• Member Since 23rd Sep, 2012
  • offline last seen Dec 23rd, 2017



This is my first-ever story, so PLEASE be gentle on me. Some helpful tips are more than welcome!

After taking a "Which MLP: FIM Character Are You Most Like?" quiz, two BFFS find themselves actually living their "characters" lives when they're transported to Ponyville unexpectedly. Will the two friends be able to cooperate and find their way back home? Or will they have to cooperate with their new pony lives?

Chapters (8)
Comments ( 127 )

Added to read later, dont dissappont me now

Feels a little wall of texty.
Story looks promising enough to continue, though you miiiiiiiiight need to fix up the paragraphing.

Have Celestia's: :trollestia::trollestia::trollestia::trollestia::trollestia:

1342573 Okay, DeathRiseRobo, can u explain what I should do, pretty plz? :)

Alright, I'll try not to, monster cai! :) can ya give me some tips?

>>Spectar37 Okay, um, can you tell me how to spiffy up my paragraphs?

1342748 Every time a new character speaks, it should start a new paragraph. For instance:

"Baby, your friend is here!" My mom yelled up the stairs of our small apartment.
"Okay!" I yelled back, closing a tab on my Toshiba laptop.

Also, for the most part, things that stand in for dialogue, such as "She smiled" or "He sighed" or "The mare made an odd gurgling sound which I couldn't quite identify." Though that's more flexible.

Okay, this is pretty cute. Someone's already recommended you fix the formatting issues. (This is the most important issue your story has, and will hold prospective readers at arms' length until it is fixed.) That leaves me to comment on plot and character!:pinkiehappy: I'm assuming there's a lot of self-insertion here. Your characters are based on you and a friend, right? A lot of readers get annoyed by self-inserts, but I'd say go with it. Have fun. (Many famous authors do this. It makes their characters feel real and its better than conjuring up a completely original, but two-dimensional, character.) Your Spike seems solid from our brief glimpse of him. I'm not sure plot is that important to your story. It seems like it's more a series of fun situations arising from the magical mishap that leaves your heroines trapped in Twilight and Fluttershy's bodies.

The best part of your story is actually your character's interaction with Spike as Twilight and trying to figure out how to live like Twilight, jumping down ladders and not knowing how to teleport. It's fun stuff. Don't lose that as you write subsequent chapters.:twilightsmile:

Basically, I would recommend that you stick to what you do well (character interaction and situational fun) and make that the heart of the story, then play around with elements like plot and theme. Where do you want this story to go? Is there some kind of overall plot arc? Is it going to be a problem that these two girls are walking around in Twilight and Fluttershy's bodies? And what do you want the story to say? Is there some kind of message in your story? (The show itself does a good job of having a theme in every episode.)

Now, what I want to know is if you and your friend are stuck in Twilight and Fluttershy's bodies...where are the real Twilight and Fluttershy?:rainbowderp:

Good job. And keep writing, my friend.:rainbowdetermined2:

*calls my pony self(bright blue filly pegasus with ditzy*derpys mane)now im a fucking pony to.*trollface*

Sure. c:
First of all, you should make the description easy on my eyes; it looks like a block of text actually longer then your story.
Next, make a pie longer story or combine both chapters.

1343061Hehe! Thank you so much! And don't worry; we'll see where the real Twilight and Fluttershy are! :twilightsmile:

1342773 OHH! :pinkiegasp: thanks! I'll look into that!

I'm gonna be editing a lot 2day, so expect brand new plot things and possibly, um, new chapters!! :pinkiehappy:

This story has great potential .. I am liking it . :twilightsmile:

I'm having some trouble following a certain someone's advice. So, until I can figure out how to make my paragraphs a little more spiffy, I'd appreciate it if you all could take what I have so far. Thank you!! :twilightsmile:

If you'd like, I could edit it for you. :twilightsmile:

(Twilight FTW, by the way! :yay:)

1344798 Hmm, I dunno 'bout that. Thank you kindly for the offer, but if I need it and can't figure it out soon, you're the pony I'll go to, kk? :pinkiesmile:

Oooooh. :rainbowderp:
Great start, looking forward to moar~ :pinkiesmile:

1344835 Hehe!! Well, I'll be fulfilling ur wishes, sweetie! I luv writing, and I'm working on chapter four now. though i gotta edit chapter 3 some more :twilightsmile: does anyone have any tips for me for chapter three? I feel like it needs more or less or something :raritywink:

Looks good. Gives me a reason to go back on FIM...Have more Celestia::trollestia::trollestia::trollestia::trollestia::trollestia:

I like it ... But i suggest longer chapters .. Perhaps some Trollestia action ?

Also if you have not thought of it yet i think applejack should find out about the switch ( its her element and all )

1345807 Trollestia?! :rainbowlaugh: omg.... actually, yes: i WILL be doing some longer chapters. at school, i was actually thinking of redoing Chapter Two, ya know? i thought about having Twilight have to do some errands with Spike or something, and there's a lot to do and she (me) needs to find her Fluttershy (actually Zaria). there WILL be Celestia in the story soon. matter of fact, i'm gonna redo chapter two and possibly severely edit Chapter Three & work on chapter four. To everyone reading this, be aware of this, kk? :pinkiesmile: i'm off! PEACE

1345818 omg, YES! awesome! terrific! PERFECT! :ajsmug: i will 100,000,000% give you credit for that idea once I use it. thanks so much. Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye! i'm gonna redo my chapters now.if any of you have ideas waiting to burst out for me, don't be shy, ok? i will give you credit. if you don't want to, that's fine :pinkiehappy:


I put it on my read later list, but for now I just want to ask where the image is from. They are too adorable.

Challenge considered...

Edit: Faved.tracked.

Loved it.

Short chapters... but I love the story and plot so far. Can't wait for more! :pinkiehappy:

Only complaint so far: Make a new paragraph for every new speaker!
It gets confusing really fast and it's just rough to look at.

1344828 Oh, all right. :twilightsheepish:
Just ask if you ever change your mind! :twilightsmile:

1347783 I know, I know :ajsleepy: i am ashamed. i'm working on it. i'll be editing a lot today, and since Friday's coming, you all can expect more chapters, kk? NOTE: i AM gonna be going with my idea with chapter two (or three? :/) and edit it all over again. so if your confused from chapter three (confirmed) just comment and let me know! :pinkiesmile:

i think i'm gonna redo chapter two as well, 'cause my character won't know what's going on and she doesn't know where her friend is, or how to act in this world. hope you guys won't mind! :derpytongue2: tee hee! :pinkiehappy:

tell me what you all think!!! :pinkiehappy: tips? ideas? improvements? food? :derpytongue2:

Uh, an early confession? That was kinda unexpected but I like it. And it makes sense, because the mane 6 are all understanding.

I think this is pretty funny! Keep going!

(Twilight's still best pony! :twilightsmile:)

1353030 which part did you not expect? plz reply back :pinkiehappy: P.S. thank you very much!

1354719 I meant the part where you confess to AJ that you're not Twilight. I didn't see that coming so early ^^

1354786 ohhhhhh!!!! :derpytongue2: yeah, when i was writing, I thought that I shouldn't keep the readers waiting, and I also wanted to show some new (well, technically not new) characters. plus, my character's friend was driving her insane and some of Twilight's genes just busted in her head and she couldn't handle the stress or the secrets. i'm actually like that in real life; i hate keeping secrets and if i get stressed TOO much, my mind just explodes and I go CRAZY! :pinkiecrazy: anyways, thanks! any ideas?

1354816 Hmm, i think it would be funny if Zaira is starting to like being Fluttershy and to live in this world while your character is continuing to keep her distance and try to get back to her own (our) world. This would reverse the fact that your character enjoyed the show more than her friend Zaira did.
In the long run it could all lead to both seeking help from Celestia, who know how to send them back. But they have to decide quick. To increase the conflict, they could only go back together. So each one has to convince the other. Will the friendship last in this situation? What about the others (AJ, RD, PP, ...)? How do they feel about that their friends have been exchanged? Would the real Twilight and Fluttershy "return" if your characters were to return? Are they stuck in our world as Zaira and your character?

These are just ideas and questions in my mind. Pick what you like. Or maybe you already have even better ideas. I'm excited to see/read what you'll make out of your cool concept.

1354999 :pinkiegasp: O...M...G... ur amazing! :pinkiehappy: i love those ideas. I will definitely be using them, and I Pinkie Promise to give you credit! thank God it's Friday! now i'm gonna be writing/editing like crazy! thank you!!!

srry if it's short to you :twilightblush: i wanna save the best for last, ya know? i'll work on chapter six now! :twilightsmile:

1355106 No problem. Have a creative and fun weekend.

I have to got to bed for now (it's past midnight here). See/read you soon.


Sweet Celestia ... Thanks.... But you dont have too .. :trollestia:

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