- Member Since 23rd Sep, 2012
- offline last seen Jun 16th, 2014
Slingshot619
Age:14 Favorite pony: Rainbow Dash That's all you need to know.
Slingshot619
Joined 23rd Sep, 2012 ·
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- Slingshot619 · 4.9k words · 58 10 · 3.5k views
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well its good? i guess i mean dont get me wrong i like it but slow down by a lot add some character development in there and stuff
Mercer NO
The tags kinda throw me off, will still read, but later.
This... this was painful to read. Am I saying that because I don't agree with your choice of characters? No. Am I saying that because this was a terribly done crossover? Yes. No background for anything, no character development, just hey, these two were in the forest when suddenly EVIL KARMA COLE MCGRATH ZOMG! You see what's wrong there? Probably not, but let's delve a mite deeper shall we?
This is so simple it's disgusting! You could flush these parts out in so many ways, give some setting and little more elaborate body language. This is your action scene guy, it needs to be dynamic and exciting, not static and monotonous. Juice it up, give a little more to the description. Just not... that. Why use the term equipped? We're not playing a video game here, we're reading, spice it up. How did he "equip" it? Describe the mutation, the elongations, perhaps a bit of pain from having his hand mutate in a fucking claw. Even Wolverine said that his hands hurt every time he ejects his claws, so is it too much of a stretch to believe that Mercer could feel something from this.
Also ready to do battle? How about radiating an aura of malice and bloodlust?
Why use Whipfist twice? Can't you use flail-like appendage or some kind of griping description instead? Lashed out was good, but everything else was just lame.
And did I really read Altair? Is he seriously in this? My friend what you have here is not a pony fic but a horribly concepted crossover that belongs on fanfiction.net, definitely not here. You may as well take out the ponies and deal with human characters, because I'm failing to see any semblance of MLP in here save for Rainbow Dash, and even still, that's being too generous.
Please, just... just get better at writing. Your english is fine, but your creative writing ability is just... it's just lacking.
Loathe,
Your Antagonist.
never piss off the prototype, You WILL die
1354236 Dude chill, we all make mistakes, though i will admit i have made more than enough mistakes, that is certainly no way to express yourself, if you don't like it you can just tell me, if the others don't like it either then i'll take it down. Plain and simple.
1355741 or you could just tell him to stfu and gtfo also why is he reading this if he hate this sooo much it's this kind of peoplo i hate
To Slingshot619 i will say good story but you need to give it more time or like drag it out or somthing i don't know because i don't write but i read A LOT of romance fic and adventure fic, like i said awsome story
1361612 The final chapter is coming, had to take a break for a while
oh shit
Altair...dead.... absorb him and carry on....then do a critical mass on Cole's flank!!!!
1361665 Forget what i just said. The next chapter will be coming, not the final chapter
haha, you cannot keep the alex freight train down for long. And this time, there will be no stopping Alex...
EDIT: once you 'kill' him enough times, he will adapt and your powers won't be able to do anything so Cole is basically using up everything in one-time deals
EDIT2: I doubt that Cole could actually kill Alex Mercer, sure, he's superhuman but Mercer isn't even human anymore. It's Blacklight Vs. Conduit, consumer against killer, virus in physical form beating the tar out of a master conduit, if Cole beats Mercer than that's a severe plot twist, Cole might've beaten something many times larger than himself but he faced normal enemies most of the time, Mercer has faced both mutants and supremely trained military plus super mutants, beaten the 'cure' for this virus and most other stuff that Cole could not do
Cole uses THUNDER
It was super-effective!
dose Mercer have cole's powers?
1364385 No he does not. Cole weilds electricity, Alex can shapeshift
1364425
well my thought was that since Alex was absorbing Cole he might of gotten a bit of his powers
1364462 yes he did consume a bit, but it was only enough to bring him back to life, but to gain powers, one must truly consume their target.
oh ok
The fight should've been longer. Usually fights in those types of games last longer than a few thousand words
1369506 I know, but i couldn't think of anything else. I personally would prefer to make the fight more longer, but i ran out of ideas.
1369532 you could have them bio-leech/consume each other again, but have the consumer be faster than the bio-leech
1369546 I was thinking about it, but decided that it would be weird if Alex had electricity powers, plus i wasn't sure if the others would be tired of this again.
sequel!!!
GIVE ME A SEQUEL!!! OR I WILL SEND THE RAPIST MOUSTACHE AFTER YOU!
sequel sounds good just work on fight scenes the story all in all was great
U get Dashies for your work.
I just clicked the rainbow dash icons at random
Than come out BEN form the game Fort Zombie to kick some Zombie ass
could use a singularity (the game) crossover maybe a zek that helps out mercer or cole or both that be awesome
maybe a alternate like good cole gets there but is misunderstood or something because i think a good cole would help+ EVERYONE WINS!!
1369551 Make good Cole appear, and everyone thinks it's evil Cole.
After a while, Alex realized the difference (and the fact that he decapped evil Cole).
Dawwww
Waiiit e.e this a crossover story? Soz, i didnt read description found chapt one on Google
Good Cole better be in this because I really hate Alex's guts
No! Alex is a mother killer! And a child molester! He can not be with Rainbow! Scootaloo Run Before he make you his mate for taking over the world!
Is this a trollfic?