Casinos? More like Casi-NO.

Spike bounced into Twilight's study, his eyes wide with excitement. "Twilight! Did you hear about the new casino that just opened up in Ponyville? It's supposed to be amazing! Can I go check it out?"

Twilight frowned, her brow furrowing in concern. "Spike, I don't think that's a good idea. Casinos can be really dangerous, and they often prey on vulnerable ponies who can't afford to lose their money."

Spike rolled his eyes, not understanding what the big deal was. "Oh come on, Twilight, it's just a bit of fun. Besides, I'm not going to gamble or anything. I just want to see what it's like."

But Twilight wasn't convinced. "I'm sorry, Spike, but I just can't condone that kind of behavior. You know the second you see something with an effective advertisement designed to trick and tempt you, you'll fold like a poker player holding worse cards than the average Ojama player. Casinos are immoral and dishonest and predatory by nature because they offer the lie of the myth of a fair shot at success, and they often lead to addiction and financial ruin. Casinos are poor people factories at best, and dishonestly marketed poor people factories at actually. If you want to gamble, bet on crypto or penny stocks like a normal pony. NFTs are a better financial investment than Casinos, and Casinos are already a terrible financial investment. I can't let you get caught up in that kind of environment."

"But-"

Twilight got onto a soapbox, which was a visual gag. "I can't believe some ponies actually think gambling is a harmless activity. It's not! It's one of the most evil and predatory industries out there, and casinos are the worst offenders of all. I've seen it firsthand, and let me tell you, it's not pretty! For starters, let's talk about the basics of gambling. The whole premise is built on the idea of chance. You're basically taking a risk and hoping that luck is on your side. But the reality is that the odds are almost always stacked against you. Casinos are designed to make money, and they do that by ensuring that they always come out on top. They make sure that the games are structured in a way that the house always wins in the long run. And the more you play, the more money you're likely to lose. It's a vicious cycle!"

"The last time I saw a vicious cycle was that time I saw Discord on a unicycle made of vicious gators." Spike laughed.

Twilight didn't laugh because joking about vicious cycles wasn't funny. "But it's not just about the odds. Casinos use a range of psychological tricks to keep people playing for longer and spending more money. From the colors and lighting to the sounds and smells, everything is designed to create a sense of excitement and anticipation. It's all about manipulating the player's emotions and making them feel like they're on a winning streak. And when they do win, they're encouraged to keep playing in the hopes of winning even more. But the reality is that for every winner who comes out of that Casino thinking it's a good idea to continue to gamble, there are countless more losers who walk away never able to gamble with their own money again. And the sad truth is that many of these losers are vulnerable people who simply can't afford to lose the money they're gambling with. I've seen ponies lose everything they have, from their homes to their families, all because they got hooked on the thrill of gambling. It's heartbreaking. And let's not forget about the darker side of the industry. Casinos are often used as fronts for money laundering and other criminal activities. They attract all sorts of unsavory characters, from organized crime syndicates to drug dealers and more. And the worst part is that the casinos themselves often turn a blind eye to these activities, as long as they're making a profit, if the Casinos aren't controlled by the same monsters behind these criminal activities! I've done my fair share of research on the subject, and the more I learn, the more convinced I am that gambling is a scourge on society. Worse than violent crime, worse than alcohol, even worse than foalhood obesity! It's not just a harmless pastime or a bit of fun. It's a serious problem that can ruin lives and destroy communities. And it's all fueled by the greed of those who profit from it. So, what can be done about it? Well, for starters, we need to raise awareness about the dangers of gambling. We need to educate people about the realities of the industry and the risks involved. We need to make sure that vulnerable people are protected and that they have access to support services if they need them. But we also need to hold the casinos accountable. No amount of regulation and mandatory transparency can make these scams honest about the fact that they are fundamentally scams meant to prey upon the stupidest people out there, and if they aren't scams, they lose more money than they make and go under to make room for less honest business ventures. And above all, we need to take a stand against the culture of greed that fuels the gambling industry. We need to recognize that there are more important things in life than money and that the pursuit of profit should never come at the expense of people's wellbeing. It's time to say no to gambling and yes to a brighter, more just future for all."

Spike knew she was right. "Okay, okay, you're right. I won't go to the casino. But can we do something else fun instead?"

Twilight's expression softened, and she smiled at Spike. "Of course, Spike. How about we go to the arcade and play air-hockey? That's always a good time."

Spike's face lit up, and he eagerly followed Twilight out of the study and towards the arcade. As they walked, Twilight continued her rant about the dangers of casinos and the importance of responsible gambling as though preparing for the kind of speech she would give when one day announcing that gambling was now illegal forever in Equestria.

Spike listened patiently, realizing that Twilight had a point. Maybe the casino wasn't such a good idea after all. He was grateful to have a friend like Twilight who always had his best interests at heart. When they walked past a hobo ruined by gambling, Spike started to think... Maybe the world would be a better place without gambling. He felt the urge to give money to the hobo, but knowing the hobo might spend it on booze or gambling, Spike decided to buy the hobo some food on his way home from the arcade.

As they reached the arcade, Spike couldn't help but feel excited once again. Maybe air-hockey wasn't as thrilling as the casino to some, but it was still a lot of fun. And more importantly, it was a safe and responsible way to enjoy oneself.

Twilight and Spike spent the rest of the afternoon playing air-hockey and other arcade games, laughing and having a great time. As they left the arcade, Spike turned to Twilight and said, "Thanks for taking me here instead of the casino, Twilight. You were right, as always."

Twilight smiled at Spike, happy to have been able to teach him an important lesson about responsible behavior. "Anytime, Spike. You know I always have your back."

Dear Princess Celestia.

Today I taught Spike Casinos are immoral and dishonest and predatory by nature because they offer the lie of the myth of a fair shot at success, and they often lead to addiction and financial ruin. Casinos are poor people factories at best, and dishonestly marketed poor people factories at actually. If you want to gamble, bet on crypto or penny stocks like a normal pony. NFTs are a better financial investment than Casinos, and Casinos are already a terrible financial investment. Only a terrible pony would let another pony or sufficiently pony-like being get caught up in gambling or any Casino-like environment. I can't believe some ponies actually think gambling is a harmless activity. It's not! It's one of the most evil and predatory industries out there, and casinos are the worst offenders of all. I've seen it firsthand, and let me tell you, it's not pretty! For starters, let's talk about the basics of gambling. The whole premise is built on the idea of chance. You're basically taking a risk and hoping that luck is on your side. But the reality is that the odds are almost always stacked against you. Casinos are designed to make money, and they do that by ensuring that they always come out on top. They make sure that the games are structured in a way that the house always wins in the long run. And the more you play, the more money you're likely to lose. It's a vicious cycle! But it's not just about the odds. Casinos use a range of psychological tricks to keep people playing for longer and spending more money. From the colors and lighting to the sounds and smells, everything is designed to create a sense of excitement and anticipation. It's all about manipulating the player's emotions and making them feel like they're on a winning streak. And when they do win, they're encouraged to keep playing in the hopes of winning even more. But the reality is that for every winner who comes out of that Casino thinking it's a good idea to continue to gamble, there are countless more losers who walk away never able to gamble with their own money again. And the sad truth is that many of these losers are vulnerable people who simply can't afford to lose the money they're gambling with. I've seen ponies lose everything they have, from their homes to their families, all because they got hooked on the thrill of gambling. It's heartbreaking. And let's not forget about the darker side of the industry. Casinos are often used as fronts for money laundering and other criminal activities. They attract all sorts of unsavory characters, from organized crime syndicates to drug dealers and more. And the worst part is that the casinos themselves often turn a blind eye to these activities, as long as they're making a profit, if the Casinos aren't controlled by the same monsters behind these criminal activities! I've done my fair share of research on the subject, and the more I learn, the more convinced I am that gambling is a scourge on society. Worse than violent crime, worse than alcohol, even worse than foalhood obesity! It's not just a harmless pastime or a bit of fun. It's a serious problem that can ruin lives and destroy communities. And it's all fueled by the greed of those who profit from it. So, what can be done about it? Well, for starters, we need to raise awareness about the dangers of gambling. We need to educate people about the realities of the industry and the risks involved. We need to make sure that vulnerable people are protected and that they have access to support services if they need them. But we also need to hold the casinos accountable. No amount of regulation and mandatory transparency can make these scams honest about the fact that they are fundamentally scams meant to prey upon the stupidest people out there, and if they aren't scams, they lose more money than they make and go under to make room for less honest business ventures. And above all, we need to take a stand against the culture of greed that fuels the gambling industry. We need to recognize that there are more important things in life than money and that the pursuit of profit should never come at the expense of people's wellbeing. It's time to say no to gambling and yes to a brighter, more just future for all.

Your Faithful Student,
Twilight Sparkle.

My Dearest Student
Twilight Sparkle

If you stop telling Spike to send these letters to me every day right after his 3AM burger, I'll let you ban gambling.

Princess Of Equestria
Princess Celestia

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Comments ( 11 )

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SockPuppet

SockPuppet #1 · Mar 10th, 2023 · 2 · ·

Not sure what you were going for here, but it didn't work. Twilight's lecture and letter read like you copy-pasted it off a Baptist church's Wordpress site, and went annoyingly long.

If your goal was to make a morality play about gambling, it would have been more effective to write a story, not a filibuster.

If the goal was a comedy, it would have been more effective to pony it up. Have Twilight lecture about the hydra that literally lost a head to the casino and the Abyssinian who lost eight of his nine lives.

And Celestia's feghoot also wasn't particularly sharp. A punchline ending needs something... well, punchier. Perhaps, "Dear Twilight Sparkle, if you can figure out a way to fill the hole in the budget I patched with the taxes on legalized gambling, then I'll let you ban it."

This fell pretty flat, unfortunately.

Damaged

Damaged #2 · Mar 10th, 2023 · 1 · ·

This is almost entirely epistolary. You might as well have titled it a blog post and just dumped Twilight's slabs of text there.

Twilight got onto a soapbox, which was a visual gag.

This is what's called "explaining the joke" or "telling". It's a good gag, but you only need to show—not tell. Treat your readers as people who will get that someone standing up on a soapbox will be pontificating.

It's a vicious cycle!

One of many great lines that need to be followed up in MLP with some kind of payoff. Have Discord ride by on a motorbike that has Lego wheels or Scootaloo riding past on the back of a battlebot. Something. Anything.

Also, the letters are—bad. Twilight spent years at Celestia's school. In a world that hasn't got instant messaging, long-form letter writing would be a primary skill taught to most foals as they go through schooling. That she cannot write a letter means you are handing her the idiot ball—and any time I see Twilight Sparkle doing the heavy lifting on the idiot ball, I have to call BS.

I get you wanted to make a funny statement on the evils of gambling—that's a worthy cause—but this is a mess that needs about 5k more words to support that level of epistolary.

Starlight Nova

Starlight Nova #3 · Mar 10th, 2023 · 4 · ·

Is this story meant to be a comedy?

6-D Pegasus

6-D Pegasus #4 · Mar 10th, 2023 · 1 · ·

Premise looked really funny, and I was expecting Twilight to go into some sort of lecture, but wooow did those lectures go on a little more than they should have. My thoughts on the content of those lectures aside, it definitely could've used a little shortening.

Spike knew she was right. "Okay, okay, you're right. I won't go to the casino. But can we do something else fun instead?"

Twilight just unleashed a behemoth of a college lecture on him, I doubt he actually knew whether Twilight was right. I think Spike's thought process here would've been "Spike knew if he tried to push back, she'd spend the rest of the day/night lecturing him", then agree with her just so she stops.

Second, Twilight's been really well-known at summarizing her lessons, as silly as they may be, to a single scroll with large spacing. In this case, I can honestly partially forgive Twilight for rambling on and on, but I definitely think she would've avoided the rambling in her letter and just wrote a more brief overview, like

"Dear Princess Celestia,
Today I learned that naive foals like Spike have unfortunately grown up unaware of the horrifying trap that are casinos. This makes the allure of the recently opened casino in Ponyville even more dangerous! Thus, I wish to take it upon myself to protect these innocent children from the evils of casinos, so that their greedy influence cannot taint the many joys of life Ponyville has to offer any further!
Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle"

Also, there could've been a brief pause before Celestia's reply; maybe Twilight patted herself on the shoulder and started head off, only for Spike to belch out Celestia's response before she could even make it out the door. Helps ease into the punchline a little better; even if you didn't shorten Twilight's letter, the speed of Celestia's response would reinforce that she didn't even bother to read it, and would make her "I'll let you ban gambling" come across much more as a funny, tired remark from a equally tired solar alicorn desperate for Twilight to just stop spamming her lectures.

While this story didn't land as well as it could've, the premise of Twilight going full-blown lecture mode on Spike wanting to go to something he's not mature enough to understand is still funny at least, so good job on coming up with that!

Zalmax

Zalmax #5 · Mar 10th, 2023 · 1 · ·

Could have used a bit more dialogue back and forth. Add some body langue to the mix.
It became a bit monotone with Twilight's wall of text that didn't receive any counterpoint or response of any form.

Catpaw616

Catpaw616 #6 · Mar 11th, 2023 · 1 · ·

The rant and the letter to Celestia really needs to have some double space between the sentences. It's hard for me, and the readers to read all of that.

Spike bounced into Twilight's study, his eyes wide with excitement. "Twilight! Did you hear about the new casino that just opened up in Ponyville? It's supposed to be amazing! Can I go check it out?"

This I have another problem with.

The beginning felt way too rushed and speedy just to get to main point of the story: Spike wanting to go to the casino.

Try slowing the scene down and explain to the readers on why Spike wants to suddenly go to this casino. Because if something like that happens at the very beginning, then this story is not off to a great start.

Try something like this:

Spike strolled on the streets of Ponyville on a fine, beautiful day. He waved to fellow ponies that he walked by, and they waved at him back.
During his stroll, Spike noticed that something was... different. He looked and saw a building that he hadn't seen before. Curious, Spike approached the building. His eyes widened when he realized that the building was a brand new casino!
Spike had heard about casinos before, sometimes from his friends. He had always wanted to go there, just to see what it would feel like. But there wasn't one nearby. Now he doesn't have to wonder any longer if the building is right down the street!
I wonder if Twilight would let me go... Spike wondered. Twilight had always been wary about the thought of casinos. Whenever her friends talked about them, she never really took part of the conversation. But despite that, maybe she will let him?
Only one way to find out.

This kind of dialogue will help the readers grasp the reason of why Spike wants to go to the casino instead of just blandly asking without any context at all.

Anyways that's it for my criticism.

Hopefully you will do better in the future!

Reily

Reily #7 · Mar 11th, 2023 · 4 · ·

Here's my two cents. As other commentators have said, the long soap box rant is really hard to read. Maybe rather than a rant immediately, have Spike go inside to play. And burn through most of his allowance before Twilight tells him enough is enough and that he isn't going to strike it rich. And the rant letter to Celestia needs condensing for sure, and some work on the ending gag.

Mystic Sunrise