD Also you are focusing on it. might be important.
Also you totally said "Harmony" with caps and everything that's totally a buzzword I'm excited back to story.
A "keeper", eh?
Rhyming is hard. Shut up, RD, jeez. Also, actually, she did rhyme, she just said the second part only to the voice in her head. Probably. So there.
Who? What? Who's talking? Ah, seems to be Twilight talking to herself.
Also capitalized "Seer". Getting more excited.
I believe that is what gold mistings were called(dammit, gold was Augur. Seer was Atium. woulda been my third guess after electrum.), tho now that I have finished the chapter, it seems to have no relevance, which makes sense.Okay, I was convinced it was her just talking to herself in her head (after all, who doesn't do that?) but this is making me feel off about that.
When making a character that can teleport any time they want, preface every statement to the GM with "I prepare to teleport away if things look like they are going to shit and..." which was shortened in my experience to "I prep a teleport, and...". Always say it. Always. The one time you don't. "Oh, I am just getting a drink of water from the stream. Nothing dangerous there." That's when the GM strikes. You do something relatively innocuous and trigger a trap. If you do prep a teleport before doing everything, you look like the jumpiest little scaredy-cat in the world, but you don't get hit by the traps! Also, the fact that teleportation gets you out of any kind of bind in most versions of DnD is OP as hell. I love Twilight and her TP ability for this very reason. TP is best ability.
I had to stop. There was just too much. I'll talk about the main ones.
I'm trying too hard, here. Gotta stop trying to connect to Sanderson's dots.
Still something about this river. spray some water on Twi, she makes a potentially life-changing decision. Something.
Also: GODS, PLEASE LET TWILIGHT BE A BADASS "SAGE" BY THE END OF THIS STORY
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Ooh, fun, a Cosmere buff. I'm sure Wax won't mind you appropriating his last name for your profile
. Entertaining is certainly one word—I'm flattered by your enthusiasm, and I hope you're enjoying the story.
As for the connections: yes, this is an explicit Cosmere crossover chronology, where Equus is a Shardworld much like Scadrial, Roshar, Nalthis, Sel, and so on. As such, there is an entirely new set of abilities tied to the Shard(s) on Equus—no Allomancy or Feruchemy or Surgebinding, though. With regard to Alloy of Law . . . it's much closer to the original Mistborn trilogy. Still, Wax and Wayne are technically alive somewhere in this universe, kicking around at some point in time or another. For Hoid: good luck. Everything else gets a big fat RAFO.
Fixed the typo you found in Chapter Two as well, thanks.