• Member Since 16th May, 2012
  • offline last seen Oct 4th, 2022

DizzyPaws356


Hello! I'm Dizzy Paws! It's nice to meet you! I hope you enjoy my stories! :) Always feel free to check out all my stories!

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Twilight Sparkle just finished a good book about ancient spells. When she finished she decided to check her basement for any old books she has not read in a long time. Her and Spike head downstairs to see what they can find. When Twilight Sparkle comes across a box shoved in the back, she walks over to it and check it out. Inside lies her old pony doll. Twilight remembers all the old fun she use to have with it. Spike asked why not keep it on her bed or something. Twilight replied telling spike that she is to old for it and placed it back into the box. Unknown to Twilight, the doll was not done with her.

Please enjoy the story for the idea not for the grammar.

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 10 )
Comment posted by DeathRiseRobo deleted Apr 2nd, 2020

I attempted to read this, but couldn't get past the first couple of paragraphs. I can't say I notice any grammar problems, but it's a bit too.... rushed. You don't seem to be taking time to describe things in more than a few short words, and your dialogue is rushed in such a way as it makes the characters lose their personality. Try taking your time to describe the environment thoroughly, and match your dialogue to the character. Think to yourself, "Would this character be saying this in this way in this situation?" The premise is interesting, but due to the rush job on it, I can't bring myself to finish it. 2 spikes out of five. :moustache::moustache:

1348209 I spent time on it and i'm not good at grammar, but I did see a lot mistakes. I'm going though it and fix today time to time. Im sorry for the bad grammar, but like the story for the idea.

W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-WW-W-WHAT

Well, You're right, there are a lot of grammatical errors. But, since my grammer isn't that good either, and since you asked that we try to appreciate the story and not become bogged down by the grammer, I did just that. It's been written well so far. Hearing how twilight is in the morning makes me sad. I'm scared for rainbow dash. If you ignore the grammer, I did notice, the characters are really "on character". They sounded just like you would expect them to. its got a good plot so far, please do continue. (poor twilight, as usual, she was only trying to do the right thing, and he killed her.....:raritycry::fluttercry:)

1350934 Thank you for doing ask I asked for. I know its not much to ask for, but it is hard for people who pin down every grammar error their is and pretty much smack you for it. I guess i'll try to add another chapter to it but it will take some time.

:raritycry: :raritydespair: :fluttercry:
That was the most saddest story ever...
But I loved it!

I think this has good potential to be a good grimdark, but you need to learn to not rush your writing. I would have loved to see more of Twilights and Smarty Pants relationship. And if you plan to keep writing this I think it would be a good idea to give a few hints why Smarty Pants is capable of behaving like a living pony and not just a stuffed doll.

1396497 Im going to add more to it and try to not rush as badly but i do take most of my time on it

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