• Member Since 19th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Space Jazz


god gives her hardest battles to her silliest of girlies

T

Twilight falls head over heels for a sandwich artist.

It's just unfortunate that the object of her affection seems to hate her for some reason.

Sex tag for saucy situations and innuendo.
Profanity tag for a healthy helping of swearing.
Romance tag for a love as empty as the calories at Subway.
Comedy tag for the joke that is my taste in music.
Art by yuck-banner.tumblr(dot)com (nsfw warning)
Under new management! Originally published while in exile on Feb 15th, 2020 on a defunct alt named Hoagie.

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 22 )

:pinkiegasp: You're.... you're back?

There is no story on this whole site I'm more excited to see reinstated than this one! :pinkiehappy:

Oh my gosh!!
This was definitely unexpected.
So glad you're back, though.

This was a fantastic binge read. Queer, funny, and with plenty of smart turns of phrase. I’m super-hoping Space Jazz doesn’t become defunct.

The sandwich artist clicked her tongue. "I'm not allowed to address suitors until I clock out," she said, twirling a lock of hair around her finger. "It's in the handbook."

:trollestia: :twilightoops:

Ha, I find this amusing.

This is a well-written 'dumb' comedy...but it isn't really dumb, just...has an attitude, that's all. :trollestia: I'm enjoying it so far (chapter 3, story Incomplete)

Twilight managed the most subtle nod. It took a forever for Sunset to notice that motion when they dated. However most of the time, she resorted to her geode to figure out what Twilight really wanted (most of the time this backfired).

:rainbowlaugh:

"I think she's neat. I don't know if I want to fix her or if I want her to ruin my life."

This could easily result in both outcomes.

Damn girl, how relatable can you possibly get? I too want a hot bitch to fix and/or ruin my life. Especially the second part.

This has been a very entertaining, humorous, and Subway-critical story so far! It might be enough to make me never return to that restaurant of low-quality sandwiches and decent service.

Twilight’s a very sympathetic, if naïve, protagonist who is easy to root for. I hope that Adagio will eventually warm up to her and see beyond her other self. Plus, Sunset acting as the wiser counterpart to Twilight lets the two play off each other in a fun way!

Just a super tiny typo, theres a 'smashed' that seems like its supposed to be 'splashed'.

Other than that this is a super fun read!

BOOKS :twilightblush:

oh wow, you've been gone a while , welcome back to writing!^^

Her eyes were death. Utter fucking contempt. And, to be honest, Twilight Sparkle was kinda into it.

Le petit mort is a fucking phrase, Twilight, how many times do I have to tell you?!

You deserve better, Twilight thought. And she was right. No one deserved to spend eight hours a day—presumably just under thirty hours a week to avoid being paid benefits—slinging low quality sandwiches full of over-salted lunch meat and hawking overpriced bags of chips and cookies.

Yeah, but counterpoint, a six-inch veggie delite and a footlong turkey, as part of a healthy lifestyle, can lead you to losing four hundred million dollars in a massive criminal investigation, Twilight. You ask me, Alfredo Dongle’s got big things ahead of her.

Her stomach grumbled. She looked over to her classmates to see if anyone noticed. Thankfully, no one seemed to care. However, her next problem was what to have for lunch. She exhausted her healthy on-campus options, and the freshman fifteen was a genuine concern of hers. It hit her older brother hard when he first started college, and the last thing she wanted for any reason was to follow her brother’s footsteps.

Except for that whole “sleeping with Cadance” thing.

Something light sounded good, preferably filled with greens.

She knew just the place.

She visited her local Smart & Final and spent hours opening canned green peas and pouring them into her mouth.

For some reason she couldn’t quite place yet, she was drawn to this particular store with this particular girl. She was all she thought about, and she just had to know that woman’s name at the very least. Then she could write it in cursive over and over again in her diary until her wrist hurt.

Ah! She is quite skilled at being gay. :)

Her voice had a bite to it, the kind of bite reserved for bedrooms and earlobes.

God, you are very good at turning phrases, old bean.

The Subway Girl turned around. Twilight eyed her name tag. Adagio’s vengeful eyes narrowed. "Oh. It's you.” Her voice had a bite to it, the kind of bite reserved for bedrooms and earlobes. “Welcome to Subway. May I interest you in our spicy tuna sub? It's limited time only."

“And for an even more limited time, you can have one contaminated with listeria. On the house, just for you. Bitch.”

"Uh, no thanks," Twilight said. Her mouth was dry. She should probably purchase a refreshing Coca-Cola.

...Well, now I want one too. Shit. Fucking subliminal ponyfic advertising.

The sandwich artist clicked her tongue. "I'm not allowed to address suitors until I clock out," she said, twirling a lock of hair around her finger. "It's in the handbook."

"Page seventeen, subsection two," the other girl added. Twilight scanned her name tag, Sonata.

...Is that... is that a real thing? Is that true?

"No loitering.” Sonata pointed at the sign plastered against the door.

Right under it was a sign that read: “No Soliciting Dates.”

“Is that a common sign in these stores?” Twilight asked.

“This one in particular. It came down from corporate.” Adagio tapped the counter. “So are you going to buy something or are you still window shopping?”

pffhahaha

It had a heavier than than usual, as if it were a ham or chicken breast sandwich.

hate when they add too much than.

(editing error?)

Twilight paid only to hear an expectant cough. She followed Adagio's eyes to the tip jar. Getting the point, she slipped a dollar into the jar.

"There's two of us," Sonata said from the back.

Dollar fifty.

Sonata is just casually stealing the show here, isn’t she? Just like in Rainbow Rocks.

This is fun. I like your sandwich-based content.

Twilight looked down at the gift cards on the counter. “I… I’m…”

“Speechless? Eternally grateful? Glad we got this sorted out?” Adagio suggested, finishing her sandwiches.

Twilight bit the inside of her cheek. “Actively insulted?”

“Good!” Adagio said sharply. “Now you know a fraction of how I felt when you asked me out.”

New chapter does not disappoint!

Goddamn this fic is a glorious mess. 👍

"Hey, bitch," Adagio greeted as she tossed a waxy torpedo at her sister’s face. It connected with a scrunch. "Dinner's ready."

This is the proper way to greet your siblings, yes.

"Aria, if you don't want to eat," Adagio said in a condescending tone while reaching for the "footlong” that was really about eleven inches. Scam artists.

What does Subway have in common with Grindr? Inch scams.

“Everfree it is.” Adagio typed away at her phone. “Texted Sonata to close up early.”

“Still don’t know why you trust her on her own.”

“Because I like going home early,” Adagio answered. “Now go get ready, slut.”

This isn’t just true to the characters; this is true to siblings period.

With lingering feelings still there, Twilight jumped at the opportunity to hang out with her, only to to learn that the plan for tonight involved large scale group debauchery, underage drinking, and loud music.

Bold of Sunset to invite a cop’s sister to a Wild Teen Party. She must really trust Twilight not to narc.

“They might be animals, but they’re not the nature documentary type.” She clicked her tongue. “Actually, scratch that, you’re gonna see a lot of fights and mating rituals. I do want you to document both. For posterity, of course.”

Ha! I like this Sunset.

The car shook, and Sunset slammed her palm against the horn. “Use an intersection, you —“

I REALLY like this Sunset. Even though I’m 80% sure she just mowed down a pedestrian.

“Should’ve jumped in front of it,” Aria joked, but not really. “Would’ve come with a big bag.”

Somewhere, Wallflower sneezed.

The trio walked a few more blocks until the got to the address they found. They paid the cover with cute smiles, and Adagio mouthed “Call me” to the bouncer while slipping a fake phone number in his shirt for good measure.

Ironically, the number to a different Subway. Juniper Montage works there.

Sonata stepped away from her sisters and bumped into a boy leaning against the wall. He was cute, meek looking, but cute nonetheless. She knew how to pick her targets.

“S-sorry,” said the boy, hiding behind his cup.

Sonata flashed an irresistible smile and batted her eyes. “You can buy me a drink to make up for it.”

Wait, the booze is free, but Sonata is telling him to buy her one.

Easy money says he falls for it.

“Hold on,” Adagio said, jabbing her sister lightly with her elbow. “The loser’s actually giving her money.”

“Huh?”

Sure enough, the shy boy was reaching into his wallet and held out a couple bills, which Sonata took and exchanged for a leaping hug. The boy fell back into the wall from the momentum, and the youngest siren turned her head back to her sisters and smiled tightly.

I think it, and it happens. Fuck.

Twilight looked down into her cup nervously. She couldn’t even imagine what her parents would say if they saw her—not that they would ever know. She planned to crash at Sunset’s to avoid any chance of being caught. Although, it wasn't like this was her first alcoholic drink. Despite what Sunset said, the one glass of wine at Hearth's Warming dinner with her parents did count.

I like to headcanon SciTwi as Jewish, so, to me, she’s well acquainted with the taste of Manischewitz. Or “Maneschewitz,” if you want to be horse-pedantic.

“But it has to be fate that we’re both here tonight!” Twilight squeaked. “We even had a meet cute earlier today. Well, it was at a sandwich shop, so it was more of a M-E-A-T cute,” she said, spelling it out with her fingers.

Sunset stared right through her friend. “The fact that you made that joke tells me that you’re not ready for her at all.”

On the contrary. Adagio should marry her. Tonight.

Twilight needed a drink once she realized who Adagio was with. Then, she quickly realized it was an unhealthy coping response and just filled her cup with tap water. Still, Adagio Dazzle was with Blueblood, University of Canterlot’s star quarterback. She saw his pictures everywhere on campus, and it seemed like everyone there liked him. There was just no way to compete.

However, worst of all: he had a penis.

Twilight had come to the grim conclusion that Adagio was straight, and there was no way she could do anything about that. She thought about just grabbing Sunset and leaving. However, Sunset seemed to be smoking something with a girl with long purple twin

Not for long, though, Twilight thought, producing a pair of pruning shears from nowhere in particular.

Twilight had come to the grim conclusion that Adagio was straight, and there was no way she could do anything about that. She thought about just grabbing Sunset and leaving. However, Sunset seemed to be smoking something with a girl with long purple twin-tails in the backyard pool area. She decided to wait it out, lest she risk the effects of secondhand smoke.

Twilight biphobia moments.

Also a big fan of Sunset’s “rules for thee, but not for me” approach to handling sirens.

Adagio hooked her arm around her prize, nestling into his large chest. He smelled like body spray and alcohol,

So he smelled like body spray.

I’m having a grand time with this story and its cast; the way you write them feels true to life and true to the series.

I'm loving those scene breaks

Twilight looked down at the gift cards on the counter. “I… I’m…”

“Speechless? Eternally grateful? Glad we got this sorted out?” Adagio suggested, finishing her sandwiches.

Twilight bit the inside of her cheek. “Actually insulted?”

Why do I suddenly feel the urge to slap Twilight’s teeth out of her mouth

“The other me gets everything.”

Except the Sunsetussy

Her eyes were death. Utter fucking contempt. And, to be honest, Twilight Sparkle was kinda into it.

“Probably just the fates rubbing it in and laughing,” Adagio guessed, rolling her thumb over her sore heel. "She came into work, specifically looking for me, and get this: she tried to ask me out on a date.”

"Now that part I call bullshit,” Aria said before forcing herself to take another bite that was overstuffed with shredded lettuce. Scam artists. “Who’d want to date you?”

OOOO. Aria couldn't have come from the sea. Cause that was a sick burn.

But yes, Adagio: personality is as important as looks. Sonata has both, and that's why she can get more relationships than you.

Glad this is back.

This relationship is a beautiful mess.

11532206
When I read that sentence, my gay heart was like "same, girl.". XD

Where did you go? Should we even hope for more chapters?

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