• Member Since 15th Aug, 2012
  • offline last seen Aug 28th, 2013

TCSNxs


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Big Macintosh journeys to the 140th Annual Equestria Agriculture Convention held this year in Stalliongrad, a city nicknamed "Citadel of the Earth Ponies." During the course of the convention, he will learn more about himself then he ever thought possible.

Update 11/19/2012: Story on hiatus while I work on other projects and consider revamping this story. My apologies.

Chapters (5)
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Comments ( 52 )

Heya guys. Any feedback or critiques would be appreciated. I've got a rough outline of where I want to go with this, but we'll see where it goes.

Thanks for reading. :coolphoto:

A good start. Will need to see the next chapter before final decisions are made. But so far you've got Mac's character down great, and I like your interpretation of Stalliongrad. I am also very curious to what Fleur has to do with anything (yes I actually look at the character lists)...if you pull it off it will definitely be worth doing.

Long story short: good job, write more please. :pinkiehappy:

Will read later, edit with thoughts. I'm always interested in interpretations of Stalliongrad though, so this should be fun.

1337934

Thanks. :twilightsmile:

Without spoiling, I'm angling on Fleur to be a major character for the story. In what capacity? We'll see.

1337963

Definitely hope you like. :pinkiehappy:

Same city as antipodes...... and the citedal of the earth ponies is fillydelpiha..... Great story, and i think Fleur is really cute. id laugh if you made an antipodes refrence.

1338129

It's possible. Given the open nature of the MLP universe and Volgograd's (the former Stalingrad) history, it felt appropriate to me to call it such.

That was a delightful read.:twilightsmile: I adore your characterization of Big Mac, and the flashbacks to why he is there specifically, give him a wonderful depth. I can't wait to see where this goes, and wouldn't be surprised if it is featured.

There were few errors, only two of which actually interrupted my reading, so kudos for that.
Ah gonna cry now. Don’t tell Dash, will ya?”
Should be Ah'm.
One day though, red stallion happened upon another thought...
Missing "the", I believe.

1338200

:twilightoops:

Danke and corrected. :ajsmug:

Thanks for the compliment. If it were, that would be cool. If not, it wouldn't phase me much.

Interesting story so far you've managed to capture his character pretty well I'll try to give more feedback as the story progresses

1339084

Thanks, and looking forward to it. :coolphoto:

Man, I love your portrayal of Big Mac. I hope to see more soon!

Whenever I think of Stalliongrad I picture a steam punk city. Good first chapter.

'sup guys.

This chapter was a blast to do. It's interesting to develop a personality for a pony with 30 seconds of air time, one line, and no background. I took a few liberties to explain some questions in my mind, such as why Fancy Pants was such a celebrity, who exactly Fleur was, and giving her something of an introduction. I used the "Sweet and Elite" episode for reference and expanded from there.

This was proofread three times on exactly three hours of sleep. If you catch something though, let me know. Feedback is always welcome, and thumbs up if you like.

ONWARD!

Nice chapter so is this a fleur mac

1346818

In truth, that's the intention. He's boinked everything else in Equestria...

1346885 true i like the less popular pairings

1346922

Ditto. When I was cranking out the first chapter, I was began to wonder who I could maybe pair him with. After thinking about it (this sisters were so over used and I didn't want to create a love interest OC), it seemed natural. Not mention I had a relatively free hand on her story. Made sense.

iambrony.jsmart.web.id/mlp/gif/93925%20-%20animated%20fleur_de_lis.gif?1323979393

:moustache:

I love how you brought out her character so well in this chapter i look forward to the next one

>9000 words, and new cover art!:pinkiegasp: What a great story to read with the morning coffee. I loved how you fleshed out her personality and back-story, and rather enjoyed the angle you took with Fleur and Fancy Pants relationship. Lookin' forward to more.:twilightsmile:

Now for the errors I saw and remembered.
Fleur often thought Fancy rubbing enjoyed the would-be winner’s nose in it.
words transposed

She has attended Canterlot University and graduated right before her parents passed on.
different tense than the rest of the story

she had already decided to through with it but she needed to look the part.
to go through

Fleur glance to her brother
glanced

She always supported any of us..you, me, father.
punctuation, no clue what it should be, for it depends on how you want it to be read.

Fleur glanced over the scale sheer scale of Stalliongrad.
extra word

She was familiar with it city proper,
its or the

1348293

Thanks and corrected. I need to make a mental note to not proofread on three hours sleep and a full pot of coffee. :pinkiecrazy:

"True love often had that effect"

...Huh? Did that mean what I thought it meant?

....Anyway, interesting story you got here. This will actually be the second MacXFleur fic I've read.

Sweet interpretation of Fleur's character. I'm really enjoying this so far. While there are a few spelling issues, I still love your story. Hope to see more soon.

Also, I'm really enjoying the idea of the MacXFleur pairing. I hereby proclaim it the new best pairing ever.

I almost forgot: Firefly reference FTW!!

'sup all.

This chapter was immensely difficult to write mainly due to the subject matter. It was going to be of a much darker tale, but I couldn't get it within the feel of the story that I wanted to accomplish and the characters that I've laid out. After a few revisions, this was the result. To be honest, I'm happier with it.

Anyway, I'm sorry this took longer then I anticipated to get posted. The previous two chapters got minor edits as well, mainly cosmetic in nature. Some "excerpts" were added to them as well. I was going to discuss more about the concept of Stalliongrad's magic with a few interlude chapters, but I don't think having a break in this type of story is warranted. Hopefully, they'll accomplish what's intended.

There maybe some questions as to Mac losing his cool in the story. Mac always felt like some folks I know who would go utterly insane :pinkiecrazy: if anyone ever touched a gal in a way meant to cause harm while in their presence. Also being so close to his predominantly mare family, the action felt right according to those thoughts.

As always, if you spot any errors or have any thoughts, let me know. Thumbs up if you like. Tell me why I suck otherwise.

Onward!

just...love it!!:heart::heart::pinkiehappy:
well seems that it took you a little to finish this chapter....waiting has its rewards:eeyup:

1420441 :twilightsmile: I'd hoped so. Thanks man. :rainbowdetermined2:

1349192 :pinkiegasp: I goofed on that. The wording has been changed.

You've impressed me yet again! I've been waiting for Fleur and Mac to meet. The situation may be much more different than I've suspected, but I'm quite glad it was that way.

I shall patiently wait for your next chapter, keep up the good work!

1421695 Thanks. :twilightsheepish: I wanted to try something a bit different than what was usually done. Besides that, I wanted to get out an itch out of my mind, that being to try and build a story to this picture.

2.bp.blogspot.com/--OjXWdLBFck/T70M70i1JiI/AAAAAAAAAcw/nxcdyQoO8hg/s1600/my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-brony-damn-big-macintosh-have-you-been-working-out.jpg

Never hurts to kill two birds with one stone.

I really enjoyed this chapter, especially the ass kicking Mac distributed. Hope to see the next chapter soon!

'sup guys.

This chapter was meant to be included at the end of the previous one. Though when the last one ran long, it kind of became necessary to separate it.

As always, comment and thumbs up if you like.

ONWARD!

I enjoy what you have so far. The description of Equestrian cities, and their unique characteristics, fits well with what I see with the 3 pony races. The pairing is unique, and I will enjoy seeing how it plays out. I am especially impressed by your characterization of Fancy Pants and Fleur. They are not just airy socialites - they know wtf they are doing. I am a bit wary about the sad and dark tags you have on this. I doubt the scene from chapter 3 is the extent of it, though I can honestly say I cannot predict how things will go.

1450739 Thanks man. :coolphoto:

1451734 Thanks. :twilightsmile: Fancy was always the "Good Guy Greg" of the FIM universe to me, so it made sense. Beyond that, we'll see how it plays out. I don't really want to spoil it, but I've always pictured a place like Stalliongrad as having its own intrigues, though the story is changed a bit after chapter three. We'll see how it goes, though I am planning a few more action scenes. We'll see how it goes though.:moustache:

Yes, another excellent chapter! Keep it up!

I'm researching fleur, you did an interesting job. The story is fantastic by the way

'sup guys.

I apologize for the delay in this chapter, but a family member passed rather abruptly. As such, this is dedicated to the memory of my step-mother.

I've also added the comedy tag as it's taking on enough elements of it to warrant it I think.

As always, thumbs up if you like and comment as you wish.

sorry about your loss also great chapter

I do enjoy this pair quite a bit.:moustache:

Son of Anarchy pun near the end?

1496222 That would be correct. :trollestia: I wanted to indulge a little. The story will resume it's normal course next chapter.

Sorry for your loss. Also, I am so glad I found this story. It needs to be in the featured box.

While I am enjoying this quite a bit, I can't help but feel that the main characters are coming across as a bit too perfect, and the villians a bit too stereotypical. The story has a mostly serious tone but then switches when deal with the problem ponies. Also, besides macintosh and fancy pants all your stallions are jerks/outright criminals while the mares are once again faultless beauties. In a world with such a lopsided male to female ratio, wouldn't the mares both hold the most power, and cause the most problems?

I'm not trying to be overly critical, but it's a running theme in all these fics. The show is 4/5ths female yet all the bad guys are male. In the show they've got a better balance of bad and good female characters and even then it's closer to 50/50.

It's a well written story in a setting I've not read about yet, I hope things continue in ways that aren't expected.

Bloody superb my Good Writer!

Anxiously awaiting more of this caliber! (hinthint >_<)

Comment posted by Luna Secret Stallion deleted Jul 9th, 2014
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