Every star that can been seen in the night sky is brought there by me. so enjoy the night as much as the day.
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This story is a sequel to Divided
you're probably wondering who I am, I go by many names but I'm mostly known as " the watcher".
But now I will tell you another story although I will warn you this one is much darker then the last. This is a tale of death and betrayal but just because it's about those two things doesn't mean this isn't a happy story.
(Now being rewritten)
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After a quick read through of this, and your other, stories... I like them. They're a bit simple, and sometimes it can be difficult to really tell what has happened between chapters, or why characters do certain things, but I can tell that there's an honest story being told from the perspective of Star Gazer and his friends. I'm not typically keen on musical numbers in fanfiction, but the song selections seemed to work alright with the story being told here. I think, if I could recommend things for the future, try to paint a scene in between lines or phrases of a song- have the characters offer some interaction between each other with their actions, like staging a fight or a dance, can liven things up a little bit.
One other thing I would like to recommend is to let Star Gazer have some room for thinking about things when it's just him, or if the other characters are doing something nearby, perhaps trying to explore the thought process he has. I'll give an example with Chapter 1 of this story in particular; it's an interesting idea that Star Gazer would seek out Cozy Glow as a friend, but it might have been fun to have him think about why her, maybe have him weigh his options between several ponies before finally settling on her as the right choice, instead of simply going straight into his rescue of her imprisoned form.
Last tidbit, I promise. Star Gazer seems very powerful... where does this power come from? It takes a lot of power to turn anycreature to stone, or back, and while I know he is a crossbreed, I'm very curious where he has learned such skills.
Thank you for expressing yourself through these stories!
11584732
thanks for the advice i will be sure to explore all the things you've said in the sequel!
Wah they fought off Sombra here?
That's a liiiitle hard to believe.
No fight here? That's a choice, but could've been.
Good advice from that first post. You do seem to really like music. (I too am a lover of music myself)
Pacing is really important. I'd say try and work on that mostly along with the other suggestions. Think of stories like a roller coaster and I think that'll help you out.
As long as you keep up your stories and keep writing all of them will only keep getting better.