• Member Since 19th Nov, 2021
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EqG fic writer, editor, sapphic shipper, Simpsons referencer. (They/Them)


Timberwolves. Among the most fearsome creatures to lurk in the depths of the Everfree, these hulking, wooden monstrosities have sharp senses that make them deeply efficient at hunting and tracking ponies and other sentient beings that wander into the forest—and making sure they don't ever leave. Anypony with a lick of common sense knows they're not something to be trifled with, and any (generally ill-advised) venture into the Everfree must be done in groups and/or with extreme caution.

The new species of hairless ape that keeps falling from dimensional portals in the sky into the depths of the forest, however, seems to be entirely lacking in said common sense.

Not to be taken especially seriously. (Not that me saying so is seemingly stopping anyone.) Features implied violence, but no gore.

Pre-read by Dewdrops on the Grass and The Sleepless Beholder. Inspired by discord conversations with Estee about the common "Mandatory Timberwolf Encounter" trope in Human in Equestria stories.

Winner by default of the Dishonorable Creatures Contest I. Featured on 4/19/23-4/20/23!

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 34 )

God bless the Everfree for keeping Equestria safer from threats than most of its protagonists, rulers, and military.

Oh *snap*! And *crunch* and *rip* and *tear*, no doubt.

It’s for the best. I usually give manticores the solemn duty of cleaning out the isekai’d, but someone’s got to do it. Lovely little tale (and I admit, I probably wouldn’t do any better.)

Damn, that sucks. The humans don't really deserve it not did they ask for it.

"What is this concept called 'humor?' I am deeply upset by it's existence."

It's possible to understand the joke but still feel sorry for people dying.

about the common "Mandatory Timberwolf Encounter" trope in Human in Equestria stories.

Cesar Millan in Equestria when?

I don't know how to tell you this, but the people are made up. They aren't actually dying.

Timberwolves are well fed and do not venture out from Everfree to hunt ponies, as there is no need.
Nature is in balance, everything at it's place.
Harmony achieved.
Lore improved

The narration here is spot on, a perfect blend of sarcasm and national geographic-esque documentary about the dangers of isekaing without wearing plot armor, equally funny as effective in making the timberwolves actually threatening for a change.

The yuxtaposition between the displaced human excitement and the timberwolf approaching it's prey was hilarious too. For him it was the best day of his life. For the timberwolf, it was lunch time.

You have earned your upvote :trixieshiftleft: good luck with the contest!

Eh it's just anons and the like. Nothing of value was lost.

Meanwhile, equestrian scientists are baffled by the strange bones they keep coming across in timberwolf territory! It seems to be some sort of bipedal, apelike being that nopony has ever seen before!

“Unless… no, this can’t be the afterlife.” The biped stepped forward triumphantly, though not enough to disrupt the wolf’s angle of attack. “It’s a new life! I’ve been reincarnated! I won’t be a worthless shut-in loser anymore, no no! I’m a human in Equestria! The ponies will love me! I wonder where in the timeline I am… I could tell them about the future! I’d be a prophet! Yes, yes, I’ll be revered, celebrated, so special that ponies will want to date me, maybe I’ll even dethrone Celestia herself and become their ruler, their god !”

AKA, 99.999% of HIE, anon, or Displaced, stories (yeah, I know a few shake things up. But they're seriously outnumbered). So the timberwolves are in fact doing Equestria a major public service by removing them from continued living.

Take your damn fav and upvote.


kicks that one time I did the human-in-equestria meets timberwolves trope under the rug in mild shame

Hey , unlike the Mighty Whitey (horse edition) Gary Stu performing autofellatio disguised as a story, Anons are usually entertaining idiots like that yellow guy.

Yes, this is an excuse to post the first half of the previous sentence.

Yet whenever a pony, or any other sentient being,

Consider using "sapient"

About Timberwolves, I have this headcanon that the deeper you are in the forest, the faster they regenerate. They are never alone, never tire, and can only be killed in specific ways that are not possible for an average character in a random encounter. Smashing one to bits would only win a few seconds.

“Seriously, where am I? One minute I’m stepping out into the middle of the crosswalk after leaving Comic-Con, and there’s a big loud truck horn? I had right of way, don’t know what that asshole was complaining about. But how did I end up falling from the sky? And where the hell is this forest? This sure is a weird forest!”

You have an excellent grasp of how most HiE stories are written. I only regret that you had to read enough of them to get this data.

Alondro lands in the Everfree... and the Timberwolves approach.

Alondro... smiles... horribly... the wolves freeze in terror. They sense something... unnatural.

The Thing called Alondro speaks, "Mmmmmm, are you vegetative lupines into vore?"

The Timberwolves scream like little girls and flee for their lives.... and their virginity.

(Now THAT is a horror story!) :trollestia:

A moment of silence for all the Anons lost in this story.

Then stop acting like fictional human lives matter.
Only important things deserve a moment of silence. Prey doesn't.

We're allowed to post our thoughts. Stories invoke emotion, good or bad, joke or no joke. Stop telling people how to act.

Silly question, but why manticores? They need more love to be fair.

I never understood why everyone thinks timberwolves are a threat to humans or anyone else for that matter. They couldn't catch up with Spike, a bipedal midget, they take forever to regenerate, they fall apart if someone throws a rock at them. Hell, just tripping and falling is enough to shatter them. Even their giant, powered up form died by choking on a tiny pebble. And yet almost every story portrays them as super murder machines. What gives?


And yet almost every story portrays them as super murder machines. What gives?

The same reason many stories tend to portray the Royal Guard as competent. It's cooler. :rainbowdetermined2: :trollestia:

"Human runs into manticore" seemed to be more prevalent than "human runs into timberwolf" when I wrote it.

Huh. Déjà vu.

I think your story's better, though.


Manticores are so 2012. Get with the times, old man. We timberwolf gang now.

As 11562306 helpfully if obliquely pointed out, manticores had a season and a half's head start.

I get the feeling Zecora suspects a large number of Sasquatch are getting eaten in her patch of the forest.

Dang, I thought anon or whatever would treat the wolf like a doggy. It would probably be distressing for the wolf, or end up being like that wolfman from that anime with the professional wrestler.

Well, sometimes I would really wonder why do humans act so arrogant towards something new.

You know, I once thought that a hare's hopping legs are only good for running away, until I found out that some of them could actually kill an attacking eagle with a kick. Mother nature's so fascinating, isn't she?:trollestia:
And Creatures learn, creatures involve, surely after particularly Big accidents like this they would know how to eat the better food in better ways.
Being content in the forest doesn't help much with intelligence especially for plants, you know:rainbowwild:(just like if guards don't get to do things they get useless over time:raritywink:)

Only problem is that we only ever saw one manticore (that I remember). We saw plenty of timberwolves. So it does make sense in a way that they're the ones to clean up these messes.

11562592 There were 2 manticores. The first was 'Manny Roar', and the second was the one with horns who took part in the 'Manticore Mouth Dive' 5 seasons later in the show.

Hello! I'm reading and reviewing all the treefic contest entries, so here's yours. I noted your request not to take this too seriously, and I had fun. Upvoted!

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