:blink:

:blink:

Urotsukidoji?

...get a few hundred of them together in a trained formation, offer them a lot of prep time along with straightline distance from the central combat area, make sure none of them can see the expressions of the others because that never goes well, and you'd have the most awkward battlefield tactic ever...

inb4: Equestrian historians learn that there was an inexplicable correlation between the success rate of pre-Sombra Crystal Pony field commanders during battles and the objective sexual appeal of their flanks.

Also bobbed tails were a common features for those officers for some reason...

It usually... it's so rare, and I didn't think... not with me, not when it never happened with me before this...

Dear Judge Heartstopper,
I never thought this would happen to me...

Well, in the unlikely event that the frequently-repeated, rather ridiculous rumor known as 'kirin' ever found incarnation as actual high-temperature biology, then Impassi was expecting a reasonable amount of fallout. Something which would likely start with increased sales for heat-resistant bedding, followed by an absolute surge in the burn cream market.

To say nothing of a considerable boost in the antacid market if anypony tried sharing drinks with one.

When your entire subspecies exhibits a bizarre form of fiber optics, certain issues are indeed going to come up. And out. And through. The best crackfics are the ones that take logical points to their most gloriously illogical conclusions, and this certainly qualifies. Thank you for it.

I'm finna buss a fat one, dawg, fr fr ong, no cap

In the frozen wilds of the lands surrounding the Crystal Empire, there were rumors of a haunting cry that only occured during the full moon.

YAG Smash.

You do NOT want to know what happens when a Crystaline pony uses the exact wrong type of shampoo as a clensing detergent.

Its rumored the brand, which has been erased from all records, was called Starlight.

One Reaction Only.

Nice Crystal and acronym fun!

Taking the meanings of ice and cold showers differently!

Great look at Impassi's ability to handle things! Her poker face is amazing!!!!

So many details and connections to other stories! Woo!

Typo:

harmess > harmless

More importantly, did Vanadate have any trouble getting dates after this?

Rainbows were safe.

I think Rainbow Dash would be mildly insulted by that statement.

But for some reason, the crystal-studded versions never really caught on.

Put's a new spin on the phrase "I'm firing my laser" now doesn't it?

Thanks for the chapter, these are always fun for me.

Actually they're called ball-bras, and quite useful for all the normal uses of said supporting clothing in the case of well-endowed specimens.

Zap!

If the crystals ever learn to harness this "power", all the Empire needs to do to have a lot of very happy and wealthy workers is to market their precision etching and engraving services. And the finer you can etch, the better.

*googles yttrium vanadate*
Oh. Yeah, I see what you did there.

Late at night, after the wine has turned the mood from jokes and bawdy stories to something more melancholy, Crystal’s speak of a legend. The true tale is lost to history, if it ever happened at all. Details vary wildly, depending on the storyteller. Sometimes it is the exact nature of the light that is the cause. Others swear it was the natural hue of the stallion’s colouration that was the determining factor. And there are those that are vehement it was due to the shifting frequency of the aurora borealis that night.

The Empire was hosting visitors from a far off land. Opaque, completely. Tall, but of indeterminate tribe. They spoke of trade, and politics, and unification. They offered freedom of movement to the lands of the south, and the protection of their military. They talked for days to a disinterested Emperor.

One of them became frisky…

One night, the mare and a page to the Vizier snuck away from the endless and ultimately futile negotiations. Keen on exploring the new, and what might be possible between the youthful mare and excitable stallion. During a round of fellatio, the gentlestallion gave warning of his impending climax. The mare moved out of the way.

She didn’t get all the way out of the way…

The mare wore an eyepatch for the remainder of her visit. Curiously, on the fourth day it was switched to her other eye.

The tale ends with the visitors leaving the Empire for their home in the south. The elder is often referred to as looking rather grumpy.

On an unrelated note, if you ever ask Princess Luna if she ever needed to wear glasses, she will give a wistful smile and mutter under her breath, “Poor Lasik…”

PEW

LASAPENIS!

As a Battletech fan, I have to ask: was it a constant, steady beam or a pulse laser?

A fourth option had recently become available.

Oh, goody! I've been waiting for batponies to get some love and respect.

He was also one of the first crystal ponies to venture

Oh... they're nice too.

Even working off the debt seems kind of harsh considering it's not an accident anypony could be reasonably expected to see coming. Even if court confidentiality is enforced, It would be a public service to raise awareness about this phenomenon. I'm sure he and the school could come to an arrangement to research and publish a pamphlet for future Equestrian-Crystal Empire relations, and maybe get a research grant from Canterlot and/or the Crystal Empire in lieu of fire damage restitution.

12003948
Oh you know it's Pulse. Whether Inner Sphere or Clan is the question.

*Star Wars Tie Fighter Blasters Noise*

Ghostbusters crossing the streams take another meaning here...

…

Rainbow Dash picks up Vanadate in a pressure carry.

Starts doing flyovers of the enemy lines in wartime.

PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW

12004041
Given that he's from the formerly missing Crystal Empire... it's gotta be Lostech.

12003638
Sounds more like siege repel tactic because of preparations required. That's how they invented crystal heart.

12004420
Anaheim, the formerly lost Crystal Empire would be like the Star League. The returned Star League would be the 2nd Star League. Still would have that good tech though. And Sombra would be a good Stefan Amaris.

An accident in the bedroom will be how they discover eye lazer surgery.

He’s a bright lad, I’m sure he’ll be blazing new trails in no time, he’s just gotta be laser focused on what he wants to do. After all, he seems like a straight shooter to me.

But for some reason, the crystal-studded versions never really caught on.

Obviously, this was an issue about marketing to the wrong audience.

Diamond dog and dragons would be all over those

12004743
huh? i'm not familiar with THAT "Star League".
i only know of the one in "The Last Starfighter".

12003952
Look. I know bat ponies are cool and everything, but consider things from a plot point of view. As seen here, bat ponies make no sense from a plot standpoint: a tribe of nocturnal ponies that appreciate Luna's nights would ameliorate or nullify Luna's problems that lead her to become Nightmare Moon. Hence, in the canon of FIM, bat ponies make no sense. Yes, continue to do bat pony plots, but remember not to go too overboard.