Very few things can slow an alicorn down. Between dealing with invasions of their kingdom, executing traitors, and generally maintaining the land, there's a lot that they have to be able to handle. But one thing that can slow down even royalty, particularly a certain crystal princess, is getting sick. With no success of normal medicine or even standard magical medicine to cure her body gone haywire, she turns in a last ditch effort, to a Ponyville scientist named Dr. Whooves, who has the idea to face Cadance's internal scuffle head on by going inside her body. Can they help her stop this bother to her rule once and for all? What will they discover on their way? Let's find out, shall we?
Rated Teen for lewd jokes and mention of certain anatomy
Big thanks to Nebbie for editing and overall help.
This is going the Fantastic Voyage route, isn't it?
11523927
Most likely
Journey to the Center of Cadence!😎
11523927
Yes it is, my friend!
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Dang it, you beat me to it. 😆
Called it!
I see you chose to take my advice. I'm glad I was able to help with your story!
I'm a bit confused by the way the part with the tonsils was handled. They went from the blood stream in her nose, and then got to a point where while still in the blood stream, they got to a spot where they could view that tonsils as something above them... But based on what I know of anatomy, wouldn't that mean they exited the bloodstream and were now in the back of Cadance's throat?
Also, based on what was said before, I'm assuming to enter the digestive tract, they're going to go through the bloodstream and exit into the small intestine, since that's where nutrients get absorbed into the blood stream.
Uh, I think you skipped over a lot here. There's a lot of arena in the digestive tract in between the colon and duodenum.
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Thank you for pointing this out, I'll make some adjustments right away!
What a wonderful story.
Good story!
You would be well advised to find yourself an editor, or a least a proofreader who can help you identify and fix all the little problems in the story. Some are significant enough to be a distraction, and you don't want that breaking readers' emersion in the story.
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Any specifics? I helped out a ton on this story and usually I'm pretty good at editing, but we did work rather fast on things, so some stuff must've been missed.
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I didn't take notes, but I was able to find a few that I remembered seeing during reading...
As her name suggests, Nurse Redheart is a nurse, not a doctor.
The measurement scale is unclear here. If they're talking about actual size, the distance would be much less than a meter. If they're talking about reduced size (microscopic), the distance would be several kilometers (relative to their size).
The humerus is the first bone in the foreleg (upper arm in a human). The femur is the first bone in the hindleg (upper leg in a human). They are not connected and are at opposite ends of a pony. It does not appear they traveled from the front, to the back, to the front again (to tickle the funny bone) during this sequence. The femur is the largest long-bone with the most marrow, and would be the logical target for that treatment (although I'd think they'd need treat both of them).
I didn't want to make a big deal about this, and I'm not qualified as a editor. But hopefully the above examples will help.
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Okay, those have been dealt with, two were apparently some mistakes with changing things. The story will get another minor editing pass shortly.
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My approach is to do my best to have the story in final form before I publish. That means all pre-read and editing passes have been done, every correction made, and multiple reads by me after all that looking for anything that was missed. A few mistakes still slip through of course, but I don't want people reading/voting on a draft.
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There is a world of difference between a story that had some things missed during revision and a draft, and there are severe diminishing returns when doing editing passes. Quite frankly, it is not reasonable to expect perfection.
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I'm sorry, I never intended to imply that a story needs to be perfect. Although, it is a reasonable goal to strive for. But I noted that mistakes will still slip through.
I deal with diminishing returns every time I have to decide if I'll read through the story again looking for errors, or to start publishing it. I just hope any errors that slip through aren't obvious enough to be distracting to the reader.
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I assure you as the author of this story, I will make sure this story is as good as I can get it for you and any other readers that might pass it by.
Poor Cadence. She works so hard but even alicorns have their weaknesses.
Let's hope this new doctor makes her feel better.
Oh boy they're in it now!
Also amazing how Fury from To Equestria and Beyond has been on these wacky hijinks with Doctor Whooves before.
This will be really gross alright.
And Doctor Whooves is as eccentric as ever, something Twilight might not be used to.
My Little Reviews & Feedback forgot to link the review!!!!! from 2023.