The denizens of Ponyville were no strangers to odd visitors, especially in seemingly odd circumstances. However, as Princess Cadance walked through the small town of Ponyville, the murmuring and confused gaze were more than obvious. Along with her daughter Flurry Heart on her back, Cadance paid no mind, choosing to smile happily at her favorite small town’s livelihood.
Her escort, Spike, was happily carrying on a conversation as they made their way towards the large crystal tree. Catching up with the baby dragon was one of Cadance’s favorite activities. He always told stories with such an interesting and humorous point of view. Plus, she knew the dragon had very few friends around, so she made it her goal to cheer him up whenever possible.
"So how is this adorably described Mellow Spark doing? Is he settling into the castle well enough?" Cadance asked with no small amount of intrigue.
The downtrodden expression of the dragon’s features told her so much and yet nothing at the same time. Spike cleared his throat a bit and said, "That’s a topic that’s more suited between you and Twilight." Cadance was caught off guard by the way he’d chosen to say his words. Clearly, he was trying to suppress questions on that specific topic.
Flurry Heart cooed loudly in excitement as she pointed towards the colorful building full of confectionary masterpieces known as Sugarcube Corner. "Ca… Cake?" Cadance giggled at her daughter’s hopeful gaze and use of one of her favorite words. She was just like her auntie Celestia and her obsession over any cake she could get her tiny hooves on. Her first time tasting it had blown her mind, and she remembered fondly all the pictures she took.
"No, darling, not right now, okay? Mommy’s busy." Cadance told her daughter with a short nuzzle. The tiny alicorn huffed; she didn’t know whether she understood her words exactly or if she just knew the answer had been a no.
Cadance walked up the steps of her friend’s grand, enchanting tree; she felt more at home here than in Canterlot’s castle. What with the Crystal Kingdom and Twilight’s castle being made of crystals. And the air of peace and tranquility among the Ponyville residents was always enchanting.
Spike opened the door for her and gestured inside. Cadance nodded her head gratefully as she entered, only to be immediately assaulted with many feelings. Clearly, her friend had erected a whole slew of protective barriers in the castle. When she entered, she felt her mana, identity, intent—practically her whole self—analyzed. She didn’t know whether the information was shared directly with Twilight or simply scanned for hostility of any sort.
Cadance couldn’t help the mirthful laugh that escaped her lips: "It’s rather… protective in here today." Cadance hummed soothingly as she nuzzled her daughter, who was still reeling from the sudden shock of having her entire mana signature read.
Spike chuckled nervously, "Yeah, well… after you told her about the tampering of the letter, she sorta put the whole spellbook up. Nobody outside can see or hear anyone inside. Nobody gets in and out without being analyzed. She even put up a dispelling charm: If you aren’t an alicorn, the likelihood of casting anything in here now is practically none."
Cadance giggled into her hoof as she walked further inside, "It seems she’s taking her job very seriously. I’m proud of her, even if she’s having a bit of trouble with the little one." She curiously watched as the purple dragon behind her couldn’t keep his eyes off the floor.
"That’s certainly downplaying it." Twilight’s voice hit her ears, and Cadance turned with a wide smile.
Trotting forward a few steps and pulling the smaller alicorn into a large hug, Flurry even leaned in to nuzzle her cheek. Cadance hummed curiously, "It’s so good to see you. Have you been doing okay?"
Twilight backed away from the hug with an obvious air of emotional turmoil. Cadance could see through the small mask she was putting on and could see loads of regret and fear floating about her mind. Cadance leaned down and nuzzled her. "Twilight, what happened?"
Seemingly shocked for only a few seconds by her friend's touch, Twilight sighed long and hard. "You’re wrong, Cadance. I’ve been a terrible caretaker. So much so that Mellow now hates me."
Cadance reeled in shock as she released a small gasp. "But in your letter, you told me that-"
"The letter doesn’t mean anything anymore." Twilight sighed and placed a hoof to her head. "The night after I wrote it, we had a fallout. I may have… called him dangerous when he went nirik. And well, now he hates me."
Cadance let her mind settle from the shock: "Twilight? You of all people would not be who I’d expect to… say that about somebody."
Twilight could practically hear the disappointment and heartbreak in her old babysitter’s voice. Cadance was always so much more in tune with emotions, and her empathy knew no bounds. But to have her gaze be one filled with unsureness and betrayal hurt. "I know, what I said was wrong… I’ve made some terrible mistakes lately, Cadance."
Cadance heard the pain in her voice and the hints that indicated she wished for someone to help. Cadance leaned in slowly and gave a sympathetic look, "Please tell me what happened."
Lunch had been such a pleasant experience. Having some of my favorite ponies around me and eating great food made by Haze was such a fun experience. I was happy just to listen as everyone talked about mundane things; that’s really all I had wanted. Mundane, boring—I wanted to be boring. I liked it.
When you’re bored, nothing happens, and you live peacefully. The concept of being bored was nonexistent for me. How could you get bored? Complaining that you had nothing to do? That was more of a miracle than anything I could think of in my life. Oh, how I wish some days I could’ve just said I was bored!
The only thing that dampened lunch was when they’d give me a passing, pitiful glance. I wasn’t to be pitied; it always soured my mood for a moment. Lovelight sometimes couldn’t get her eyes off me, always fixing me with a large smile that held her namesake behind it. Love. Did she really love me that much? It was hard to wrap my head around, but the idea was exciting.
I yawned quite a bit more than usual. After a morning like I’d had, it was so close to perfect. I wanted to go to sleep now and never wake up; if it was my last day, I’d be happy. But I wanted to wake up more. I wanted to be with Lovelight, Haze, and even Fluttershy. Applejack was fun, but learning that she was friends with Twilight did make me hesitate a bit more. Twilight might take me back—take me from Lovelight. I couldn’t trust Twilight; she was bad. But Fluttershy was Twilight’s friend, and Fluttershy wasn’t bad.
Lovelight nuzzled me gently and asked, "Do you want to take a nap, little one? You seem tired."
I slowly nodded my head, and she helped me to the floor. I carefully made my way down the hallway as Lovelight opened the door for me. She helped me up onto the bed, where she quickly placed the covers over me and kissed my forehead. "Just call if you need me, sweetie. Sleep well, okay?"
I yawned again as my eyes slowly shut. "Okay. I love you."
Lovelight giggled and kissed me again, "I love you too, baby."
She carefully exited the room with her eyes locked on me the whole time. Lovelight really did love me a whole lot, didn’t she? That was good, because I loved her too.
My eyes opened with alarm. I had to use the bathroom; I’d forgotten entirely. I slowly pulled myself onto my hooves, shaking the covers off me. I briefly considered calling Lovelight again, but I shook my head as I jumped to the floor carefully. Making my way over to the slightly ajar door, my ears perked up as I heard their conversation. My name, to be exact.
"Who’s after Mellow?" Lovelight asked in alarm.
Applejack sighed, "Well, ah don’t know yet. We just know there’s been a particular interest in alicorns lately."
Fluttershy followed up, "As you heard, Celestia and Luna went missing."
Haze huffed, "So these ponies think they can take Mellow as well?"
"Again, we ain’t sure. It may all be a bunch of malarkey." Applejack murmured, "But Twilight asked us to make sure yall were safe."
So that’s why they were here? But I thought they wanted to make up with me. Well, they did. But who was after alicorns? And me?
Lovelight huffed, "Do you think it’s the same ponies that originally held him captive?"
Fluttershy sighed, "M-Maybe? If so… you would be in big danger yourselves."
Haze growled, "If one of them shows their flanks around here, I won’t be taking it lightly."
I was being hunted, but I was also putting Lovelight and Haze in danger by being around them. But surely they couldn’t get me; I was safe, and their home was safe. They were safe to be with.
Lovelight’s tone seemed to take on one of annoyance: "If his safety is of concern, then have your friend Twilight cast some warding spells."
I heard the sound of hooves tapping on the wooden table, and slowly Applejack’s voice rose above it. "If they can make an alicorn go missin’, I ain’t exactly confident in your ability to defend him alone. No offense."
No! No, they were going to take me away from Lovelight. I knew it! They were her friends, and she knew I was dangerous. She wanted to get rid of me!
I backed up slightly into the room in fear as I heard the conversation in the dining room turn into mumbles of protest and disagreement. I felt my heart rate increase a bit, but they wouldn’t take me. Lovelight wouldn’t let them, I’d be fine.
I took a long and deep breath to calm myself. I finally decided I needed to use the restroom. Oddly enough, I couldn’t hear anybody in the dining room talking anymore.
A sudden chill went up my spine, and I felt uneasy as a mare’s voice hit my ears from behind me once again. "Hey kid, I think you and I need to have a little chat."
Cadance and Twilight were resting on a couple of couches as Flurry played with a set of toys. Twilight finished her story as Cadance held her hoof firmly against her forehead. Twilight was surprised to see her friend crying slightly, which only served to make the feeling of guilt more awful. "Why Twilight?" Cadance’s question was simple, but not one that could be answered simply.
Cadance sighed, "I know you were stressed; it’s understandable. But you have so many great friends you could’ve turned to."
Twilight lowered her head, "Yes, I do."
Cadance continued with a small amount of anger, and Twilight nearly flinched at the sound of the Princess of Love being angry. "He was abused; of course he had an outburst! Neither you nor Fluttershy handled it with the delicacy required."
Twilight buried her muzzle in the couch below as Cadance continued, "With everything going on, the last thing we needed was poor Mellow being afraid of us! The whole point of putting him in your castle was to show him the kindness that our royalty is known for. Was it not?"
"Among other things," Twilight murmured, thoroughly defeated.
Cadance huffed and pulled back on her anger, instead asking in a much more comforting tone, "Is the little one safe? You said this mare named Lovelight came and saved him?"
The use of the word ‘save’ made another lump form in Twilight’s throat. Saved him from her tyrannical actions. Lovelight really had saved Mellow, who knows what would’ve happened in her absence? "I don’t know. I know that Lovelight is treating him well. I sent Fluttershy and Applejack over to check, and also to make sure they stay safe."
Cadance hummed understandingly, "That’s dangerous, Twilight; we don’t know what’s going on right now with Celestia and Luna missing. We need to all be on the same page."
Twilight shook her head and said, "No, if I go near Mellow again… Lovelight might have my head."
Cadance gazed back with a serious expression, "You still have the responsibility for his safety, even if this Lovelight mare is doing the parenting. You should at least offer to let them stay in the castle until this all blows over."
Twilight huffed as tears started coming out of her eyes. "But what if that isn’t enough!? If they can make Celestia and Luna vanish, who’s to say any of us are safe? Does it even matter that I’ve put up all these dumb spells? And here I am, sitting in my castle while my friends do all the work. Because I’m just a worthless princess who can’t get the simplest things right!"
Cadance could see the telltale sign that her friend was having somewhat of an anxiety attack. Slowly standing on her hooves and hopping onto the same couch, she rested her wing gently over her as the small alicorn wept. Sometimes Cadance forgot how young Twilight was to be an alicorn—comparatively, of course. To have the weight of the princesses and Mellow dumped on her all at once. It was enough to drive anypony slightly mad.
Cadance hugged her tight with her wing, just like she did for her when she was only a filly. Nuzzling the younger one’s face, Cadance shushed her as she enacted her maternal instincts. "It’s okay now, Twilight. I’m here to help you. And we’re going to keep Mellow safe together and figure out where Celestia and Luna are." Cadance waited for a short while as the alicorn cried and nuzzled the top of her head. "Sound good? Or does the plan need more flare?"
Twilight released a small, sad laugh at that as she locked eyes with Cadance. "Okay well… What should we do first?"
Cadance raised a brow, "I think it should be obvious. Mellow’s safety is a priority."
Twilight’s eyes widened in horror. "N-No, b-but-"
Cadance held a hoof to her mouth. "You don’t have to try and make up with them. I’m sure Mellow would be hesitant to give you his trust for the third time. We just need him to be safe in your castle. If any more alicorns go missing, it’ll be a disaster, Twilight."
Twilight couldn’t help the small, agreeable nod she gave as Cadance placed her hoof to her chin in thought. "Also, whoever tampered with your message knows about Mellow and all of those same issues you told me about. They might see him as an easy next target. Understand?"
Their talk was broken as Flurry Heart slowly pulled herself over on tiny hooves, "Me… Mewo?"
Cadance giggled and leaned down to pull the filly up towards her barrel. "Yes, silly filly. Mellow Spark. He’s your new cousin." The small filly’s eyes lit up with wonder, and she giggled.
Twilight raised a brow. "Cousin?"
Cadance returned a smirk, "If Celestia and Luna can adopt me as a niece, I think I’m allowed to adopt a nephew. The little one needs all the family he can get after what he’s been through…" Cadance shook her head.
"Also, why did you bring Flurry?" Twilight asked worriedly, "Not that I don’t want to see her."
Cadance hummed, "You sound just like Shiny…" she sighed. "We don’t know who, where, or how many of these alicorn hunters there are. I’d rather keep track of Flurry at every moment than leave her in the Crystal Empire."
Twilight raised an accusing, playful brow. "Don’t trust Shiny enough?"
Cadance laughed, "Well, it’s one of his first times running the kingdom alone. I love him… but let’s just say you and your stress run in the family."
Twilight nodded with a small chuckle, "I remember well."
Suddenly, the door to the castle burst open. Cadance and Twilight’s wings ruffled as they stood up in alarm. In the entrance was a heavily panting and heaving Rainbow Dash, and behind her, she dragged Rarity. Twilight gasped in horror as she rushed over to the two. Rainbow spoke quickly and nervously as she took deep breaths: "I went to meet up with her and see if she… saw the same shady figure I saw… But when I got to her boutique, she was… like this!" Rainbow finished with a loud huff.
Twilight quickly took hold of Rarity with her magic, lifting her up to get a closer look. The mare was completely unharmed; there wasn’t a single sign of struggle. Her hair was even in the pristine, perfect condition she always went for. The mare was breathing evenly and had a thousand-yard stare. Waving her hoof in front of Rarity caused no reaction; she was completely catatonic.
Cadance’s horn lit, and the glow washed over Rarity’s body. She released a small hum of confusion: "That can’t be right… My scan says that she’s under no spells."
Twilight nodded in confirmation, "Her brain is just… not processing anything right now. She isn’t under any spells!"
Rainbow looked up in alarm, "Wait, so she’s like this normally? What happened!?"
Cadance grimaced. "She must’ve seen or found something out she wasn’t meant to."
Twilight paced nervously. "But what could they possibly gain from doing this to her?"
Spike spoke up from nearby, "Does it matter? That means they really are in Ponyville right now."
Cadance looked over at Twilight in alarm. The two alicorns shared a look of horror before they both came to the same worrying realization and said the word at the same time, "Mellow!"
Cadance rocketed off towards the door as she looked at Twilight, "Stay here. Don’t let Flurry out of your sight!"
"Wait! Maybe that’s not a good idea-" It didn’t matter; the alicorn was already out the door.
I squeaked with fear as my head shot around, and my eyes landed on the same cloaked lavender and icy blue pony from the park. How had she gotten into the room from behind me? My entire body and mind were screaming at me. She was dangerous, and I needed to get away.
My panic caused me to back up wildly, out the door of the room, and into the wall in the hallway. My panicked breathing halted as she made no attempt to chase me. I turned and ran into the dining room. "Lovelight!" I screamed in terror.
I only became more horrified upon reaching the room, only to see that every pony was frozen. They were stuck in discussion as they all stared into nothing, their bodies locked in whatever position they’d previously had. I ran up to Lovelight and shakily started tapping her leg, "Lovelight! Wake up!" I wailed. I turned around in fear to see the mare slowly walking through the hallway with a tilted head.
I looked back up at everyone as my panic reached new heights. The slow wisps of flame began building on my hooves, and I backed away. Not wanting to burn anybody. "Haze?" I asked in futility.
"Kid, it’s useless." The mare said with a hint of amusement.
I turned around and backed away from her imposing form, tripping over my tail, which was firmly planted between my legs. "W-What do you want?"
The mare looked around at the table before picking up an apple and taking a bite of it. I watched carefully as she chewed and swallowed it normally before placing it right back in its spot. "Y’know, it’s hard to get you alone, kid."
"Answer my question!" I said with a bit of bravery as I backed away farther.
The mare rolled her eyes, "Okay, fine. I came to make a deal with you."
"A deal?" I asked carefully.
She nodded as she gestured around her at all the ponies, "Who are these ponies to you?"
I tried to quell my shaking body, "T-They’re my friends."
"Mhm," the mare hummed as she walked over and looked at Lovelight and Haze. "And these two?"
I shook my head in confusion. "I-I love them?"
She smiled at me, "Would you even possibly consider them… family?"
My eyes widened, and I looked down at my hooves. "I want to… but…"
"You understand, then." She said with a sympathetic gaze that she walked over and laid down in front of me. "Then you need to listen very carefully."
My ears perked up as I shied away from her, though there was no further way to retract into the wall behind me. She placed a hoof on her chest, "My name is Astral."
I nodded slowly as I tried to keep myself from having a panic attack. "Hello, Astral. My name is Mellow."
She tilted her head with an amused grin, "Don’t you mean… Zero?"
All the fur on my body stood up, and I looked at her in horror. "How do you know that name?"
"I know a lot of things," the mare said as she finally pulled her hood off. "I also know what you will do in the future."
"Huh?" I voiced my worry as I looked at her with wide eyes.
She smirked, "Yes, the rain of ashes, the sweltering heat of everything being turned azure. I’ve seen it all!"
"I’m confused." I muttered worriedly.
"Don’t be!" She reassured me, "I’ll help you understand; you just need to come with me."
I looked over at everyone at the table, and I slowly shook my head and shied away from the hoof she outstretched to me. "N-No… I want to stay. I don’t need to know that badly."
She frowned at that, and I saw her thinking about what to say next. "If you can’t come with me, your friends might never return to themselves." She gestured over to them and looked back at me sadly. "You wouldn’t do that to them now, would you?"
I didn’t want to leave; I really didn’t want to. But if they really were stuck like this unless I followed her? I didn’t have much of a choice.
I slowly lifted my shaky hoof up and placed it in hers. Astral’s smile lifted into a wide grin, and the glint in her eyes made me worry if I’d done the wrong thing. "Good; her majesty will be quite pleased to meet you."
The front door slammed open, and quicker than I could even react, a blast of light blue energy impacted Astral. She hit the wall with insane force as I cowered closer to the ground. "You get away from him right now!" A pink mare said. I was surprised to realize she was an alicorn as well.
Astral dropped whatever act she was putting on before and instead replaced it with surprise and desperation. She shot her hoof forward to try and grab me, but her hoof was quickly blasted back by the pink mare again. Within a second, the new alicorn had teleported to stand over my quivering body as she glared at Astral.
Astral gritted her teeth and scoffed, "Well, I didn’t expect the Princess of Love to be here." She smirked down at me as I grabbed onto the princess's fetlock for dear life, "Looks like we’ll have to delay that field trip to another time, kid."
The pink mare hunched lower to defend me from her view: "You’ll never speak to or see him again."
Astral rolled her eyes and only narrowly dodged another blast of energy. She released a long sigh as she walked over to the nearby wall, and defying all physics, her body began to phase through it. She gave one last glare in our direction, "If you want to be the cause of destruction for this world, then so be it." That was the last thing she said before disappearing.
The pink mare released a long huff and a sigh, then sat on her haunches. She quickly pulled me up towards her barrel and checked over my body with care, "Are you hurt, little one?"
I shook my head as I looked up into her face. She was quite pretty, and I had a hard time not trusting her with how kind her features were. "Who are you?" I asked with a tilted head.
She smiled and said, "My name is Cadance. I’m your new auntie."
My eyebrows furrowed. "What’s an auntie?"
She sighed a bit sadly before reaching up and petting my head. She assumed another smile as she changed subjects: "Nobody told me you’d be this adorable."
I blushed and averted my gaze, which landed on Lovelight and everyone else. I quickly squirmed out of Cadance’s grip, running over to the table and poking Lovelight desperately. "Lovelight?"
Cadance sighed and approached the table, looking between everyone with confusion and worry. She looked down at me with a solemn expression, "Let’s get you to safety, Mellow."
'She's dangerous, run.'
She levitated me away from Lovelight towards her arm, but I shook my head and kicked in her magic grasp, "No! I want to stay with Lovelight! Let me go!"
She cooed, "I know you do. But there are bad ponies around; I’ll come back and get them when you’re safe."
I felt tears streaming out of my face as I relented. "Are they okay?" I asked.
She sighed, then gave me a short nod and a smile, "They’ll be okay."
'You're making a mistake.'
I relented as she placed me on her back, and we began walking away from the home. The stares of the surrounding ponies were much more intense than usual. Murmurs wracked through the crowd like wildfire upon looking at us, and it was then that I realized I was in public without my cape. I panicked slightly, "Cadance, I don’t think they’re supposed to know I’m an alicorn." I whispered worriedly.
She huffed, "It should’ve never been a secret. Hiding you away is what caused so much discourse in the first place."
I appreciated that idea, even if I didn’t understand everything that had likely gone on behind my back. I looked up and realized where she was taking me, and my body stiffened. Cadance must’ve noticed; she soothingly rubbed my sides with her wings. "I know, you don’t want to be here. But it is very safe, and you don’t have to talk to her."
'See? Danger. Run!'
I sighed and laid myself against her back. What made this any different from Astral taking me? In both cases, I was being taken by a pony I barely knew away from Lovelight and Haze. The idea that they may be stuck like that forever made its way into my head, and I began crying again. I blocked the world out with my hooves and wept. Cadance’s soothing gesture did help a small amount.
When we entered, I quickly felt my entire body reverberate with a very strong magic scan. In fact, it was so strong that upon feeling it, I felt myself growing sick. I placed a hoof over my mouth to try to quell the feeling. Cadance was alarmed by my sudden reaction, and she quickly rushed me past the group of four who were standing around some white and purple pony who had the same problem as my friends.
I heard the Twilight pony, and I nearly shivered at her voice. But Cadance shot her a look, and she went quiet again. Placing me on a very cushioned couch, Cadance stroked my back carefully as her horn lit up. "Oh, you poor dear, the scans must’ve felt awful since you don’t have full control of your mana yet."
I nodded as the nauseous feeling slightly receded, and then curled myself up into a ball. I felt negativity crawling through my brain yet again, and I covered myself with my hooves.
‘This is your fault.’
‘Lovelight would be safe if you didn’t exist.’
I choked on my tears and heaved heavy breaths. Cadance held her hoof out, and I shied away. "Please, don’t touch me."
"O-Okay," she said worriedly. I heard the approaching hoofsteps of the others in the room, and Cadance asked me carefully, "Would you like to talk, then?"
‘Everyone knows it’s your fault.’
‘They want to hurt you.’
I just shook my head wildly, "No! Too many ponies… Too much is happening; please leave me alone!" Cadance and the other ponies took a few steps back.
I choked on more tears. "I just want Lovelight." I said sourly.
‘Lovelight won’t want you anymore, though.’
No, that was wrong; Lovelight wouldn't do that to me. She’s never hurt me, and she never would. Why can’t I control my emotions? I spend so much time forcing them to be happy thoughts that I should always have them now. Why can’t everybody just leave me alone? Why can’t everything just be boring!?
‘What do you mean? It’s because of you.’
"It’s your fault anyway, Zero! Why don’t you be quiet!" I yelled out loud suddenly.
At the stares of every pony present, I shivered and retreated into the corner of the couch with my back turned. Cadance reached out a hoof carefully, "Sweetie, are you oka-"
‘She’s about to hurt you.’
‘She knows what you did!’
"NO! Too much! Too loud! Get away from me!" I yelled as my breathing increased.
Cadance sighed sadly as I heard her retreat and then greet a pony named Flurry. I started blocking everything out as I argued internally with myself. I felt like everything was racing by me with no regard for my own life. I was back in her castle, alone, and Lovelight and Haze were stuck because of me. I caused so much pain everywhere I went that I just knew it was truly awful to be near me.
‘Kill your parents, kill your patients; what haven’t you done?’
"Those are all things you did." I whispered back angrily.
'You're talking to yourself, you look crazy.'
"Who cares." I spat venomously.
I heard gasping from behind me as many ponies galloped somewhere. Out of curiosity, I turned and watched as the white and purple pony looked around herself wildly in confusion. Cadance gazed back at me worriedly, then looked up towards Rainbow Dash. "Can you go check on everyone else and let them know where we are?"
Rainbow saluted before shooting out the doorway quickly, but that wasn’t what my mind was set on.
Lovelight and Haze might be fine.
But they would be better if I wasn’t here.
I wished at that moment that I could disappear and never be seen again, so I wouldn’t hurt the ones I loved. As I did every single time I acquired them. My parents, Lovelight, Haze… I felt a shudder run through my body. If something happened to those two now, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.
‘Don’t forget what you did to Soren and Laila.’
At that thought, I had to suppress a scream of frustration as a new wave of tears poured from my eyes. I really will always be Zero, I try to escape it, but it always finds me in the end.
I'm unsure about this and wondering where this is going. We already know we are dealing with multiple dimensions or realities, but now we got time travel on top of that? That sounds like a recipe for confusion. Even if Astral has good intentions, which I don't think she does, she's going about it completely wrong. And now Mellow has ponies he loves, the real fear of loss sets in. As if he wasn't traumatized enough.
My guess is he has mental issues from being abused and they are just starting to surface because for the first time he gets to have choices. As for twilight she should have never had to deal with the disappearances of the princesses that should have been cadence considering she had more experience with problem solving than twilight who can't deal with more than one problem and barely deal with one problem at a time. Twilight might appear confident a lot of the time but if her plans go off the rails she can't handle and lashes out to force everything into a answer she believes will work even if it would make things worse.
I am not liking what is goin on currently, poor mellow don’t need anymore stress right now. Give the foal a break.
Anyways enjoyable chapter, again not a big fan of what the ending is hinting at but hopefully he over comes it. Keep writing these awesome chapters.
Stress overload in progress!
Astral has really done poorly, if she really knew all she claimed this would have been a walk in the park. Yet she chose to show her hoof (well, some of it) and try taunting him? Very overconfident. Hopefully that will work against her.
You're up Flurry, time to shine!
Great chapter
Cadance is emotional and dumb, . She should already connected the dot between her shinny's behavior and twilight's.
Beside, is't it the reason sparklebutt become this way because Cadance' negligence at being a babysitter? Too busy winking her marehood at Twilight's onii-san.
Yeah, I can see why this one took a while to write. Paying off some of the tension you built up earlier and heaping more on there, I like your style.
Well that bodes poorly.
The second section with Twilight and Cadence was very well done, and exactly what I was hoping would happen.
Yeah, probably. I get the feeling Mama Lovelight is both fierce and formidable when it comes to defending her son.
Kinda hard to get a sense of Astral's motivation here, though I suspect that's by design. The way she spoke leads me to believe that we may have two separate groups from Mellow's old world, and that he was far more important on the other side than he previously believed.
And Auntie Cadance to the rescue! I knew having Alicorn backup would be a good thing. Glad she wasn't captured like the Sisters.
I was wondering if something like this would happen. Only advice here is to be careful when it comes to having a literal voice in his head, it can make things very confusing, very quickly. But good job on capturing Mellow's deteriorating mental state
Yeah, Cadance is pretty much stuck between a rock and a hard place here. She knows he doesn't want to be there, but it's the only place that may be even the slightest bit safe outside the Crystal Empire, since Twilight has apparently been prepping for war. Though I am surprised that he didn't try to run, considering everything that's going on.
Aaaand cue the mental breakdown. Kinda surprised he hasn't gone Nirik again at this point. Maybe he just hasn't recovered enough mana since his outburst yesterday.
Here's hoping that Cadance and Flurry can help him out somehow. Twilight might get some points with him if she retrieves Haze and Lovelight when she (or whoever else) goes and retrieves Applejack and Fluttershy. Honestly, she should probably coordinate with Mayor Mare to declare a local state of emergency, now that three national heroes, part of the last line of defense, have been attacked. Would probably be a better use of her time than researching disappearing trains and feeling sorry for herself.
Loved the art too.
So, all in all, a pretty good chapter. As always, I look forward to your next installment, and thank you for writing this story.
That mare looks a lot like poorly disguised Trixie.
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I think it is because she needed professional help to deal with her issues and nobody noticed it enough to realize that. She is long overdue to see a doctor for her control issues and anxiety issues. She can't keep hurting everyone around her when things don't work the way she wants.
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Nope, they outright ignore her problems, calling it "twilight being twilight" normalized it like nothing.
Remember that time when twilight brainwashed the whole town with 'want it needs it' and celestia treated it like nothing?
What's about when Celestia ignored that twilight cut off all ties with her Canterlot friends when she moved to ponyville?
What's about her expressively hyperventing when things not go according to plan?
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See they are treating it as if this no bigger deal than tripping and spilling something. They don't get that this is a serious problem and twilight needs help. The fact she hasn't really hurt anyone is just luck. But she is long overdue for help with this problem and I suggest as soon things calm down she actually seeks professional help. As for her canterlot friends she was barely friends with them considering she didn't really care about friendship back then. Even pictures of her with them don't show her hanging out having a good time but her just being there while studying. If spike hadn't insisted that she take care of the celebration would she have even bothered? Celestia knew that twilight didn't really have friends just people that she hung out with while studying at times. That was one of the reasons she was sent to poynville. As for Celestia not seeing it like everyone else she probably doesn't get how big a problem this is. Nobody else in twilight has seen that her anxiety issues are a huge problem and she needs help and unless someone gets really hurt I don't think they will get it. Mellow might be the key to her getting help but that something the author to decide on.
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And my original point about Cadance still stand.
-Sunbutt is too busy ruling a nation.
-Parents are both too busy, so they get a babysitter.
-Shining is worthless siscon and his parents known it, they trusted a random pony to looked after twilight more than him.
It's Cadance's job to make sure twilight grow up to be a functional normal pony. Her parent relegated that duty to her. It's in her job title. She should have self-reflection on herself if she's not a dumb toxic psycho horse.
You might think it's on parents' for not taking care of the kid themselves. But eh.... they're in secondary line of responsbility.
Nowaday, people complainted about Zoomers didn't pumped out enough kids to support the economy.
I don't know about this equestria but seeing from how dual incomes w/o kid like Lovelight and her stud still have to RENT in a backwater town like ponyville.... that's why i won't judge them on this point.
I think that might also be the case here too. "Eat less avocado toast and breed out more workforce, more side hussle! REEEEE!"
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The fact was cadence was a babysitter. This is a parent and teacher job. And shining probably was training half the time for the guards but he still an idiot considering how his fiance was replaced and he never even realized. Cadence probably had lots of stuff to learn considering born a Pegasus and was just a kid when she became a princess so not only does she have to master her new magic but she also has master the game of politics and knowing how to handle situations where things go wrong calmly. Twilight has barely gotten any political training and although her flying has come along she probably could use some improvements.
Ha yeah. Suddenly a new voice in his head trying to destabilize him right after meeting an antagonistic mare. I sincerly hope the scan picked up on the mental magic at play here. Should do, cause if the alicorn of magic and empathetic castle cant pick up on it I'm calling bullshit. Also please, please dont include time travel as that is one of the worst tropes in my mind. Maybe it's a an anti kirin group and that mare got burned by one long ago. I cant see him ever burning the world down especially with a goddess of fire and god of chaos in it. Also they could in a pinch summon tirek to suck any magic out so him causing the apoclypse is bullshit.
nice chapter.
A very engaging chapter to be sure. I really cannot wait to see what happens next.
awesome story so far
This story is amazing, keep it coming!
It's a amazing story so far keep up the great work
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Oh hey, I can do this bit to. We just talk in a "robotic analysis" way and then insult things to appear like less of an asshole, right?
Observation: Commenter entered story knowing he would dislike apparent cliches evident by writer's description.
Logical Fallacy detected: Reader disliked first chapter and kept reading.
Note: Commenter likes to call everything he can a cliche, likely due to reading an abundance of extremely "woke" style stories. Assumes that even the best of stories have no cliche, ignores that personal preference is a thing and is affecting his thoughts.
Final Observation: Commenter likely is bitter and upset towards anything that isn't professional quality. Commenter also likes to interpret things that become plot points later as "bad writing," he is likely the type to watch recap channels of movies on youtube due to being unable to have his attention held for longer narratives. Commenter thinks hiding behind a fake robotic persona makes them somehow witty and worth listening to.
Query: Why do you think I care?
i.imgflip.com/3n7w2x.jpg
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If you want some good, hard and analytical criticism of your writing; let me provide.
Firstly - I do actually believe the guy, as much of an arse as he is - had a point. Zero is incredibly unintelligent compared to his previous station in life; where it is indirectly (if potentially accidentally) implied that Zero knew magic may be affected by emotions. Why he, as a trained mage - seemingly had no idea or capability to detect the manaflow his body was using; and stabilise his emotions to cut off the surge, is speculative at best (especially considering he later learned how to control his surge by just being told once or twice; which... Considering Foal Twilight took Princess Celestia intervening with magic supression/a calming spell - this is really odd. He has more magic, and even less control and experience. Consider this; Twilight had been using telekinesis and even teleporting from around that age, and she STILL had a catastrophic surge that could have killed or injured multiple ponies)
Sure, it may be because he was reverted to pre-pubescence his brain has also reverted, shorting out his emotional centres, compromising his ability to calm himself as an he would if he were an adult; or it may be the fact Pony Magic Just works Differently(TM) - which is hinted when he tried using a human magic spell on a rock (and almost killed himself).
This leads onto the second problem, the protagonist is...
Way too much of a trouble magnet. The story is moving at an incredibly fast (and almost ludicrous) speed to where we have not only:
-Burned down the Everfree and pissed off whatever magical curse resides there
-Committed multiple acts of Arson (and not as a gag; but rather a story device. Which is... fine, if a bit tropey at this point).
-Perhaps Overused some of the 'emotion = magic' tropes. It'd be a more interesting spin if you made Kirin magic affect his emotional state; rather than his emotional state only affecting his magic.
-Introduced not one, but potentially two BBEG's - and revealed the fact Zero is prophecised to destroy the world in the future.
-Trapped Celestia and Luna in a loop for the foreseeable future.
These are by no means necessarily bad things; but perhaps adjusting the pace may be in order, unless it is your intent to do a 'chaos fic'.
Again - it is more of a narrative trope that isn't neccessarily a bad thing, but I do think it can be executed in a far more interesting way - especially considering they're a Kirin. Ex.1
Kirin Magic = Emotional Amplifier requires emotions to use. This can quickly lead to an 'enraged' state; where a Kirin was provoked, angered - or just fearful for their life; and thus ended up losing control and burning out their mana source - essentially crisping up as their body is consumed in lieu of additional mana. Could be a potentially better backstory as to why Kirin's left their village. Too many in one place, and their magic - and emotions - start feeding off one another, making them eventually erupt.
Ex. 2
Kirin magic itself could be made to be harmful if not used with intent to be kind. They're the mix between Dragons and Ponies; their magic likely retains the heat of a Dragons Breath even when unintentional - which is why the Kirin's wanted to impose such a restriction on their kind (removal of the ability to speak), to help with said self-control; to avoid hurting others again. Having the Protagonist accidentally hurt someone via even something as basic as telekinetically handing them back an object - and not realising it - may be a good way to explain how Zero melted the pots on accident during their surge.
Otherwise, good story so far. Relatively compelling.
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Twilight is also... the alicorn of magic. Like she had a freakishly large amount of magic before becoming an alicorn. Even by alicorn standards. Not even baby Flurry Heart is nearly as powerful as filly Twilight. Also can we not do the thing where we assume we ourselves would be any better at controlling a sudden magic system? "well of course if I was Mellow I would've mastered magic immediately" yeah, uh-huh, I've had this point brought up many times I still don't get it. Kid had one type of magic, one specific set of skills beat into him. He's not going to understand completely new ones without assistance.
Wait, do people think Mellow was an adult human before being transported?.. He's the same age in Equestria as he was in his old world. Almost nine.
Is it? We're 66k words in and he's had two run ins with the enemy, and nothing all too serious has happened. He burned some grass the first time, and had a mental breakdown the second time. Most real books are about this length. The first harry potter book was 76,944 words... I've actually considerably SLOWED DOWN my original intentions with the story because people kept asking for me to give Mellow a break. Seems kinda odd to have my enemy purposefully slow down and wait for others to take them down but what can you do.
I'm using kirin lore that already pre-exists.
Not canon kirin behavior by show standards unless you're just saying I should've made an AU.
Wow.... Really great story,
Really a page turner 😅 didn't even realise I had hit the newest chapter before I i got to the end 😅😂
Something is missing.... Oh yeah!
https://m.If I may, I think you're being a bit harsh with Twilight, given the course you've taken the story. You forget, Celestia is also her second mother in all but name. She essentially helped raise Twilight throughout her formative years.
I'm not saying that makes her taking her feelings out on Mellow right, but I don't think everyone piling on her like this is especially helpful.
I wonder what Astral and this queen she mentioned want with Mallow. Given her ability to freeze people and phase through walls, she is clearly powerful in magic including making Luna and Celestia disappeared ( if that was Astral or her Allie’s I do not know)
Poor Mallow can not catch a break; he just wants to live in peace and these weird long Organization 13/ ( those cloak guys from kingdom hearts) society people keep bothering him and now he has another panic attack or episode.
It’s lucky Candace was there to save him. ( she sure accepted him into family fast but I like that) ‘Amd I liked her and twilights talk. She does need to be set straight ( her lack of emotional awareness is detrimental to no end.
Is this voice his subconscious messing with him or did Astral pull something?
And finally I wonder what this “rain of ash” stuff is about. Prophecy to end world?