But not for She
Somepony was over, which meant Rule One was in effect: Hide in your room.
When the doorbell rang, Dee and Mum were in the foyer. It was the sunniest room, the best one for playing board games like Troughs and Trailtrotters. Dee had to drop the dice and run, even though a six would have landed her piece on the finish space to end the game. Never mind that Mum's brave orange silhouette was between her and the door. Never mind that her abandoned die did in fact settle on a six after she took off. What mattered more was that somepony was here. Somepony that Mum hadn't expected, based on her gasp. That knowledge made Dee scramble towards her room even faster. This had to be one of the ponies that Mum had once sat Dee down and wiped her sad scared eyes and talked very seriously about. A pony who, if they saw a filly as special as Dee for even a moment, they would Take Her Away.
Starlight Glimmer lowered her hoof from the doorbell, then smoothed her mane with her magic. She tried to tell herself she was nervous instead of excited. After all, she was here on a mission to apprehend a magic criminal. By herself, no less.
But she had volunteered for this. With open eagerness in fact, since the crime description was so much like something she herself would have cooked up in her less scrupulous days. Starlight rang the doorbell again. Had the perp seen her coming and fled? Would she have to chase them down? It was very unlike Starlight Glimmer to be excited at that thought, but this encounter would be special. She would basically be defeating her old self, and she badly wanted the moment it happened to feel like heroism. Giving up on wiping the giddy grin from her face, Starlight molded it into a polite smile, holding her expression steady as the door to the residence opened up.
"Hel- oh!" A lanky orange unicorn lingered in the sunny foyer. She matched the description of the perpetrator, that much was true. But even so, Starlight felt her grin falter once she saw that the culprit was so... young. In fact, the height and coat color distantly reminded Starlight of Scootaloo. Refusing to let her narrative of good vs evil unravel, Starlight collected herself. This was dastardly apt, she decided. Given the nature of the crime, it was poetic justice that the treacherous culprit looked like a member of the Rainbow Dash fan club.
Grin repaired, Starlight adjusted her saddlebag and cleared her throat.
"Hello to you, miss. I'm... well, judging by your open jaw, you know who I am."
The perp nodded before finding her unexpectedly meek voice. "Yes, Mrs Glim- I mean Principal Glimm- oh, I'm so sorry. This is a lot to take in all at once. To what do I owe the pleasure... I mean the honor! The honor to have Princess Twilight's own protege coming so far from Ponyville to visit a nopony like myself?"
"Ex protege," Starlight replied coolly. She'd been hoping to face a smug defiant mage. Apprehensive, she forged ahead with reciting her cover story. "I'm actually scouting for a new student of my own right now. Are you Chrysanthemum Wilt? And if so, may I come in and learn more about you?"
"St-Starlight Glimmer has heard of me? I'm... at a loss. Truly I am, I am." The orange unicorn looked more amazed than satisfied. Between her youth and lack of ego, she was undercutting Starlight's plan to feel good about arresting her.
"So, is that a yes? To both questions?"
"My name is Chrysanthemum. It is, it is. And yes, you can... erm, you most certainly are invited to my humble... single occupant... childfree..."
Starlight flicked her ears, preoccupied. Maybe... she could convince herself Chrysanthemum was a trickster? More of a Cozy Glow villain than a Glimglam one?
Starlight's fretting distracted her. She did not see Chrysanthemum performing her own ear flicks, nor did she hear the cue Chrysanthemum was straining for: In unseen hallway past the foyer and behind the kitchen, a filly's bedroom door finally slammed.
Dee was fast. At least, she was pretty sure she was. Dee didn't have anyone to compare herself to other than Mum, but she did make it to her room before Mum made it to the front door. Dee wasn't tall enough to reach her door handle, and her ever-present sweater made flight impossible. But to barricade herself safely, to make sure Rule One was followed and whoever was here couldn't Take Her Away, Dee threw all her meager weight against the foot of the heavy door. Slowly, laboriously, it was pushed shut. And then Dee slumped to the carpet, heart thumping and breath so heavy it fogged her glasses.
Dee didn't exercise often. Mostly because she was a small pony, but also because Mum didn't let her go outside and run around. In rare times like these, ones where Dee got to run fast and push hard and feel her whole self get this achy kind of tired, she felt... good. Definitely more good than she did sitting around all day.
Dee was of course not brave enough to tell Mum about these feelings. Mum was always watching her with sad and scared eyes, especially whenever Dee did certain things like run fast, call stuff "awesome," or flitter her wings under her sweater. That was Rule Two, after all: No flying. Keep your torso covered.
Her breath finally back, Dee rubbed her glasses and stood up.
It was dark in here and the light switch was up high. Too high for Dee to reach and flick on. What she could reach instead was a nearby stuffed animal on the floor. She picked him up and hugged him close. He kept the dark from closing all the way in on her.
"Somepony's here, Tee. I 'unno who."
Her stuffed turtle's smile was reassuring. It always was. In fact, Dee's earliest memory was Mum giving him to her.
"He's a turtle," Mum had encouraged. "And he's yours. You love him."
Dee specifically remembered hugging him for the first time, how strangely familiar he'd looked and felt. She chalked that up to Mum just guessing right. Mum guessed right about lots of things. She predicted Dee's favorite fruit would be apples before Dee even tasted them. She was ready when Dee's first tooth got loose, and knew it would be the right front one. She even said she knew what Dee's cutie mark was going to be, though she also said it was a secret. Then her eyes had gotten all sad and scared again, and she'd adjusted Dee's sweater over Dee's wings. "Secret," she'd repeated, thinking Dee wouldn't hear. Dee did hear.Oh how she wished Mum's eyes didn't get sad and scared whenever Mum talked about the future.
Dee hugged Tee tight.
"Whoever is over, Mum didn't invite 'em. Who do you think it is?"
The stuffed turtle didn't answer.
"I bet its a villain."
That was a word Dee had learned from reading. The shelf near the far wall was stuffed to the brim with books about a brave adventurer pegasus. "You like Daring Do," Mum had said. "Daring Do is your favorite."
Mum had been right once again; Dee more than liked Daring Do. Dee loved her. The books had colorful pictures of the outdoors, a place Dee had never been. The words describing it always held Dee's attention, first when Mum read aloud before bedtime, then later when Dee figured out how to read on her own. She hadn't needed to be taught. She simply knew how. Daring Do books held that same magic as exercise and holding Tee. Being near them just felt... right.
And the stories they told! Doctor Caballeron was a villain who stole treasure. Or as Dee had come to understand it, he Took It Away. Since Dee never saw the faces of ponies who came over, she imagined they all looked like Doctor Caballeron. Tall, angry, and looking for Dee to Take Her Away. But Mum was a hero. Mum was like Daring Do, always foiling the villain's schemes. Dee clutched her stuffed turtle even tighter, then pressed her ear to the door to listen whether Mum was safe.
Starlight Glimmer sat resolutely at the kitchen table. "Cider," she observed in the cup that had been offered to her.
"Hm? Oh! Yes." Chrysanthemum still had the pitcher hovering in her aura. "A favorite drink in this household. As a rule, I keep my icebox well stocked."
Cider was also Rainbow Dash's favorite drink. Was this random coincidence, or absolute proof that Chrysanthemum was exactly who the report said she was? That being an unhinged Doctor Frankenstallion who'd conjured a monstrous clone of Rainbow Dash.
Too early to tell, but Starlight leaned towards the latter.
"Something wrong, Miss Glimmer?"
She stared warily at her cup. What were the chances it was spiked with tranquilizer? What were the odds that one sip would lead to her waking up in the basement as some huge rainbow behemoth licked its dripping fangs and lunged at her?
Probably low, considering Chrysanthemum sat and took a big swig from the pitcher. She wiped her mouth and grinned bashfully.
"S-sorry for my poor table manners. I don't... have a lot of cups. I never get enough visitors to keep many as a rule."
She flashed a nervous smile. Frustratingly, it wasn't the type of nervous befitting a deceitful Doctor Frankenstallion. Such a persona would have made Starlight's job easier. No, the way Chrysanthemum moved and fidgeted reminded Starlight of a slightly less menacing mage: Trixie. Across the table was a pony who'd yearned for praise and companionship all her life, and now that she believed she was getting some, she wasn't sure how to react.
"I know I said it before, but it really is an honor to meet you, ma'am. I've been a fan of you and your friends for many moons."
Starlight sighed and drank from her own cup. It was possible her intel was wrong, and that Chrysanthemum Wilt really was an innocent suburban Manehatten girl with nothing to hide. But to call Starlight's source "trustworthy" would be an understatement. Plus, there was an inconsistency she'd noticed while being invited in.
"You said you live alone," Starlight began.
"Mmmm..." Chrysanthemum swallowed another muzzleful of cider and looked away. "Yes ma'am. I said that. I did, I did."
"You said you don't have any foals?"
"Is this part of the scouting interview, ma'am?"
Cursing silently, Starlight remembered her cover story. "It is, yes. Just... answer truthfully."
Chrysanthemum was wearing a thin smile. "I don't have any foals, no. I mean look at me! I'm not old or responsible enough for one of those." Her eyes went to the floor. "Not at all."
Starlight's saddlebag weighed heavy on her chairback. She hoped there was no imprint revealing the readied pair of hoofcuffs inside.
"None? That's odd. How come you have an unfinished game of Troughs and Trailtrotters on your foyer floor. Dice, pieces, everything."
Chrysanthemum Wilt went pale.
"I uh... babysit sometimes. For friends. Yes, that's what I do."
That had to be a lie. The unicorn already said she never had company. Giddy again, Starlight pressed the perp. "So you just leave the toys out after you're done?"
Chrysanthemum got up to refill her cider glass. Or maybe, Starlight feverishly guessed, she just wanted to put some distance between herself and a winning interrogator. "That's right, I just left some old toys out," she mumbled. "As a rule, I keep my home neat. But this time I... yes, just this one time I forgot. I'll just put it away after you leave."
"You keep saying that. 'As a rule.' Do you consider yourself a rule-following pony?"
"Yes!"
The response was so sincere and impassioned that Starlight flinched. Fidgeting again, Chrysanthemum returned her cider jug to the ice box and herself to the table. All the while, she spoke softly but full of conviction.
"Rules are important. They are, they are. They keep ponies safe. They keep us on the straight and narrow. Especially unicorns like you and me. If we break rules, especially magic ones, it can lead to... to mistakes that we can't take back. You understand, don't you ma'am? You've lived it. You know how one bad fit of magical rulebreaking, it... it eats a unicorn up inside."
Starlight's neck was tense. Unbidden memories bubbled up, mostly of equal sign Cutie Marks and ashy lifeless wastelands.
"You're quite right, Chrysanthemum Wilt. I do know that its important to follow rules." Slowly, by imperceptible degrees, Starlight raised her voice's volume to a level that could be heard anywhere in the house. "You know, before I left Ponyville earlier today, I actually had a talk about this very subject with one of my friends. Coincidentally, cider is her favorite drink. Maybe you've heard of her? Her name is Rainbow Dash."
Tee slipped from Dee's horrified grip as she backpedaled away from the door.
"I heard it!' she hissed. "Did you, Tee? She said it! She said the no-no name!!"
Rule Three, Mum's most important, the rule that made her eyes saddest and scaredest whenever it came up, was this: Never ever say the name Rainbow Dash.
Dee remembered every detail of when the rule was first made. It was burned into her brain even more clearly than when she first got Tee. Mum was in the kitchen making cookies (not pie, Dee hated pie) when Dee wandered in from an uneasy nap full of uneasier dreams.
"Mum, what's a Rainbow Dash?"
The clatter of the dropped cookie tray. The feel of Mum's forelimbs around her and her shouting and her eyes, her eyes. Dee had babbled apologies, promising she'd never heard those words before and that they'd just came to her in a dream about fast colorful explosions in the sky. Hearing that made Mum less shouty. Not quiet, but definitely less shouty. She'd made Dee promise to put that name as far from her head as possible. That was a very unsafe name. if Dee ever heard it spoken in this house, then she was in mortal danger of being Taken Away.
And Dee had just heard it. Clear as a warning siren, even through the door.
"Mum!" she tried to yell, but all that came out was a muted rasp. Dee knew that she should obey Rule One. That she should stay in her room, hidden and safe, until Mum came and got her. But what if this time it was Mum who needed saving? If Doctor Caballeron was the face Dee imagined for the pony she hid from, Rainbow Dash was what she imagined as the name. And if Rainbow Dash was here, breaking Rule Three, threatening Mum... Dee couldn't stay put. She had to be brave. She had to be like Daring Do and face the villain. Whimpering, wanting her mother, Dee stretched up on her hinds and pawed at her bedroom's door handle.
She couldn't reach. Dee was too short to escape. Too short to save Mum.
Dee kicked at the carpet in a helpless tantrum. She picked up Tee and threw him. Neither made her feel any less panicked or desperate. Even if she could reach the door handle, it was probably too heavy for a smallfry like her to open. Dee was trapped. Flightless. Walled off from Mum and the villain with no way to get out the same way she'd came in. Tearful snot bubbled from Dee's muzzle and she wiped it on the back of her sweaterclad hoof. What could she do? She looked bleakly at Tee, who was no help. She peered at her Daring Do bookshelf, loaded with useless stories where the hero always won.
Then her attention snapped to the far wall between them, where a lowered sunshade fluttered softly in the breeze of her open window.
"R-Rainbow Dash, huh? I heard of her. I have, I have." Chrysanthemum Wilt was looking mournfully past Starlight and down the hall at an unseen point of focus. Then her face hardened with sudden resolve. "But who hasn't? She has fans all across Equestria."
"Superfans," Starlight nudged, quoting the source of her intel.
"Superfans," Chrysanthemum agreed.
"Psycho fans," Starlight accused.
"Psycho fans?" Chrysanthemum's eyebrows were drooped, put off by her guest's harsh tone. Her softballed, anxious, infuriating aura of innocence wasn't dropping. It wasn't being thrown off to reveal the villain Starlight desperately needed.
"Super psycho fans," Starlight declared as she stood up. "Ones that are so obsessed that she'll cast any spell, break any rule, and endanger Equestria by shredding the very fabric of Harmony itself. She doesn't care so long as the piece she galloped away with is enough to be shaped into a Rainbow Dash of her very own. That's you, isn't it? Say you are! Say its true so I can be a hero!"
Chrysanthemum was cowering on the other side of the table, eyes fixed on the hoofcuffs Starlight had finally brandished.
"Does... does this mean you're not really here to scout me as a student?"
Starlight wanted to plead with the young unicorn to please break character and reveal a genuine evil side already. By Tartarus, even a single evil trait would have made Starlight feel righteous as she latched one end of the hoofcuffs on Chrysanthemum's forehoof. But before she could get a word out, and certainly before the other leg could be restrained, the ear-splitting sound of breaking glass rang out from a bedroom down the hall.
"Dee!" Chrysanthemum cried. She bolted towards the noise.
"H-hey, come back!" The perp was fleeing, just like in Starlight's fantasy while waiting at the doorstep. But everything was wrong now. All of it was so bitterly wrong.
"Come back," Starlight repeated pitifully. Then she scrambled out of the kitchen to give chase.
Dee wasn't tall enough to reach a doorknob, but she was heavy enough to break glass. First the window pane when she leaned on it, then her spectacles when she hit concrete.
"Oof!"
Her eyes burned, but not from being struck by any glass fragments. Dee had felt the sun's rays before, but always through shades in the foyer while playing board games with Mum. This was her first time outdoors, and the blinding light of day was like a huge smothering monster. And yet, Dee still managed to stand and squint ahead. Mum needed a hero. Dee had to be brave. She had to reach the kitchen window, even if it meant traversing the terrible, blindingly bright outdoors.
It was actually fairly nice out, not that Dee had any frame of reference. She shambled along the wall, rubbing her eyes and flinching at every unfamiliar noise. The bark of a distant dog. The crunching mulch under her hooves. She also had no word for the dozen tiny sticks all suddenly jabbing her chest, making her yelp in fear and pain. A less sheltered pony would have recognized a common shrub. Dee only recognized the need to rush forward, to get back inside and away from this bright dangerous place that Mum had been so right to warn her about.
Except Dee couldn't get away. She pumped her legs and whinnied helplessly, but her sweater's threads were fiercely tangled in the shrub's branches.
Fresh tears blotted Dee's vision, obscuring the kitchen window that was so near yet so far. She lurched and heaved and even fluttered her wings, that last task made easier by her clothes finally starting to tear at the seams.
Flying would mean breaking Rule Two. But Dee had already broken Rule One by leaving her room. And really, what good were the Rules if they kept Dee safe, but not Mum? Dee's wings weren't strong, but her loyalty to Mum was. Strong enough to tear free from her shredded sweater and rocket her back inside.
"Dee!" Chrysanthemum Wilt kicked open the farthest hall door. Before she could wail over the empty room, Starlight clumsily crashed into her from behind. They formed a two mare pile on the bedroom rug, with Starlight Glimmer somehow at the bottom.
"When I yelled at you to stop running, I didn't expect you to actually do it!"
Something else Starlight hadn't expected was being ignored. She was though, as Chrysanthemum sprang up wild-eyed and aware of nothing but the broken window on the far side of the room.
"Dee's loose!"
That got Starlight's attention.
"The monster is loose?" That meant there was still hope to be a hero. Her giddy grin was back in full force. It was so wide it nearly matched that of a nearby stuffed turtle. The one Chrysanthemum scooped up and shook out the window.
"Dee?! Its not safe out there! Remember the Rules! Come back to Mum and Tee!"
Starlight backpedaled into the hall, mind racing. Rainbow Dash was the fastest flier in Equestria. A juiced up clone was probably even faster. Was it capable of a Rainboom? Ooh, was a weaponized Rainboom the reason Chrysanthemum had cloned Rainbow Dash in the first place? It was perfect. It was so poetically perfect. Starlight had stopped a Rainboom before, but this time it would be for the right reasons. For heroic reasons. Over Chrysanthemum's anguished appeals to the outdoors, Starlight heard a crash come from back in the kitchen. She whipped around, horn at the ready.
And then her resolve evaporated.
Dee's resolve blazed like wildfire. She'd landed on her hooves, wings outstretched and spread to full size. She was back inside, back where everything was familiar. And that made it all the easier to lock onto the unknown pony gawking at her down the hall.
That was Dee's villain! It finally had a real face, not one imagined from a storybook.
"Where's my Mum, you bad old villain?!" Dee reared on her hinds then charged.
She made it three steps before Starlight Glimmer recovered and lit her horn.
"Huh? Hey, no fair!"
Suspended upside down in a filter of purple, Dee kicked and flapped, but made no progress. Was this what being Taken Away was? She glared furiously at the cheating magical villain, but promptly forgot her anger when a different pony rushed back to the hall.
"Mum!"
"Dee! What happened to your clothes?!"
Still helpless, Dee braced herself for punishment as Mum rushed towards her. She'd left her room. She'd broken her glasses and torn her sweater. She was in such trouble. She was such a bad little pony...
Except bad little ponies didn't get a huge hug and tons of head kisses from their Mum. Confused, Dee curled up in her mother's arms and hugged her back until the kisses slowed to a stop. It took what felt like a very long time.
"Oh sweetie, you're safe. Thank the Goddess you're safe."
"I came to save you, Mum! From her!"
Chrysanthemum Wilt tossed a glance back at Starlight, standing quiet and forgotten at the end of the hall. The older unicorn didn't have a trace of a giddy grin on her face, but she spoke as she approached, and her voice was tinged with awe.
"She's... just a foal. Barely more than a yearling."
Dee gripped Mum defensively. It was all she could think to do.
"She is, she is." Chrysanthemum confessed. Dee couldn't see her eyes.
"Does it know... does she know the truth about herself?"
Chrysanthemum's hug had somehow got even tighter. Dee still found the space to speak up for herself.
"Don't Take Me Away," she pleaded. "Don't make Mum scared and sad."
Starlight Glimmer knelt down so Dee could look her in the eye.
"Can you be brave and answer a question for me, kiddo? Can you tell me if you know the name Rainbow Dash?"
Dee gasped. "Nopony is allowed to say that! Mum, tell her!"
"Hush, baby." Chrysanthemum finally let Dee go, standing tall between her and Starlight. She swayed, small and vulnerable. But not as small and vulnerable as the creation she was committed to protect.
"I know its against the law to make artificial ponies," she acknowledged shakily.
Starlight tried to respond, but the younger unicorn stomped a hoof to surprisingly silence her. Raising her head, Chrysanthemum Wilt continued.
"I know that ever since the incident with a Mirror Pool, creating clones of ponies - especially the Element Bearers - its a crime. But... but..." she rubbed the hoofcuff still on her foreleg. "But I didn't know it back then. I only knew that I was lonely and that Rainbow Dash was cool, and maybe I wouldn't be lonely if... if... All it took was some alchemy and a piece of her hair from a barbershop trash can."
"I came from a trash can?"
Starlight and Chrysanthemum gave Dee such disapproving looks she clammed up immediately.
"Like I said to you, Starlight: I'm not old or responsible enough for foals. And yet..." Chrysanthemum bent down and lifted Dee onto her back. "And yet I made one. And I love her. I love her so much that... I tried to raise her to be a rule-follower. One that would never ever make mistakes like me." She smiled sadly. "I should've known Rainbow Dash better than that."
Starlight Glimmer looked between the alchemist and the creation. Then she sighed. There were no villains to apprehend today, she'd accepted that the moment she saw Dee. There was however, still some small heroism that could be done. Down the hall, her saddlebag levitated towards her.
"I'm not going to arrest you, Chrysanthemum Wilt." To reinforce her words, Starlight produced a hoofcuff key and undid the half shakle. "I'm pretty sure you're a minor anyway, so that law doesn't fully apply to you. But, if we're being strict here, so is Dee. There is a different law for minors that I in fact am going to enforce."
She reached into her saddlebag.
Chrysanthemum trembled.
Dee scowled defiantly.
"Minors," Starlight produced a pamphlet, "need to attend school."
Dee had never heard that word before. She looked up at Mum for guidance, but the unfolded brochure blocked her view. Its pictures showed ponies of all ages and colors. Some Dee's age, some Mum's. One in a staff photo, to Dee's absolute fascination, looked exactly like an older version of herself.
"You... you're serious?" Chrysanthemum was scanning the brochure in disbelief.
"I am," Starlight decided. "As principal of the School Of Friendship, I can enroll both of you for the new semester that starts in a few weeks. Dee needs to socialize with others her age, and you..." a sincere twinkle was in Starlight Glimmer's eye. "You need a healthy environment for that alchemy Special Talent of yours."
Chrysanthemum's eyes widened.
"Mum? Is this good?"
"It's good, sweetie. It is, it is. You're not getting Taken Away. Instead you're getting new friends to play Troughs and Trailtrotters with."
"I am!? Awesome! I'll grab all my things!" Dee seized her stuffed turtle from her bedroom, then rushed to the foyer, buzzing about and gathering board game pieces. Starlight and Chrysanthemum watched contentedly after her.
"Ma'am?"
"Hm?"
"I'm grateful for what you're doing for us. I am, I am."
Starlight smoothed her mane. "Well, when you actually pay attention to what's in front of you instead of following a story you planned in your head..."
"I do have one last question though."
Starlight stopped. She knew what was coming.
"You want to know who tipped me off about you, right?"
A curious nod.
Starlight looked behind her, checking that Dee was out of earshot. There were only so many revelations a filly could handle in one day.
"In hindsight, Chrysanthemum, I should have figured my informant held an unfair opinion of ponies like you. Her description made your kind out to all be mavericks. I'll give her a stern lecture on bias, though I figure you'll be able to do the same."
Chrysanthemum Wilt blinked uncomprehendingly.
"You're not the first unicorn to cook up a copy of Rainbow Dash. You're not even the first to have one escape."
Chrysanthemum gasped and covered her mouth.
Chrysanthemum, you silly pony. Don't you know that the Snippet Series has actual continuity between entries?
This Snippet was originally supposed to go up on Thursday, but it ballooned into a longer story that needed more time. Been awhile since a Snippet broke 4k words, but I'm glad this one came out so well.
Big ups to Magister39 for doodling a compelling AU version of baby Rainbow Dash.
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Ay, it's been too long!
I love going into stories I know nothing about. Given my time on the mlp subreddit is scant these days (do people miss me?), I am immune to spoilers from whatever thread may have inspired this. Rest assured I am keeping your last Dash related story, and your affinity for clones, well in mind.
My Little Dashie moment. Or more specifically, Hoffman's interpretation.
Drip fed information! But more Interestingly, realistic dialogue. Real people stutter and trip, and it can be a balancing act to try and write that into font. Nevertheless it's a tactic I'm very fond of.
What could a sweater be for? Blocking wings is my guess.
That settled, the next question is of the nature of Dashization: is Double Dee being pushed along the same path deliberately, or is it a matter of her cloning (for lack of a known word) naturally falling along the pretrodden path? Right now, it can be read either way, which is what makes children such a wonderful unreliable narrator.
You tell us exactly what is going on. Which of course means that's not what's going on. What did you call it? 'Law of conservation of plan'. I will admit it comes off as a tad telly right now. I would have had Starlight's suspicions come up a little more naturally.
Some of Chryssy's tics, like repeating 'they are, they are' or assuring herself of her own lies remind me of a tittering sycophant servant, or perhaps a Gothic lit madman. It's nervousness, of course, but it's a very specific breed of nervousness.
A prophetic dream and a traumatizing memory of even bringing up the name Dash. This is not a crazed fanboy making a mare, but someone saddled with a mistake. Beginning of Sweet Tooth vibes.
I can't say I buy Starlight's hero syndrome. As someone who's been on both sides of righteousness, Starlight seems much more the type to keep to herself and fight where she's needed than actively seek out danger. She certainly loves to show off her power, but her fantasies here strike me as the type developed from deep engagement with fiction- although that description IS very befitting of our Dee, which could make an interesting first encounter. Damn it, I think I've spoiled myself.
Jesus christ, I thought for a second she had Punji Pit'd the fucking house.
Indeed, storybook villain v storybook villain. If a story doesn't question the nature of stories, is it really a story? I seem to recall you quoting your appreciation of The Tale of Desperaux, another story about a tiny inconsequential figure inserting themselves into the role of a storybook hero.
God damn it, I should have known its a sequel. I'm not sure how I feel about this twist, given I quite liked the teen pregnancy metaphor, and the addition of a second child slightly jumbles that. I'm also not sure how the timeline adds up to a minor making both an adult and a fetus out of the cloning process, but perhaps I'm forgetting details from the original story.
(EDIT: For future readers, the first draft of this story featured the twist at the end that Chryssy herself had created the version of Dash from Be Yourself.)
While the story may have been predictable, predictable is not bad. I appreciate you taking dares in putting the everpresent question of 'is a clone a person' in the backseat to a fresher one, about stories and good versus evil. Your snippet series is much tighter woven than mine, a deed your more down to earth stories allow for much better. I'm glad you've made the most of your writing style- were it me, I definitely would have chased the potential for horror in a concept like this. I like this better.
(I'll also admit I expected the twist to be that Chrysanthemum was Chrysalis. So sue me.)
Okay, now I must see how that story goes.
11605894
Ironically not only would Rainbow Dash been more believable in this role, but the dramatic irony would have been sheer perfection.
I can only assume it was to drag out the suspense longer, but I can't help but feel its a missed opportunity.
That being said I think Starlight works well enough in a pinch.
Still a great story all around, minor quibbles about characterization aside.
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mmit! The other guy is totally right that swapping Starlight for Rainbow Dash would have made this this fic's pathos about 20% cooler. Mum's hero worship, Dee's destined confrontation, Starlight's storybook morality... it all maps onto Dash so much better. And it's too late to change it now.
Faust D
What I can change though is that ending reveal. You're right that the teen pregnancy metaphor is too earnest to be undercut by a previous case. But you know what can be done to preserve the metaphor? Having the previous case belong to someone unrelated.
So... yeah. Amending a published plot point is something I've only done once before in Her Bitter Half. But I recognize good advice from a friend when I hear it. And hey, no fretting about catching this ahead of time if you were on the sub; I'm not there much myself these days. Consequently, this Snippet came from the purest place: surfing Derpibooru and seeing an intriguing picture of Sad Baby Nerd Dash.
Sorry for no Chrysalis plot twist. To be fair, she already tried her hoof at cloning Dash in canon. Dee is thankfully not destined to melt like her big sister did.
P.S. I'm happy to be uploading Snippets again. Almost as much as I am to read your comments on them.
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Is it?
Is it?
Is it?!
Is it?
Seems if you're changing one plot point, you could change more.
Any chance we could see any of the clones return?
We've seen some manner of revival magic before in the series, and both the mirror pool and the Chrysalis clones leave behind enough remains that I could see their revival in the near future.
I'm incredibly curious to see what you would make of them.
Another impressive addition to the verse.
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You can always have a sequel where rainbow dash goes to confront her apparent love child everyone in town is gossiping about
This story was beautiful… I’m probably going to spend the rest of the evening puzzling my shattered heart back together, but it’s totally worth it.
Keep up the amazing work!
D'aww, that was a cute ending. Though I do wonder how much Dee is going to be like Dash in terms of personality, since Chrysanthemum seems to think she'll be exactly like her. Kind of a nature verses nurture debate, you know?
Hrrmmmm...
Welcome Dee to your new class of Rainbow Desh copies. Your teacher is Rainbow Dash the first -- the first copy of Rainbow Dash. She will teach you all the tricks of being a real Rainbow Dash!
Starlight just asking her to confess was kinda… out of the blue. What happened to actual investigation?
Also, "what makes you think I'm not recruiting a student? Where do we recruit friendship students? Ponies who've made big mistakes!"
We need more. This is too good just to end.
For some reason, I had in mind she was machine learning a copy of Dash when reading this sentence.
Oh, this was great stuff. A gripping read through and through, and great use of each character’s beliefs and biases when we’re using their perspective. Thank you for it.
(But yeah, cloning Bearers can’t be allowed to proliferate to such a degree. We’d be up to our eyes in them otherwise.)
Squee!
That probably stung even more than she intended.
I don't even know why I post the following video.
Chrysanthemum: "Uhm... no?"
: "Why am I suddenly nervous?"
Starlight: "Darnit!" *storms off, never to be see again*
Yeah! How could you?!
You had certainly proven the latter.
Good story!
I enjoyed reading it.
Also glad to see everything has worked out in the end (at least for now).
An oddball ghost happened across your fic and read it. Have a review!
This genuinely made me tear up a little. I love this so much, I yearn for a story about a secret clone family like this.