A UNSC Marine of five years, Sergent Alan Williams, is sent on a thought-to-be routine search and destroy mission on a previously uncharted planet outside of any known systems. On the Planet's surface, they are immediately met with opposition by native wildlife, but soon discover that the planet holds a secret that was never foretold before now. Can Alan and his team of Marines, alongside a SPARTAN-II defeat this Ancient Threat?
With help from the Planet's inhabitants, the Elements of Harmony, or the "Equinus Reclaimers" as they are called by the Forerunners, Gary and his team overcome the evil among them and bring peace to Equestria once more.
/...
I know, unoriginal and whatnot, Halo crossover Fiction AGAIN... But, please, give it try. It's my first attempt at anything that would be published and not crash and burn a week later... Or, something among those lines. As I said --and, hear me out-- it IS another Halo/MLP crossover, and, as such, may make you want to painfully torture me to death with something sharp. My apologies in advance.
Oh yeah... and dat Romance tag... *shudders*
I like any halo crossovers since i am a halo fan.
...
First thing:
Most Halo novels list the location by: (Star system) then (planet/asteroid belt) and finally (City, or name of a ship)
Second thing
You forgot to list her Spartan number, most Spartans are introduced by name fallowed by Spartan ###. This number tells the reader if they are a Spartan-II, III, or IV.
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These are just pointers from somebody that has readied a lot of halo novels.
Will continue reading to see how things turn out.
I would of started the chapter here, and had the previous paragraphs in the first chapter.
Also in most halo novels, the chapters start by stating the location.
Great cliffhanger at the end.
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With what i have seen so far in the overall story, This is what i think.
Not perfect, but not bad.
Keep up the good work.
1670573
Oh, thanks for reminding me. I thought I had added that in at some point. Fixed!
will read when there's more to be read, though you have my attention.
1672717
Hm... Chapter Two's just sitting there... waiting to be published... I might publish it at anytime... or I might not... MUAHAHAAHAHA!
I give many
to you. I'll be waiting in the shadows for an update
~AnimatedGamer
The title says the icarus is a frigate but the story says it's a marathon cruiser???