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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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That bit what jumped forward at the end there jarred me a bit, mate. Other than a few small spelling errors, there isn't much at all wrong with this. Keep it up.
3506061 Wow, I feel I have made two many comments when I have four, but you... You have won the award for most comments on any fiction
3507738 That jarring was entirely intentional, so I say I've done my job right.
3507972 Actually, I think Regidar has him beat in the top commenters thing.
3507982 Aye, but make it jarring for the characters, not the reader. "I think I hear Duster calling me... He is looking at me worriedly" made me go "huh?" And scroll back up to make sure Duster had been female. When it knocks your readers out of the story, it's not good jarring. When playing a game, and you're just lolling along, you don't have.someone suddenly run up to you shouting "It's her, it's her!" When your character is male, no, that would jar someone until they start thinking meta,and that is something you don't want readers doing.
3508614 Okay, fixed. Thanks for the clarification, mate.
3499704 Innnnnteresting....
3509207
I already knew that...
~Skeeter The Lurker
3509313
So ummmm.....mental break much? And yeah..... bad kind of jarring. And oh. Guess what.............YOU NEED TO UPDATE MORE OFTEN I NEED MY FIX MAN!!!!!!
2956623 ... Oh. Redguard Woman sidequest that never happens? How'd I miss that?
2793054 I hear Egyptian Heiroglyphics are easy to read this time of year.
Okay, yes, I saw damn well confused at the end there, all the way until I finished the chapter. Happy? Just please don't do that again, I'm still not entirely sure what I just read, and that's not a good thing.
Unless of course you clear it all up in the first part of the next chapter. The one crappy thing about the online story format. I have to wait to see if the author is off his rocker.
3515996 Interesting. It's not tat confusing to me anymore. Is yer head on alright? lol
Ywah, the author's trying his best, and (spoilers~!) the next chapter is less confusing, insofar as how much I've seen of it.
I'm a tad bit confused... so Rosemary goes to rescue her siblings 2 months prior and now shes off to rescue Shae... sooooooo did she like give up on rescuing them or something? What did she do for that whole 2 months? Did something happen to them? I thought she would move the whole bloody world to rescue them but now she seems as if shes completely forgotten about them, and plus if its her siblings taken why doesn't she ask for help from Caro or the others?
Idk if it's explained in the next chapters or not but I just had to express my confusion.
Still great story though!!!
“Are you well, love?” he asks. He wears a cowl over his head and a mask over his muzzle, making his blue eyes the only part of his body visible."
Eyes? I thought one was scarred
This would've been a terrific opportunity use the "I will find you, and I will kill you" quote from Taken.
3933991
Yeah I was confused as well but this hinted towards her siblings dying
So that's my guess
as I lay against the wall, slathered in blood, sweat and other fluids.
does this mean she got raped?
.....excuse me while i just re-read this.... i got lost...