You're not a tree, Dashie

Watching Applejack's backlegs hit the base of an apple tree squarely, Rainbow Dash felt as though she had sunk to a new low.

She had sunk far lower than the height of the tree she was currently perched in. She had sunk so low, that it was perhaps even deeper than the roots of said tree.

And Rainbow Dash was not supposed to sink low. She was supposed to soar high.

Inching back on the branch so that she was further hidden from sight, Rainbow Dash took a good look at her dirty blue coat.

It was littered with leaves and bits of bark. She was pretty sure she also felt a few twigs sticking out from her mane, and she felt a couple pinches in her muscles from sleeping against something so hardcore, even if she had a pillow beneath her head. These were all signs that she had taken a very good tree-nap, though it also meant she needed to stretch her stiff limbs out and get back to flying ASAP.

If only she lacked company.

As nice as a Sweet Apple Acres snooze could be, Rainbow could admit it got awkward when she woke up to a workhorse nearby. Applejack was on the prowl.

If she dared get caught, Rainbow was certain she'd be lassoed and thrown to the soil. At best, a scolding would still be in order. She would have to be calculative.

Not that she... really minded Applejack's attention per se, but at times like these it was better to watch and wait before making a successful escape. Rainbow had enough practice in that. In fact, it was almost like a sport.

Almost, because only one team knew they were playing. It was a sport about stealth, and Applejack was on the opposing side.

It was no fault but AJ's own. She was too fun to watch!

She probably made Rainbow Dash's list of top ten ponies that were fun to watch, and that was no easy feat, considering the existence of each and every member of the Wonderbolts. Applejack was just really cool! And strong! And...

Rainbow Dash stared, mesmerized, as Applejack bucked an apple tree, and then swiftly used one leg to kick each falling apple into a basket.

The ease in which Applejack could do stuff like that... it made Rainbow Dash jealous.

Not of Applejack herself, but of the apple tree.

To stand sturdy even against Applejack's strong hooves. To remain steady even in the face of such utterly awesome brute strength... To feel Applejack's muscles work so perfectly against it's solid figure. How could an athlete's heart not start working double time at the mere thought?

After all, it was a matter of being a sportsmare with a keen eye. It was absolutely not just a sappy thought, because Rainbow Dash didn't do sappy. Not even of the tree variant.

Applejack wiped some sweat off her forehead, the sun glaring down and highlighting her sculpted form. Rainbow Dash mimicked the gesture of wiping off her own forehead, which was beginning to perspire in spite of her current shady spot beneath the leaves of her naptime-tree.

She supposed the sun was beginning to get to her. It was only natural.

Rainbow Dash watched as Applejack continued harvesting tree after tree, all the while wishing she were one of those apple trees.

If she were an apple tree, then she wouldn't even have to try impressing AJ with flying tricks. She would just exist, and do nothing, and Applejack would be happy to collect her apples and occasionally give her a good kick, and Rainbow Dash would not even get winded from the impact.

She would be up high too, and Rainbow guessed being a tree would also be a bit like napping forever, which seemed great. Yeah. Why not? Rainbow Dash wanted to be a tree.

Suddenly, Rainbow Dash froze. Her entire body seemed to tense up as she remembered one very strange conversation she had on a train ride to Applelousa so long ago...

I would like to be a tree.

Fluttershy had said it so sincerely back then.

Wanting to be a tree... wasn't weird, was it?

Sure, maybe Rainbow Dash thought Fluttershy wanting to be a tree was weird at the time. But now? Rainbow had been enlightened. She was a smarter pony than she used to be. And smarter ponies knew that being a tree was actually a super cool concept. Duh.

Surely most of Ponyville also felt similarly... right?

...right?

Sensing her chance as Applejack carried her full basket off to the barn, Rainbow Dash sneakily leaped from the tree and to the ground. From there she zipped upwards and away and began searching for other ponies besides Applejack who were trotting about the orchard.

She was planning on going straight home initially, but now she had a new plan.

Spotting a bulky red square from above, Rainbow Dash let out a "A-ha!" and swooped down below the treeline cover to land near her target.

"Hiya Mac."

Big Mac nodded, a little perplexed, and then continued his work of throwing apples in a big tub.

"You makin' applesauce or something?"

"Eeyup."

"Cool, I'll buy some off of you later." She craned her neck forward, "Say, could I ask you a question real quick?"

Big Mac winced. A guy as big and quiet as him didn't seem to have a good track record of being asked questions. Forgoing any words, Big Mac shrugged unsurely, his yolk bobbing on his neck.

"Sweet! This might sound weird, but hear me out. Don't you think it would be cool to become a tree?"

Big Mac blinked. He looked up towards the sky in deep consideration. Eventually, he looked down again to meet eyes with Rainbow. Seeing that she wasn't playing a trick on her, he smiled and nodded. "Eeyup."

"Yes! I knew it wasn't weird," Rainbow sprung up into the air, ready to start flying again. "Bye Mac!"

Next, she wanted to see if she could ask Apple Bloom. She didn't see the little one immediately, though Applejack was back to work further down the orchard. She zoomed back towards Big Mac and tapped him on the shoulder. "Hey, do you know where your little sister is? Um, not AJ but the kid."

Big Mac silently pointed towards the barn.

"Okay. Thanks!"

Knowing that Applejack was gone from the barn gave Rainbow Dash some relief as she beelined towards it. Not that she was trying to hide anymore, but AJ was bound to be more skeptical about her farm-loitering since Applejack knew of her napping, apple-snacking, and slacking tendencies.

As Rainbow Dash trotted inside, she immediately caught sight of Apple Bloom holding an apple peeler and peeling from the basket of apples that Applejack had just harvested. The little filly gasped.

"Howdy, Rainbow Dash! What're you doing around here?"

"Hey, Apple Bloom. Can I ask you a question real quick?"

"Sure thing, as long as it doesn't distract me from my peelin'."

"It shouldn't. I just wanted to know if... uh... do you think it would be cool to become a tree? Like an apple tree or something?"

Apple Bloom looked very confused, and for a moment, Rainbow Dash feared the young filly would immediately shoot down the question. Instead, Apple Bloom started to take on a very philosophical look. "I reckon... it would probably be nice. Basking in the sunlight, bein' born with a purpose, a bearer of the most Celestia-blessed fruit there is. Yeah... I think it would be enjoyable. I'd rather be my apple-farmin' self though!"

Rainbow Dash grinned. "You get it too! Thanks, mini-AJ! You're good to keep peeling now."

"Oh, alrighty then. Bye Dash!"

Rainbow Dash smiled to herself as she left the barn. Two ponies had agreed with her. Surely that meant wanting to be a tree was normal.

She ought to apologize to Fluttershy later for thinking it was strange to begin with!

Chuckling self-satisfyingly, Rainbow Dash didn't even notice as a lasso looped around her tail and pushed her chin to the soil. "Hey!" Rainbow dash squawked in protest.

"There you are! What are you skulking around my barn for?"

Rainbow Dash stood up, nursing her chin with one hoof. "Just asking questions."

"What kind of questions?" Applejack inquired suspiciously.

"I just wanted to know if your siblings thought it would be cool to turn into a tree."

"Like an apple tree? Rainbow Dash, you gosh darned fool..." Applejack glared harshly. "Of course we'd all wanna be apple trees. That's a desire that runs through our blood."

Oh.

"Oh?"

"Of course, being a tree doesn't make bank, so bein' a farmer is still the ideal, but... you ponies typically don't appreciate a good tree the way us Apples do."

Rainbow Dash shook her head fervently. "N-no! Not at all! I think being an apple tree would also be really nice!"

"Oh, do ya now? Is that why I keep findin' pillows in my branches?" Somehow, Applejack's expression became even fiercer.

Rainbow Dash smiled nervously. "Uhh... maybe?"

"That so?" Applejack snorted. "Well... you better not tell Granny about wanting to be an apple tree, my siblings aside."

Granny? Granny Smith? Why in the world would Granny care?

"Huh? Why not?" Rainbow demanded.

"She'd be grabbing a marriage certificate for you and try marrying you off to some dumb cousin or another. She'd be pleased as punch to hear ya think that way."

"...Oh," Rainbow's retort died on her tongue as she stared at Applejack.

Applejack coughed. "Anyway, I actually did have a pillow land on me while I was working, so you better grab it and scram."

"Huh? What?"

Applejack rolled her eyes. "Get out of here, Dash. Or I'll skin yer sorry hide."

Rainbow Dash yelped and sprung up into the air again. "Yes ma'am!"

"And stop sleeping in my trees!"

Rainbow Dash could not make that promise. She had become an enlightened mare.

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